Kamandi at Earth's End #4

At4w kamandi at earth s end 4 by masterthecreater-d68a0in-768x339.png

June 10, 2013
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Pointlessness at Earth's End! Stupid Ideas at Earth's End!

Linkara: (listlessly) Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. "Kamandi at Earth's End #4". (raises hand and shakes it back and forth, as if waving flag) Yaaaay...

(Cut to black)

Linkara (v/o): Previously on the "Kamandi at Earth's End" reviews...

(Shots of "Kamandi #3" are shown)

Linkara (v/o): A meathead named Kamandi was tasked by a sentient computer Mother Machine to kill the guy responsible for the apocalypse... I'm sorry, Second Apocalypse, because apparently the first one was returned under warranty or something. He met up with a muscle-bound idiot named Sleeper Zom and a scantily-clad woman named Saphira, and the group found their way to Washington, D.C., where we discovered that books are full of thinking.

Linkara: However, books like this are evidence that they are not made with thinking.

Linkara (v/o): After escaping from chicken robots intent on killing them and not killing them, they proceeded along the most idiotic transportation project ever and were captured by people wearing very stupid outfits and warned them that Deathslingers were coming. And then, two seconds later, the Deathslingers came. I'd say this subplot was pointless, but under the sheer weight of every other pointless and asinine thing we have to deal with, it seems a little redundant.

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up today's comic) "Kamandi at Earth's End #4" and see if there's anything left worth caring about. (beat) My money is on "no".

(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has the title song from UHF playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): Well, it's taken us this long, but we finally have a cover that confirms that indeed we have finally reached "Superman At Earth's End". You know, it's kind of funny. I started reviewing this series to try to look back on what led us to Bearded Idiot, but we've seen so much else that's wrong with this lame-ass series that reaching this finally just isn't worth it. As for the cover itself, it's not bad. Not great, either. I admit it's a striking image, with the focus on the S shield, but complemented by the Santa Claus beard, that does make you want to read more, but then again, it is just that and nothing else. Though, I suppose the less we see of this guy, the better. Gotta love the crappy tagline, too: "THE MAN OF TOMORROW... TODAY!"

Linkara: This comic takes place in the future. It's not "today", it's the Man of Tomorrow... tomorrow! (rolls eyes)

Linkara (v/o): We open with some Mad Max-inspired roadster with Orcs on top of it.

Ben Boxer: (narrating) Ben Boxer's Log, September 29, 2101, A.D.: Beaming a magnetic resonance scan into their TV set, we monitored the conversations of Kamandi and his friends as they drove west...

Linkara: (as Boxer) And tonight, we're going to share those secret conversations with you live and on primetime!

Boxer: (narrating) We learned that they were heading for Arizona... looking for somebody Machine Mother wanted dead.

Linkara: Obviously, Machine Mother had a bad experience at Amy's Baking Company. Topical!

Boxer: (narrating) About the time they hit Kansas, they found something they never expected-- a road war.

Linkara: Yes, a (makes "air quotes") "road war", but only because of this moronic idea of a 40-mile-wide highway. And considering the apocalypse has already wiped out most of humanity, this is technically a world war at this point.

Linkara (v/o): You know, why is it that post-apocalyptic stories usually have the people running around in big, bizarre-looking outfits? And why do they always have a ready supply of various types of weaponry and custom vehicles? Wouldn't resources, especially ones like that, be extraordinarily scarce difficult to produce, especially custom-painted ones? Anyway, with their enemies approaching, Sleeper asks Vile John if they can have their guns back.

Vile John: I'll bring it up at the next meeting of the knitting club, kid...

Linkara: Oh, he's totally serious. They needed to learn to knit so they could put random stars and words like (makes a "finger quote") "Moby" on their clothes.

Linkara (v/o): Also, "kid"? Really? Kamandi is supposed to be a kid, and that's stretching it, but Sleeper Zom looks 40 and has one huge-ass earring for no reason. Vile John orders one of his men, named Tanker, to open fire on the approaching vehicles. Tanker does so, along with his associate, Stinkfoot.

Linkara: Okay, you've got to imagine that showers are not the highest priority for anybody after the apocalypse, so you have to wonder: how bad is the smell if you've actually earned the name "Stinkfoot"?

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