Judge Dredd

Judge Dredd.jpg

Date Aired
November 17th, 2009
Running Time
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NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.

(Posters of movies starring Sylvester Stallone is shown while the "Rocky" main theme can be heard)

NC (voiceover): It's hard to believe Sylvester Stallone has stayed off my radar for so long. Like (Arnold) Schwarzenegger, for every good movie he's made, he probably have made about a dozen bad ones. So I tried to figure out what would be the best one to sum up the goofy nature of his bad films?

NC: What film would I dread to judge the most? Wait a minute. Dredd? Judge? Clever segue? "Judge Dredd"!

(Title card for "Judge Dredd" is shown, followed by clips of the film)

NC (voiceover): Yes, none of Stallone's films had quite as many action cliches, silly lines and over-the-top performances like Judge Dredd. God bless this little trainwreck.

NC: So, let's bring on the (mimicking Stallone) law (normal) as we dive straight into Judge Dredd!

NC (voiceover): So it begins by showing us comics we'd much rather be reading than watching this film, until we get a backstory read by James Earl Jones.

Narrator: From the decay, rose a new order, a society ruled by new elite force.

NC: James Earl Jones is talking about an elite force. Huh? All right! Let's.. look though the Star Wars jokes here.

(NC picks up a yellow box full of envelopes)

NC: Oh... no... no. Oh! Here's a good one!

(pulls out an envelope from the box and opens it)

Darth Vader: (from "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope") (audio) The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

NC: Yeah, that will do.

Narrator: They were the police, jury and executioner all in one. They were the Judges.

NC (mimicking narrator): And the most dreaded one of them all, simply known as... Judy.

(A picture of Judge Judy wearing a Judge's helmet is shown briefly)

Judge Judy: (audio) I don't give a rat's behind what you honestly think!

NC (voiceover): So we see a bunch of prisoners, who I guess have been sentenced to this movie, as we focus in on one of them, played by the Douche Bigelow himself, Rob Schneider.

NC: The dick-meister! The dick-a-rumba! The dick-a-lick-a-ding-dong!

NC (voiceover): Actually, he's been sent free after serving his time, and is allowed to live in the futuristic world of Heavenly Haven.

(The futuristic world of Heavenly Haven is shown, accompanied by grand music)

NC (voiceover): Yeah. Haven't seen this kind of future yet. It's like if "The Fifth Element" shit out "Blade Runner" after eating the "Super Mario Brothers" movie.

(During the opening credits, the camera shows more places situated in Heavenly Haven)

NC: All these places and more you will not see after the opening credits!

NC (voiceover): But Schneider is set loose during a violent riot, and appears to be caught in the middle.

Gang member: Hey! Look what I got!

NC (voiceover, mimicking the gang member): A D-list comedy relief!

Gang leader: You a Judge spy, little man?

Herman "Fergee" Ferguson (Schneider): Me? A spy? (Laughs)

NC (voiceover): So the Judges are called in to take care of the situation.

(Judge Dredd (Sylvester Stallone) appears in a judge outfit. As the camera does a close up of the outfit, a cod-piece is shown)

NC (voiceover): Wait a minute.

(The scene is rewinded. The scene stops on the cod-piece with a "boing!" sound-effect)

NC: Hello, Captain Codpiece.

NC (voiceover): Uh, you do know that the cup is supposed to go on the inside of the pants, right?

(The gang shoots at Dredd)

NC (voiceover): In fact, does this codpiece have a badge? Like it's a separate officer?

NC (mimicking Stallone): Officer Johnson reporting from duty. Yeah.

Judge Dredd: (over mouthpiece, slightly slurred) I am... the law!

NC: What?

Judge Dredd: I am... the law!

NC: (misinterprets) You are the log?

Judge Dredd: These punks... are under... arrest!

NC: You know, you think in the future, they'd have the technology to make the right side of your mouth work.

Judge Dredd (to his gun): Grenade!

Gun: Grenade.

(Dredd blasts the door out with his gun)

Rookie: Nice shot, sir!

NC (voiceover, mimicking the rookie): You can hit the broad side of a door!

NC (voiceover): So they go in, shoot up some bad guys, Stallone slurs some more, but one young rookie rushes in too fast.

Judge Dredd: No, rookie! Hold on!

(As soon as the Rookie enters a room the gang inside shoots him to death.)

Judge Hershey: No!

(A scene from a Droopy cartoon is shown with him facing a dragon)

Droopy: That makes me mad.

Judge Dredd (To his gun): Rapid fire.

Gun: Rapid fire.

(Judge Dredd shoots the bad guys with rocket fire function.)

Judge Dredd (To his gun): Armor piercing.

Gun: Armor piercing.

(Judge Dredd shoots the bad guys with armor piercing function.)

Judge Dredd (To his gun): Double whammy.

Gun: Double whammy.

(Dredd shoots some more gang members while "Press Your Luck" is shown on the outside of the scene)

NC (voiceover): Seriously, how many other functions does that gun have?

NC (mimicking Stallone using the gun): Armor piercing! (bang) Rapid fire! (bang bang) Back massage! (Sound of back massage machine)

(NC puts his imaginary multi-functional gun to his back.)

NC (mimicking Stallone using the gun): Lounge music!

(Music is played as NC massages his back with his gun.)

Judge Dredd: Mega City Municipal Code, 213: Willful destruction of property, that's two years. Code 457: Resisting arrest, TWENTY years!

NC (voiceover): I don't know why, I just love the way he says the words 'twenty years'.

Judge Dredd: TWENTY years!

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): TWENTY years!

Judge Dredd: TWENTY years! TWE-TWE-TWE-TWE-TWENTY years!

NC (voiceover): And now, because I'm unbelievably immature, the Judge Dredd Blow Dance!

(Bright yellow words saying "Judge Dredd Blow Dance!" is shown as "The Chicken Dance" song is played. We see Judge Dredd's mouth motion when he's saying TWE- is being repeated over and over again.)

Judge Dredd: TWE-TWE-TWE-TWENTY years! (Music stops) And code 3613: The first degree murder of a Street Judge...

Block Warlord: Let me guess: Life. Aaaaaaaaah!

(Warlord reaches for his gun, but Dredd shoots him first.)

Judge Dredd: Death.

NC: There, you see? He heard your "Niaaaaaah!" Next time, try to "Blaaaaaaah!" instead of a "Niaaaaah!" It saves time.

Judge Hershey: l was supposed to be watching out for him.

Judge Dredd: Don't blame yourself, Hershey. He made the mistake, not you.

Judge Hershey: Wouldn't it feel good to have an emotion once in a while, huh?

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): No, then I'd be a credible actor!

(A garbage car passes by. Fergee's voice can be heard from the inside of it.)

Fergee: Eat recycled food. It's good for envi...

Judge Dredd: Halt!

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): I smell desperate comedy.

Fergee: Boy, I'm glad to see you. Ah!

Judge Dredd: Mega City Municipal Code 7592, Willful sabotage of a public droid. That's six months, citizen. Let's see your Unicard.

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): Don't make me stand on this soap box any longer

Judge Dredd: Automatic five-year sentence. How do you plead?

Fergee: Not guilty?

Judge Dredd: I knew you'd say that.

NC (mimicking Stallone): The sentence is kissing. Pucker up.

NC (voiceover): Meanwhile...at the Muppet building, Dredd talks with the guy at the top of the luah himself, Judge Fargo.

(Quick clip from the movie Fargo)

Deputy: Jaa!

NC (voiceover): He's played by Max von Sydow.

Judge Fargo: Seven summary executions. Were they necessary?

Judge Dredd: Unavoidable, sir.

Judge Fargo: Unavoidable.

Judge Dredd: Life doesn't mean much to some people anymore.

NC (mimicking Judge Fargo): No, I'm not questioning you. I'm just confirming what you said. Unavailable? Unavoidable?

NC (voiceover): We then cut to the Aspen Penal Colony where our villain, played by Armand Assante, chats with the Warden.

Rico: The innocent exist only until they inevitably become perpetrators... like you. Guilt and innocence...is a matter of timing.

(Casper appears in front of NC briefly and shouts)

Casper: Timing!

NC (voiceover): But Rico escapes this apparently high security prison, as we cut back to Dredd's Training.

Judge Dredd: The only thing that counts, is this: the law. (Holding up a small book)

NC: The lawn?

Judge Dredd: For the few of us that survive to old age, the proud loneliness of the Long Walk.

(NC seems very interested.)

NC (bright tone): The Long Walk? What's that?

Judge Dredd: A walk that every Judge must take, into the unknown of the Cursed Earth. And there spend your last remaining days... taking law to the lawless.

(NC is very disappointed.)

NC: Not... much of a retirement benefit, is it?

NC (voiceover): I mean, I thought people without a 401(k) had it bad. But the Long Walk? Spending the rest of your life roaming a dead desert planet? Why?! Did Obama's health care report really go that bad?

NC: Thanks, but I think I'll take the retirement homes I've seen on 20/20 any day.

NC (voiceover): So after Rico escapes, he finds a weapon store where he plans to load up.

Rico: I thought they destroyed all these A.B.C. warriors during the last war.

Store owner (played by Ian Dury): Well, you can still collect 'em... as long as they're non-functioning... like my wife.

NC (mimicking store owner): No, really! My wife is a build it yourself sexbot. I really wish she would work!

Store Owner: Hey, wait a second! Don't touch it.

Rico: Why is that?

Store Owner: That's programmed to only recognize a Judge's hand. You touch that, it'll take your arm off.

(Rico snatches the gun and points it toward the store owner.)

Rico: Gee... how do you like that? l must be a Judge.

NC (voiceover, mimicking store owner): Don't forget the two-for-one sale...

(The store owner is shot.)

NC (voiceover, mimicking store owner): It's... Fridays only.

(Rico approaches a bodyguard robot and touches some wires. The robot is powered up again.)

NC (voiceover): Ah, so non-functioning means they took two wires apart that can easily be put back together.

Robot: Commander?

Rico: Rico.

Robot: Mission?

Rico: We're going to war.

NC (voiceover): So Rico dresses up like Dredd and kills a reporter, obviously trying to frame him. But more important plot threads are in the works...

(We then cut to a scene where Judge Dredd is talking to a motorist after he parks his hovercraft)

NC: Like drunken a-holes and penis-envy hovercrafts.

Judge Dredd: You're a menace. How do you plead?

Man: Not guilty?

Judge Dredd: I knew you'd say that.

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): I read the script.

(Judge Dredd blows up the man's car.)

Judge Dredd: Happy Motoring. (followed by a rimshot)

Officers: Judge Joseph Dredd! Dredd, you're under arrest.

Judge Hershey: What's the charge?

Officer: Murder.

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): How do you plead?

NC (voiceover, mimicking the Officer): Uh, no. I think you got this mixed up.

(Judge Fargo visits Judge Dredd who is under custody.)

Judge Fargo: Is it true?

Judge Dredd: I'm innocent.

(Judge Fago looks Dredd in the eye for a few seconds. NC, in voiceover, mimics the sound of a dog whining as the camera closes up on Dredd's face.)

Judge Fargo: l just needed to look into your eyes. Have you selected someone to defend you?

Judge Dredd: Judge Hershey.

Judge Fargo: Hershey? Why a Street Judge?

Judge Dredd: At the academy, she was at the top of her class in interpretational law.

NC (mimicking Stallone): And she makes a hell of a chocolate bar.

NC (voiceover): So the trial begins as Hershey makes the argument that the video taken of the murder is not solid enough evidence.

Judge McGruder: I'm therefore forced to move... to technical information of a critical nature. Central, are you online?

Central Computer: Online, Judge McGruder.

NC: (Chuckles) Why does the computer sound like a sex hotline?

Judge McGruder: Were the bullets recovered from the bodies of Vardas and Lily Hammond?

Central Computer: Yes, Judge McGruder. It could not be otherwise.

NC: (mimicking Central) You dirty little kitty!

Judge McGruber: And what was the result of the D.N.A. coding on those bullets?

(NC's face is closed up, while he is mock chewing all of his fingernails.)

Central Computer: The D.N.A. is a perfect match for... Judge Joseph Dredd.

Judge Dredd: It's a lie!

(The court goes into chaos. NC faints.)

Judge Dredd: The evidence has been falsified! l never broke the law! I am the law!

NC: You are the bra?

Judge Dredd: I am the law!

NC (voiceover): So Judge Fargo tries to think of a way to save Dredd from the death sentence.

Judge Griffin: There is a way out, Chief Justice. If you will forgive me. The Long Walk. Your retirement grants you the power to save Dredd's life.

NC (voiceover): So Fargo takes the questionable plot device of the Long Walk as Dredd is sentenced to life imprisonment.

Judge Griffin: Let the betrayer of the law be taken from our courts. Let his armor be taken from him.

(The robo-guards start ripping Dredd's uniform and badge off of him.)

NC: Geez, guy!

Judge Griffin: And all his garb of justice. Let him be stricken from our hearts and our memories... forever!

(The robo-officers cuff Dredd.)

NC: May his nostrils be plucked with sheer disappointment! May the buttplug of shame be shoved up his ass!

NC (voiceover): And, of course, Fargo goes for that idiotic Long Walk.

(Judge Fargo walks out of the great door. Before the door is tight shut, Fargo looks back to the door desperately.)

NC (voiceover, mimicking Fargo): Wait! I forgot my iPod! Oh, well. I guess it's just me and a lifetime of loneliness. (beat) ♬ One Hundred Bottles of Beer On A Wall, One Hundred Bottles of Beer, You Take One Down, Pass It Around... ♬

NC (voiceover): So it turns out that Rico and the new head Judge are in cahoots with each other.

Judge Griffin: But I could've used Dredd.

Rico: Forget Dredd! There is no Dredd! Let me tell you what Dredd worships. He worships the LUAW!

NC (mimicking Rico): The LUAW!

Rico: The LUAW!

NC (mimicking Rico): The LUAW! (normal voice) Seriously, no one can say that word?

Judge Griffin: Now l want fear racing through every street!

Rico: I'm fear. You want chaos? I'm the chaos. You want a new beginning? Here! (he throws a bust down) I AM THE NEW BEGINNING!

(Judge Griffin glances at the bodyguard robot.)

NC (voiceover, mimicking the voice of the Robot): Don't look at me. I was built to sound stupid.

(An airship full of prisoners head to the prison. We see depressed Dredd sitting together with the prisoners.)

NC (voiceover): Oh, come on, Dredd. Look on the bright side! It could be worse. You could be seated next to Rob Schneid--ohh!

Fergee: What are the odds? Two wrongly-convicted guys!

Judge Dredd: The Law doesn't make mistakes.

Fergee: Really? Then how do you explain what happened to you?

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stalone): Uh, does this mean I have to use that brain thingy?

NC (voiceover): But before more hilarity can ensue, the plane is shot down by some mutilated outsiders. And, unfortunately, these two survive.

Man: There's Link, my oldest.

Link: Bite me!

Man: My youngest, Junior.

Junior: Howdy!

NC: It's good to know that even years in the future, West Virginia hasn't changed.

Mean: Let me crush him, Paw!

Judge Dredd: Does that come with a fork, handsome?

Mean: Hm?

NC (Mimicking Mean): Hey! My father was a fork!

NC (voiceover): So the retardinator tries to kill Dredd, but he escapes to shoot more bad guys who bleed sparks for some reason.

Fergee: Dredd! Look out!

(One man is trying to shoot Dredd, but he is shot first by someone who was behind him, which turns out to be Fargo)

NC (voiceover, mimicking Fargo in a very tired tone): Two... Bottles of Beer On The Wall... Two Bottles of Beer.. Oh, hey, Dredd. You got any beer?

Judge Dredd: Chief Justice!

Judge Fargo: Joseph, together again.

Judge Dredd: Together again, sir.

NC: Oh, come on! Don't you know those words are like Death's ringtone?

(Mean stabs Fargo from behind. Fargo screams.)

NC: You see?

Judge Dredd: NO!

Mean: Aaaaaaaaaaaah! (He tries to stab Dredd, but gets his arm stuck in a wooden post. Dredd has ripped one of the cables out of his arm, running it over Mean's arm to get a spark)

Judge Dredd: 3722! illegal use of city electricity. How do you plead?

Mean: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Judge Dredd: l knew you'd say that!

(Dredd sticks the cable into Mean's metal spine, killing him)

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): I will make that a catchphrase!

NC (voiceover): So before Fargo kicks the bucket, he tells Dredd about him and his old friend, Rico. Apparently, they were both genetically created in a laboratory to be the perfect Judges. And yet, they still couldn't fix the right half of his jaw. I still don't get that.

Judge Dredd: I have a brother?

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

Judge Fargo: You judged him.

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

Judge Dredd: Rico? You never told me, sir.

Judge Fargo: I couldn't!

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (voiceover): Okay, does lightning have to strike after every sentence?!

NC (mimicking Fargo): Rico's your brother.

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (mimicking Stallone): Rico's my brother?

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (mimicking Fargo): What?

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (mimicking Stallone): I said, Rico's my brother?

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (mimicking Fargo): Yes, I know. I said that.

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (mimicking Stallone): No, I was just repeating what you said so I could clarify the facts.

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (mimicking Fargo): Oh.

(Lightning strikes and the thunder rolls.)

NC (voiceover): So Fargo gets canned, as Dredd and his comedy fuckwad try to make their way back into the city.

Fergee: What do we do?

(Dredd dramatically turns his back to Fergee with gun in his hand.)

Judge Dredd: Find Rico.

(Quick clip of the Gerardo video, "Rico Suave")

Gerardo: Suave.

(The two are now standing outside the walls of Mega City 1)

Fergee: Dredd, there is no way in!

Judge Dredd: There's a vent to the city's incinerator. There's a burst twice a minute. That means somebody could run through that tube and have 30 seconds before it flames again.

NC (mimicking Stallone): And it would be a great level should they ever create a video game.

(Dredd and Fergee are beside the incinerator vent. The flame bursts out. Dredd prepares to go inside.)

Judge Dredd: All right, you ready, kid?

Fergee: No!

Judge Dredd: Now what's wrong?

Fergee: This is all your fault. I'm through schlepping.

(NC makes face and moans.)

Fergee: I'm gonna stay here until I'm caught or 'til you apologize! Now apologize.

(Fergee's complaint overlaps with a scene of Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.)

Fergee: Great time I'm having. The shuttle crash, the Cursed Earth, cannibals.

Jar Jar Binks: Monsters out dere, leaking in here, all sinken and no power!? WHEN YOUSA THINKEN WESA IN TROUBLE!!?

Fergee: If you hadn't arrested me, l wouldn't be here in the first place.

Judge Dredd: Now run!

Fergee: Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight...

(Dredd and Fergee run through the vent; however, Fergee falls down and does not attempt to stand up on his own.)

Fergee: Dredd! Dredd!

NC (mimicking Fergee): I can't possibly get up on my own! That would be less annoying!

NC (voiceover): So they run though the vet, the flame comes from the other direction for some reason, as they shoot their way in.

(Dredd and Fergee slide down a tube and onto a pile of coal)

Fergee: I'm alive! (Dredd gets up) Oh... so are you.

(The Seinfeld theme kicks in and fades to black like it's going to commercial)

NC (voiceover): So they break into the... big eagle building as Dredd steals one of the Judge's uniforms.

Fergee: Hey, hey, wh.. why are you taking off his clothes? We don't have time for this...

(Judge Dredd glares at Fergee.)

NC (And other off-screen voices): Shut up!

NC (voiceover): So Rico kills the Council as Dredd and Schneider are spotted and hunted down.

(Dredd blasts the door and jumps over a long stairs.)

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): I have no time for stairs!

NC (voiceover): So they have a flying bike chase through the city as we see a bunch of other crap blow up.

(Fergee shoots one of the officers chasing after him.)

Judge Dredd: Nice!

NC (voiceover): Ah, yes. I'm so glad that these brave Judges who are probably being taught by Dredd now have the honor of being slaughtered by him.

Judge Dredd: This is where you get off, creep!

(Dredd pulls one Judge out of his vehicle.)

Judge (voiced by NC): I'm you biggest fan... (fades out)

NC (voiceover): So they drop by Hershey's place who wants to know what the hell is going on.

Judge Hershey: What the hell is going on? You tell me about him, huh? (she brings up a picture of Dredd and Rico)

Judge Dredd: His name is Rico, and he's my brother.

NC (voiceover): Speaking of which, Rico and his hot Asian scientist are making an army of clones to rebuild civilization.

Judge Griffin: l can't let you do this. You're both insane! l have to stop... (he gets grabbed by the ABC bot)

NC (voiceover): Yes. Let me walk right up to the robotic bodyguard and point a gun at you. This should work well.

Rico: Rip his arms and legs off.

Judge Griffin: NOOOOO!

Rico: And you save his head for last!

(Griffin's blood is shown splattering on the robot's feet)

NC (voiceover): So Rico kills the guy as Dredd and the gang try to break in and save the day. But that doesn't go over well.

(Fergee is shot and falls down. NC cheers with childlike delight as we can hear offscreen voices also are happy with Fergee's death.)

NC: Oh, we need to see that again.

(Same scene is shown again. NC watches it with great enjoyment.)

NC: Ah, it's the little things in life...

Rico: Drop the gun.

(But Dredd cocks it)

Rico: Robot, on the count of three, break her neck. One, two..

Judge Dredd: No!

NC (mimicking Stallone): This is between the three of us... (The offscreen sound of breaking neck and scream can be heard) Damn it!

Rico: Send in the clones.

NC (voiceover): So Rico shows off his terrifying clone army as they have a showdown of, um, ethics.

Judge Dredd: You killed innocent people.

Rico: The means to an end.

Judge Dredd: You started a massacre.

Rico: l caused a revolution.

Judge Dredd: You betrayed the Law!


NC: (Laughs) What is up with saying this one word? Is he just belching it now?


NC (mimicking Rico): LUUAAW!


NC (mimicking Rico): LUUAAW! LUAW, LUA, LAW... Uh-oh! Uh-oh! I feel a musical moment coming on!

(Traditional French cancan music can be heard. NC picks up his cane and starts to dance and sing to the tune of the cancan music, of which the lyrics consists of only one word: LAW. We also see drawings of Judges wearing cancan dresses and doing cancan in the bottom of the screen.)

NC (voiceover): But Schneider leaps on to the robot, despite the fact that he's been shot, and hacks into his circuits.

Rico: What's the matter with you? (he gets punched by the robot)

NC (voiceover, mimicking the voice of robot): I can't help it! I'm Windows Vista!

(Ilsa and Judge Hershey fight each other intensely as we see the scene overlapping with a video of a literal cat fight.)

NC (voiceover): So Dredd and Rico somehow make it to the Statue of Liberty, because I guess all science labs have national monuments attached to them now.

(Rico and Dredd fight. Dredd is hanging in the Statue while Rico looks down at him.)

Rico: l hereby judge you. To the charge of betraying your flesh...guilty. To the charge of being human, when we could have been GODS! Guilty.

(NC points the gun toward the camera and mocks Rico)

NC: (mimicking Rico) To the charge of making Rambo 2, Spy Kids 3, Rocky 4, the list goes on!

NC (voiceover): But the gun stalls as Dredd throws him off the Statue and is greeted by a spontaneously sunny day.

Judge Dredd: Am l under arrest?

Judge #1: That won't be necessary.

Judge #2: Central broadcasted Janus's plan after Griffin's death.

Judge # 1: Judge Dredd, we'd like you to consider the first position of Chief Justice.

Judge Dredd: I'm a Street Judge.

Judge Hershey: Dredd?

Fergee: l taught him everything he knows.

NC (mimicking Fergee): He, he, he. Look! I'm still mugging!

(Hershey puts Dredd's helmet on Judge Dredd.)

Judge Hershey: Feels good to be human, don't you think?

Judge Dredd: I knew you'd say that.

NC (voiceover, mimicking Hershey): I knew you'd say "I knew you'd say that." See? Sounds stupid, doesn't it?

NC (voiceover): So Dredd rides off victoriously into the sunset, crowds cheering, people smiling, all the way...into a dead end.

NC (voiceover, mimicking Stallone): Huh. Well, I can't turn back now. That was way too good of an exit. I'll guess I just stay here for a while. (beat) Damn it. I forgot my iPod. ♬ One Hundred Bottles of Beer On The Wall, One Hundred Bottles Of Beer... ♬

(The movie ends.)

NC: So that's Judge Dredd. And is it really as bad as people make it out to be? (Pause) Yeah. But that's part of the fun.

(Footage of Judge Dredd is shown.)

NC (voiceover): It partakes in every over-the-top action cliché, which actually does make it very entertaining to sit through. Not that it makes it good, but it does make it a little bit of fun. It's a guilty pleasure, to say the least. Or maybe the most. I don't know.

NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic. And if you'll excuse me, I'm off to write Judge Dredd: The Musical!

(The cancan music is played again as NC sings and dances out of the screen with the cane in his hand.)

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