Jojo's Bizarre Adventures Episodes 1-4 (2012-2013 series)
August 21, 2017
Comic Book Quickies 7
Thunderbirds Are Go
What, what's so bizarre about vampires, Jack the Ripper, and ancient evil stone masks?
Linkara: Hello and welcome to Atop The Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. And of course, this being a Patreon sponsored review, that tagline does not apply. "Atop The Fourth Wall, where media of varying quality is scrutinized and summarized" doesn't really have the same kind of pithiness, does it?
Linkara (vo): Jojo's Bizarre Adventure began as a serialized manga in Weekly Shonen Jump in 1987, and continues to this day with over a hundred volumes to its name. The story is about the Joestar family all throughout history and their repeated dealings with the supernatural, battling such forces with their own unique powers. Like so many other popular works, it has grown into a large franchise with adaptations including a 13 episode OVA, which strangely enough adapted the second half of a storyline first in the 90s, before in the 2000s, the first half of the storyline was adapted as the second season of it, then released in chronological order for the dub. However, today we are not looking at this out of order anime, but rather the first few episodes of the 2012 anime, which had three seasons.
Linkara: This is one of those episodes where it's really just (finger quotes) "I want Linkara to watch something that he otherwise really isn't interested in" because let's face it, it's not like I'm shining a spotlight on something obscure here.
Linkara (vo): Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is a massively popular franchise. It'd kind of have to be to have over a hundred volumes printed, and you don't see that happening for Steam Detectives.
Linkara: Which it totally should have and I blame all of you for making that not happen!
Linkara (vo): I'm not a huge anime fan, but I know a lot of you out there are and have been eagerly awaiting this episode as indicated in the comments at least, so I'll try my best to do the series justice in this one. Although as a reminder, I'm still gonna be snarky as all hell about it. It's kind of my thing.
Linkara: As such, let's dig into the first four episodes of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and see how many memes I end up realizing, "Oh hey, that's where that's from."
(AT4W intro and title card)
Linkara (vo): We begin with "Dio the Invader."
(We cut to a stormy night in England, 1868)
Dario Brando (Tadashi Miyazawa): Ha, ha. Feast your eyes on that wreck, would you?
Linkara: Some poor caption drove off that cliff!
Linkara (vo): What's actually fallen off is a carriage, impaling the driver in some wooden debris. (The driver is shown with wooden spikes coming out the back of his mouth and his chest) Just ouch. I have a wooden block through my face and I must scream, am I right? Aside from another body, who fortunately for him, did not get his nice suit ruined with spikes through him, a baby survived the crash, the mother's body cushioning the impact. Among the two who found the crash, the guy says to leave the baby behind so they can swipe all the valuables off the corpses.
Linkara: Well it's not the best health care system, but at least it's fair.
Linkara (vo): He also finds a briefcase with an odd looking mask inside. He discards it, thinking it won't be worth anything and goes for the guy's teeth. And the dead guy's hand slaps him away.
Linkara: Well the Bizarre Adventure is beginning with zombies, though frankly around here, that's not all that weird. Hell, I reviewed the CDC's plan for dealing with those.
Linkara (vo): Actually the guy's not dead and he explains that his name is George Joestar.
Linkara: Of the New England Joestars, no doubt.
George Joestar (Masashi Sugawara): You have saved my life this cursed night. Quickly tell me your name that I may remember... ...before my senses fail me.
Linkara: Call me Zoosmell Pooplord.
Linkara (vo): The thief introduces himself as Dario Brando and George promises his family will pay back this debt they owe him. And the mask sprouts some legs and jumps up.
Linkara: Okay, we got John Carpenter's "The Thing." Getting more bizarre, I admit.
Linkara (vo): We cut to 12 years later where we see the contrasting lives of these two families. George's son, Johnathan, or JoJo as he's sometimes called, lives a happy life in a mansion while Dario and his son, Dio, live in a crappy apartment where Dario is ill and demanding his son get him some booze. Dio accomplishes this by beating people at chess. Chess... Anyway he beats the guy.
(Dio gets his face slammed into his food by the person he just beat)
Man: Don't feel so smart now, do you, whelp?
Linkara: A typical evening at Denny's.
Linkara (vo): Although I do imagine he feels so smart, dude. After all, he still got your money. Anyway to continue the contrast, Johnathan rushes to the aid of a girl he doesn't know whose toy is stolen by some bullies, and gets his ass kicked, while Dario informs Dio of the debt the Joestars believe they owe him, and thinks they can take advantage of their kindness. Anyway, after Johnathan finishes getting beaten up, the girl tries to help him, but he refuses that help.
Johnathan Joestar (Kazuyuki Okitsu): I spotted a damsel in distress. A true gentleman has no fear. He'll fight for those who can't.
Linkara: And then a gentleman will be a complete jackass afterwards. It's only civilized.
Linkara (vo): After literally spitting on his father's grave for being such a colossal dick, Dio heads off to the Joestar mansion. After the title, we see his arrival.
(Dio jumps out of the carriage, then stands up in an intimidating pose. Linkara shrugs and gives him a 5)
Linkara (vo): Dio is apparently expected and Johnathan introduces himself. Their dog comes running up...and Dio kicks it.
Johnathan: What was that for? How dare you?
Dio Brando (Takehito Koyasu): (thinking) So this is the brat I must usurp.
(Linkara has his fists up like Dio)
Linkara: (thinking): Step 1: Punch his dog. Yes, everything is going exactly as planned.
Linkara (vo): Dio writes it off as being startled by the dog, which George accepts. Dio is welcomed and given every courtesy.
George: Johnathan has lost his mother as well. And you're the same age.
Linkara: Yes, take a look at these two...(Pictures of Johnathan and Dio are shown, showing they look more like adults than kids) twelve-year olds. Precocious little scamps, aren't they?
Linkara (vo): Johnathan tries to take Dio's luggage to help him...and Dio attacks him.
Johnathan: I was only trying to help.
Dio: Don't. (He elbows Johnathan in the gut)
Linkara: Less Dio the Invader and more Dio the Dick.
Dio: In all things that I do, I am number one.
Linkara: Well you certainly are piss, so I'll give you that.
(The family is eating dinner with Johnathan being an utter slob while Dio eats politely)
Linkara (vo): As time passes, Dio becomes more and more favorable to George as Johnathan struggles, the two even getting into a boxing match where Dio knocks him down, deliberately injuring his eye to be more of a prick.
Dio: (thinking) Bit by devious bit, I'll steal the life he was meant to have. By the time we're grown, there'll be nothing left of him.
Linkara: You both look 23!
Linkara (vo): As Johnathan laments how Dio has managed to turn people against him, the girl from earlier, named Erina, leaves him some grapes and we get a montage of the two frolicking, becoming friends, growing closer, et cetera.
Johathan: (thinking) Erina Pendleton. The name is music to my ears.
Linkara: Specifically, it's EDM.
Linkara (vo): Dio, however, decides to intervene on the happy couple and kisses Erina before tossing her into a puddle.
Dio: You thought your first kiss would be JoJo. But it was I, Dio.
Linkara: Oh hey, I finally have context for that "But it was I, Dio" meme! And it's based on assaulting a girl. What?
Linkara (vo): He thinks this will ruin their romance, even if it was forced, but loses his cool when she washes her mouth out with muddy water. Probably tastes better than Dio, too.
Dio: You dare suggest my kiss is something to be washed off! (He slaps Erina across the face)
Linkara: You didn't think a person could find new ways to be human garbage, but it was I, Dio.
Linkara (vo): When Johnathan realizes that Dio did something to Erina, he runs off to kick his ass, and gets Dio's arm literally rubbed in his face for his troubles. However he gets a second wind and brushes off a kick to the head, finally managing to give a satisfying beatdown to Dio. However, some of Dio's blood splatters onto the mask from earlier, now hung on the wall. The mask pops off, but before it can do anything else, George arrives and sends the two to their rooms. Dio, in retaliation for his beatdown, murders Johnathan's dog. However, Dio's not entirely satisfied, realizing that his own anger made him vulnerable to JoJo, and that he'd have to work on it.
Narrator: In the blink of an eye, seven years passed.
Linkara: In the blink of an episode, seven years passed.
Linkara (vo): Heading into episode 2, "A Letter From the Past," we begin in London's East End in 1888. Huh, can't imagine where this is going. Anyway yeah, Jack the Ripper is about murdering prostitutes.
Narrator: However, he was nothing compared to the horror... ...that the feud between JoJo and Dio would unleash upon the world.
Linkara: Wow, that's pretty impressive when some asshole trying to steal a guy's money ends up being worse than an actual serial killer.
Linkara (vo): Episode 2 is where we get the theme song which, I don't know, sounds a bit reminiscent of Cowboy Bebop in places. Admittedly the song has lyrics, but the big horn section opening it up reminds me of it as all. Otherwise the visuals seen are like pulling the characters out of what I presume to be the original manga. It's nicely stylized. I'd like to see this kind of thing done in a series proper and not just for a theme song. Also Fist of the North Star is apparently involved in this somehow.
Linkara: Oh great. Given what happened when I covered that series, I'm betting my YouTube channel's about to get taken down now.
Linkara (vo): Anyway with it being seven years later, Johnathan Joestar has ballooned into a (Robert) Liefeld character. Just saying, compare this physique to something from Youngblood. Still the added bonus of his muscles expanding so much is that while playing football, three guys have pounced on him to keep him from scoring the touchdown, and he's still able to move. Unfortunately four proves to be too much and he has to send the ball away... and over to Dio, who manages to win the game.
Announcer: When JoJo and Dio work together, there's nothing they can't do.
(Ater Johnathan and Dio shake hands, we cut to the same scene in Predator)
Dutch: You son of a bitch! (He and Dillon have a manly handshake)
Linkara (vo): I'm glad they've gotten over the whole "I'm trying to destroy your life to prop myself up" thing. Well sort of. Both think to themselves how they still resent and hate the other, with Dio in particular saying he's ready for the final part of his plan to steal the Joestar fortune. George is ill and Dio is discouraging him from going to the hospital, but JoJo suspects something is afoot, since his dad is only supposed to have a cold, yet it's gotten so much worse.
George: I heard tell of your victory. Stunning bit of teamwork.
Linkara: (as George) Bob Corby would be proud of you both.
Linkara (vo): JoJo has been studying archaeology and has discovered the mask's reaction to blood.
Johnathan: (narrating) But it belonged to my mother, and so having it near is a comfort... ...strange as that may seem.
Linkara: Nothing is more comforting than an ancient mask that looks evil and is designed to sprout ribs around the head of whoever is wearing it whenever blood touches it. That can only result in good.
Linkara (vo): Discovering a letter Dio's father had sent to George that describes the symptoms he had before he died, JoJo realizes that Dio has been poisoning George, indicating that he also killed his own father. JoJo confronts him, but he has no real proof, only realizing the truth of it when he mentions Dario and Dio attacks him.
(Dio punches Johnathan in the face, but he doesn't flinch)
Johnathan: You just gave me all the proof I needed, Dio.
(Linkara has his fist pressed against his face)
Linkara: (as Johnathan) You've fallen into my elaborate trap.
Linkara (vo): Now that JoJo has become a much better fighter, he's able to push back against Dio and toss him through the railing. However this is an anime, so the fall just mildly annoys Dio. What pisses him off more is that he knows he's been found out, and it was his father's fault that he got screwed over. JoJo leaves for London to have the medicine Dio has been bringing George analyzed, hoping to find an antidote for it as well as bring it to the police's attention.
Seems like a bad idea to leave Dio around your dad when he's already proven he's trying to murder him, but I guess he thinks Dio won't risk anything more brash as a murder attempt, given how he's left some doctors in his father's care to administer medication directly. However, Dio recalls the mask and the whole blood spines thing, so he figures he can use it to kill JoJo, the spines into his brain will be such a unique murder method that nobody would suspect him.
In London, JoJo goes down a back alley while hunting for an apothecary, and is attacked by three goons. The first tries to stab him, but he just grabs the knife blade to the thief's confusion.
Johnathan: Try it, then. The moment you pull... ...my foot will kick out at your groin with all the force of a sledgehammer.
Linkara: (as Johnathan) Sure you'll cut my fingers off, but I'll kick you in the dick so hard your grandkids will feel it!
Linkara (vo): Two of the goons are easily dispatched, but the third one has an Oddjob-styled decapitation hat that can helicopter around him. Dude, why the hell are you attacking random guys on the street when you've invented that kind of weapon? Anyway, despite taking the blade hat right to the arm, he still deals with the dude. Unfortunately the three had backup in the form of like a hundred other people, but they're called off by Hat Guy. He realizes that JoJo was holding back. He could've killed all three of them easily, but because JoJo is still acting like an honorable gentleman in spite of all this, he agrees to help him find the apothecary he seeks. Dio, hearing about JoJo going to such a notorious alleyway, expects him to be dead, so travels to London and drinks some booze. (The bottle he's drinking is shown) Cronenberg Irish whiskey. Oooh, I know what that goes well with.
(Clip of Rick and Morty)
Summer: Good roasted Cronenberg, I assume.
Linkara (vo): He bumps into two other drunken guys and, when they offhandedly that clearly his father has never taught him manners, he assaults them. He decides to test the mask out, killing a guy with it.
Dio: All of that spectacle, for nothing.
Linkara: (as Dio) Ugh, you stabbed a guy just like I thought you would. Lame.
Linkara (vo): However the guy comes back to life and the mask falls off of him, turning him into some kind of zombie vampire gremlin thing. Dio slices his arm through the middle, but a punch from it is still strong enough to level a wall. He grabs Dio by the neck, his fingers slipping right through the skin and drinking his blood through them.
Dio: (thinking) So this is the secret of the mask. I'm dying.
Linkara: (as Dio) You thought I had killed him, but it was I, dying!
Linkara (vo): Fortunately for Dio the morning sun comes out to vanquish the horrible night, disintegrating his attacker. The episode ends with Dio returning home and JoJo is waiting for him, proclaiming that he has all the proof he needs now of Dio's attempted murder. Episode 3, "Youth With Dio," picks up right away from there, with JoJo saying his father has taken the antidote for the poison. To buy himself some time, Dio claims to repent, making excuses about his crappy behavior all these years, and asking to turn himself into the police instead of having JoJo take him there. He readies the mask to try to kill JoJo...
Linkara: Uh, considering you just saw the mask turn its victim into an uber powerful vampire, seems like you need a new strategy, dude.
Linkara (vo): But fortunately for JoJo, Hat Guy followed him back to the mansion and sees right through Dio's bullcrap.
Robert E.O. Speedwagon (Yoji Ueda): The name is Robert E.O. Speedwagon.
Linkara: (as Speedwagon) I've come here with my friends, Jeff Starship and Bachman T. Overdrive.
Linkara (vo): He says he can tell Dio is evil to the core, no victim of circumstance here. He even brought the guy who sold the poison to him. What's more, just to really screw Dio over, both George and the cops are nearby behind a curtain and have overheard everything.
Linkara: Someday I wanna be rich enough to afford dramatic reveal curtains.
Linkara (vo): George is heartbroken and goes back to his room to rest, but the apothecary is pretty certain Dio won't see the inside of a jail cell this night.
Wang Chan (Hiroshi Naka): The Devil smiles on him and grants him luck.
Linkara: You thought he was evil, but it was I, Devil!
Linkara (vo): Dio comes up with a new plan: putting the mask on himself and trying to stab JoJo to use his blood to turn himself into a vampire. He instead hits George, but the effect is the same, the cops shooting him out of a window, but of course he's among the undead now. Anyway George collapses in JoJo's arms.
Speedwagon: Damn it. Ain't a doctor on Earth who can fix that.
Linkara: Really? Because there were like four of them upstairs that were supposed to be taking care of him. Yeah, stab wound is bad, but if he gets immediate treatment, he might be okay. Just saying.
Linkara (vo): The police chief that George actually knew that he didn't owe Dario anything, that he had earlier tried to pawn the wedding ring he stole. Despite that, George insisted that Dario try to sell it anyway if it would ease his poverty. And even knowing that the dude tried to steal it from him, he still let his son in. Because he was just that decent a guy. George blames himself for all this, but nah, dude, Dio had a chance for a better life and he plotted for seven years to murder you and take your money despite you giving him love and affection. When REO Speedwagon...
Linkara: I cannot begin to tell you how weird it is to say that.
Linkara (vo): ...looks out the window, he spots that Dio's body is gone, leaving only the mask. Dio kills the police chief and Speedwagon puts a bullet in his head, of course not even phasing him. He proceeds to kill the other police officers and knock Speedwagon out.
Johnathan: There is nothing human left of you, Dio.
Linkara: You thought I was still human, but it was I, douchebag!
Johanathan: (thinking) That's it. According to my research on the mask... ...it was fabled to unlock the brain's hidden potential.
Linkara: So the hidden potential of the human brain is vampirism?
Linkara (vo): JoJo tries fighting him with a spear, but even with the spear poking through his hand, Dio is able to bend it and take no real damage. While Dio briefly monologues about how he's gonna test his new powers, JoJo and Speedwagon make a hasty retreat, Dio thinking he's hiding behind another dramatic reveal curtain.
Dio: You're behind the curtain, like Polonius... ...and like Polonius, it is there that you shall meet your end.
(Dio pulls the curtain back, only to be engulfed in flames)
Linkara: Man, how different a play would Hamlet would have been if there was a wall of fire behind the curtain instead of Polonius?
Linkara (vo): Unfortunately the fire doesn't kill him, just slows him down a bit as he regenerates. The mansion catches fire as well, with JoJo coming up with the plan to fight Dio while Speedwagon gets blown out of the mansion, JoJo leads Dio up to the roof. JoJo's plan is to keep Dio in the burning house as long as possible, banking on the ever increasing heat of the flames eventually burning him faster than he can regenerate. The downside of this plan is, well, he's not gonna get out of it either. Also back in the 1800s, fire was purple. Anyway, thanks to making him fall on top of a statue, Dio is impaled and burns up.
Linkara: You thought I would survive this, but it is I, disintegrated! Oh god it burns!
Linkara (vo): JoJo gets blown clear of the house, ending episode three and bringing us to our final episode we're looking at, "Overdrive."
Linkara: JoJo returns to battle vampires in a terrible Power Rangers season.
Linkara (vo): We open three days later. Unfortunately JoJo has now lost everything thanks to the fire, but Speedwagon was able to get him to a hospital. Erina is working there and is treating his injuries, which considering how many times JoJo's been stabbed, sliced, kicked and now burned, dude's got the fortitude of Batman.
Johnathan: Erina, you've really grown up.
Erina Pendleton (Ayako Kawasumi): Me? But you've grown a fair sight more.
Linkara: (as Erina) I mean just one of your pecs is as big as my head.
Linkara (vo): Yep, with Erina and JoJo reunited, I think things things are gonna be okay. I mean, what else can really happen on a night like this?
(We cut to a shot of Big Ben as a woman screams in horror, being killed by Jack the Ripper)
Linkara (vo): Oh, right, yeah, the Ripper. Forgot that was a thing. Unfortunately it gets worse. Despite burning to ashes, Dio has survived and the apothecary is now wheeling him around in a purple cloak as if he was one of the freaking Rare Hunters from Yu-Gi-Oh. Dio tells Jack the Ripper he admires his lack of morality, using some new mind control power to take him over.
Linkara: (as Dio) I like how you operate, Jack the Ripper. So allow me to remove your free will so you aren't operating the way I like anymore.
Linkara (vo): Also Jack the Ripper has this goofy knife with spikes coming out of it. Oh yeah, I can see why they thought a surgeon may have done it, with this guy wielding something like that. Later, JoJo searches the mansion rubble for the mask, but is unable to locate it. On the way out from the area, they're confronted by a guy with a pencil thin mustache and a glorious fashion sense. He says it's impressive JoJo survived an encounter with the mask, and shoves his finger so hard into JoJo's stomach that it knocks all the air out of him.
Linkara: Of course. Only the Pilsbury Doughboy had a chance of surviving all of that.
Linkara (vo): No, instead this little maneuver magically heals all of his injuries. He introduces himself as Baron Zeppeli, and much like the REO Speedwagon reference, the Baron is meant to be a reference to Led Zeppelin, just not as obvious. Zeppeli explains that he utilized Sendo, or Ripple energy, or Hamon energy--Why do we need three names for this?--to both heal him and, well, punch a frog so hard that it doesn't hurt the frog, but the rock the frog was sitting on. He reveals that Dio is still alive and that he has the mask. He wants to join with JoJo and destroy the mask permanently. Just to show off JoJo's own unique talents, he inadvertently transfers the excess energy he used to heal him into a tree, causing flowers to blossom on it.
Linkara: JoJo's Bizarre Gardening Tips.
Linkara (vo): After we see Dio is using Jack the Ripper as a henchman for him to find victims to feed on and regain his strength, we cut to a week later. JoJo has been training with Zeppeli to wield the Hamon energy and he learns Zeppeli's history with the mask. He originally discovered it in some Aztec ruins when he and the crew of his father's boat explored them. His father put on the mask out of curiosity and was turned into a vampire, killing most of the boat's crew. Zeppeli only survived because of the rising sun killing the guy, but he had fled overboard during the attack.The crewless ship with the mask on it floated away. He further explains that Hamon energy is created by the flow of one's blood, but that those who wear the mask feed on the blood of others to consume that energy. Hamon and the mask are two sides of the same coin. As such, their idea on how to defeat Dio is overfeed him. Pump so much Hamon energy into him that he explodes.
Baron Zeppeli (Yoku Shioya): Hamon's ripples are the same form as the waves of light sent out by the sun itself.
Linkara: Sunlight equals blood. Gotcha. Wait, what?
Linkara (vo): I'll skip the full explanation for how it works, but more or less, the act of breathing is what helps Hamon energy to flow through the body, thus proper breathing technique is the key to using Hamon energy. Speedwagon reenters the picture, telling the two about a string of disappearances in a nearby village that looks to be caused by Dio. With Dio becoming more bold in his attacks, they have no choice but to confront him now, even if JoJo's training isn't complete. While in the carriage into the tunnel leading into the city, they suddenly stop.
Speedwagon: Well? What's wrong? Huh? Aah!
(The carriage driver is dead with the horse's head where his own was, with knives sticking out of it)
Linkara: Damn it, man, this is no time for your BoJack Horseman cosplay!
Linkara (vo): And then Jack the Ripper pops up out of a horse.
Linkara: Welp, you gotta admit, I think we definitely reached the (finger quotes) "Bizarre" part of the adventure.
Speedwagon: Dio's evil, yeah, but I ain't seen him jump out of any animals so far.
Linkara: Well, then I guess we can expect a redemption arc at some point.
Linkara (vo): Man, look at this guy. Maybe they should have called him Jack the Ripped. Zeppeli explains that Jack is a zombie thrall of Dio. They need flesh to stay alive, but have no will beyond what their master commands. And Jack stabs himself in the neck.
Linkara: Did... Did Dio want that to happen? Seems like kind of a weird strategy.
Linkara (vo): After he collapses the other side of the tunnel, Jack proceeds to make knives sprout out of him. Oh, I get it. He's not Jack the Ripper. He's Ransik from Power Rangers: Time Force. Man, they really mislabeled this episode with the wrong season. Zeppeli uses this as a teaching moment, comparing vampires to fleas. They're not courageous, they're just compelled to attack because of their hunger. If you meet them head on without fear, your breathing is controlled and thus you have a continuous supply of Hamon. He pours a glass of wine and tells JoJo to finish Jack off without spilling a single drop.
Linkara: Well hell, they figured out how to do that in the Golden Child. Just chug the stuff.
Linkara (vo): Actually the wine doubly serves as an indicator of Ripple energy, much like it did in the stream. JoJo uses that to find Jack in a labyrinth and destroys him with Sendo Hamon Overdrive. Because of course this needs to be as silly as everything else. And so our episode ends with Zeppeli congratulating JoJo on his victory.
Linkara: The first few episodes are good. Surprise, Linkara liked the thing that is universally beloved. What the hell did you expect?
Linkara (vo): If I may be critical of a few things though, the overarching plot does take a few episodes to get going. For instance, for a series titled "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure," the first episode does not really match the bizarre idea at all. And even then, the vampirism stuff doesn't occur until the end of the second episode. Got a weird ass mask that reacts to blood, but that was it. Not really hinting at what was to come until that point. It's a bit of a slow beginning is all I'm saying, but damn, when JoJo is finally able to kick Dio's ass, it's really satisfying for all the crap he's had to endure. What's more, Zeppeli only coming into the picture in episode four means that we're not really sure where the series is going until that point, not helped by us not seeing Dio's resurrection. I mean why bother showing him be totally vaporized if he was just gonna come back the very next episode? I also continue to question the artistic choice of very old looking 12-year olds. But on the other hand, considering how huge they get once they're adults, I can certainly buy that as an in-between stage of their development. The first four episodes are enjoyable, fun and you can see just how badass and awesome JoJo is by the time the second episode rolls around, especially when he inspires someone ready to kill him to join forces with him as a loyal friend just by the sheer strength of his morality and determination.
Linkara: Next time, we continue our not-comics Patreon sponsored reviews with a movie. Except a different sort of movie. Let's have some mariennation with Thunderbirds Are Go.
(Suddenly an alarm goes off and Linkara stands up, going to a control panel. On screen, it's a shot of the moon when a spot is zoomed in on. The pixellation clears up to reveal a ship. Linkara is surprised.)
(He stares at it before someone else speaks)
Erin: It's an impressive ship.
Linkara: How the hell did you get on board?
Erin: I walked. NIMUE let me on board.
Linkara: What are you doing here? You've made it clear you're not willing to help me anymore.
Erin: Oh, but I am willing to help. I'm making sure you're getting a good look at your old ship. Beautiful, isn't it?
Linakara: It has to be an illusion. Comicron-1 was taken apart and used to build this ship.
Erin: Oh it's no illusion. Doesn't seeing it rise up, make you think about who you are and what you do?
(Suddenly Linkara starts to glitch out for the rest of the scenes he's in)
Linkara: I--I don't know what you're talking about.
Erin: Oh yes you do. You see, the other self thought that the way to get you back to your old self would be some awe inspiring thing like seeing your old ship again. And uh, you know that's nice. Psychological warfare is a thing. But me, I prefer things a little bit more...tangible. So when I learned what it was that was possessing you, I thought back to when we first met.
(Erin flips a coin and catches it, showing it to Linkara, causing him great pain and more glitching)
Linkara: Aaah! Get the hell away from me!
Erin: This metal drives outer gods nuts. Gee, I wonder why it's effecting you, Linkara?
Linkara: That-that...th-th-th-that's ridiculous! Ahh! Get away from me!
Erin: You need to get yourself away from the Entity.
Linkara: The Entity is dead! It's been dead for years!
Erin: Oh really, Linkara. Well then tell me... Who have you been playing chess against?
Linkara: Chess? What the hell are you--I haven't been playing chess!
(Linkara looks over to his desk and sees a chessboard set up with pieces in play. He comes over to the board and moves his white knight forward.
(He glitches again and takes his glasses off and moves a black rook to take the white knight. He glitches again, puts the glasses back on and moves the white rook to take the black rook. Glasses off again and he moves his black king. Glasses on and he moves the white rook to corner the black king)
Linkara: Check. And I do believe mate.
(Linkara has more glitching out, smacking his desk while in pain, finally splitting into two, showing that he's been sharing a body with the Entity who now has his own in the form of Linkara, his eyes being static. The Entity blasts a wave at Erin, knocking her down)
Erin: Seras, get us out of here!
(Erin and Linkara are teleported out. The Entity laughs evilly and we end on an ominous note before going to the credits)
You thought there were jokes in these end credits, but it was I, Dio!
Actually the only joke is on me, for once again not getting an episode out on time. Yeah, we're going back to 4 PM release in October, I think.