Jack and Jill

NC-Jack-and-Jill preview-620x330

April 10, 2018
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(The Channel Awesome logo is displayed, followed by the 2018 NC title sequence. Open on the usual shot of the NC's chair, but he's missing. Malcolm and Tamara walk in)

Tamara: Critic?

Malcolm: Critic? (looks behind chair briefly)

Tamara: Okay...

Malcolm: Mm-hmm...

(They leave the room, the camera following them to the front door. Cut to the two of them at NC's front door. Malcolm knocks on the door)

Malcolm: Nostalgia Critic?

NC: (inside; muffled) Who?

Tamara: Nostalgia Critic, is this your car out here?

NC: (inside) Just a sec.

Malcolm: Could you open the door, please?

NC: Yeah, yeah, just a sec. Just a sec.

(Malcolm suspects something is amiss with NC's statement and signals to Tamara, who unlocks the door and opens it. They walk into NC's house, where they spot him running towards an open window at the back. They grab him as he tries to climb out)

Malcolm: C'mere, c'mere, c'mere!

NC: (wailing) NO! (Malcolm and Tamara pull him away from window) NOOOO! I DON'T–

(They throw him on the couch, pin him down and pull his arms behind his back, all while he is crying)

Tamara: (grabbing NC's head) God damn it, Critic, you have to review Jack and Jill!


Malcolm: You have to!


Malcolm: Seriously, Critic, get a hold of yourself. (NC stops squalling and pants for breath) Think about it. It's just Adam Sandler.

(NC suddenly starts crying again, as we cut to the opening titles for Jack and Jill, followed by footage of said film)

NC (vo): (grudgingly) Let's take a look at the first film in history to win a Razzie award in every category: Jack and Jill. This is a film so infamously despised that even the trailer got people deeming it the worst movie ever. Hell, the mere idea got people saying it's the worst movie ever: Adam Sandler has a twin sister who – what a shock – is loud, loves farts, and has no distinct character outside of an unfunny voice. You got an hour and a half of that, baby! The common comparison is that it looks like one of the fake movies (a shot of a poster for another Sandler movie Funny People appears) made up in Adam Sandler's dramatic comedy Funny People...

(A clip of that movie is shown, displaying Sandler as a baby)

NC (vo): ...mocking the cheap humor of his films.

(Cut back to Jack and Jill)

NC (vo): But this isn't satire, this is real life, where dreams go to die! It appears on a ton of "worst films ever" lists, it's said to be Sandler's worst, even by Adam Sandler movie standards, and, for some reason, we've got to look at it.

NC: (seated in his usual chair again) Let's not waste any time, as we have a whole film that's gonna do that! This is Jack and Jill.

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