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OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!
 
OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!
   
(covering mouth) I am Iron- Spoilers!
+
(covering his mouth like Iron Man) I am Iron-- Spoilers!
   
 
There's this guy called Tony Stark.
 
There's this guy called Tony Stark.
   
Also known as Iron Man!
+
Also know as Iron Man!
   
Though I don't think he's ironed anything in his life.
+
Thought I don't think he ironed anything in his life.
   
And he owns a kabajillion dollars.
+
And he own up a bijillion dollars.
   
But gets really sad because somebody tries to take out his chubby bodyguard.
+
But he get really sad because somebody tried to take out his chubby bodyguard.
   
 
So Stark is like, "Why did they try to kill you, chubby bodyguard?"
 
So Stark is like, "Why did they try to kill you, chubby bodyguard?"
   
"Probably because I wasted Mickey Rourke in 'Iron Man 2'."
+
"Probably I wasted Mickey Warken in Iron Man 2"
   
So Tony Stark vows revenge!
+
So Tony Stark vows revenge.
   
"I'll show them!" he says. "I'm gonna tell them exactly where I live!" (pauses) Interesting strategy.
+
"I'll show them" he says "I gonna tell them exactly where I live!"
   
  +
(pauses of a moment) Interesting strategy.
But his love interest, Mrs. Potts, is like, "Don't you think you should have thought this out more clearly?"
 
   
  +
But his love interest, Mrs. Potts is like,
"What's gonna happen? Terrorists are gonna come to blow me up?"
 
   
 
"Don't you think you should thought this out more clearly?"
"Terrorists have come to blow us up!"
 
   
 
"What's gonna happen? gonna come blow me up?"
"I should've thought this out more clearly." (Gets blown away by explosion)
 
   
 
(points to the left) "Terrorists have come to blow us up!"
So after the smartest person in the world makes probably the dumbest decision on the planet with absolutely no back-up plan at all...
 
   
 
"I should thought this out more clearly." (an explosion is heard which blows him away)
...Seriously, who would do that?
 
   
 
So the smartest person in the world makes probably the dumbest decision on the planet with absolutely no backup plan at all.
Tony Stark finds a little kid!
 
   
 
Seriously, who would do that?
"Hey mister, you all right?"
 
   
 
Tony Stark finds a little kid.
"Ooh, I'm having a panic attack!"
 
   
"Why are you having a panic attack?"
+
"Hey mister, are you alright?"
   
 
"No, I'm having a panic attack."
"Because I have a fear of losing Mrs. Potts and she is the world to me!"
 
   
"Oh, is that why you constantly blow her off?"
+
"Why you're having a panic attack?"
   
 
"Because I have the fear of losing Mrs. Potts and she means the world to me."
"Well, ah--"
 
   
  +
"Oh. Is that why you constantly blow her off?"
"And gave terrorists the address of where you both live?"
 
   
 
"Well ah..."
"Might not have been the brightest thing--"
 
   
 
"Give the terrorists the address of where you both live?"
"And didn't even greet her at the door, but instead had your robot double do it so you could get more work done?"
 
   
 
"Might not have been the brightest thing..."
"It was kinda douchey, I'm not gonna lie--"
 
   
 
"And didn't even greet her at the door and instead have your robot double do it so you can get your work done."
"And instead of protecting her now, you're going out to seek revenge; never, ever learning from your mistakes and constantly putting her in danger?"
 
   
 
"It was kind of douchey. I'm not gonna lie..."
"Have I mentioned I'm a superhero?"
 
   
  +
"And instead of protecting her now, you're going out to seek revenge,
"What do they call you, Panic Attack Man?"
 
   
  +
(he tries to interrupt)
"Hey, these panic attacks will work their way into the plot!"
 
   
 
Never ever learning from your mistakes and constantly putting her in danger."
"No, they won't."
 
  +
 
"Did I mention I'm a superhero?"
  +
 
"What did they called you, Panic Attack Man?"
  +
 
"Hey, these Panic attack will work their way to the plot."
  +
 
"No they don't."
   
 
"I think I hate you."
 
"I think I hate you."
   
So Tony Stark is trying to find this terrorist played by evil Ghandi.
+
So Tony Stark get try to find this terrorist played by evil Gandhi.
   
  +
And evil Gandhi is like,
And evil Ghandi is like, (in British accent) "Well, actually, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually an actor."
 
   
"Well, if you're not the bad guy, who is?"
+
(imitating him) "Well I'm not sure if I'm a terrorist, I'm actually an actor."
   
  +
"Well if you're not the bad guy, who is?"
"That one guy who started to have a career, and then he disappeared, and now he's trying to have a career again."
 
   
 
"That one guy who started to have a career and then he disappeared and now he's trying to have a career again."
"Guy Pierce?"
 
  +
  +
"Gattos?"
   
 
"Bingo."
 
"Bingo."
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"Where is he now?"
 
"Where is he now?"
   
"Kidnapping the girlfriend you swore to protect."
+
"Kidnapping the girl you sown to protect."
   
"Goddamnit!"
+
"GOD DAMN IT!"
   
"I should've been played by Dudley Moore!"
+
"I should have played by Gutley Moore."
   
So it turns out Guy Pierce is the guy behind all the evil badness.
+
So it turns out Guy Pierce is behind all the evil badness.
   
  +
And he's like,
And he's like, "I'm not really a terrorist - I just developed this new heat thingy that will grow limbs out."
 
   
 
"I'm not really an terrorist, I just develop this new heat thingy that will grow limbs out."
And Potts is like, "Yeah, but people keep exploding."
 
   
  +
And Potts is like,
"True, true, that is a design flaw, but we're just gonna tell people that those are the terrorist attacks so that our clients will still buy the evil hot thingy that grows limbs out!"
 
   
 
"Yeah, but people keep exploding."
"So, you're sending out a defective, hazardous product before it's finished?"
 
   
 
"True true, that is a design flaw. But we're just gonna tell people that those are the terrorist attacks, so that our clients will still buy that evil hot thingy that grows limbs out."
"Yes!"
 
   
 
"So you're sending out a defective hazardous product before it's finish?"
"You're like the EA of terrorists!"
 
   
 
"Yes."
"Why, thank you."
 
   
 
"You're like the EA of terrorist."
So Iron Man gets all his other robotic Iron Men to come and help him out.
 
   
 
"Why thank you."
But Mrs. Potts starts to fall!
 
   
 
So Iron Man gets out all these robotic iron men to come and help him out
(falls backwards) "Ahhhhh!"
 
   
 
But Mrs. Potts starts to fall.
But Stark catches her!
 
   
  +
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
"Oof! I told you I'd protect you!"
 
   
 
But Stark catches her.
"Oh, thank God!"
 
   
"Except that my hand is slipping."
+
"Wooph, I told you I protect you."
   
 
"Oh thank God."
"Boy, you are bad at this, aren't you?"
 
   
  +
"Except that my hand is sipping."
"Hey, c'mon, I love you so much I had completely pointless panic attacks! I mean, give me some credit-- (He lets go of "her", causing her to scream) ...Boy, I am bad at this."
 
   
 
"Boy, you are bad that is, aren't you?"
So Tony Stark goes up to Guy Pierce and is like, "Hello. My name is Tony Stark. You killed my girlfriend. Prepare to die."
 
   
 
"Hey come on, I love you so much, I have completely pointless panic attacks, (his hand was free) so give me some credit..."
"You don't look that angry. You more look kind of annoyed."
 
   
  +
(a falling scream is heard)
"Hey, I had totally pointless panic attacks for h--" (gets punched)
 
  +
  +
"Why, I'm bad at this."
  +
  +
So Tony Stark goes up to Guy Pierce, and he's like
  +
 
"Hello, my name is Tony Stark and you killed my girlfriend. Prepare to die."
  +
 
"You don't look that angry. You more look kind of annoying."
  +
 
"Hey, I have completely pointless panic attacks for..." (he gets punched)
   
 
So it looks like Guy Pierce is beating the crap out of Tony Stark.
 
So it looks like Guy Pierce is beating the crap out of Tony Stark.
   
But then Mrs. Potts is like, (taps shoulder) "Hi, guy..." (punches)
+
But then Mrs. Potts is like.
   
  +
"Hi Guy."
And Stark is like, "Mrs. Potts, you survived?"
 
   
  +
(he gets punched)
"Yeah, well, I'd kinda given up on the notion that you were gonna save me so I decided to save myself."
 
   
  +
And Stark is like,
"Oh. Well, can you at least let me have the finishing blow?"
 
   
 
"Mrs. Potts, you survived?"
"No! You're an idiot and you never learn from your mistakes!" (Blows bad guy up)
 
   
 
"Yeah, kinda give up on the notion that you're gonna save me so I decided to save myself."
"Wow! That was a very cool way to finish him off--"
 
   
 
"Oh, can you at least let me have the finishing blow?"
"The movies are about me now!"
 
   
 
"No, you're an idiot and you never learned from your mistakes" (proceeds to do it)
"What?"
 
   
 
"Wow, that's a very cool way to finish him o..."
"We've shown I can wear the suit, I kick ass, I'm emotionally responsible, I make better choices, I'm a bajillion times a better role model than you..."
 
   
 
"The movie's all about me now."
"But but but I'm the tech guy and an asshole."
 
   
 
"What?"
"That's why you'll be my brainy sidekick!"
 
   
 
"It shows that I could wear the suit, I kick ass, I'm emotionally responsible, I make better chooses, I'm a bijillion times a better role model than you."
"What?! I have much more compelling story arcs than you!"
 
   
 
"B-B-But I'm the tech guy and an asshole."
"Really? Name one thing you've learned in this movie!"
 
   
 
"That why you'll be my brainy sidekick."
(faltering) "...I drive cool cars?"
 
   
 
"What?! I have much more compelling story arc than you!"
"All hail Iron Woman!"
 
   
 
"Really? Name scene you worked in this movie."
(simultaneously, while bowing) "Iron Woman..."
 
  +
  +
(pauses to try to think of something) "I drive cool cars?"
  +
 
(Both) "All hail, Iron Woman."
   
 
HOORAY!
 
HOORAY!
   
So, "Iron Man 3" was great, except for the fact that Iron Man is both the most brilliant and dumbest person in the world.
+
So Iron Man 3 was great, except for the fact that iron man is both the most brilliant and dumbest person in the world.
  +
 
It's like me giving away my address to perfect strangers by saying it's that Lucky Charms Box on 33nd Street. (pauses of a moment) Please don't do anything with that information.
   
 
This is Chester A. Bum saying... (notices someone beating his box) OH MY GOD! MY BOX! I...(brings his cup) CHANGE? Ah screw it. (throws his cup away as he runs to the left)
It's like me giving away my address to perfect strangers by saying it's the Lucky Charms box on 33rd Street!
 
   
  +
(offscreen) Hey put them back together! I have the marshmallow bought to me on it
(shifts eyes) Please don't do anything with that information.
 
   
 
Hey watch it, know General Mills. Aww, stop hitting me with your toy inside.
This is Chester A. Bum saying... (Sounds of beating are heard) OH MY GOD, my box! I-- (holds up cup) CHANGE?! Ya got-- Oh, screw it! (Tosses cup and runs off) Hey, put that back together! I had the marshmellows properly furnished!
 
   
Hey, watch it! I know General Mills! (gets hit) Ow! Stop hitting me with the toy inside!
 
   
 
{{Bumscripts}}
 
{{Bumscripts}}
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