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OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! |
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OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! |
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(covering mouth) I am Iron- Spoilers! |
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(covering his mouth like Iron Man) I am Iron-- Spoilers! |
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There's this guy called Tony Stark. |
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There's this guy called Tony Stark. |
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Also known as Iron Man! |
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Also know as Iron Man! |
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Though I don't think he's ironed anything in his life.
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Thought I don't think he ironed anything in his life. |
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And he owns a kabajillion dollars. |
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And he own up a bijillion dollars. |
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But gets really sad because somebody tries to take out his chubby bodyguard. |
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But he get really sad because somebody tried to take out his chubby bodyguard. |
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So Stark is like, "Why did they try to kill you, chubby bodyguard?" |
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So Stark is like, "Why did they try to kill you, chubby bodyguard?" |
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"Probably because I wasted Mickey Rourke in 'Iron Man 2'." |
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"Probably I wasted Mickey Warken in Iron Man 2" |
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So Tony Stark vows revenge! |
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So Tony Stark vows revenge. |
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"I'll show them!" he says. "I'm gonna tell them exactly where I live!" (pauses) Interesting strategy. |
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"I'll show them" he says "I gonna tell them exactly where I live!" |
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(pauses of a moment) Interesting strategy. |
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But his love interest, Mrs. Potts, is like, "Don't you think you should have thought this out more clearly?" |
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But his love interest, Mrs. Potts is like, |
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"What's gonna happen? Terrorists are gonna come to blow me up?" |
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"Don't you think you should thought this out more clearly?" |
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"Terrorists have come to blow us up!" |
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"What's gonna happen? gonna come blow me up?" |
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"I should 've thought this out more clearly." ( Gets blown away by explosion) |
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(points to the left) "Terrorists have come to blow us up!" |
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So after the smartest person in the world makes probably the dumbest decision on the planet with absolutely no back-up plan at all ... |
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"I should thought this out more clearly." ( an explosion is heard which blows him away) |
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...Seriously, who would do that? |
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So the smartest person in the world makes probably the dumbest decision on the planet with absolutely no backup plan at all. |
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Tony Stark finds a little kid ! |
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Seriously, who would do that? |
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"Hey mister, you all right?" |
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Tony Stark finds a little kid . |
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" Ooh, I'm having a panic attack !" |
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"Why are you having a panic attack?" |
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"Hey mister, are you alright?" |
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" No, I'm having a panic attack ." |
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"Because I have a fear of losing Mrs. Potts and she is the world to me !" |
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"Oh, is that why you constantly blow her off?" |
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"Why you're having a panic attack?" |
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"Because I have the fear of losing Mrs. Potts and she means the world to me ." |
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"Oh. Is that why you constantly blow her off?" |
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" And gave terrorists the address of where you both live?" |
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"Might not have been the brightest thing --" |
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" Give the terrorists the address of where you both live?" |
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"And didn't even greet her at the door , but instead had your robot double do it so you could get more work done ?" |
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"Might not have been the brightest thing ..." |
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"It was kinda douchey , I'm not gonna lie --" |
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"And didn't even greet her at the door and instead have your robot double do it so you can get your work done ." |
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"And instead of protecting her now, you're going out to seek revenge; never, ever learning from your mistakes and constantly putting her in danger ?" |
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"It was kind of douchey . I'm not gonna lie ..." |
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" Have I mentioned I'm a superhero?" |
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"And instead of protecting her now, you're going out to seek revenge, |
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"What do they call you, Panic Attack Man?" |
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(he tries to interrupt) |
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"Hey, these panic attacks will work their way into the plot !" |
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Never ever learning from your mistakes and constantly putting her in danger ." |
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" Did I mention I'm a superhero?" |
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"What did they called you, Panic Attack Man?" |
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"Hey, these Panic attack will work their way to the plot ." |
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"I think I hate you." |
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"I think I hate you." |
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So Tony Stark is trying to find this terrorist played by evil Ghandi. |
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So Tony Stark get try to find this terrorist played by evil Gandhi. |
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And evil Gandhi is like, |
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And evil Ghandi is like, (in British accent) "Well, actually, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually an actor." |
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"Well, if you're not the bad guy, who is?" |
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(imitating him) "Well I'm not sure if I'm a terrorist, I'm actually an actor." |
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"Well if you're not the bad guy, who is?" |
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"That one guy who started to have a career , and then he disappeared , and now he's trying to have a career again." |
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"That one guy who started to have a career and then he disappeared and now he's trying to have a career again." |
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"Guy Pierce?" |
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"Gattos?" |
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"Bingo." |
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"Bingo." |
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"Where is he now?" |
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"Where is he now?" |
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"Kidnapping the girlfriend you swore to protect." |
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"Kidnapping the girl you sown to protect." |
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"Goddamnit!" |
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"GOD DAMN IT!" |
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"I should've been played by Dudley Moore!" |
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"I should have played by Gutley Moore." |
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So it turns out Guy Pierce is the guy behind all the evil badness. |
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So it turns out Guy Pierce is behind all the evil badness. |
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And he's like, |
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And he's like, "I'm not really a terrorist - I just developed this new heat thingy that will grow limbs out." |
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"I'm not really an terrorist , I just develop this new heat thingy that will grow limbs out." |
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And Potts is like, "Yeah, but people keep exploding." |
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And Potts is like, |
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"True , true, that is a design flaw , but we're just gonna tell people that those are the terrorist attacks so that our clients will still buy the evil hot thingy that grows limbs out !" |
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"Yeah, but people keep exploding." |
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"So , you're sending out a defective , hazardous product before it's finished?" |
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"True true, that is a design flaw . But we're just gonna tell people that those are the terrorist attacks , so that our clients will still buy that evil hot thingy that grows limbs out ." |
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"So you're sending out a defective hazardous product before it's finish?" |
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"You're like the EA of terrorists!" |
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"You're like the EA of terrorist." |
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So Iron Man gets all his other robotic Iron Men to come and help him out . |
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But Mrs. Potts starts to fall ! |
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So Iron Man gets out all these robotic iron men to come and help him out |
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(falls backwards) "Ahhhhh!" |
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But Mrs. Potts starts to fall . |
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"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" |
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"Oof! I told you I'd protect you!" |
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"Except that my hand is slipping." |
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"Wooph, I told you I protect you." |
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"Boy, you are bad at this, aren't you?" |
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"Except that my hand is sipping." |
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"Hey , c'mon, I love you so much I had completely pointless panic attacks ! I mean, give me some credit-- ( He lets go of "her", causing her to scream) .. .Boy, I am bad at this." |
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"Boy, you are bad that is, aren't you?" |
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So Tony Stark goes up to Guy Pierce and is like, "Hello . My name is Tony Stark . You killed my girlfriend. Prepare to die." |
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"Hey come on, I love you so much , I have completely pointless panic attacks, ( his hand was free) so give me some credit..." |
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"You don't look that angry. You more look kind of annoyed." |
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(a falling scream is heard) |
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"Hey, I had totally pointless panic attacks for h--" (gets punched) |
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"Why, I'm bad at this." |
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So Tony Stark goes up to Guy Pierce, and he's like |
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"Hello , my name is Tony Stark and you killed my girlfriend. Prepare to die." |
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"You don't look that angry. You more look kind of annoying." |
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"Hey, I have completely pointless panic attacks for ..." ( he gets punched) |
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So it looks like Guy Pierce is beating the crap out of Tony Stark. |
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So it looks like Guy Pierce is beating the crap out of Tony Stark. |
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But then Mrs. Potts is like, (taps shoulder) "Hi, guy..." (punches) |
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But then Mrs. Potts is like. |
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"Hi Guy." |
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And Stark is like, "Mrs. Potts, you survived?" |
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(he gets punched) |
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"Yeah, well, I'd kinda given up on the notion that you were gonna save me so I decided to save myself." |
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And Stark is like, |
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"Oh . Well, can you at least let me have the finishing blow?" |
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"Mrs. Potts, you survived?" |
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"No ! You're an idiot and you never learn from your mistakes !" ( Blows bad guy up) |
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"Yeah, kinda give up on the notion that you 're gonna save me so I decided to save myself." |
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"Wow ! That was a very cool way to finish him off--" |
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"Oh, can you at least let me have the finishing blow?" |
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"The movies are about me now !" |
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"No , you're an idiot and you never learned from your mistakes" ( proceeds to do it) |
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"Wow , that's a very cool way to finish him o..." |
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" We've shown I can wear the suit, I kick ass, I'm emotionally responsible, I make better choices, I'm a bajillion times a better role model than you ..." |
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"The movie's all about me now ." |
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"But but but I'm the tech guy and an asshole." |
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"That 's why you'll be my brainy sidekick !" |
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" It shows that I could wear the suit, I kick ass, I'm emotionally responsible, I make better chooses, I'm a bijillion times a better role model than you." |
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"What?! I have much more compelling story arcs than you!" |
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" B-B-But I'm the tech guy and an asshole." |
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"Really? Name one thing you 've learned in this movie !" |
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"That why you'll be my brainy sidekick ." |
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(faltering) "...I drive cool cars?" |
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"What?! I have much more compelling story arc than you!" |
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"Really? Name scene you worked in this movie ." |
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(simultaneously, while bowing) "Iron Woman..." |
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(pauses to try to think of something) "I drive cool cars?" |
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(Both) "All hail , Iron Woman ." |
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HOORAY! |
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HOORAY! |
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So, "Iron Man 3" was great, except for the fact that Iron Man is both the most brilliant and dumbest person in the world. |
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So Iron Man 3 was great, except for the fact that iron man is both the most brilliant and dumbest person in the world. |
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It's like me giving away my address to perfect strangers by saying it's that Lucky Charms Box on 33nd Street . (pauses of a moment) Please don't do anything with that information. |
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This is Chester A. Bum saying... ( notices someone beating his box) OH MY GOD ! MY BOX! I ...( brings his cup) CHANGE? Ah screw it . ( throws his cup away as he runs to the left) |
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It's like me giving away my address to perfect strangers by saying it's the Lucky Charms box on 33rd Street ! |
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(offscreen) Hey put them back together! I have the marshmallow bought to me on it |
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(shifts eyes) Please don't do anything with that information. |
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Hey watch it , know General Mills . Aww, stop hitting me with your toy inside . |
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This is Chester A. Bum saying... ( Sounds of beating are heard) OH MY GOD , my box! I -- ( holds up cup) CHANGE? ! Ya got-- Oh, screw it ! ( Tosses cup and runs off) Hey, put that back together! I had the marshmellows properly furnished! |
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Hey , watch it ! I know General Mills ! (gets hit) Ow! Stop hitting me with the toy inside ! |
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{{Bumscripts}} |
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{{Bumscripts}} |