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Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas

Nc inspector gadget saves xmas

Released
December 6, 2016
Running time
22:57
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(After the Nostalgia Critic 2016 opening, we start off on a view of Planet Sha7u#o?Wz, which is a highly advanced alien society. We cut to Malcolm Ray and Tamara Chambers as aliens on this planet)

Mayor: As mayor of...the universe, (addressing a crowd of other aliens) I award C.C. Cuckooclocks as the biggest lover of Christmas in all of the galaxies. (He puts a medal around her neck) Her love of this holiday is unrivaled by...anyone. Yes.

(The crowd cheers for her)

CC: Thank you all so much for this award. I'm very flattered by it. It is so wonderful to know that no one in the entire Solar System, anywhere else, loves Christmas as much as I. (A boom is heard) What was that?

Mayor: Well, it sounds like the light barrier being broken. (BOOM) And the speed of time being warped. (BOOM) And every conceivable ozone layer being shattered.

(We cut to a scene of something zooming in space before cutting back to the Nostalgia Critic floating down into the city. The other aliens are confused until...)

NC: CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!!!!

(His Christmas cheer is so powerful it destroys the entire planet!! All that's left is a nebula where the planet once stood before NC clears his throat)

NC: I win.

(Scenes of Christmas decorations are shown)

NC (vo): When life gives you lemons, you say "Fuck lemons, where's my Christmas?" It's the greatest time of the year, and we're once again gonna celebrate all the merriment it has to offer. The snow, the hot chocolate, (cut to a picture of cosplayers of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad sitting next to Santa Claus while holding up a bag of Blue Sky meth) whatever the hell I'm looking at here, Christmas has everything.

(Now, NC is at his usual spot)

NC: And as part of celebrating the holidays, we also have to look at the weirdest parts of it. (Cut to a clip of Patrick Stewart with an hat singing "We Are Santa's Elves" and dancing on his head) No, not Patrick Stewart wearing a singing elf hat. (He catches the mouse cursor trying to check the video out) You can watch that later. I'm, of course, talking about Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas. (He catches the cursor again)

(The title of the aforementioned Christmas special is shown, before showing the clips from it)

NC (vo): It's a weird list of people who have saved Christmas, isn't it? (Posters of other "Saved Christmas" movies and specials are shown) Ernest, the Berenstain Bears, the Glo Friends, Elmo, Mater from Cars, Diego, the Bratz Babyz, escaped mental ward patients (Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas), Felix the Cat.

NC: It kind of feels like anyone can save Christmas, it's not particularly hard.

NC (vo): So why not throw Inspector Gadget into the mix? Based on the hit kids show about a bumbling inspector and his ignored prodigy of a niece, this special aired in December of 1992, just six years before its cinematic followup still awaiting an apology tour.

Gadget (Matthew Broderick): No! I gotta get out of here. (Chatters with his teeth)

NC: That man was nominated for an Oscar.

NC (vo): The great thing about this special is it's pretty much exactly what you think it's gonna be. The first few images that pop into your head when you hear this title is 100% what it consists of. It's ridiculous in the ways only Inspector Gadget can provide.

NC: So let's Go-Go Gadget Dollar Store Cash-in, this is Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas.

(The special begins with a wooden sign with neon lights saying "SANTA'S WORKSHOP")

NC (vo): We start off outside the incredibly well-advertised Santa's Workshop. You know, you're sending mixed signals with the wooden sign yet electric lettering.

NC: Why don't you just put this on while you're at it?

(The sign now has a dancer on a stripper pole while HOES HOES HOES has been added to the sign)

NC (vo): Santa wakes up his workers with his synthesized trumpet playing.

(Santa is seen blowing on a trumpet)

NC: A man of many talents.

NC (vo): And he wakes them up again by singing because apparently the trumpet did nothing.

Santa: Rise and shine, elves! Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Elves: (singing to the tune of Jingle Bells) Rise and shine, he says / From our elfin' beds.

(NC is surprised)

NC: Did they just say "our effing beds"? (The line plays again) Guys, kids are watching.

Elves: ...and get our elfin' hats!

NC: Okay, the swear jar's over there.

Elves: Jingle bells, elfin' bells...

NC: Christ, does your music need a Parental Warning? (An album is shown titled "Let's ELF Shit Up!")

NC (vo): The lyrics get even more grim the further you listen to them.

Elves: Die another day / For our elfin' pay / Play is work and work is play...

NC (vo): Man, Santa runs a pretty unforgiving setup. Imagine these words being spoken instead of sung.

NC: (as Santa) Yeah, die another day. Making toys for Santa isn't work, it's play. (He looks to the camera) Play is work. Work is play.

NC (vo): So after we realize Santa shanghaied the Keebler elves through some sort of illegal cloning ring, our main villain, Dr. Claw, enters the picture.

(Dr. Claw pets Mad Cat before putting on a Santa suit and gloves, letting out an evil laugh)

NC: Yes, this is really happening. Dr. Claw is dressing up like Santa. (NC is shaking his head and facepalming) I am not prepared for this kind of silly. Maybe if I watch this. (The Patrick Stewart clip is shown again) Okay, okay, let's try it again.

Claw: I, Dr. Claw--

NC: (taking his glasses off) Nope, not working!

(NC breaks down laughing)

NC (vo): I have so many questions. First of all, wow. Who knew Dr. Claw was so short?

NC: I guess sitting down so much just gives you the shin length of Hank Hill's father. (A picture of King of the Hill is shown with Hank, Bobby and Cotton Hill)

NC (vo): Second, his arms seem to have gotten pretty scrawny, don't you think?

NC: Does he eat carbs?

NC (vo): Third, (sighs) what exactly is his scheme again?

Claw: I, Dr. Claw, will ruin Christmas myself, and the world will blame Santa Claus. (He pulls out the hat Mad Cat was sitting on, making him flip into a wreath, and laughs)

NC: That's a weird plan, buddy.

NC (vo): What do you care if you ruin Christmas or even if Santa gets blamed? Your focus used to be robberies, terrorism, obtaining power. What does making Santa look lazy accomplish?

Claw: Santa's name will be slush. His reputation will be ruined. Hehehehe!

NC: (as Claw) And I will have the honor of...having done that.

NC (vo): No wonder you kept losing to an eight-year old. Your criminal plans center about what eight-year olds care about. You're making (Clip of Dr. Claw from the live-action movie) this guy look credible now!

Claw: What? How dare you!

NC (vo): So Dr. Claw uses his mind-controlling hats on the elves--

NC: Because this is our reality for the next half hour.

NC (vo): --and operates a hook crane to lift Santa.

Santa: Get me down!

NC (vo, as Santa): Jack Skellington, I told you I'm done with this shit!

(Santa is dropped down a tube sealed in a grate)

Claw: Any wonders who can stop me now, and my MAD agents will stop him first.

NC: Eh, soon as I figure out how to stop the snow from looking like streams of urine. (A shot of the snow falling down in streams is shown) Seriously, are a bunch of snowmen taking a piss up there?

NC (vo): Thus, we see Inspector Gadget at his house, as MAD agents try to get him. (One agent ends up leaping into his Go-Go Gadget Legs, bouncing him into another MAD agent coming in through the window, making them roll into a snowball outside) Look at this. They couldn't even get the original Inspector Gadget theme song.

(Another MAD agent tries to cut a hole in the ice Gadget's on, only to sink instead. The theme is just the singers going "Inspector Gadget")

NC: Oh, come on! The theme song was, like, half the show! What's this shit they're playing?

(Another MAD agent sneaks up on Gadget while he's delivering presents, only to be stuffed into the chute instead)

Singers: Inspector Gadget! Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh...

NC: (to the theme song) We're clearly making this up / As we goooo!

NC (vo): They, of course, fail to stop him, most likely because of his offscreen Portal gun. (Gadget walks off to the left and then comes back down from the top)

NC: How'd he--? What?

(Gadget is seen sitting on a fake Santa's lap)

NC (vo): As Inspector Gadget is given his next assignment from the Chief, once again, undercover.

Gadget: But where's the real Santa?

Chief Quimby (voiced by Maurice Lamarche): He could be in trouble. Here, your assignment will explain.

NC: Boy, the Chief is sounding like Clint Eastwood after a million Marlboros.

Quimby: I know. Now get off the phone.

NC (vo, as Quimby, in Clint Eastwood voice): Do you feel jolly, punk?

Gadget: (Reading the assignment) "Suspicious activity at North Pole. Suggests MAD plot by Dr. Claw against the real Santa Claus."

NC: (as Gadget) You know, the thought occurs to me that we're rather Claw-centric. Have we ever thought about going after ISIS, drug lords, the people who make the Madea movies?

Gadget: I'll get to the bottom of this.

(As usual, he tosses the self-destructing note into Chief Quimby's pipe which he tries to blow away, but it ends up blowing up in his face)

NC (vo): (as Quimby) You know, this has happened so much it's actually starting to feel good. (normal) So Gadget, being the caring uncle that he is, of course, brings his niece Penny along, who...

Penny (voiced by Erica Horne): ...with Santa Claus and his elves. Ha-ha! Tough break, huh, Brain?

NC: ...is clearly voiced by a different actress.

NC (vo): Oh, come on! How could you replace (picture of) Cree Summer? She's, like, a voice acting giant! She was perfect for Penny Gadget.

NC: How dare they get a little kid to voice a little kid! What's wrong with you?!

NC (vo): Well, maybe her acting's so good it's a fitting replacement.

Penny: This must be where Dr. Claw hid Santa's real toys.

NC: Okay, well, maybe she's popular in the other things she's been in. Like... (VHS box of) Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout--I have no idea why they chose this person.

Penny: Oh, look, Uncle Gadget. Santa's village. It's a Christmas dream come true.

NC: (as Penny) If only we could fix the reception!

(NC smacks on the screen like he's trying to fix the static on the windshield)

NC (vo): Gadget falls in the snow, but he quickly gets out with a bit of comedy.

(Gadget uses his Go-Go Gadget Legs to get out)

Gadget: If you get my drift.

(Penny and Brain laugh at it)

NC: (as Penny) Ha-ha-ha. I invented a laser watch. This humor's beneath me.

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