(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the NC title sequence)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
(He smiles nervously and holds out his hands as the word "ALIENS" pops up, followed by "THIS MEME IS OLD AND TIRED". Then he holds up a release of Independence Day: Resurgence, while new text pops up: "BUT SO IS INDEPENDENCE DAY". Then we cut to the title for this movie, followed by footage of it and other movies by its director, Roland Emmerich)
NC (vo): Writer-director Roland Emmerich really likes to think outside the box, in that he's constantly pondering, "How do I get back inside the box?" The box, in this case, is proud but quirky people who don't think they're prone to survival, thrown into the biggest fight of their lives, where the environment around them is destroyed. It honestly doesn't matter what the disaster is: aliens, Godzilla, war...
(A shot of the title for 2012 is shown, followed by a clip of that movie)
NC (vo): ...even a year can somehow blow everything up.
(Footage focuses on Independence Day: Resurgence)
NC (vo): There's something particularly sad, though, about going back to your most successful of these repeated attempts after twenty years of doing the exact same thing, simply to do...the exact same thing. If you've seen my review of Independence Day, you know it's not a favorite of mine, but I understand why people like it. It was the first time this B-movie scenario of aliens blowing up the world was attempted with state-of-the-art CG effects, it had a lot of charming actors we recognized, and everyone knew it was stupid, but it was simple. Everybody could relate to the excitement of aliens arriving, people having different reactions, seeing them destroy everything we could imagine being destroyed, and the world putting aside their differences to fight back. On a surface level, I totally understand. So why would you think doing the same thing, minus half the original cast and no huge names replacing the rest, would you think we would find this exciting and new? While Independence Day: Resurgence made its money back globally, it bombed pretty hard domestically. So, why couldn't Emmerich recreate the same success after years of trying to recreate the same success? Well, we're gonna take a closer look.
NC: Let's see why this resurgence was anything but. This is... ID4 (pauses awkwardly) 2.
NC (vo): The film opens, clarifying that Thanos was kind of right, as wiping out half the population resulted in immediate world peace and utilizing the alien technology to grow a united utopia.
President Lanford (Sela Ward): For twenty years, the world has seen no armed conflict. Nations have put their petty differences aside.
NC: (as Lanford) And ironically, we have Twitter to thank for all that.
(A shot of a made-up Twitter account is shown, from someone named Outrage McGee, with a tweet reading: "STOP THE THINGS I DON'T LIKE!!!", followed by a reply tweet from "The World" reading, "Okay.")
NC: (as Lanford) Who knew?
Pres. Lanford: The fusion of human and alien technology...
NC (vo): I really love even twenty years later, they never gave these things a name. They're still just aliens!
NC: (as someone playing on his phone) Wow, your phone gets really good reception! (as someone else) Thank you. It's alien technology. (as the first person) Man, I disagree with their politics, but I can watch porn faster!
Lady X: (on phone) What can I say? Chicks dig chocolate.
NC (vo): We're introduced to Will Smith...'s son, Dylan, played by Jessie T. Usher, as well as a cameo from Will Smith himself. (...who is seen on a painting)
NC: (nodding and smiling) Hope you enjoyed that.
NC (vo): Man, that's bad when he accepts the scripts for (Posters of the following are superimposed...) Collateral Beauty and Suicide Squad over yours.
Dylan Hiller: (to Patricia Whitmore (Maika Monroe)) You're the one that's back in the White House.
Patricia: Yeah, as an employee, I don't quite get the same benefits as when I lived here.
NC (vo): It looks like he's heading up to a moon base, where a guy named Jake, played by Liam Hemsworth...
(Cut to a clip of The Avengers)
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): He's adopted?
(Cut back to ID4: Resurgence)
NC (vo): ...is also giving piss-poor exposition because these movies have always been written awful. They have always been written awful!
Dylan: (narrating) I was the youngest valedictorian in the history of the academy. (to Jake) There's worse things you can be doing than towing a half-trillion-dollar weapon.
Jake: You never served a day in your life.
NC: (as Jake) Hey, can I talk about stuff you already know about me? (as Dylan) Only if you talk about stuff you already know about me. (as Jake) We're so natural. This is natural.
NC (vo): It looks like something goes wrong, resulting in Jake's wide range of Phoebe screams...
(A montage of clips alternating between Jake screaming and Phoebe from Friends screaming is shown)
NC (vo): ...but he fixes the problem, despite it "not being protocol."
Commander Jiang Lao (Ng Chin Han): (to Jake) You almost got us all killed!
Jake: Ah, yeah. But then I saved everyone.
NC (vo; as Jake): And kept my hair great, despite wearing a baseball cap. Gravity is light up here. The moon is awesome! (normal) God, save us, William Fitchner! You always kick ass. Surely, you won't be flat like everyone else.
General Joshua T. Adams (William Fitchner): (to Jake) My wife and I were enjoying a very nice morning in a very expensive bed-and-breakfast.
NC: (horrified) Oh, no...
General Adams: After twenty years of being catatonic... Get me Director Levinson.
NC: You were the best Shredder without even being the Shredder. How are you doing this movie?!
(A convoy of cars is shown as NC makes a bored-sounding alarm sound. Then an image of Jeff Goldblum's head over an alarm is shown in the corner)
NC (vo): Oh, boy, my Goldblum alarm is going off. (David Levinson (Goldblum) is seen in one of the cars) There he is!
NC: Did I mention "alarm" was spelled like this? (The words "GOLDBLUM UH-LARM" pop up in yellow)
Floyd Rosenberg (Nicolas Wright): (to Levinson, as he sits in the car with him) I've been chasing you across the planet for three weeks now.
Levinson: Who are you again?
Driver: Floyd Rosenberg, government-appointed controller.
(Suddenly, NC's phone rings. He answers it)
Tamara: Hello, it's Tamara Lynn Chambers.
NC: (confused) I know your full name, Tamara.
Tamara: As an actress of over six years on Nostalgia Critic, I felt it necessary to call you and tell you that.
NC: Why are you talking like this? Nobody talks like this.
Tamara: Says you.
NC: Says thousands of years of human interaction.
Tamara: As you know, I was born February 7, 19–
(Looking annoyed, NC abruptly hangs up. But then, he realizes something and quickly redials again)
NC: Does it mean I missed your birthday?
Tamara: Yes, it does.
NC: Happy birthday.
Tamara: Thank you.
(NC puts down his phone)
NC (vo): Goldblum comes across a woman named Catherine Wow*...
- NOTE: Actually, her last name is Marceaux.
Levinson: Catherine! Wow!
NC (vo): ...and they're both called out to look at one of the ships that landed years ago, because the lights suddenly turned on and a mysterious symbol seems to be appearing everywhere.
Levinson: 'Course, you're aware that this is the only ship that landed in '96, and so I appreciate you finally granting us this access. Your father was very tenacious.
(Suddenly, NC's phone rings again, irritating him)
NC: God! (grabs it and holds it to his ear) What?
(It's Malcolm this time)
Malcolm: It's Malcolm X. Ray.
NC: (exasperated) I KNOW YOUR FULL NAME– (stops abruptly) Your middle initial's X?
Malcolm: As you're aware, you're doing a review of Independence Day 2.
NC: (exasperated again) WHY WOULDN'T I KNOW THAT?!?
Malcolm: So I appreciate you and your brother doing a review of it, as you are not fans of it.
NC: Do you and Tamara have the same dialogue coach?
Malcolm: Ah, Tamara, born February 7, 19–
(Again, NC hangs up before Malcolm can finish, only to again call Malcolm back as something comes to him)
NC: Did you wish her a happy birthday?
Malcolm: 'Course I did. I'm not a douchebag.
(Irritably, NC hangs up again)
Levinson: We detected a burst in the Xband frequency, directed toward deep space.
NC (vo; as Levinson): I know this because I fix cable for a living. (normal) Back on the moon base, we see Jake is talking with his fiancee, Patricia, the lady we met earlier in the White House.
Jake: (online meeting with her) I'm gonna steal a tug and come back and see you right now.
Patricia: No, you won't, 'cause last time you did that, they added a month to your tour. Saw Dylan at the White House today. You nearly killed him, remember?
NC (vo): Jesus!
NC: (clutching at his temples in frustration) Is this a dating app?! Everyone has to say something about themselves and then they swipe?!
NC (vo): The reporters got it so bad, they ask questions that make them look like attention-hungry assholes! Actually, what am I talking about? That might be the most realistic thing in the movie.
Reporter: (to Dylan) Considering he died during a test flight, how do you feel taking off for the moon a hangar named after your father?
NC: (as Dylan) Well, thanks for reminding me my dad died. I totally forgot about that. I guess it feels pretty good. (looks offscreen) Yes?
Voice: Your father is dead! That is my question.
NC: Thank you.
NC (vo): Dylan arrives on the moon, where pilots, I guess, are like K-Pop stars...
(As one female Asian astronaut gets off the rocket, a crowd forms, holding up autograph books and photos of her. The words "AUTOGRAPHS? WTF?" appear in yellow during this)
NC (vo): ...and soldiers are straight-up creepers.
Lieut. Charlie Miller (Travis Tope): (to Jake) The pilot China sent is my future wife, and I mean it.
(NC stares, horrified, as a dramatic choir is heard. He takes out his cell phone and looks up something: it's the National Sex Offender website, describing Charlie in this movie as: "#2 Offender". It describes that he will make every pretty woman he sees his wife, whether they want to or not. It also states that he bites)
NC: (hushed) Why does that not make me feel better?
Charlie: I think my heart exploded. It's like our souls were communing.
NC: (as Charlie, grinning creepily) It's like those Disney movies, where they meet for the first time and get married.
Offscreen voice: Well, that's a cartoon and this is real life...
NC: (shouting) CARTOONS ARE REAL!!
(Again, the dramatic choir is heard as the camera zooms in on his grinning face, his left eye twitching)
|The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts
|| Transformers · Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue · Cloverfield Trailer Review · Power Rangers: A Look Back · Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Book Launch · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movies · The Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments · Super Mario Bros.: The Movie · Cloverfield Review · Street Fighter · Mortal Kombat · Space Jam · The Nerd Rant · The Nerd Rant Part 2 · Pokémon The First Movie · The Nerd Wizard Rant · The Wizard · The Top 11 Naughtiest Moments in Animaniacs · Batman & Robin · The Top 11 Catchiest Theme Songs · '90s Sports Montage · The Nerd Response…Response · The Top 11 Drug PSAs · The Battle of Epic Proportions · Captain Planet · Double Dare · 3 Ninjas · Top 11 Hottest Animated Women · Video Game Review · The Search for the Nostalgia Chick · He-Man and the Masters of the Universe · Follow That Bird · Saved By the Bell · Tom and Jerry: The Movie · Top 11 Saddest Moments · Nostalgia Chick Winner · Surf Ninjas · NC vs The Nerd Showdown · Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows · Kazaam · The Nerd vs. NC: The Final Battle · Off to Beat the Nerd · Drew Struzan Tribute · Halloween '08 Special · Double Dragon · Top 11 Underrated Nostalgic Classics · Howard the Duck · Mortal Kombat: Annihilation · Godzilla · Top 11 Disney Villains · The Super Mario Bros. Super Show · Top 12 Greatest Christmas Specials · Jingle All the Way
|| Nicktoons · Nickcoms · SNICK · Good Burger · The Making of the Final Battle · Ferngully: The Last Rain Forest · A Kid in King Arthur's Court · The Good Son · The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog · Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks · Twister · Garbage Pail Kids · Rock-A-Doodle · Titanic - The Legend Goes On · The Pagemaster · The NeverEnding Story · Moonwalker · Top 11 Dumbest Superman Moments · TMNT · Red Sonja · TGWTG Team Brawl · Short Circuit 1 & 2 · Batman vs. The Dark Knight · Full House · North · Critic and Nerd: TMNT Making of Coming Out of Their Shells · Sidekicks · Gargoyles · Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen · Steel · Top 11 Cereal Mascots · Barb Wire · New vs Old - LOTR Animated vs Lord of the Rings · Last Action Hero · Captain N · We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story · Warriors of Virtue · Captain America · Top 11 F*ckups · Alone in the Dark · Blank Check · Old vs. New: Willy Wonka · Cool as Ice · Suburban Commando · Next Karate Kid · Casper · Superman IV · Congo · Siskel and Ebert Tribute · Judge Dredd · Tank Girl · Jack Frost · He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special · Next Best Christmas Specials · Star Wars Holiday Special · Ernest Saves Christmas
|| Commando · Junior · Conan and Conan the Destroyer · End of Days · Battlefield Earth · Bebe's Kids · Lost in Space · Top 11 Villain Songs · Quest for Camelot · Old vs. New: Nutty Professor · Bio-Dome · NeverEnding Story II · Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments · Flubber · Home Alone 3 · Old vs. New: King Kong · Drop Dead Fred · The Care Bears Movie · Kickassia: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 · Jaws 3 · Free Willy · A Troll in Central Park · Theodore Rex · Top 11 Coolest Cliches · Hook · Independence Day · The Room · The Phantom · Zeus and Roxanne · Animaniacs Tribute · Flintstones Movie · Mr. Nanny · Rocky IV · Chairman of the Board · Next Top 11 NC Fuckups · Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw · Pebble and the Penguin · Ernest Scared Stupid · Top 11 Scariest Performances · IT · Leprechaun · My Pet Monster · Commercial Special · Old vs. New: 10 Commandments vs. Prince of Egypt · The Thief and the Cobbler · Waterworld · Little Monsters · Rover Dangerfield · You're a Rotten Dirty Bastard · The First Couple: TMNT
|| NeverEnding Story III · Ferngully 2 · Secret of NIMH 2 · Care Bears 2 · Dungeons and Dragons · Top 11 Dumbest Spider-Man Moments · The Lost World: Jurassic Park · Return of the Nostalgic Commercials · Inspector Gadget · Old vs. New: The Karate Kid · The Langoliers · Airborne · Baby Geniuses · Raiders of the Story Arc: X-Men · The Magic Voyage · Double Team · Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress · Jaws: The Revenge · Gordy · The OTHER Animated Titanic Movie · Revenge of the Nostalgic Commercials · Once Upon a Forest · Little Nemo · Old vs. New: True Grit · Suburban Knights: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 · Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon · Milk Money · Rad · Raiders of the Story Arc: Duck Tales · Care Bears in Wonderland · Cop and a Half · Top 11 Batman TAS Episodes · Alaska · Let's Play Bart's Nightmare · James and the Giant Peach · The Avengers · Simon Sez · The Tommyknockers · The Haunting · Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows · Exorcist 2 · Doug's 1st Movie · The Cell · Raiders of the Story Arc: Superman · Felix the Cat · Moulin Rouge · Babes in Toyland · How the Grinch Stole Christmas · Child's Play
|| Santa Claus: The Movie · Star Trek: The Motion Picture · Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock · Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier · Star Trek 7: Generations · Star Trek 9: Insurrection · Patch Adams · Ponyo · Dunston Checks In · Thomas and the Magic Railroad · Top 11 Nostalgia Critic F*** Ups Part 3 · Richie Rich · Jungle 2 Jungle · Old vs. New: Manhunter vs. Red Dragon · Star Chaser · Transformers Cartoon · A Simple Wish · Alien Resurrection · Jack · Heavy Metal · Mr. Magoo · Top 11 Simpsons Episodes · Signs · Digimon: The Movie · Top 11 F*** YEAH Movie Themes · Baby Geniuses 2 · Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom · The Wiz · Total Recall (with Sci-Fi Guy) · Scooby-Doo · To Boldly Flee: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 · NC's Top 11 Favorite Jokes · The WORST Movies Nostalgia Critic's Reviewed
|| The Review Must Go On · The Odd Life of Timothy Green · Pearl Harbor · Son of the Mask · The King and I · Catwoman · The Cat in the Hat · Top 11 South Park Episodes · Jurassic Park · A.I. Artificial Intelligence · The Master of Disguise · Turbo - A Power Rangers Movie · Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments · Sailor Moon · Les Miserables · Top 11 Adult Jokes We Never Got as Kids · The Last Airbender · Bridge to Terabithia · The Shining Mini-Series · Sharknado · Devil · Dawn of the Commercials · Man of Steel · Top 12 Santa Clauses · Eight Crazy Nights · The Christmas Tree
|| Face/Off · The Wicker Man · Ghost Rider · Top 11 Strangest Best Couples · Ghost Dad · Disney's Alice in Wonderland · Top 11 Moments You Never Noticed in Ghostbusters · Disney Afternoon · Foodfight · Swan Princess · The Lorax · Old vs. New: Spider-Man · Blues Brothers 2000 · Jurassic Park 3 · After Earth · Bloodrayne · The Purge · Top 11 Trailers · Small Soldiers · The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement · Ghost Rider 2 · Top 11 Worst Avatar Episodes · Top 11 Best Avatars (with Dante Basco) · Maximum Overdrive · Top 11 New Halloween Classics · Monster Squad · Rise of the Commercials · Forest Warrior · Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (NC) · Christmas Story 2 · Care Bears Nutcracker
|| The Matrix · The Animatrix · The Matrix Reloaded · The Matrix Revolutions · AVGN Movie · Mamma Mia! · The Haunted Mansion · Daredevil · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) · Demolition Man · Top 11 Animaniacs Episodes · Legend of Zorro · The Ewoks Cartoon - Was That Real? · Fantastic Four · Cowboys of Moo Mesa - Was That Real? · Sharkboy and Lavagirl · Small Wonder - Was That Real? · Jupiter Ascending · Jurassic World · Top 11 TV Show Intros · Planet of the Apes · Osmosis Jones · Garfield: The Movie · Pixels · The Smurfs · Hammerman - Was That Real? · Mad Max: Fury Road · Event Horizon · Children of the Corn · Hocus Pocus · Conquest of the Commercials · Dragon's Lair · We Wish You a Turtle Christmas · Christmas with the Kranks · Star Wars: The Force Awakens (NC)
|| The Happening · Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments · Lady in the Water · Labyrinth · Spawn · Cats & Dogs · The Phantom of the Opera · The Adventures of Pluto Nash · Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain - Was That Real? · Batman v Superman · Blade · Old vs. New: Cinderella · Spy Kids 3D: Game Over · Jem and the Holograms (2015) · The Grinch vs. The Cat in the Hat - Was That Real? · Scooby-Doo 2 · Alvin and the Chipmunks · Ghostbusters (2016) · Teddy Ruxpin Live Action Series - Was That Real? · Wild Wild West · The 3rd Animated Titanic Movie (Tentacolino) · The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle · Stephen King's Dreamcatcher · Freddy vs. Jason · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows · Battle of the Commercials · Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas · Top 12 Christmas Commercials · I'll Be Home For Christmas · Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
|| Top 11 Best Movie Sequels · Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel · Top 11 Worst Movie Sequels · The Smurfs 2 · Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties · Cool World · Old vs. New: Evil Dead · Top 11 WTF Alternate Endings · Balto · Fant4stic · Clockstoppers · The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas · Suicide Squad Trailer · Suicide Squad · Alien vs. Predator · Transformers: The Last Knight NON-Review · Wonder Woman · Norm of the North · Hulk (2003) · Monkeybone · The Sorcerer's Apprentice · Eragon · Kangaroo Jack · Green Lantern · It (2017) · The Mummy · The Mummy (2017) · Dragonball Evolution · War of the Commercials · Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa · Home Alone 2: Lost in New York · Star Wars: The Last Jedi
|| Lara Croft: Tomb Raider · Top 11 Good Adam Sandler Movies · Yogi Bear · Batman Forever · Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked · Alice Through the Looking Glass · Beauty and the Beast (2017) · Jack and Jill · Starship Troopers · Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins · The Spirit · Deadpool 2 · The Angry Birds Movie · Fox Kids · The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen · Mission: Impossible 2 · Doom · Ghostbusters 2 · Freddy Got Fingered · Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer · Sleepwalkers · Van Helsing · Rubber (2010) · Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom · Escape from the Commercials · A Christmas Story Live · The Nutcracker (2010)
|| Max Payne · Robocop (2014) · The Black Cauldron (NC) · Top 11 Funniest Siskel and Ebert Reviews · The Country Bears · X-Men: The Animated Series · X-Men · X-Men: The Last Stand · Best F(r)iends · Hop · Toonami · Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within · Mary Poppins Returns · Alien 3 · Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief · Kim Possible · Blade II · That Darn Cat · Underworld · Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip · The Wall · Hannibal · It: Chapter Two · Venom · Justice League · Planet of the Commercials · The Grinch (2018) · The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
|| Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker · Beverly Hills Chihuahua · Con Air · Supergirl · Spider-Man · Spider-Man 3 · The Amazing Spider-Man 2 · Dolittle · Independence Day: Resurgence · Critters · Avatar (2009) · Superman Returns · Elektra · Alita: Battle Angel
| DVD Exclusives:
|| Turkish Rambo · Video Game Review 2: Blues Brothers (SNES) · Reefer Madness · Doomsday Machine · NC - Kickassia · NC - Suburban Knights · NC - To Boldly Flee · NC - Live Review of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 · Paranoia · Cup of Idiocy (Doug's Old Home Movies) · Night of the Living Dead · The Cinema Snob Movie · The Review Must Go On Review
| Theme months
|| NostalgiaWeen · Christmas · Annual Theme Month