And now it's time for "Bum Reviews" with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review: "Inception."
OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!
(snores) Spoilers... (snores) Spoilers...
There's this movie called "Inception."
And it stars Jack from "Titanic," Tommy from "3rd Rock," Juno, and all the side characters from "Batman Begins."
So there's these people who want to find out information about these other people.
And they do it by going through their dreams!
I had someone go through my dreams once!
(scared) Except he was an evil man with claws and a fedora hat.
I think his name was Dick Cheney.
And this Asian guy wants the dream-hoppers to go into this other person's dream.
And the Asian guy is like "Tho must go to the tath *unintelligible*"
He's kind of hard to understand.
Kind of like that guy from "The Room"!
Hey, where'd the review of that go anyway?
But DiCaprio is like "I don't wanna work for you! You have nothing to offer me!"
And the Asian guy is like "I can make it so that you are not wanted for murder and you can see your kids again."
"Really? How can you do that?"
"I am powerful, fictional business guy! I can make anything happen! I'm like Donald Trump, except my hair isn't alive."
But they need an architect to build the dream.
DiCaprio's father recommends Juno!
And she's like "I'm just a college student, and you want me to do something really illegal and really dangerous that could ruin my life forever?"
So they have to go into this person's mind and plant an idea that he's gonna think was his.
And they have to create three levels of dreaming!
Well... Don't be.
And if you go past the third level of dreaming, you end up in limbo!
I love limbo!
(limbos) How existential can you go? How existential can you go?
But there's this evil woman who's out to stop them!
And it turns out it's DiCaprio's wife!
(Begins talking to himself as if a separate person) And I'm like HA! I know the twist of this movie's gonna be! It's gonna be that she's dead the whole time!
Yeah, they did that in the first 20 minutes.
Ooh. Well, I bet the twist is that it's gonna be a dream within a dream!
They did that in the first five minutes of the movie.
Yeah, in fact it's actually a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream.
Oh, wow. Well, um... I bet the twist is that Tommy is an alien!
(Gives deadpan look)
...Well, what is the twist then?!
The twist is that there may or may not be a twist at the end.
What?! That's...furiously awesome!
I'm so angry, and yet that's so perfect.
This movie rocks!
So, there's all these really cool action sequences where they're flying all over the place.
It's like "The Matrix," except unpretentiously smart!
And all the characters are flying around doing cool things!
And DiCaprio is like "You are departed." *elbow punches*
And then Paige is like "Juno chop!" *judo chops*
And the Asian guy is like *karate pose* "Hwaaaa-- *gets shot* Ohhh..." *collapses*
So, in the end, the plant the idea in the guy's head.
DiCaprio gets everybody out alive.
He finally gets to go home to see his children.
And they all live happily ever after.
...Or do they?! ...Actually, we don't know.
'Cause we don't know if it's a dream or not!
This movie raises so many boggling questions!
Like, how do I know I'm not dreaming right now?
(poof, wakes up) Gah! ...Well, how do I know I'm not dreaming right now?
(poof, wakes up) Dahh! ... *raises finger* How...?
(poof, wakes up and looks scared) Dahah! ...Okay, I'm going to take some drugs to sober up from this movie.
This is Chester A. Bum saying CHANGE?! Ya got change?! Aw c'mon, help a guy out, will ya?! C'mon, change!
C'mon, just imagine it's a dream! You don't need money in a dream! Unless... (poof) Dahah!