Changes: If I Die Young

Revision as of 23:59, 2 April 2013

If I Die Young

Date Aired	September 27th, 2011
Running Time	12:38
Previous review	Tonight, Tonight
Next review	Down
Website	http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/tis/tpsr/32597-ep-27-qif-i-die-youngq

Todd plays "If I Die Young" on his piano.

THE BAND PERRY - IF I DIE YOUNG
A pop song review

Todd: Hmm. Oh boy, I'm excited. Yeah, this week, the pop charts have dumped a little something different on our plates, and I couldn't be happier. [Gretchen Wilson - "I'm Here for the Party" starts playing.] That's right, put on your cowboy boots and crack open [grabs...] an ice cold beer. We're gonna be looking at some country music today. Yee-haw! [Takes a drink and is a little disgusted] Don't usually drink beer. Someone get me a Mike's Hard Lemonade?

Todd (VO): Okay, I think I've mentioned this before, but I used to listen to a lot of country music. Now that was back in the 90s when I was a kid. And I still check in on country music every now and then, but me and it lost touch right around the same time I discovered...

Todd: ...everything else in the world.

Todd (VO): So I'm not really up-to-date on country music as a whole. I used to know every Brooks & Dunn song backwards and forwards, but nowadays I can't really tell a Brad Paisley from a Dierks Bentley.

Todd: One thing I have noticed though is that these days, country music is skewing way younger.

Video for Keith Urban - "Long Hot Summer"

Todd (VO): This used to be a genre for adults for better or for worse. It still is in many respects, but a lot of it, the crossover stuff especially, is directed at a much younger crowd. The male artists all look like jeans models; [Video for Miranda Lambert - "Kerosene"] the female artists are all, like, blonde and tan and 19. Everyone has just gotten much, much prettier.

Todd: Look: [album cover of Johnny Cash - "At Folsom Prison"] 60s, [pictures of John Denver] 70s, [Kenny Rogers] 80s, [Garth Brooks] 90s, [Billy Currington] today. You see the difference?

Todd (VO): Yeah, Nashville still makes songs about blue collars and booze and "gosh, we love family and America" and all that. But it has to make room for a lot more stuff about [Video for Carrie Underwood - "Cowboy Casanova"] boys and blue jeans and butterflies and so on. And if we're gonna talk about country's trend towards the teenyboppers...

Todd: ...we gotta talk about the pretty pink pony princess of them all—Taylor Swift.

':'Video for Taylor Swift - "Teardrops on My Guitar"

Taylor: Drew looks at me

Todd (VO): Taylor Swift is one of the most successful country artists in history, precisely because no one speaks to teenage girls like she does. Now I've bagged on her before for her ridiculous, sheltered, girly teenager-ness, but there's a genuineness to her that forgives a lot of her flaws. [Video for "Fifteen"] She believes what she's selling. The only time when I really found her Taylor-ness grating was when she put on pretensions of wisdom in "Fifteen"

Taylor: Cause when you're fifteen

Todd (VO): But she has a sincerity about her that is impossible to fake, which is why there's not really been anyone who's been able to duplicate her success so far. But that hasn't stopped people from trying.

Todd: Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to The Band Perry.

Video for The Band Perry - "You Lie"
The Band Perry: The way you lie

Todd (VO): Newcomers to the country scene, The Band Perry are a brothers-and-sister group consisting of Neil, Reid, and the lovely blonde Kimberly.

Todd: Yes, of course she's a Kimberly.

Video for "Hip to My Heart"

Todd (VO): These fine, upstanding-looking men and woman released their debut album last year, and have thus far charted four singles off it, the biggest of which, "If I Die Young," reached #1 on the country charts last December.

Video for "If I Die Young"

Kimberly: Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother

Todd (VO): Now for the most part, The Band Perry seem like your standard mixed-gender country band like Lady Antebellum or Sugarland or Little Big Town, but their biggest song, "If I Die Young," is definitely trying to take its chunk out of the Taylor Swift fanbase.

Todd: Now I touched on this song briefly in a video I made back in January, and I didn't think I'd have the opportunity to do a full review of it.

Todd (VO): Oddly enough though, the song is just now starting to catch fire on pop radio, [brief clip of "All Your Life"] time enough for The Band Perry to have released two singles in the meantime. Now I'm not sure why it took so long to take off, nor do I understand why such an oddly morbid song is the country song that caught on with the public.

The Band Perry: Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Todd: Now I admit, the Taylor Swift comparison isn't perfect. [Brief clip of "Teardrops on My Guitar"] You'll never see Miss Swift tackling as deep a subject as the tragedy of an early death. But I'll tell you this—I do not consider this song a very serious-considered take on mortality. But let me let you come to your own conclusions. Go ahead, Perrys.

Kimberly: If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Todd (VO): Geez, picky, picky. You know funeral arrangement are expensive, right? And this especially? All this—not gonna be cheap. But you know what?

Todd: You wanna bankrupt your family so that you can have a bitchin' farewell service? Go right ahead, it's your funeral...literally. Let me just...[reaches for paper] get all this down.

Kimberly: If I die young, bury me in satin

Todd: Ah yes, the touch, the feel of satin, the fabric of our l...well, "lives" is not the word. But, gotcha. Go on.

Kimberly: Lay me down on a bed of roses

Todd: Gotta make some floral arrangements, check.

Kimberly: Sink me in the river at dawn

Todd: Want the ol' cinder blocks around the ankles treatment, gotcha. [Looks over list] Okay, what order did you want all this in?

Todd (VO): Like, I gotta bury you, I'm guessing on a bed of roses, and then...what did you want here? Dig you up out of the ground and sink you in the river? Like, did you want all that on the same day? 'Cause if we sink you in the river at dawn, the entire rest of the service has to happen before sunrise, which is...not optimal.

Todd: God, this is a lot of steps. You really sure all this is necessary? Geez. Okay, what was that last part?

Kimberly: Send me away with the words of a love song

Todd: Can do!

Video plays with this song playing

Boyz II Men: I'll make love to you like you want me to

And I'll hold you tight

Todd (VO): Oh, sorry, is that inappropriate? Just...I got a little distracted trying to get all those other details in order. You should probably be a little more clear.

Todd: Ugh, just one more thing before I, you know, order the dress and the roses and rent a dock on the river, I gotta ask a question. Are you actually dying?

The Band Perry: Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life

Todd (VO): Do you have any reason to believe that you might die young? Do you have cancer or something? 'Cause...you don't mention anything, and without that, this all seems a little weightless and disconnected and meandering.

Todd: Do you lead a dangerous lifestyle, maybe? 'Cause seeing as you're a...

Todd (VO): ...Caucasian female—the group with the single longest life expectancy of any demographic—I can't imagine why you would expect to die young.

Todd: Or is she suicidal? Oh, I guess that could be it. Maybe she has an abusive or unloving family.

Kimberly: Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother

She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors

Todd (VO): Hmm, she seems to speak pretty fondly of her mom, so I guess not that.

Todd: Well then, I bet it's issues with boys; it always is.

Kimberly: I've never known the lovin' of a man

Todd: Yep, see. Virgin. There you go. She's all depressed and shit 'cause she'll never find someone who really loves her.

Kimberly: I've never known the lovin' of a man

But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever

Todd (VO): No, not that then either. Geez, future looks pretty good for this chick.

Todd: What's she being all doom and gloom about?

The Band Perry: If I die young, bury me in satin

Todd (VO): So...like...I guess she just wants to leave a good-looking corpse, and that's why this is all about dying young. If she lived to a ripe old age, I'm sure she wouldn't bother. She was like, "what's the point? No one cares when you're old. If I die old, bury me in garbage. Like, lay me down on a bed of roaches 'cause it doesn't even matter."

Todd: And seriously, at least Taylor Swift only planned her wedding.

Video for "Love Story"

Taylor: ...pick out a white dress...

Todd (VO): What kind of chick fantasizes about their funeral?

Todd: Why would someone write this? I don't get it.

Kimberly: A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar

They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'

Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

Todd: [long pause] Oh.

Todd (VO): Oh, okay. Okay, I get it now. See, there's the whole reason that song is this. I get it exactly why this was written. Yeah, 'cause we all went through that phase.

Todd: Hell, I went through that phase. I'm not gonna lie to you.

Cut to Todd in his room writing. There's a knock at the door.

Todd: Go away, I'm busy. [Knock again] Go away!!! [Puts on headphones] If I were dead, they'd all listen to me. [The song he's listening to is Blink 182 - "Adam's Song"] Blink 182, you understand my pain.

Todd (back at piano): God, I was such a whiny little brat all those...ten months ago when that was filmed. But that's entirely the same mindset this song was written under.

Todd (VO): And that's why she plans her funeral like it's her Sweet 16. This isn't about fear of death or sadness about death or making peace with death, contemplating death. No, it's about fantasizing about death.

Kimberly: Funny when you're dead...

Todd (VO): At that point, this song stops being a bittersweet contemplation of life cut short, and it starts being about turning death into a selfish fantasy about being the center of attention.

Todd: And it's a stupid fantasy at that.

Kimberly: Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

Todd (VO): Yeah, funny. Actually, no, it's really not funny...or true, for that matter.

Todd: I mean, some people's thoughts are reexamined after they die, but not many. Lots of people die and no one cares who they are or what they had to say.

Clip from funeral on Lost

Hurley: Scott Jackson worked for an Internet company in Santa Cruz. He won a sales prize. Sorry I kept calling you Steve, man. Um...amen, I guess.

Todd: Now people start listening to dead people when they had something of value to impart to the living, and I'm not convinced that the narrator of this song is gonna leave behind anything but a LiveJournal full of bad poetry and doodles of unicorns.

Todd (VO): "Oh, my God, people are gonna start paying attention to all my deep thoughts, like that...wars and stuff are bad and shouldn't happen, and it's sad when puppies die, and that Heather was, like, totally a mean-girl bitch, and that Bobby was totally stupid to be dating her in the first place, but you could totally tell he's gonna leave Emily and go back to her, which is, like, totally retarded. Oh, my God, can't wait to be dead. It's gonna be awesome."

Todd: Check this out—someone in charge of the music video even threw in the hilariously pretentious touch of throwing in a reference to a...

Todd (VO): Tennyson poem. You know what? I went ahead and read "The Lady of Shalott."

Todd: [holding book] Yeah, I read poetry. Just what I do, 'cause I'm smart.

Todd (VO): And I guess it makes sense in that "The Lady of Shalott" is about a [paintings of said poem] woman who dies on a river; but on a deeper thematic level, it doesn't work at all because she dies barely mourned and completely unappreciated. So it doesn't make any sense that this is about "The Lady of Shalott" because they don't really have any thematic similarities.

Todd: But it makes perfect sense that this is about some chick who wants poetry written about her. That I buy without question.

Todd (VO): And that is unfortunately all I hear in this—just adolescent self-absorption. And it doesn't help that I already feel like her lyrics are just clumsy to begin with.

Kimberly: They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

Todd: Well, golly, Cletus, she's a goner!

Kimberly: And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom

The Band Perry: I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger

Todd (VO): Does she mean...

Todd: ..."green" like young...not ripe? Or does she mean like [picture of green skeleton] literally green and decomposing? I honestly prefer to believe the latter, it would make it...

Todd (VO): ...a lot less cutesy and precious. Also, green ring? Why? What a weird detail to include. [Picture of Green Lantern] Is she a Green Lantern?

Kimberly: So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

Todd: Yeah, sure, lady, dying young is all about rainbows and nice dresses and jewelry. No, this is...

Todd (VO): ...a piece of maudlin, emo crap directed at teenagers out there too old for Hannah Montana, but not disaffected enough for Hot Topic. Although I feel a little bad picking on this song. I guess it's a little unfair to expect much more than this out of Miss Perry.

Todd: I don't know what insights into life and death I was expecting her to have at the tender age of... [Picture of her reads "Kimberly Perry, Age: 28] Wait, what? What? Are you kidding?! Holy shit, that's older than I am!

Todd (VO): If you die young? Hell, lady, you're running out of time. Please tell me you found this song in, like, a ten-year-old diary of yours. Like...what was all that shit about never knowing a man's touch? Ugh!

Todd: How did anyone above the age of high school write this?! I'm flabbergasted!

Todd (VO): The hell was this? I'm sorry, this song just went from bad to inexcusable. I can't believe they put this out. This is ass. You know what, lady? If you die young, I'm gonna make sure that you get buried in a refrigerator box next to Scruffles, your pet hamster, in the yard! What are you gonna do about it?!

Todd: You're dead! Deal with it!

Closing tag song: The Misfits - "Die Die My Darling"

THE END
"If I Die Young" is owned by Republic Nashville
This video is owned by me
I listen to The Band Perry Farrell

ToddInTheShadows Transcripts
TPSR 2010:	BlahBlahBlah · Sexy Bitch · Imma Be · Telephone · Carry Out · Eenie Meenie · Your Love Is My Drug · Alejandro · OMG · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 1987 · Hey, Soul Sister · Cooler Than Me · Club Can't Handle Me · Like a G6 · Deuces · Whip My Hair
TPSR 2011:	Top 6 Worst Songs of 2010 (I Didn't Already Cover) · Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2010 · The Time (Dirty Bit) · Tonight... · Black and Yellow · Grenade · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 1976 · Firework vs. Born This Way · S&M · Top 5 Awful Moments From U2's "Rattle and Hum" · The Lazy Song · ET · Party Rock Anthem · Give Me Everything · Tonight, Tonight · If I Die Young · Top Ten Songs About Mediocre Romance · Moves Like Jagger · Lighters · Sexy and I Know It · 5 O'Clock · Mistletoe
TPSR 2012:	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2011 · The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2011 · Runaway · Just a Kiss · Ni**as in Paris · Turn Up the Music · Drive By · Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) · We Are Young and Somebody That I Used to Know · Back in Time · Call Me Maybe · Payphone · Titanium · Whistle · Want U Back · Gangnam Style · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2004 · We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
TPSR 2013:	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2012 · The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2012 · Mac and Devin Go to High School · Girl on Fire · Little Things · Scream and Shout · Thrift Shop vs. Suit & Tie · Todd and Rap Critic Talk About "Accidental Racist" · Feel This Moment · Cruise · Blurred Lines · We Can't Stop vs. Come & Get It · Best Song Ever · Applause · Holy Grail · Gorilla · Wrecking Ball · Counting Stars vs. Demons
TPSR 2014:	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2013 · The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2013 · Dark Horse · Talk Dirty · Pompeii · All of Me · #selfie · Turn Down for What · Wiggle · Fancy · Rude · Shake It Off · All About That Bass · Anaconda · Bang Bang · Blank Space
TPSR 2015:	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2014 · The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2014 · Jealous · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 1991 · Thinking Out Loud · Dear Future Husband · See You Again · Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) · The Hills · Uma Thurman · What Do You Mean? vs. Stitches · Hello vs. Hotline Bling
TPSR 2016:	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2015 · The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2015 · Sorry · I Took a Pill in Ibiza · 7 Years · Pillowtalk · This Is What You Came For vs. Cheap Thrills · Treat You Better · Closer · Black Beatles
TPSR 2017:	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016 · The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2016 · Scars to Your Beautiful · Shape of You · Bad and Boujee · Body Like a Back Road · Something Just Like This · Despacito · I'm the One & Wild Thoughts · Look What You Made Me Do · Thunder/Feel It Still
TPSR 2018:	The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2017 · The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2017 · Filthy · God's Plan · Freaky Friday · The Middle/Meant to Be · This Is America · Better Now/Lucid Dreams · Girls Like You · Happier · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2018
TPSR 2019:	The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2018 · Without Me · 7 Rings · Old Town Road · Earth · ME! · I Don't Care · You Need to Calm Down · Don't Call Me Angel · Someone You Loved · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2019
TPSR 2020:	The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2019 · Yummy · Toosie Slide · Trollz · death bed (coffee for your head) · WAP · I Hope · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2020
TPSR 2021:	The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2020 · drivers license · Montero (Call Me By Your Name) · Astronaut in the Ocean · Am I the Only One · Fancy Like · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2021
TPSR 2022:	The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2021 · Sweetest Pie · Break My Soul vs Falling Back · Unholy · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2022
TPSR 2023:	The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2022 · Last Night · Fast Car · Rich Men North of Richmond · The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2023
TPSR 2024:	The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2023
From the Vaults:	Down · Paparazzi · Party in the USA · Whatcha Say · 3 · Break Up · Bad Romance · Tik Tok · I Can Transform Ya · Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2009 · Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2009 · Replay · Fifteen · Do You Remember? · We Are the World 25 for Haiti · BedRock
OHW 2012:	Take On Me · Baby Got Back · Kung Fu Fighting · Come On Eileen · Rico Suave · Achy Breaky Heart · The Safety Dance · Play That Funky Music · Monster Mash · Tubthumping · Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
OHW 2013:	Party All the Time · Closing Time · Me and Mrs. Jones · It's Raining Men · Cotton Eye Joe · Unbelievable · I Ran (So Far Away) · I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) · To Be With You · In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida · Who Let the Dogs Out · Somebody's Watching Me · Smooth Criminal · You Light Up My Life · You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)
OHW 2014:	Walking in Memphis · How Bizarre · Float On · Ghetto Supastar · Absolutely (Story of a Girl) · Groove Is in the Heart · Just a Friend · Informer · Hooked on a Feeling · Maniac · Lullaby
OHW 2015:	Word Up · Blue (Da Ba Dee) · St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion) · MMMBop · Turning Japanese · Butterfly · Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band
OHW 2016:	Mickey · Eve of Destruction · Ridin' · I Believe in a Thing Called Love · Living in a Box · I Love You Always Forever · I Touch Myself · Mexican Radio · One Tin Soldier · Flood · Beds Are Burning
OHW 2017:	Rock Me Amadeus · Video Killed the Radio Star · Freak Like Me · Right Now · In the Summertime · Laffy Taffy · Give It to You · I'm Too Sexy · Fire · Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo
OHW 2018:	Tic Tac Toe · What Is Love? · Pepper · Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Dop) · Missing · Lovefool · She Blinded Me with Science · The Mummers' Dance · Wherever You Will Go · Never Had a Dream Come True
OHW 2019:	Flagpole Sitta · Here It Goes Again · Jump Around · The Night Chicago Died · You Get What You Give · The Hustle · I Love College
OHW 2020:	Bust a Move · Funkytown · Oh Yeah · The Rhythm of the Night · Are You Jimmy Ray? · I Melt with You · Timothy · I Know What Boys Like
OHW 2021:	Whoomp! There It Is · Return of the Mack · Disco Duck · Bitch · Face Down · Mambo No. 5 · Crazy for This Girl
OHW 2022:	Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) · Don't Worry, Be Happy · This Is Why I'm Hot · Macarena · Your Woman
OHW 2023:	Turn Up the Radio · 99 Luftballons · I Wish · Barbie Girl · Tubular Bells
OHW 2024:	Relax
TW 2017:	0304 · Kilroy Was Here
TW 2018:	The Funky Headhunter · Be Here Now · Van Halen III · Mardi Gras · Cyberpunk
TW 2019:	MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 · American Life · Paula · Cut the Crap · Fairweather Johnson
TW 2020:	Summer in Paradise · Zingalamaduni · Two the Hard Way · Funstyle
TW 2021:	St. Anger · Crash · Turn It Upside Down · Passage · Mission Earth
TW 2022:	Witness · Lost and Found · American Dream · Generation Swine
TW 2023:	Crown Royal · Ringo the 4th · No Fixed Address
TW 2024:	Cry
Cinemadonna:	Desperately Seeking Susan · Shanghai Surprise · A Certain Sacrifice · Who's That Girl · Bloodhounds of Broadway · Dick Tracy · Truth or Dare · A League of Their Own · Body of Evidence · Dangerous Game · Evita · The Next Best Thing · Swept Away · Die Another Day (And Other Cameos) · Filth and Wisdom · W.E. · I'm Going to Tell You a Secret
Specials:	Hannah Montana: The Movie · Hannah Montana Guitar Game · MAGfest Vlog · Glitter · MTV Video Music Awards 2011 Vlog · Todd's Black Eyed Peas Experience · Some Quick Thoughts on the Grammys · From Justin to Kelly · Top Ten Groin Shots in Movies · 2013 Grammy Vlog · Burlesque · MTV Video Music Awards 2013 Vlog · 2014 Grammy Vlog · 2015 Grammy Vlog · The Top Ten '90s Buses

@@ Line 20: / Line 20: @@
-THE BAND PERRY - IF I DIE YOUNG<br />A pop song review
+'''''THE BAND PERRY - IF I DIE YOUNG<br />A pop song review'''''
@@ Line 35: / Line 35: @@
 Todd: One thing I have noticed though is that these days, country music is skewing way younger.
-''Video for Keith Urban - "Long Hot Summer"''
+:''Video for Keith Urban - "Long Hot Summer"''
 Todd (VO): This used to be a genre for adults for better or for worse. It still is in many respects, but a lot of it, the crossover stuff especially, is directed at a much younger crowd. The male artists all look like jeans models; ''[Video for Miranda Lambert - "Kerosene"]'' the female artists are all, like, blonde and tan and 19. Everyone has just gotten much, much prettier.
@@ Line 45: / Line 45: @@
 Todd: ...we gotta talk about the pretty pink pony princess of them all—Taylor Swift.
-''Video for Taylor Swift - "Teardrops on My Guitar"''<br />Taylor: Drew looks at me
+':'Video for Taylor Swift - "Teardrops on My Guitar"''
+:Taylor: Drew looks at me
 Todd (VO): Taylor Swift is one of the most successful country artists in history, precisely because no one speaks to teenage girls like she does. Now I've bagged on her before for her ridiculous, sheltered, girly teenager-ness, but there's a genuineness to her that forgives a lot of her flaws. ''[Video for "Fifteen"]'' She believes what she's selling. The only time when I really found her Taylor-ness grating was when she put on pretensions of wisdom in "[[Fifteen]]"
@@ Line 61: / Line 62: @@
 Todd: Yes, of course she's a Kimberly.
-''Video for "Hip to My Heart"''
+:''Video for "Hip to My Heart"''
 Todd (VO): These fine, upstanding-looking men and woman released their debut album last year, and have thus far charted four singles off it, the biggest of which, "If I Die Young," reached #1 on the country charts last December.
-''Video for "If I Die Young"''<br />Kimberly: Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
+:''Video for "If I Die Young"''
+:Kimberly: Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
 Todd (VO): Now for the most part, The Band Perry seem like your standard mixed-gender country band like Lady Antebellum or Sugarland or Little Big Town, but their biggest song, "If I Die Young," is definitely trying to take its chunk out of the Taylor Swift fanbase.
@@ Line 73: / Line 75: @@
 Todd (VO): Oddly enough though, the song is just now starting to catch fire on pop radio, ''[brief clip of "All Your Life"]'' time enough for The Band Perry to have released two singles in the meantime. Now I'm not sure why it took so long to take off, nor do I understand why such an oddly morbid song is the country song that caught on with the public.
-The Band Perry: Sink me in the river at dawn<br />Send me away with the words of a love song
+:The Band Perry: Sink me in the river at dawn
+:Send me away with the words of a love song
 Todd: Now I admit, the Taylor Swift comparison isn't perfect. ''[Brief clip of "Teardrops on My Guitar"]'' You'll never see Miss Swift tackling as deep a subject as the tragedy of an early death. But I'll tell you this—I do not consider this song a very serious-considered take on mortality. But let me let you come to your own conclusions. Go ahead, Perrys.
-Kimberly: If I die young, bury me in satin<br />Lay me down on a bed of roses<br />Sink me in the river at dawn<br />Send me away with the words of a love song
+:Kimberly: If I die young, bury me in satin
+:Lay me down on a bed of roses
+:Sink me in the river at dawn
+:Send me away with the words of a love song
 Todd (VO): Geez, picky, picky. You know funeral arrangement are expensive, right? And this especially? All this—not gonna be cheap. But you know what?
@@ Line 83: / Line 89: @@
 Todd: You wanna bankrupt your family so that you can have a bitchin' farewell service? Go right ahead, it's your funeral...literally. Let me just...''[reaches for paper]'' get all this down.
-Kimberly: If I die young, bury me in satin
+:Kimberly: If I die young, bury me in satin
 Todd: Ah yes, the touch, the feel of satin, the fabric of our l...well, "lives" is not the word. But, gotcha. Go on.
-Kimberly: Lay me down on a bed of roses
+:Kimberly: Lay me down on a bed of roses
 Todd: Gotta make some floral arrangements, check.
-Kimberly: Sink me in the river at dawn
+:Kimberly: Sink me in the river at dawn
 Todd: Want the ol' cinder blocks around the ankles treatment, gotcha. ''[Looks over list]'' Okay, what order did you want all this in?
@@ Line 99: / Line 105: @@
 Todd: God, this is a lot of steps. You really sure all this is necessary? Geez. Okay, what was that last part?
-Kimberly: Send me away with the words of a love song
+:Kimberly: Send me away with the words of a love song
 Todd: Can do!
-''Video plays with this song playing''<br />Boyz II Men: I'll make love to you like you want me to<br />And I'll hold you tight
+:''Video plays with this song playing''
+:Boyz II Men: I'll make love to you like you want me to
+:And I'll hold you tight
 Todd (VO): Oh, sorry, is that inappropriate? Just...I got a little distracted trying to get all those other details in order. You should probably be a little more clear.
@@ Line 109: / Line 117: @@
 Todd: Ugh, just one more thing before I, you know, order the dress and the roses and rent a dock on the river, I gotta ask a question. Are you actually dying?
-The Band Perry: Who would have thought forever could be severed by<br />The sharp knife of a short life
+:The Band Perry: Who would have thought forever could be severed by
+:The sharp knife of a short life
 Todd (VO): Do you have any reason to believe that you ''might'' die young? Do you have cancer or something? 'Cause...you don't mention anything, and without that, this all seems a little weightless and disconnected and meandering.
@@ Line 119: / Line 128: @@
 Todd: Or is she suicidal? Oh, I guess that could be it. Maybe she has an abusive or unloving family.
-Kimberly: Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother<br />She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
+:Kimberly: Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
+:She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
 Todd (VO): Hmm, she seems to speak pretty fondly of her mom, so I guess not that.
@@ Line 125: / Line 135: @@
 Todd: Well then, I bet it's issues with boys; it always is.
-Kimberly: I've never known the lovin' of a man
+:Kimberly: I've never known the lovin' of a man
 Todd: Yep, see. Virgin. There you go. She's all depressed and shit 'cause she'll never find someone who really loves her.
-Kimberly: I've never known the lovin' of a man<br />But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand<br />There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
+:Kimberly: I've never known the lovin' of a man
+:But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand
+:There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
 Todd (VO): No, not that then either. Geez, future looks pretty good for this chick.
@@ Line 135: / Line 147: @@
 Todd: What's she being all doom and gloom about?
-The Band Perry: If I die young, bury me in satin
+:The Band Perry: If I die young, bury me in satin
 Todd (VO): So...like...I guess she just wants to leave a good-looking corpse, and that's why this is all about dying young. If she lived to a ripe old age, I'm sure she wouldn't bother. She was like, "what's the point? No one cares when you're old. If I die old, bury me in garbage. Like, lay me down on a bed of roaches 'cause it doesn't even matter."
@@ Line 141: / Line 153: @@
 Todd: And seriously, at least Taylor Swift only planned her wedding.
-''Video for "Love Story"''<br />Taylor: ...pick out a white dress...
+:''Video for "Love Story"''
+:Taylor: ...pick out a white dress...
 Todd (VO): What kind of chick fantasizes about their funeral?
@@ Line 147: / Line 160: @@
 Todd: Why would someone write this? I don't get it.
-Kimberly: A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar<br />They're worth so much more after I'm a goner<br />And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'<br />Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
+:Kimberly: A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
+:They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
+:And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
+:Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
 Todd: ''[long pause]'' Oh.
@@ Line 163: / Line 179: @@
 Todd (VO): And that's why she plans her funeral like it's her Sweet 16. This isn't about fear of death or sadness about death or making peace with death, contemplating death. No, it's about fantasizing about death.
-Kimberly: Funny when you're dead...
+:Kimberly: Funny when you're dead...
 Todd (VO): At that point, this song stops being a bittersweet contemplation of life cut short, and it starts being about turning death into a selfish fantasy about being the center of attention.
@@ Line 169: / Line 185: @@
 Todd: And it's a stupid fantasy at that.
-Kimberly: Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
+:Kimberly: Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
 Todd (VO): Yeah, funny. Actually, no, it's really not funny...or true, for that matter.
@@ Line 175: / Line 191: @@
 Todd: I mean, some people's thoughts are reexamined after they die, but not many. Lots of people die and no one cares who they are or what they had to say.
+:''Clip from funeral on ''Lost'' ''
-''Clip from funeral on ''Lost'' ''<br />Hurley: Scott Jackson worked for an Internet company in Santa Cruz. He won a sales prize. Sorry I kept calling you Steve, man. Um...amen, I guess.
+:Hurley: Scott Jackson worked for an Internet company in Santa Cruz. He won a sales prize. Sorry I kept calling you Steve, man. Um...amen, I guess.
 Todd: Now people start listening to dead people when they had something of value to impart to the living, and I'm not convinced that the narrator of this song is gonna leave behind anything but a LiveJournal full of bad poetry and doodles of unicorns.
@@ Line 193: / Line 210: @@
 Todd (VO): And that is unfortunately all I hear in this—just adolescent self-absorption. And it doesn't help that I already feel like her lyrics are just clumsy to begin with.
-Kimberly: They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
+:Kimberly: They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
 Todd: Well, golly, Cletus, she's a goner!
-Kimberly: And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom<br />The Band Perry: I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
+:Kimberly: And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
+:The Band Perry: I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
 Todd (VO): Does she mean...
@@ Line 205: / Line 223: @@
 Todd (VO): ...a lot less cutesy and precious. Also, green ring? Why? What a weird detail to include. ''[Picture of Green Lantern]'' Is she a Green Lantern?
-Kimberly: So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
+:Kimberly: So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
 Todd: Yeah, sure, lady, dying young is all about rainbows and nice dresses and jewelry. No, this is...
@@ Line 225: / Line 243: @@
 ''THE END<br />"If I Die Young" is owned by Republic Nashville<br />This video is owned by me<br />I listen to The Band Perry Farrell''
-<br />{{TITSscripts}}<br /><br />
+{{TITSscripts}}
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