I Took a Pill in Ibiza

I Took a Pill in Ibiza (Remix)
Date Aired	April 21, 2016
Running Time	16:44
Previous review	Filth and Wisdom
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Website	https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAQExHJHqc0

Todd plays "I Took a Pill in Ibiza (Remix)" on the piano.

MIKE POSNER - I TOOK A PILL IN IBIZA (REMIX)
A pop song review

Todd: ...I honestly don't even know how to react here.

The video rewinds until MIKE POSNER - I TOOK A PILL IN IBIZA (REMIX) is displayed on screen again.

Todd (VO): Look at that. [The name "Mike Posner" is circled in red.] Wow. Wow. Jesus Christ... [Picture of...] Mike Posner...

Todd: Mike...Posner...

Clip from "Star Wars"

Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness): Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time.

Todd: Uh...how many of you even recognize that name? Y-you know, this guy.

Clip of Mike Posner - "Cooler Than Me"

Todd (VO): Yeah, you remember this guy you don't remember!

Mike: You probably won't

You think you're cooler than me

Todd (VO): He sang a song once where he bitched about some chick acting like she was cooler than him, while giving off every impression that she was in fact ten thousand times cooler than him? And he had a couple other lesser hits? He dropped off the map years ago? He had a voice like an asthmatic shi tzu?

Mike: I got you...

Todd (VO): Yeah, that guy! I reviewed him once a long-ass time ago and I never... Todd: ...ever expected to see him again!

Clip of Mike Posner - "Please Don't Go"

Mike: Please don't go

Todd (VO): When people tried to warn me earlier this year that he was back, I just didn't even believe them! It's just not possible! Unless all the rules of reality and logic have been warped beyond recognition!

Todd: Seriously, am I in a time loop? Am I in a six-year, recursive time loop, and I'm just being forced to relive everything that happened to me in 2010?

Lupa: Stop stalking me, Todd!

Todd: Ah!

Clip of a live performance of "I Took A Pill In Ibiza"

Todd (VO): No, I'm not imagining it, that...[Image of "I Took A Pill In Ibiza" at Number 6 on Billboard's Hot 100.] ...that is in fact a Mike Posner in our 2016. Will wonders never cease? Todd: And not only that...it's a sad song!

Mike: All I know

Are sad songs

Todd (VO): All he knows are sad songs. Oh my Christ, he expects us to feel bad for him! "Oh boo-hoo!" Todd: And I can hear all of you saying, "Wait a minute! I haven't heard anything from this guy since that one song! Maybe we should feel bad for him! Maybe he's completely bottomed out! Maybe he's performing as an opener for [Pictures of...] a cheesy lounge singer at the Cleveland Ramada, living in a dumpster and drinking Lister-," no, no he's fine. He's doing perfectly okay, okay?

Clip of an interview with Mike Posner

Todd (VO): In fact, he's arguably doing better now than when he got big! He may not have had a hit for himself in a while, but he's...actually very successful behind the scenes as a songwriter. Todd: Anyone remember this? Remember this song?

Clip of Justin Bieber - "Boyfriend"

Justin: If I was your boyfriend

I'd never let you go

Todd (VO): Yeah. That was him! [Clip of Labrinth ft. Emeli Sandé - "Beneath Your Beautiful"] He also wrote a song that was huge in the UK a few years ago? And of course, he Todd: wrote this

Clip of Maroon 5 - "Sugar"

Adam Levine: Sugar

Yes please

Would you come and put it down on me?

Todd (VO): Yes. This scourge of pop radio from last year was written by Mike Posner. And boy can you tell if you listen to the lyrics. I gave most of the blame for this disaster to Adam Levine's painful-as-ever microphone feedback voice, and Maroon 5 playing with all the passion of [Picture of...] the Chuck-E-Cheese band, as per usual. But if you can decode Levine's singing into human frequencies, you'll also find that the lyrics are just... Todd: [Disgusted]...ugh!

Adam: Sugar

Yes please

Todd: [With a cheesy inflection and giving a pointing gesture] Sugar! Yes please! Who's got two thumbs and wants some sugar? This guy! [Disgusted once more] Deh...

Adam: I want that red velvet

I want that sugar sweet

Don't let nobody touch it unless that somebody's me

Todd (VO): Gross. Gross, gross, gross! [Clip of Mike Posner - "Looks Like Sex"] And from what I recall, that charmless player-wannabe sleaze is exactly in-character for this dipstick!

Mike: Yeah I see a nose ring

Might as well be a bull's eye

Back to live version of"I Took A Pill In Ibiza"

Todd (VO): So now this new part here, where a stubbly, charisma-less frat boy tries to make me sorry for him? Yeah, no...

Todd: ...I've seen this before! It was when...

Clip of...

Todd (VO): Limp Bizkit covered "Behind Blue Eyes."

Fred Durst: To be the bad man

Todd (VO): Or possibly that time where [Clip of "Forward" by] Dane Cook tried to write a song!

Dane: My sad song saves me

Todd (VO): Yeah, look that up next time somebody tells you that Dane Cook isn't funny. Todd: And what the hell is with that title?

Video begins...

Todd (VO): "I Took A Pill In Ibiza"? Sounds like a [Picture of...] Buzzfeed article! (I Took A Pill In Ibiza. You Won't Believe What Happens Next. Plus, 42 Women Who Are Definitely Cooler Than Me) I took a... you took some drugs at a famous resort island. Oh gosh, that sounds awful? Todd: How does that even fit with the theme of the song? ... Well Christ, now I have to know! Let's see it!

In the video, Posner swallows a pill in a bathroom

Todd (VO): Okay, that's him taking the pill

Mike: Whoa...

Mike mumbles and laughs to himself, and is shown to have a cartoonish paper-maché head after a few shots

Mike: This feels...good...

Todd (VO): Jesus, is that what doing molly makes you feel like? Why would you do it then? ... You know, as far as music videos with horrible sculptures of pop stars' faces go, [Clip of "Hello" by...] still better than Lionel Richie's! And as a bonus, it doesn't make him look any sillier than he does normally! Todd: Okay, enough stalling, Posner. You took a pill in Ibiza. So what?

Mike: I took a pill in Ibiza

To show Avicii I was cool

Todd sits in stunned silence

Mike: To show Avicii I was cool

And when I finally felt sober

Felt ten years older

But fuck it, it was something to do

Todd: [Still sitting in silence] This is the saddest song I've ever heard!

Mike: I drive a sports car just to prove

I'm a real big baller

'Cause I made a million dollars

And I spend it on girls and shoes

Todd: I...Christ, this is making my soul hurt!

Todd (VO): Just...just like the thought of Mike Posner, failed pop singer, trying to impress a [Picture of Avicii] DJ who got big after his own career flopped! It's just so vividly pathetic!

Todd: I...goddamn!

Mike: I'm just a singer

Who already blew his shot

I get along with old-timers

'Cause my name's a reminder

Of a pop song people forgot

Todd (VO): Jeez! I just...I mean Christ! Mike Posner isn't even 30 yet! ... Beginning of "Up"... Todd: ...didn't make me this depressed...

Mike: You don't wanna be stuck up on that stage singing

Stuck up on that stage singing

All I know

Are sad songs

Todd: [Sigh] I... [Slowly gets up and walks away] A montage of Todd feeling sad plays while light piano music plays. During the montage, Todd looks out the window and sighs, then lays on his sofa depressed.

Mike: To show Avicii I was cool

Todd (VO): What's even the point of living?

Transcript in progress