House of the Dead II
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Released
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November 03, 2012
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Running time
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22:20
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Video
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Admin's note: This guide is unfinished.
Phelous: That's the trouble with regeneration. You never quite know what you're gonna get.
SadPanda: You look exactly the same, Phelous. Now stop fucking quoting Doctor Who and start your dang review!
Phelous: Oh, suffering fucking -- aaahh!!!
(Phelous Who intro)
Video Game Voice: The House of the Dead.
Phelous: Well, here we go again with the show that makes no sense. Apparently, I regenerate now, but kept the same face, 'cause yeah, that's how that works. Also, I swear a bit ago, the reason I kept coming back was clones -- or something to that effect. Hell, I don't even understand why this show keeps going! No one was holding a gun to my head -- as far as I recall, anyway. Yet half the time I act like I don't want to be here. And now I'm quite sure I'll die at the end and as you'll see I keep doing 'em anyway!
SadPanda: Phelous? What the hell are you doing?
Phelous: I'm reviewing.
SadPanda: Yeah, but you're supposed to review House of the Dead II, not your own show.
Phelous: Hey, I thought I was supposed to point out these stupid inconsistencies, and they're all over the damn place here! You know, why do I even set up games in the background? I don't even see House of the Dead! I guess that'd make too much sense!
SadPanda: Dude, look, I really don't care about this reviewer crisis you're having or whatever it is. I want to see you lose your mind while watching the movie, not before!
Phelous: Fine. Let's review House of the Dead II. And, you know, since it was apparently a memory of myself that reviewed the first one, clearly I remember everything he said about that movie.
Phelous (vo): So we start off the Uwe Boll sequel, getting right into the action with an army team getting ready to fight the zom--oh, they have Super Soakers. They were just pretending to be a real army team for the cameras.