Hop nc.jpg

April 17, 2019
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(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the 2019 NC title sequence. Its ending has slightly changed: before the final clip in the intro, small clips from The Black Cauldron, Best F(r)iends and The Country Bears are shown)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Well, it's around Easter time, and you know what that means? A lot of movies about a certain long-eared, furry, buck-toothed bunny rabbit who has a thing for eggs. I'm, of course, talking about Jesus. (A picture of Jesus Christ appears in the corner)

(The footage of the following movies is shown: King of Kings (1961), Jesus of Nazareth (1977) and Jesus (1999))

NC (vo): Yeah, this is the time when a lot of Christ films start making the rounds. The funny thing about Jesus movies...before they actually became funny things... (The Pure Flix logo is shown) ...is when it comes to Christmas, they're usually shared with other Christmas-type movies (Three posters are followed: for The Santa Clause, It's a Wonderful Life and Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas (with a caption "Please Give Me A Job" next to the main character)) You know, about Santa Claus, or family togetherness, or helping the poor and hungry get work. But that's not how Easter works. Easter is prominently Jesus' cinematic time to shine, whether for better or Gibson. (Two posters are shown: The Greatest Story Ever Told and The Passion of the Christ) I don't really have a problem with this, as a lot of these movies hold up pretty well, many of them cinematic classics...

(The images related to the Easter Bunny are shown)

NC (vo): ...but it is strange that one of the most popular holiday mascots doesn't have many cinematic movies about him. (The posters for Here Comes Peter Cottontail and Rise of the Guardians are shown) There's plenty of TV specials and maybe an occasional appearance here or there, some more balls-to-the-wall insane than others...

(The poster and footage for the 2014 film The Beaster Bunny, aka Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell are shown, showing a giant rabbit, which is pretty sloppily animated, jumping and squishing a human and chopping heads off three other ones)

NC: Note to self: must add to queue.

NC (vo): But entire films based on one of our favorite breaking and entering icons are surprisingly far and few.

NC: (slams the table) Well, I'm putting up with it anymore! That's why today, we're going on our own Easter Bunny adventure!

(The door to NC's room is opened...by Carrotjuice, who's smiling as always)

Carrotjuice: Hey, Critic.

NC: (overdramatically surprised from here on out) Carrotjuice? What in the world?...

Carrotjuice: (holds up a basket of Easter-related products) As the official mascot of Easter, I decided to hand over my Easter duties to you.

NC: Wha...you mean, you've been the Easter Bunny all this time?

Carrotjuice: That's right! And I've chosen you to continue on the tradition.

NC: Me?! (gets up and goes...or rather, skips to Carrotjuice, chuckling) But that just sounds wacky! I can't possibly be the Easter Bunny...can I?!

Carrotjuice: Come on, Critic. I'll take you to my factory.

(Carrotjuice turns away and leaves. NC gasps and follows him, still skipping. He bumps into Carrotjuice, who is waiting for him at the door to the another room in the hallway)

NC: But, Carrotjuice, however will we get to the Easter factory, from this, our studio?

Carrotjuice: Through the magic of magic doors. (quickly waves hand, and sparkles follow) Magic!

(NC puts his hands on cheeks, surprised. Carrotjuice opens the door to...the colorful-looking factory. In the background, there is a banner that reads "Infinity Days Since Last Work Incident". The rainbow appears over the factory)

NC: Wow! Unbelievably imaginative and/or magical!

Carrotjuice: Now, come on, Critic. We gotta get you ready to be the ultimate Easter Bunny.

NC: Well, I'm sure I'm gonna have some slip-ups along the way, but if I only believe in myself, I know I can not only save Easter, but also have some hilarious hijinks along the way!

Carrotjuice: Now, let's hop to it, Critic!

(Both hold on to the basket and laugh. They merrily skip across the hallway)

NC and Carrotjuice: (singing) Here's the Easter Rabbit, hooray! The happy Easter Rabbit, hooray!

(Cut to...NC and Carrotjuice calmly sitting on the studio couch. The clock's ticking is heard)

NC: So, aren't you gonna, like, show me how to use magic and make candy and stuff?

Carrotjuice: No. You mostly just sit around while I tell you what not to do.

(NC gives a low sigh. He takes one candy from the basket, preparing to unwrap it)

Carrotjuice: Oh, don't do that.

(NC goes to typing on his phone)

Carrotjuice: Oh, no, don't do that either.

(NC puts the phone down in annoyance, sighing)

Carrotjuice: Did I say you could breathe?


Carrotjuice: Hmm. You might be right. Something's missing. Oh, I know! Your flannel shirt! (takes out a shirt) It wouldn't be a cool Easter movie without your flannel shirt. (throws it to NC) There. Now you're hip. And remember: keep smiling!

(NC gives a forced smile)

Carrotjuice: Not that much.

NC: Is this all we're gonna do? We're just gonna sit around a room while you tell me things not to do?

Carrotjuice: Of course not.

NC: Oh. Well, that's- There's a cut to something disappointing, is i-

(Smash cut to Carrotjuice and NC inside a car)

Carrotjuice: We're gonna sit in a car while I tell you what not to do.

NC: I see no whimsy in this. This is whimsy-less!

Carrotjuice: Well, you've got your flannel shirt. And do you know how to play the drums?

NC: Not really.

(Carrotjuice gives NC a slap on the cheek)


Carrotjuice: You're gonna play the drums! You're the Easter Bunny, for God's sake!

NC: What does any of this has to do with Easter?!

Carrotjuice: I don't know. (turns and speaks to the camera) But it made Hop a ton of money.

NC: What, is Hop in the backseat...

Carrotjuice: You know what we're doing.

NC: Yeah, I know what we're doing.

(The title for the movie Hop is shown, before showing its clips)

NC (vo): The 2011 Illumination film Hop was a big hit at the box office and continues to be one of the dominant Easter movies whenever the subject is brought up. Just Google "Easter movie", and it's literally the first film to appear. There's a few reasons for this. One: it was a big-budget Easter Bunny movie. Two: it was a well-advertised Easter Bunny movie. And three: it is the only Easter Bunny movie, at least with a big budget and was well advertised. Many families rent this bowl of rabbit droppings, confusing it for Cocoa Puffs and convinced themselves they're enjoying chocolate, when really, they're swallowing shit. It lacks any kind of imagination, wonder and creativity that will be associated with such a timeless icon. So, of course, we're gonna look at it here today.

NC: (returns to his room) So, let's see if their magical world of the Easter Bunny is anything like the real magical world of the Easter Bunny...

Carrotjuice: Remember, Critic: keep smiling!

(NC gnaws his teeth at Carrotjuice angrily)

Carrotjuice: And learn to play the drums. I gotta catch my rocket sleigh back home.

NC: Wait, didn't I see you travel via magic door?

Carrotjuice: (scoffs) Like we'd put our A-material in this script. Wa-hey! (speeds off)

NC: (sighs) This is Hop.

(The Universal logo is shown, only with the globe being egg-shaped)

NC (vo): So, long before there's an egg pun in this movie...literally the first frame!

NC: Even Egghead needs a few moments to set up! (A picture of this character from the 1966 Batman TV shown appears)

(As the opening credits roll, we're shown a montage of pictures featuring bunnies that are based on the more famous works, like "The Birth of Venus"-esque)

NC (vo): Not even a minute in, and we already have bunny boobies. I expected more from the director of (posters of...) Garfield 2, Alvin and the Chipmunks and Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas-

NC: (face covered with both hands) OH, GOD, THIS IS GONNA SUCK!

(The following paintings are showing the Easter Bunnies over the years)

NC (vo): We get a brief glance of the Easter Bunnies of the past, and I already wanna know more about them than the Thumper equivalent of Quack Pack.

(A Photoshopped image that features Huey, Dewey and Louie with Photoshopped heads of Thumper the bunny and the title "Thump Bumps". An editor program window appears with a note "Make Thumper Quack Pack" and a cursor moving towards it)

NC: Stop taking notes, Disney! (A cursor slowly slides away from an editor)

Mickey Mouse (voiced by NC): Ha-ha. I'm still gonna make it.

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