NC: Hello I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. Is it possible to make to make fun of the movie you like? I don't know, but I am doing it. This is Hook!
Footage of Hook
NC (voiceover): Well, people either love or hate this movie. Personally, I love it. I love the premise, I love the two lead actors, and I love the fact that it actually trys to dive into the psychology of Peter Pan. But with that said, there are a lot of stupid things about it too. It's very cliches, very corny, filled with even more Spielber's whimsical schmucks, than, um, Peter Pan!
NC: But my nostalgia aside, does that technically make Hook a good movie or a bad movie? Well, let's not waste any time. Let's cut right into Hook!
NC (voiceover): So the story begins as we start off with the backstory of Peter Pan.
In a very poorly set stage, there are Wendy and Peter Pan
Wendy(dramatically): Poor boy. Why're you crying?
Peter: I was crying 'cause I couldn't get my shadow to stick.
NC: Boy, I though the production value's be a little better than this.
NC (voiceover): Actually this is a school play, starring the daughter of our main character, Peter Pan, played by Robin Williams.
Peter Pan receives a phone call during the play
Peter (On the phone): Want a meeting, tomorrow, am?
Peter's Son, Jack: Dad, my game! You promised.
Peter (on the phone): Listen, it's my son's big game. (Whispering to Jack) I'll be there. My word is my bond.
NC(voiceover, mimicking the whispering voice of Robing Williams): By that I mean I'm lying to you, this will be the focal point of the movie!
NC(voice over): And then we cut to the next day at his son's game..
An umpire dressed as Santa Clause is seen
NC: Why Santa Christ is the umpire, I have no idea, as we see his father running late, having fun with the people at work. So he sends a co-worker to the baseball field to film the game... ouch, which causes him to lose.
NC: Peter tries to make it up to him on the plane right to Britain, (The words PAN AM is visible on the surface of the plane) which is in an airline that hasn't existed for years, but the pun was too tempting, as Jack wants nothing to do with it.
Peter: Jack, next season I am coming to six games. I promise. My word is my bond.
Jack: Your Junk bond.
'Jack throws his baseball to the ceiling of the plane which causes oxygen masks to pop out the ceiling. Peter is surprised and screams.
NC(waving his arms hysterically): TERRORIST! How did you get that baseball to pass the security!
NC(voiceover): So it turns out they are going to Britain because Peter's old friend Wendy, played by Maggie Smith, is having a children's hospital dedicated to her.
Peter's daughter, Maggie: Is your friend Wendy is the real, real Wendy from my play?
Peter's wife: Yes.
Peter: No, honey. Not really.
NC(voiceover): She also has another lost orphan she looks after named Toodles. Starting to see a connection here?
Toodles is searching for something on the floor
Toodles: Lost, lost lost.
Peter: Lost what?
Toodles: I've lost my marble.
NC Pray to god you laughed at that joke because this movie has three variations of it!
NC(voiceover): So Peter explains what he does for a living and why he was kept away from London for 10 whole years.
Peter: I am still in emergence acquisition, and dabbled into some land development.
Jack: Any resistance! And he blows them out of the wall!
Wendy: So, Peter. You've become a pirate.
Film Brain suddenly appears and raises his arms upward and shouts.
Film Brain: Symbolism!
NC: What was that? I don't know.
NC(Voiceover): Before dedication he gets a call from work. But the kids are too dull and noisy for him to hear.
Peter: What, a five billion dollar deal falling apart because of this? Why doesn't somebody just shoot me in the head?
Jack: (making a gun gesture with his hands) Bang, bang!
Peter: Will everybody just shut up!
Jack: I'm sorry.
Peter: Moira, get 'em outta here, will you? I'm on the phone call of my life!
NC: I mean, it's not like I can go into another room or something!
NC(Voiceover): After that blowup, they get ready to go to the dedication dinner for the new hospital.
Maggie (To Peter): Toodles make it for me. It smells nice.
Peter: It's paper, honey.
NC(Voiceover): Dude, how much for killjoy is this jerk?
NC is seen receiving a phone call and a frown in his face. Off screen voice of a kid voiced by NC is heard.
Kid (Offscreen): Dad, is there a Santa Clause?
Kid (Offscreen): Is there an Easter Bunny?
NC: No! We made that up too.
Kid (Offscreen):Is there a god?
NC (nervously angrily): Well, scientifically speaking, they've never proven that god actually exists so probably not. In fact, the majority of the religions in fact all the religions are completely false!
The kind offscreen starts crying
NC: Oh, what?!
Peter: Hey, Jack. Jack, you are in charge now. This is my very special watch, so you can track the time.
The scene of Captain Koons giving a boy a watch from Pulp Fiction is shown.
Captain Koons: I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years.
NC(Voiceover): So the night's big hit, the children's hospital is named after her. But some evil is lurking outside the window.
The scene of Hook breaking into the house with green smoke and moving things without touching them' is shown.
NC(Voiceover): Ok, here's my question. This is obviously Hook coming in to kidnap children. But, what the hell is he doing? Where did the green smoke come from? How is he able to move things without touching it? Did he sell his soul to saint on the way to Earth?
Children's blankets are lifted into the air by themselves while children are screaming.
NC(Voiceover):ZUUL, LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER, ZUUL!
A scene of Wendy being shocked, dropping her cup and slowly sitting down is shown.
Peter's wife: Are you alright? Wendy?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: I felt the great disturbance in the force.
NC(Voiceover): So they come home to find that the place has been broken into and the children have been kidnaped.
Peter(Reaing the letter sent by hook):Dear Peter. Your presence is required at the request of your children. Kindest personal regards, James Hook., Captain.
NC: P.S. I don't care anyone says that I'd love a license to wed!
NC(Voiceover): So they call the police, as detective Phil Collins here to look over the situation. I'm not even kidding! That's real Phil Collins! It's totally him!
Toodles: I've forgotten how to fly.
Phil Collins: Well, one does.
Phil Colins hurriedly bows and walks away.
NC(Voiceover) (Mimicking Phil Collins): I'm off to ruin Disnsy's Tarzan.
NC(Voiceover): So Wendy decides to have a little talk with Peter about why all this is happening.
Wendy: How far back you can remember, Peter?
Peter: You looked after the orphans, you taught me to read, you arranged the adoption by American Terrence Hank and Jane Bennet.
Wendy: You were twelve, nearly thirteen! Can you remember before that?
Peter: There is nothing before that.
NC: I have the same unquestioned, repressed childhood that everybody has. Why?
Wendy: That was when you decided not to go back to the Neverland.
Wendy: To Never Never land.
Suddenly a techno dance music can be heard while flickering shiny letters appear around Wendy's head saying: Nutball!, She's gone bye bye!, I'm the one who lost her marbles., Commit me!
Wendy: Peter! The stories are true! And now he's come back to seek his revenge.
NC(Imitating Wendy): It's Dustin Hoffman's Pieta. He wants to outmug you!
NC(Voiceover): So Wendy tells Peter about his true origins, but not surprisingly he doesn't believe it. However that night he gets a little more proof than he needed. Tinkerbell comes in played by Julia Roberts.
Tinkerbell: Peter Pan!
Peter: Peter Banning.
Tinkerbell: Well, whoever you are, it is still you. Because there one person has that smell.
NC (Smiling broadly): Yes. Your love of Mexican food was always a that giveaway.
NC(Voiceover): And I have to admit this is one of the casting choices I didn't like. Well, she doesn't do a horrible job or anything, but she plays way to American-Sweetheartish. Tinkerbell in the original story could be nice, but she was also jealous and deceiving. This was the fairy that tried to kill Wendy. Remember?
|The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts
||Transformers · Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue · Cloverfield Trailer Review · Power Rangers: A Look Back · Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Book Launch · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movies · The Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments · Super Mario Bros.: The Movie · Cloverfield Review · Street Fighter · Mortal Kombat · Space Jam · The Nerd Rant · The Nerd Rant Part 2 · Pokémon The First Movie · The Nerd Wizard Rant · The Wizard · The Top 11 Naughtiest Moments in Animaniacs · Batman & Robin · The Top 11 Catchiest Theme Songs · '90s Sports Montage · The Nerd Response…Response · The Top 11 Drug PSAs · The Battle of Epic Proportions · Captain Planet · Double Dare · 3 Ninjas · Top 11 Hottest Animated Women · Video Game Review · The Search for the Nostalgia Chick · He-Man and the Masters of the Universe · Follow That Bird · Saved By the Bell · Tom and Jerry: The Movie · Top 11 Saddest Moments · Nostalgia Chick Winner · Surf Ninjas · NC vs The Nerd Showdown · Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows · Kazaam · The Nerd vs. NC: The Final Battle · Off to Beat the Nerd · Drew Struzan Tribute · Halloween '08 Special · Double Dragon · Top 11 Underrated Nostalgic Classics · Howard the Duck · Mortal Kombat: Annihilation · Godzilla · Top 11 Disney Villains · The Super Mario Bros. Super Show · Top 12 Greatest Christmas Specials · Jingle All the Way
||Nicktoons · Nickcoms · SNICK · Good Burger · The Making of the Final Battle · Ferngully: The Last Rain Forest · A Kid in King Arthur's Court · The Good Son · The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog · Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks · Twister · Garbage Pail Kids · Rock-A-Doodle · Titanic - The Legend Goes On · The Pagemaster · The NeverEnding Story · Moonwalker · Top 11 Dumbest Superman Moments · TMNT · Red Sonja · TGWTG Team Brawl · Short Circuit 1 & 2 · Batman vs. The Dark Knight · Full House · North · Critic and Nerd: TMNT Making of Coming Out of Their Shells · Sidekicks · Gargoyles · Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen · Steel · Top 11 Cereal Mascots · Barb Wire · New vs Old - LOTR Animated vs Lord of the Rings · Last Action Hero · Captain N · We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story · Warriors of Virtue · Captain America · Top 11 F*ckups · Alone in the Dark · Blank Check · Old vs. New: Willy Wonka · Cool as Ice · Suburban Commando · Next Karate Kid · Casper · Superman IV · Congo · Siskel and Ebert Tribute · Judge Dredd · Tank Girl · Jack Frost · He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special · Next Best Christmas Specials · Star Wars Holiday Special · Ernest Saves Christmas
||Commando · Junior · Conan and Conan the Destroyer · End of Days · Battlefield Earth · Bebe's Kids · Lost in Space · Top 11 Villain Songs · Quest for Camelot · Old vs. New: Nutty Professor · Bio-Dome · NeverEnding Story II · Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments · Flubber · Home Alone 3 · Old vs. New: King Kong · Drop Dead Fred · The Care Bears Movie · Kickassia: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 · Jaws 3 · Free Willy · A Troll in Central Park · Theodore Rex · Top 11 Coolest Cliches · Hook · Independence Day · The Room · The Phantom · Zeus and Roxanne · Animaniacs Tribute · Flintstones Movie · Mr. Nanny · Rocky IV · Chairman of the Board · Next Top 11 NC Fuckups · Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw · Pebble and the Penguin · Ernest Scared Stupid · Top 11 Scariest Performances · IT · Leprechaun · My Pet Monster · Commercial Special · Old vs. New: 10 Commandments vs. Prince of Egypt · The Thief and the Cobbler · Waterworld · Little Monsters · Rover Dangerfield · You're a Rotten Dirty Bastard · The First Couple: TMNT
||NeverEnding Story III · Ferngully 2 · Secret of NIMH 2 · Care Bears 2 · Dungeons and Dragons · Top 11 Dumbest Spider-Man Moments · The Lost World: Jurassic Park · Return of the Nostalgic Commercials · Inspector Gadget · Old vs. New: The Karate Kid · The Langoliers · Airborne · Baby Geniuses · Raiders of the Story Arc: X-Men · The Magic Voyage · Double Team · Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress · Jaws: The Revenge · Gordy · The OTHER Animated Titanic Movie · Revenge of the Nostalgic Commercials · Once Upon a Forest · Little Nemo · Old vs. New: True Grit · Suburban Knights: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 · Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon · Milk Money · Rad · Raiders of the Story Arc: Duck Tales · Care Bears in Wonderland · Cop and a Half · Top 11 Batman TAS Episodes · Alaska · Let's Play Bart's Nightmare · James and the Giant Peach · The Avengers · Simon Sez · The Tommyknockers · The Haunting · Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows · Exorcist 2 · Doug's 1st Movie · The Cell · Raiders of the Story Arc: Superman · Felix the Cat · Moulin Rouge · Babes in Toyland · How the Grinch Stole Christmas · Child's Play
||Santa Claus: The Movie · Star Trek: The Motion Picture · Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock · Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier · Star Trek 7: Generations · Star Trek 9: Insurrection · Patch Adams · Ponyo · Dunston Checks In · Thomas and the Magic Railroad · Top 11 Nostalgia Critic F*** Ups Part 3 · Richie Rich · Jungle 2 Jungle · Old vs. New: Manhunter vs. Red Dragon · Star Chaser · Transformers Cartoon · A Simple Wish · Alien Resurrection · Jack · Heavy Metal · Mr. Magoo · Top 11 Simpsons Episodes · Signs · Digimon: The Movie · Top 11 F*** YEAH Movie Themes · Baby Geniuses 2 · Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom · The Wiz · Total Recall (with Sci-Fi Guy) · Scooby-Doo · To Boldly Flee: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 · NC's Top 11 Favorite Jokes · The WORST Movies Nostalgia Critic's Reviewed
||The Review Must Go On · The Odd Life of Timothy Green · Pearl Harbor · Son of the Mask · The King and I · Catwoman · The Cat in the Hat · Top 11 South Park Episodes · Jurassic Park · A.I. Artificial Intelligence · The Master of Disguise · Turbo - A Power Rangers Movie · Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments · Sailor Moon · Les Miserables · Top 11 Adult Jokes We Never Got as Kids · The Last Airbender · Bridge to Terabithia · The Shining Mini-Series · Sharknado · Devil · Dawn of the Commercials · Man of Steel · Top 12 Santa Clauses · Eight Crazy Nights · The Christmas Tree
||Face/Off · The Wicker Man · Ghost Rider · Top 11 Strangest Best Couples · Ghost Dad · Disney's Alice in Wonderland · Top 11 Moments You Never Noticed in Ghostbusters · Disney Afternoon · Foodfight · Swan Princess · The Lorax · Old vs. New: Spider-Man · Blues Brothers 2000 · Jurassic Park 3 · After Earth · Bloodrayne · The Purge · Top 11 Trailers · Small Soldiers · The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement · Ghost Rider 2 · Top 11 Worst Avatar Episodes · Top 11 Best Avatars (with Dante Basco) · Maximum Overdrive · Top 11 New Halloween Classics · Monster Squad · Rise of the Commercials · Forest Warrior · Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (NC) · Christmas Story 2 · Care Bears Nutcracker
||The Matrix · The Animatrix · The Matrix Reloaded · The Matrix Revolutions · AVGN Movie · Mamma Mia! · The Haunted Mansion · Daredevil · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) · Demolition Man · Top 11 Animaniacs Episodes · Legend of Zorro · The Ewoks Cartoon - Was That Real? · Fantastic Four · Cowboys of Moo Mesa - Was That Real? · Sharkboy and Lavagirl · Small Wonder - Was That Real? · Jupiter Ascending · Jurassic World · Top 11 TV Show Intros · Planet of the Apes · Osmosis Jones · Garfield: The Movie · Pixels · The Smurfs · Hammerman - Was That Real? · Mad Max: Fury Road · Event Horizon · Children of the Corn · Hocus Pocus · Conquest of the Commercials · Dragon's Lair · We Wish You a Turtle Christmas · Christmas with the Kranks · Star Wars: The Force Awakens (NC)
||The Happening · Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments · Lady in the Water · Labyrinth · Spawn · Cats & Dogs · The Phantom of the Opera · The Adventures of Pluto Nash · Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain - Was That Real? · Batman v Superman · Blade · Old vs. New: Cinderella · Spy Kids 3D: Game Over · Jem and the Holograms (2015) · The Grinch vs. The Cat in the Hat - Was That Real? · Scooby-Doo 2 · Alvin and the Chipmunks · Ghostbusters (2016) · Teddy Ruxpin Live Action Series - Was That Real? · Wild Wild West · The 3rd Animated Titanic Movie (Tentacolino) · The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle · Stephen King's Dreamcatcher · Freddy vs. Jason · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows · Battle of the Commercials · Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas · Top 12 Christmas Commercials · I'll Be Home For Christmas · Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
||Top 11 Best Movie Sequels · Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel · Top 11 Worst Movie Sequels · The Smurfs 2 · Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties · Cool World · Old vs. New: Evil Dead · Top 11 WTF Alternate Endings · Balto · Fant4stic · Clockstoppers · The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas · Suicide Squad Trailer · Suicide Squad · Alien vs. Predator · Transformers: The Last Knight NON-Review · Wonder Woman · Norm of the North · Hulk (2003) · Monkeybone · The Sorcerer's Apprentice · Eragon · Kangaroo Jack · Green Lantern · It (2017) · The Mummy · The Mummy (2017) · Dragonball Evolution · War of the Commercials · Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa · Home Alone 2: Lost in New York · Star Wars: The Last Jedi
||Lara Croft: Tomb Raider · Top 11 Good Adam Sandler Movies · Yogi Bear · Batman Forever · Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked · Alice Through the Looking Glass · Beauty and the Beast (2017) · Jack and Jill · Starship Troopers · Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins · The Spirit · Deadpool 2 · The Angry Birds Movie · Fox Kids · The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen · Mission: Impossible 2 · Doom · Ghostbusters 2 · Freddy Got Fingered · Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer · Sleepwalkers · Van Helsing · Rubber (2010) · Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom · Escape from the Commercials · A Christmas Story Live · The Nutcracker (2010)
||Max Payne · Robocop (2014) · The Black Cauldron (NC) · Top 11 Funniest Siskel and Ebert Reviews · The Country Bears · X-Men: The Animated Series · X-Men · X-Men: The Last Stand · Best F(r)iends · Hop · Toonami · Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within · Mary Poppins Returns · Alien 3 · Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief · Kim Possible · Blade II · That Darn Cat · Underworld · Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip · The Wall · Hannibal · It: Chapter Two · Venom · Justice League · Planet of the Commercials · The Grinch (2018) · The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
||Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker · Beverly Hills Chihuahua · Con Air · Supergirl · Spider-Man · Spider-Man 3 · The Amazing Spider-Man 2 · Dolittle · Independence Day: Resurgence · Critters · Avatar (2009) · Superman Returns · Elektra · Alita: Battle Angel · Battleship · The Lion King (2019) · The Animated Lord of the Rings · The Bill & Ted Movies · Playing with Fire · Pokémon Detective Pikachu · X-Men: Apocalypse · The Stand · Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark · Curse of the Commercials · Sucker Punch · The Muppet Christmas Carol · Batman Returns · Home Alone 4
||Turkish Rambo · Video Game Review 2: Blues Brothers (SNES) · Reefer Madness · Doomsday Machine · NC - Kickassia · NC - Suburban Knights · NC - To Boldly Flee · NC - Live Review of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 · Paranoia · Cup of Idiocy (Doug's Old Home Movies) · Night of the Living Dead · The Cinema Snob Movie · The Review Must Go On Review
||NostalgiaWeen · Christmas · Annual Theme Month