Home Alone 4

HomeAlone4NC.jpg

Release Date
December 30, 2020
Running Time
20:40
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(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the intro. NC is seen with his head resting on his hand, his fingers drumming as though pondering something)

NC: (deadpan) Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Well, it's after Christmas, but it's still December. Got any expired Christmas leftovers?

(The poster for Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House is shown)

NC: (shrugs) There's no other time I'm reviewing it.

(The title for Home Alone 4 is shown, followed by footage of the film)

NC (vo): From the director of (poster of...) Teen Wolf...

NC: (confused) Huh?

NC (vo): ...and (poster of...) Beethoven's 2nd...

NC: That's more like it. (nods)

NC (vo): ...Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House was the first Home Alone film to be released straight to television and DVD. They took away all the actors (The poster of Home Alone 3 is superimposed) in the last movie, so I guess it figures to take away the actual theaters next. (An article showing Warner Bros.' plan to release all of its 2021 releases to HBO Max and theaters at the same time) A plan Warner Bros. would soon cling to. I really had no interest in looking this over, but being in that emotional purgatory between Christmas and New Year's, I guess I should give the people what they...well, not want, because nobody wanted this, but...let's say "cautiously asked about". Let's wrap up this year with what I wish was the end of this series. (The poster for Home Alone: The Holiday Heist is superimposed)

NC: By...kinda demand, this is Home Alone 4.

(As the movie opens on a shot of a house done up in Christmas lights, the opening credits are shown, with French Stewart in the cast)

NC (vo): Always a good sign when that's the first name you see. (The camera zooms in close on the name) Unless there's an (The word "And" appears over Stewart's name) "And" or (The word "With" replaces "And" over Stewart's name) "With" on top, that does not bode well. But don't worry, it gets better. You know how, in the last movie, they couldn't get (A shot of a promo piece for Home Alone 3 is superimposed) any of the cast back, so they just wrote new characters? Well, say hello to Kevin McCallister, everybody!

(A shot of the original Kevin from the first two movies is shown in the corner as we are shown this movie's Kevin, who is played by Mike Weinberg. Other members of Kevin's family are shown)

NC (vo): Oh, yeah, that's Buzz [played by Gideon Jacobs this time] and Mom [played by Clare Carey this time] and Dad [played by Jason Beghe this time]. Aunt Viv's transition flowed smoother than this!

(Kevin is watching an old home movie of his family's Christmas)

Kate: All right, merry Christmas!

Family: Merry Christmas!

(Kate enters Kevin's room)

Kate: Last Christmas, huh?

Kevin: Yeah.

NC (vo; as Kevin): A shame the rest of the family died in the Bermuda Triangle. (another voice) We should've made a film about that.

Kate: We're gonna do all the same things we've always done: sing Christmas carols, put cookies and milk out for Santa...

NC: (shaking head) God, that's just how I remember Catherine O'Hara's character!

(A clip of the first Home Alone is shown)

Kevin (Macaulay Culkin): I'm sorry.

Kate (Catherine O'Hara): It's too late.

(Cut back to Home Alone 4)

Kevin: I'm sick of being everyone's favorite joke around here.

Kate: Yeah, yeah, it's hard to be the youngest.

(Cut again to Home Alone 1)

Kevin: Everyone in this family hates me.

Kate: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.

(Cut to a clip of Tremors)

Valentine McKee (Kevin Bacon): What the hell's going on? I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

(Cut back to Home Alone 4)

NC (vo): Oh, and here's a fun addition: the mom and dad are divorced.

Kate: I know you miss your dad. When people are married for a long time, they get into kind of a rut.

NC (vo): Christ, I would believe (A shot of the McCallister family, sans Peter and Kate, from the first two movies is superimposed) any one of these family members would separate except (A shot of Peter and Kate is now shown) these two! They were literally the only ones who seemed to like each other! It's like saying (A shot of Gomez and Morticia Addams is superimposed now) Gomez and Morticia split because they were too gloomy. There's so many reasons that doesn't work!

Kevin: (running toward front door) Dad!

Peter: Hey, big guy! (hugs Kevin)

NC (vo): Dad does drop by, though, to talk to Kate privately.

Peter: Well, you know, Natalie and I living together...and, uh, I'm gonna marry her.

(To a somber piano note, Kate stares)

NC: (incredulously) Jesus, Kevin doesn't even look that much older! How much time has passed for all this to happen?!

(Cut to a shot of the first movie showing Kate and Peter on the plane)

NC (vo): What, was he flirting with the flight attendant when they forgot Kevin the first time?

(Cut back to the movie)

Kate: You want the kids for Christmas?

Peter: Just a couple of days.

NC (vo): He wants to take the kids over Christmas to know their new stepmother better, because God knows they don't have enough emotional issues in these movies. And they randomly reveal this...

Peter: There's a royal family coming to visit. You might have a chance to play with a crown prince.

NC: (surprised) Where did that come from?!

NC (vo): It's like saying in passing, "Oh, by the way, Buzz is an alien." You don't just drop that in! Speaking of which, the kids turn him down, leaving Buzz in charge of babysitting, forcing Kevin to do all his chores.

Kevin: (to his mother) I hate Buzz! I wish I didn't have a brother or a sister!

Kate: Well, you don't mean that.

Kevin: I wish I was an only child!

NC: Am I gonna have to apologize for calling (The poster for the following is shown off to the side...) Home Alone 2 unoriginal?

NC (vo): There's copy-and-pasting, and then there's just cloning! How many times can somebody do something and not learn any lessons? (The credits are shown: David Madden and Lisa Demberg are executive producers, and Mitch Engel is the producer) David Madden, Lisa Demberg and Mitch Engel! While his father's busy being in a James Bond movie, French Stewart, playing Marv – yep, Daniel Stern's part – scopes out the place with his wife Vera, played by Missi Pyle.

Vera: You sure we can pull this off? I mean, without Harry making the plans?

Marv: Look where Harry's plans kept landing me, huh? In jail!

NC: Awww, looks like the McCallisters weren't the only ones (A shot of Harry and Marv from the first two movies is shown in the corner) to go through a divorce.

NC (vo): They plan to kidnap the prince when the royals arrive, and at the same, Kevin runs away from home to stay with his dad.

(In the security room, the guard on duty is asleep, but he is startled awake by a buzzer sound)

NC (vo; as guard): Yes, I'll do another Emmerich movie! Oh...

(The guard arrives at the front door and answers it. It's Kevin)

NC (vo): This is Prescott, played by Eric Avari, who's head of security and introduces Kevin to his future stepmom.

Natalie Kalban (Joanna Going): This is a smart house, Kevin. It does whatever you tell it to. (holds up communicator and speaks into it) Fire out.

(The fireplace is on this whole time, but on cue, the fire goes out)

NC: Hmm... (takes cell phone and speaks into it) Movie good. (To an alarm sound, the words "DOES NOT COMPUTE" appear) I understand.

(Kevin is shown an entertainment room full of screens for watching movies (including a Popeye cartoon, it seems) and playing video games. Kevin is elated as he goes over to play a video game)

NC (vo): I will give credit: if I was a kid, I would totally be in love with this room.

Natalie: Think you'll be comfortable here?

Kevin: Thanks, Natalie! This is gonna be the best Christmas ever!

NC: (as Kevin) All my other mom gives me is unconditional love! You have (A shot of a PlayStation console (with the Pi symbol in place of a number) is shown in the corner) PlayStation Pi!

NC (vo): Speaking of which, Kate finds out Kevin left for his father's house and is quickly okay with it because the movie needs to happen.

(In the entertainment room, a woman appears on the screen)

Woman: Breakfast time. Anything special you'd like?

Kevin: Anything?

(Suddenly, Kevin is served breakfast in bed)

NC: Sorry, we're in the wrong Culkin sequel. This is clearly (A poster for a made-up movie is shown...) Richie Rich's Tax Audit.

NC (vo): The dad and stepmom have to head out, leaving Kevin alone with Prescott and the maid named Molly.

Kevin: (to Prescott) Can you make a milkshake? (He follows him around, asking questions) Do we have chocolate? Do you think we'll have a white Christmas? (spots a dumbwaiter) What's this thing?

Prescott: It's called a dumbwaiter.

Kevin: Why is it called a waiter?

Prescott: Carries food.

Kevin: Why is it dumb?

NC: This is less like Kevin and more like that kid that was...

(A shot of the original movie is shown: Mitch Murphy, the McCallisters' eight-year-old neighbor (played by Jeffrey Wiseman) rummaging around in the McCallisters' van before it leaves for the airport)

NC (vo): ...confused for Kevin.

(The poster for this movie is shown, with an alternate title: "Kid That's Confused For Kevin")

NC (vo): Which I think was the alternate title of this movie?

Kevin: Hey, Molly, what'chu doin'?

Molly (Barbara Babcock): (dusting around the fireplace) Cleaning the house.

Kevin: (standing next to a sculpture of a naked man lying on his stomach) Gross.

Molly: Oh, no. Not in this house.

NC: Actually, I think he was talking about...

(The camera zooms in on the sculpture)

NC (vo): ...that sculpture. Nobody batted an eye...

NC: ...when they put that on set?

NC (vo): Maybe it's symbolic of the franchise, saying, "Yes, you may do me right up the ass." It didn't get a lip synch in one of those movies; I don't care, it pads out a few minutes.

(While a rendition of "I Got You (I Feel Good)" plays in the background, we cut back to the TV in the entertainment room, which has several screens showing different things, including BMX stunts, a Tex Avery cartoon with a dog holding a lightbulb, Young Frankenstein, and a deranged cartoon of a creature tearing off its green skin and pulling its eyeballs)

NC: Can the rest of the movie be watching...

(The camera zooms in on the deranged cartoon character)

NC (vo): ...whatever's in the lower right? I think it's Rob Zombie's version of Little House on the Prairie.

(Meanwhile, Marv and Vera have been camping out in their car this whole time, waiting to make their move, which comes as Peter and his fiancée come out of the house)

Marv: The coast is clear. Let's go.

NC (vo): Meanwhile, Marv and Vera get ready to sneak in to get the layout of the house before kidnapping the prince the following day.

Marv: What do you think, Vera? We're just gonna go in there tomorrow and (makes gyrating motions with his hands) start grabbing kids? Ooh! Everybody get in the van!

NC: (creeped out) Did the writing always sound this eww-y, or is it just because French Stewart is saying it?

NC (vo): Kevin spots them and, like the audience, can't believe what an unbelievable coincidence this all is.

(Kevin spots them through a telescope as they squeeze through the automatically-closing gate)

Kevin: No, it can't... (eyes widen in alarm) It is! It's Marv!

NC (vo; as Kevin): And Harry, presumably with a sex change and she's making me feel things!

(Kevin tries to activate the alarm, but Marv has taken the remote control outside)

Marv: Alarm off.

(The alarm in the house disarms, allowing them to enter. Kevin has no choice but to hide from them)

NC (vo): Prescott's doing a bang-up job looking after this place.

(Marv and Vera approach the closed door where Kevin is hiding)

Marv: (speaking into remote control) Door open.

(The door starts to open)

Kevin: (speaking into remote control of his own) Door closed.

(The door starts to close, but Marv doesn't know it until it's too late, as it hits him in the face as he's about to walk through. He clutches at his nose in pain)

NC: (as French Stewart) Had that door been anywhere near me, that's how I would have reacted! (nods)

(Kevin runs into the bathroom and turns on all the shower nozzles which blast water in Marv and Vera's faces, knocking them backwards and flooding the room)

NC (vo): Kevin sets the shower to fire hose, because of course that's a setting, filling up the bathroom, causing it to burst open.

(The flood of water washes down from the upper floor of the house and washes Marv and Vera down the stairs with the torrent. Kevin reacts in surprise as the flood hits his feet)

NC (vo): And so help me, God, I did kind of giggle at this.

(Marv and Vera spot Kevin)

Marv: (pointing at Kevin) You!

Kevin: Hello, Marv.

Vera: Is that the prince?!

Marv: Nah, that's Kevin. Kevin, Vera. Vera, Kevin.

NC: (as Marv) We have kind of a Bart Simpson-Sideshow Bob kinda thing. We've grown a lot over the years.

NC (vo): The house literally flooded with reasons not to come back, he says he'll come back...

Marv: I'll be back!

NC (vo): ...and the folks return home. They of course don't believe Kevin, because Prescott was on the most convenient of bathroom breaks...just that serendipitous kind of day...and somehow get him to apologize for protecting the house!

Peter: Well, do you have something to say?

Kevin: (to Natalie) I'm sorry for the damage of your house.

NC: (as Kevin) I do have more to add to that apology, but you'll have to follow this detailed map (A drawing of a map leading to a person's butt, with an X marking the spot in the rear is shown) to find it. (nods)

NC (vo): Kevin sneaks into the control room and finds the security tape have been tampered with. And I swear to God I didn't edit anything here; this is how the scene is presented.

(A shadow looms over Kevin, who sees the shadow and screams. It's...)

Prescott: What are you doing here? Tell me.

NC: Well, before being sucked into a Donnie Darko time warp...

(Kevin's scream is replayed, along with a shot of Shrek, who also opens his mouth in a scream)

NC (vo): ...I did a Shrek scream that even for Home Alone 4 was pretty awkward.

Kevin: Nothing! I swear.

NC (vo): Kevin of course suspects that Prescott is in cahoots with Marv and not the incredibly kind person who's like an angel named Twisty McShock Surprise.

Molly: (to Kevin) You do have an overactive imagination. My own son was the same as you at your age. A real handful.

NC: Yes, I have the greatest memories of my boys.

(A shot of the Beagle Boys is shown in the corner. With that, we go to a commercial break. Upon return, the movie resumes)

NC (vo): So Kevin tries to figure out what to do with criminals saying they're gonna return to the house and one definitely living there with him. Oh, I mean, he, uh, hates how boring Christmas is.

Kevin: No friends, no fun, no snow. This is definitely gonna be the worst Christmas ever.

NC: You texted-drove (A shot of a man texting while driving is shown in the corner) writing this, didn't you?

NC (vo): But his dad knows how to fix the problem: trimming the tree! You know, for a smart house, there sure are a lot of dumbasses living inside.

Natalie: (coming up) Evangelista's in town. Margaret's just throwing together a little impromptu supper, but we shouldn't go, should we?

NC (vo): The stepmom gets called out by friends, allowing Kevin and Dad to talk about fun things like divorce.

Peter: Adult relations are just complicated.

Kevin: I know all about the inner child, Dad. But who wants to be in a nice car when you're all alone?

NC: (as Kevin) You should think about leaving this woman while we take advantage of her incredibly expensive hospitality. (normal) Everybody in this is a monster!

NC (vo): They find out the next morning the tree's been changed by the stepmom to get ready for the party, so the father lets him open one gift early as an apology.

(Said gift is a Super Spy Ultrasonic Spy Kit)

Peter: Listening device! Isn't that cool?

Kevin: Yeah!

NC: Christ! Why don't you just give him...

NC (vo): ...Home Security: The Toy; these films are so subtle! It looks like the rest of the family drops by to give Kevin his special teddy bear. Yeah, (A shot of Kevin from the first film toting a rifle for defense is superimposed) a kid with a rifle who sets traps would totally still have one of those!

Kate: Teddy is this transitional object.

Peter: (to Natalie) Transitional object. Something very, very special the child carries with him everywhere...

NC (vo; as Peter): That's why he left it at home. (normal; exasperated) Did you even read your damn script?!

Peter: Kevin thinks, "Oh, possibly Teddy might want a little fresh air," right?

Kate: So he rolls down the window and out flies Teddy.

Peter: He was ballistic!

NC: (as Kate) You know, forcing this woman to feel like a third wheel is making me fall in love with you again. (as Peter) That's what we were missing, our shared love of spreading misery!

NC (vo): Later that night, they go to pick up the royals, as the staff sets up for the party. Marv and Vera disguise themselves to sneak in.

(Kevin is not fooled, however)

Kevin: It's the burglars! (Prescott grabs him and lifts him up, carrying him away) Mr. Prescott!

NC: (as Kevin) In hindsight, I had days to prepare for this, but calling the police before a crime is not my strong point.

NC (vo): He escapes into the suddenly empty kitchen and traps Prescott in the cold room. It looks like the royals' flight is cancelled due to snow, so the stepmom decides to announce their engagement to still make it a memorable party.

Natalie: I know we were going to wait until after your divorce was final, but it'll make tonight so special.

Peter: Well, if it makes you happy...

Natalie: Yes! (hugs him)

NC: Happy wife with millions of dollars, happy life with millions of dollars.

NC (vo): Marv and Vera get ready to nab the Prince in a bag, but decide to test it out first so stuff can happen to them.

(Marv stuffs Vera into a bag and hangs it out of a window, lowering it down)

Vera: Let me down easy!

Marv: (holding onto the rope the bag is attached to) I always do, baby!

(He lowers her down a little more and the rope stops abruptly)

NC: She's bleeding internally.

(Suddenly, the other end of the rope, attached to a hook, slides under Marv and the hook catches between his legs. He screams in pain. But that's not all: the hook drags him toward the window, which he flies toward and collides with the glass, cracking it. The bag with Vera in it hangs in midair briefly before the window shatters completely, and they fall out the window)

NC (vo): Wile E. Coyote would be looking at this, saying that's not how gravity works.

(The burglars spot Kevin, who runs in a panic and jumps into the air, landing on the table and launching pots full of food for the party into the air, which come down on the burglars and create a big mess)

NC (vo): The parents return and Kevin is a freakin' ballet ninja now, hitting the crooks with a pan and dumping on them.

(Kevin runs out of the kitchen and into the living room where the party is being held. The burglars give chase, but the backswing of the doors hits them so hard that it sends them flying backwards)

NC (vo): God!

NC: The Forrest Gump feather wouldn't fly around as much as these two!

(In the meantime, Prescott has been removed from the cold room, frozen in a statue, and set on a table)

NC (vo; deadpan): Oh, look, they thought Prescott was an ice sculpture.

(The ice falls over on the floor, shattering, revealing a shivering-cold Prescott inside)

NC: I know the line between slapstick and horror is very thin, but God, I wish in the parallel universe where this was a horror film.

Peter: (screaming) KEVIN!!!

NC: (recoiling, startled) I think we dipped into that dimension for a second!

NC (vo): Once again, nobody believes Kevin, and his father thinks he's trying to sabotage his relationship.

Peter: You're out to destroy my relationship with Natalie.

Kevin: What?

Peter: I want you to go to your room and think about what you've done.

NC: Every test greeting card said the same thing.

(Back at the McCallisters' home, Kate is watching It's a Wonderful Life)

NC (vo): I guess somehow every movie got It's a Wonderful Life in there, Kate clearly crying because it's not in Spanish. And Kevin calls so he can watch it with her.

(In the entertainment room, Kevin, while talking to his mother on the phone, turns on the multitude of TVs, which all play this very same movie)

NC (vo): Uh-huh, every eight-year-old loves It's a Wonderful Life.

Kate: (on phone) So how's your party? Are you having a good time?

Kevin: Yeah, it's all right.

NC: (as Kevin) Trying to stop an abduction is pretty blasé by this point.

NC (vo): Later that night, the stepmom comes in to give some kind, loving words.

Natalie: If you ever do anything like that again, you'll be out of your house so fast your head will spin.

NC: (stunned) For Norma Bates.

Natalie: So your father's getting divorced, boo-hoo. You better not cross me.

NC (vo; as Natalie): (singing) Hush little baby, don't say a word... (stops singing) Oh, that's not a lullaby, I'm saying don't fuck with me. For once in this film, Kevin actually prepares for the crooks' return and, big shock, sets traps everywhere.

NC: (rubbing hands together eagerly) Oh-ho, boy! It's gonna be a crazy night–

NC (vo): Cut to the next morning...

NC: (looking through some papers in confusion) Get some pages mixed up there?

NC (vo): ...where it looks like the dad and stepmom are off to pick up the royals again.

Kevin: But it's Christmas.

Peter: You know how sometimes you got to do things you don't want to do? (Kevin nods) This is one of those times.

NC: A quote every actor had when doing this movie.

NC (vo): The crooks of course try to sneak in again, so Kevin tries to dispose of Prescott first. (Prescott goes into the wine cellar) Well, at least he knows to watch his back whenever Kevin's around a door– (Kevin suddenly closes the door as soon as Prescott is downstairs) Worst...security...ever!

Kevin: (running into Molly) Boy! Am I glad to see you! The kidnappers are coming!

NC (vo): He bumps into Molly, who of course reveals she's the accomplice.

Kevin: You're the inside man?!

Molly: I'm afraid so.

(Marv and Vera enter the room)

Marv: Hey, Mom.

(Kevin reacts in wide-eyed alarm)

NC: Biggest surprise since "Look out, I'm going to surprise you. Surprise! I surprised you."

NC (vo): She locks him in the cellar as well, and he and Prescott try to figure out how to escape. Oh, what inventive Home Alone way will they get out this?

Prescott: (holds up a...) Cell phone.

NC: Well! There goes that question. (A shot of the title is shown in the corner, with the tagline: "What If Home Alone 4 Had Cell Phones?")

Kevin: Perfect! May I?

Prescott: Sure. (gives it to him)

NC (vo): You're the adult in this situation. He calls 911...or Buzz, just as helpful, who just keeps hanging up on him. Okay, so now they call 911–

Prescott: Why don't you try calling your mom again?

NC: (exasperated) Can somebody people in this movie?!

NC (vo): It doesn't matter because the battery dies. Again, phenomenal head of security. But Prescott does finally get an idea to use the dumbwaiter.

(The dumbwaiter is blocked by some boxes, which Kevin and Prescott move aside)

Kevin: If you hate this job, why don't you quit?

Prescott: Job's not that easy to come by.

Kevin: You shouldn't stay someplace just 'cause you're scared. Life's too short. (Prescott stares, moved by Kevin's words)

NC: (shrugs) That's our equivalent of (A shot of Old Man Marley from the first movie waving to Kevin is shown in the corner) the old man scene. Crying yet?

NC (vo): Kevin uses it to get out and naturally outwits the crooks.

(Marv and Vera look up to spot a pot tied to a string hanging from the ceiling swinging their way. It hits Marv and knocks him down. It then swings back towards Vera and hits her as well, knocking her down. Kevin giggles crazily throughout)

NC: It took longer than I thought to replace his audio with a Tickle Me Elmo.

(Kevin's giggle is shown before we cut briefly to a Tickle Me Elmo, which giggles in almost the same way. Then we cut back to the movie again)

NC (vo): Molly gets trapped in the elevator... Who the shit chases someone in an elevator? ...while the other two continue to hunt him down.

(Marv chases Kevin up the stairs, but a toy plane flies up and hits him the groin, sending him sliding down the stairs backwards, head first. Vera is coming the stairs as this happens, and she is knocked down and slides down the stairs as well. Marv's face is in her crotch as this happens)

NC (vo; as Marv): Hey, honey, let's reenact where you slapped me for suggesting at our wedding night!

(The crooks wind up in front of a rotating bookcase wall)

Kevin: (holds up remote control and speaks into it) Spin faster sesame!

(The wall starts spinning really fast and Marv and Vera cling to it for dear life)

Kevin: Spin faster sesame!

(The wall spins ever faster)

NC: This clearly has a practical use, especially when alcohol is involved.

NC (vo): They're violently launched into a very gentle jump onto a chandelier and this might be the only fall to be legitimately funny.

(The chain holding up the chandelier is too heavy to hold up the chandelier and the crooks at the same time. One of the chains breaks, tipping the chandelier down, and Marv falls, screaming humorously, out of the chandelier to the floor with a thud)

NC: Though it would have been funnier if someone was ended from that.

(Marv is shown falling again, but this time with the sound and image of blood splattering edited in when he hits the floor. After a moment, Vera falls out of the chandelier as well)

NC (vo): See if you understand this music choice...

(Vera lands on the floor to the side of Marv. As the camera shows them lying on the floor, knocked out, Bach's "Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor" plays on an organ in the background)

NC: (confused, eyes shift back and forth) Their careers are somehow undead?

Kevin: Merry Christmas to all...

NC: Yes, wish merry Christmas after Halloween music! I'll at least give credit to how bludgeoningly fast this wraps up.

Kevin: ...to all a good night.

(Unbeknownst to him, however, Molly, having escaped from the elevator, sneaks behind him and grabs him the chin. She raises a frying pan above his head)

Molly: Good night!

(But before she can bring the pan down on Kevin, she's the one who receives a blow to the head, from a heavy metal tray held by Prescott, laying her out for the count)

NC (vo): Something about seeing an old woman's skull shattered by a blunt object, I have to admit, is a little funny.

(The doors open and Kevin's family, including his father, rushes in. Marv and Vera, having come to, spot them and get to their feet, running for their lives)

NC (vo): Everyone arrives home, so now thwarting evil is a family affair.

(As Marv and Vera run through the house, Kevin chases after them. They run out the back door, only for Buzz and Megan, who are standing at the doorway outside, to stick their legs out in their path. The crooks trip on them and go airborne)

NC: Is everybody's bones made out of trampolines?!

(The crooks land first in a tree, then fall into some bushes below. Buzz and Megan grimace and run over to them. Then the police arrives to arrest them. At the same time, the royals and Natalie pull up as well)

NC (vo): The police arrest them just as the royals arrive.

Natalie: (seeing Molly being taken away) I'm her boss!

Kevin: Well, looks like you're gonna have to find a new maid.

NC: Are you having a stroke?

NC (vo): The father splits up and decides to go back with his wife, and as a means to give thanks, the royals decide to spend Christmas with the McCallisters.

Natalie: (to the royals, outraged) You're going to be with them?!

(Natalie is devastated by this turn of events, not helped by Prescott, who has also resigned from Natalie's employ. Natalie gasps for breath, about to cry, while Prescott takes out a paper bag for her to blow into)

NC (vo): That'll show that stuck-up rich snob! Now, back to our slightly less rich, but still very, very rich home for Christmas! Kevin even activates the snow machine, which we're only now seeing is a thing.

Kevin: I knew this was gonna be the best Christmas ever!

(As the camera zooms out on the family celebrating, NC decides to do a voiceover for the family's dialogue)

NC (vo): Buzz, Megan, wanna give me a hug? Okay, I'll hug Kevin again. Why are you? I immediately want to leave my wife for you. Christmas!

NC: And that was Home Alone 4. (beat) How the fuck do you think it was?

(Clips of the movie play one last time as NC gives his closing thoughts)

NC (vo): I guess it's good to see at least one of these straight-to-TV versions, if only just to see how bad they get. I think most people watching know not to raise their expectations too high, but that's also why it's also puzzling that they put the McCallisters back as the leads. These clearly aren't the same characters in personality or appearance so it's mind-boggling why they didn't just write new characters like in three. I guess it doesn't matter, you know it's gonna be bad either way. Can you really get that angry at it? I guess not, but, you can't really get many laughs out of it, either.

NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. (gets up and leaves)

Channel Awesome taglineMarv: What do you think, Vera? We're just gonna go in there tomorrow and start grabbing kids?

(The credits roll)

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