(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3)
Doug (vo): It's the son of a bitch who didn't like Guardians of the Galaxy 3. Yep, I'm the one. This is, like, the one MCU Phase 4* movie that everybody adores and I didn't like. I will say this, it's a movie I can very easily see why people would like, and I don't think this is a setup where it's, like, [Avatar: The] Way of Water, where people are just liking it because it's pretty and "come on, it was a nice enough time" kind of thing. No, I can see why people would legit get into the story and the characters and the fact that this is a finale. In many respects, this is a very satisfying way to end this trilogy. Like I said in my Untitled Review Show video, though, it really is death by a thousand cuts. So it is something where I can see why someone would look at basically what happens in the story and say, "Yes, I was emotionally involved, I like seeing how this all comes to an end". But for me, personally, the little things were just too many and added up to being too distracting. And to make things worse, I know so many people that said, "Well, go back to it. Let it sit for a little bit. Maybe you'll return to it and like it a little bit more". And...oh, God, you're just going to hate me even more for this...I kind of liked it even less. Look, I'm just going to give you a heads up. I knew that review was not going to be liked, people were going to disagree with me, I was going to be alone on this. But I just couldn't lie. I had to give my real thoughts on the movie, and that's what I'm going to do here. I'm just also going to go into spoilers, maybe to help you understand a little bit more, maybe just to make you hate me more, I don't know. But I like talking about movies, I like hearing your thoughts about movies. So, even if you disagree, share why you disagree or what points about my arguments you think are not as strong as the positives of the movie. I'm really okay with it. That's one of the reasons I like doing movie reviews. I like hearing different points of view so I can find out more about people and what the mass general public gets into. With that said, okay, here's more detail why I didn't get into the movie with spoilers. You've been warned. For starters, I actually do think the story of this is a very satisfying conclusion. The conclusion it's all been building up to? No, but we'll get to that in a minute if that's not too distracting for me.
- The movie is a part of Phase 5.
Story[]
Doug (vo): Star-Lord finds himself missing Gamora and constantly drinks himself into a drunken stupor, but that's suddenly interrupted when Adam Warlock, the guy from the end credits of the last movie, tries to get revenge and seriously damages Rocket. Rocket is knocked out and taken out of most of the main story, but not out of the movie itself. We get a lot of flashbacks showing what he's gone through, how he was experimented on, the other animal friends he got close to, just all the stuff you've ever wondered. How can he talk? Why is he so intelligent? And, yeah, is he a raccoon or not? To figure out how to save Rocket, they have to go to side quest number one. Yeah, this is always kind of a regular in Guardians movies, it's fine, it's always an excuse to see more cool visuals and weird stuff. And on the way, Star-Lord bumps into Gamora and tries to once again see if they can work as a couple. But as that's going on, they're constantly being chased by the High Evolutionary, an evil mastermind who experimented on Rocket, and turns out has done quite a few experiments, trying to create the perfect race, though...that race doesn't have to be humans. They discover basically another Earth that's almost identical to ours, except they're all animals. They befriend a married couple who tells them about the High Evolutionary and how he's the one that did all this. And when he discovers he's being threatened not only by the Guardians, but by some of the animals themselves, he wipes out their entire civilization, which it looks like he's done several times. Yep, anytime there's anything, even the tiniest bit wrong, any defiance, any crime, anything like that, he destroys everybody and starts from scratch again.
Review[]
Doug (vo): So all of this sounds right. It's about what I would expect from a Guardians movie, especially a finale. Since we are going into spoilers, I think it's pretty cool that none of the Guardians die in this. I really feel like the trailer was building up not everybody was going to get out alive, and I thought it was really cool that they all do. The team just splits up. In a series where a lot of characters die from a director who really likes to kill off his characters, it was kind of cool that nobody gets the axe in this.
(Various footage is shown, mostly focusing on Rocket going into the afterlife and Star-Lord's near-death experience)
Doug (vo): That's not to say at all there aren't plenty of fakeouts. There's one moment where Rocket's, like, going to animal Heaven, which...I don't know, I feel like I'm seeing this more and more in movies, it kind of feels like a tired trope. But I like Rocket, I like these characters, it's not a big deal. But they tried to do it again with Star-Lord, who I guess just forgot his mask and rocket boots, which he's had in all the other movies. But...whatever, I didn't really fall for it, it just felt like a cheap fakeout. But again, not a huge deal. James Gunn's usually really good at balancing these super dark, super unpleasant ideas with some really, really dark comedy that has just enough hope to get you through it. Like, you don't quite hate the world after seeing it, it just makes you feel good enough. Hell, honestly, the first Guardians film is pretty upbeat.
(Footage from the movie Super is briefly shown)
Doug (vo): I just saw his movie, Super, which is, like, one of my new favorite superhero movies, because you don't really know if it's positive or negative or who's the good guy or the bad guy. I mean, is just everybody a bad guy? It's hard to tell. It really turns what we know about superheroes on its head and just leaves you with this strange feeling of unease, but maybe hope. It's not to say that's what this needs to be, I'm saying they try to go to so many dark, melodramatic areas that just seem so overwhelming and so in-your-face, but also really overdone. Everybody in this movie screams at the top of their lungs.
(Footage focusing on the High Evolutionary is shown)
Doug (vo): Now, give everybody credit, they're at least showing some range of emotion, but, like, the villain in this, every other line is a yell. Even when he doesn't need to yell or things are going his way, he always yells in anger. He is so not interesting to me.
(Footage focusing on some of the dramatic moments, as well as the film's editing and production design, is shown)
Doug (vo): It's so bizarre what scenes are overly dramatic and what scenes aren't. For example, we get to know this married couple a little bit, they are helping them out to get to know the High Evolutionary and to find them and everything. But then, the entire civilization is taken out. Holy shit, what a dark, crazy idea! But it's almost never mentioned. Nobody says, "Oh, man, that poor married couple! Oh, my God!". Yet, there's a scene where we're introduced to these giant squid monsters, and Mantis is like, "Oh, they're afraid", and she touches them and starts crying. What the hell's that about? Like, the editing that can never let you just sit in a moment! Anytime they're even just having a conversation, it has to cut, like, 20 times per second. And I really like the Guardians movies, 'cause I feel like I can be in these worlds, but even with that said, the worlds are kind of lame-looking to me. Like, when they go to this kind of space intestine place, that looked okay-ish. I mean, at least there was a little color. But there's this weird, overexposed graininess that can look good in some movies, but really doesn't here. It just was not satisfying to look at. They do this walk in a line three times in this movie, and that's, like, one of my favorite tropes, I'm always a sucker for that. But by the end, I was sick of it, like, they just always wanted an applause moment.
(Footage focusing on the comedic moments is shown)
Doug (vo): The humor, one of my favorite things from the Guardians movies and just James Gunn movies in general, just feels like the generic, typical MCU Phase 4 humor. It just isn't that funny and feels crazy dated. I don't know, maybe I needed a better audience to watch it with, 'cause the audience I saw it with just didn't laugh at all. It was so rare that I ever heard anyone chuckle. Maybe if I was just with a better crowd, maybe I would get more into it, but it was silent during all these moments where they were leaving pauses like, "Oh-ho, you're going to laugh here!".
(As various footage continues to show, a good chunk of it focuses on Adam Warlock, Gamora, and Star-Lord)
Doug (vo): Even the story, the one thing I said was probably the best about the movie, the more I thought about it, had a lot of things that didn't add up. Why was Adam Warlock in this movie? Why did they build him up at the end of one of those films? Why is Gamora in this movie? I was really excited to see what they were going to do with this. I love the idea that it's a different version of her that hasn't met Star-Lord. Can they fall in love? Can there be a relationship here? And I was honestly leaning towards "No, there shouldn't be." Wouldn't that be interesting? But it's kind of decided at the beginning, and honestly, it could be figured out in one conversation, and they have that conversation. But then Star-Lord is so obnoxious, constantly trying to convince her to go back with him, and it's not funny, it's just annoying, to a point where I don't know why she's there, because suddenly, it's not about him hooking up with Gamora, it's about him reconnecting with his Earth dad? What? Is that what this is about? This was all building up to this ending? Like, I-I-I don't know, maybe there's something you could explore here. But it doesn't seem like that's where it was starting. But maybe you could argue that's where it was going, but is it? It just seems like they're making bad jokes and bad complaints and arguments at each other, that just gets grating. And again, it's just more shouting, continual shouting. Star-Lord is apparently so bummed that Gamora is gone, he can't even have a day sober, they always have to carry him off. They're like, "Oh, he's drunk again". But they had that Christmas special where, yeah, he was bummed, but he seemed functional, he was okay. Hey, on that note, remember that him and Mantis are brother and sister? That doesn't play into anything. Why did they have that? Hey, remember that team Stallone was the head of and they made it look like they were going to give them a movie or something? Uh, okay, there they are, Gamora's with them, and...bye, that's the only reason you were here. But then again, I'm still not sure why Gamora was here, you could have just taken her out and made this about Peter reconnecting with his roots and his father and his home. Like, honestly, if that's what this was about, if that really was the focus, I'd be all over this. But it just doesn't seem to have that much focus.
(Footage focusing on Rocket's backstory is shown)
Doug (vo): The only thing that was pretty flawless to me was the backstory with Rocket, which it's pretty impossible not to get invested. It's these cute little animals you know are going to die, and, again, it doesn't bother me that much, because that's kind of what you want to see happen in this arc. I mean, you want to see it in that you don't want to see it. You like these animals, you don't want to see anything bad happen to them or anything more bad happen to them, and you know it's going to. But when it does happen, they play this big, dramatic music, like, it's such a shock, and clearly, it's not. And they reuse that music over and over and over, like, they want 20 scenes where it's supposed to be tugging at your hearts, and you just kind of become brain dead to it after a while, or at least I was.
Final thought[]
Doug (vo): I don't know. Maybe I just held these movies up on a pedestal, or at the very least, the second one. I like the first one, but the second one, I really found to be an unbelievable Marvel movie, like, it's one of my Top 5, maybe one of my Top 3. So, maybe you can just understand that's where I'm coming from. I really wanted that level of excellence again. But one, the ingredients are there. I feel like if you just show me the bullet points of this story, I would say, "Okay, tweak a few things so they make a little bit more sense to the stuff that was shown before, but you got something here, t-this is a good finale". And two, people seem to really be emotionally invested in this, and they did get involved, and they did feel bad, and they did have these, just, big cry moments seeing these characters that we've really grown to like go through a lot of pain. So, there is a part of me that gets it. And, look, if you are one of those people and you probably are, 'cause most people were that really, really got emotionally involved, I do follow it, and I don't want to take that away from you. I mean, what? If you just connected with Rocket or Star-Lord or any of these characters, or maybe it connected to something in your life that you can relate to, what am I supposed to say? "Don't do that, you're dumb"? No. Let it connect with you, absolutely. Movies are art, and art is subjective, and everyone's going to have a different reaction. I just like giving different points of view on something. If I really don't like something, I'm not expecting you to think the exact same thing. I like hearing the different responses people have to movies, even if it is to a film I hate, which...this is not a film I hate. It's a film I want to love, but it got on my nerves. But it's also a film I can very easily see why someone would enjoy. Like I said, when I first did my review of it, I gave a little sign of the cross and said, "Okay, tell me what you think", 'cause I just knew I was going to be alone on this. But again, I'm not going to lie, I'm going to say what I really think about something. But that doesn't mean it has to be your opinion or we're going to fight about it or anything like that. I honestly like hearing something I couldn't get into other people got into, and it really moved them, and it brought them to a place that had them feeling genuine, even important emotions. So always keep that in mind. Whether it's me or someone else that has a different opinion on a film, don't feel like you have to change your opinion or change somebody else's opinion. Just give your thoughts on it and maybe people naturally will see something different. I haven't seen anything different with this film yet. But maybe down the line, I will, 'cause I do like this world and I do like these characters and I do like the setup for this finale. It just had way too many distractions for me to fully give myself emotionally to it. But like I said, I'm in the minority on that, and I think that's a good thing. I want people to get something good out of this, 'cause I don't think there's any bad messages in it. I think there is some strong stuff that should have the impact it's clearly trying to make. It's a film that's clearly not for me, but I'm not going to lie, I'm really happy it is for a lot of other people.
(The film's final scene, showing Rocket, Groot, Drax, Nebula, and Kraglin partaking in a dance party on Knowhere, is shown)