Future Shock 1

Future Shock #1
Released	August 13, 2012
Running time	28:34
Previous review	Rock 'N Roll 31
Next review	Catwoman: Guardian of Gotham 1
Tagline	A shocking tale about the future! ...Yeah, not really.
Link	http://atopthefourthwall.com/future-shock-1/

(Holokara looks through a virtual reality viewer)

Holokara: Huh, so virtual reality is like regular reality, but at a lower quality and a crappier frame rate. (scoffs, removes viewer to see he's on camera) Oh! Hello, everybody, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn.

(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Bimbos in Time")

Holokara (v/o): Today's comic, when it was donated, was described as "potentially the next 'Bimbos in Time'". I presume it's because "Bimbos in Time" is a movie tie-in that's an unfunny, badly-drawn, nonsensical sack of crap that lasted for forty pages of utter pain and irritation.

Holokara: Although, that's not the case here at all. Today's comic is a movie tie-in that's an unfunny, badly-drawn, nonsensical sack of crap that only lasts for twelve pages of utter pain and irritation.

(More shots of "Bimbos in Time" are shown)

Holokara (v/o): And to be fair, it's not intended to be funny. But here's the thing about "Bimbos in Time". The creator of it and the Bimbo movies by his own admission actually set out to create the worst comic ever. And it's only that it's so completely amateurish that I have to pass on it possessing that honor.

(Footage is shown of one of the Bimbos movies: Bimbos B.C.)

Holokara (v/o): Bimbos B.C. and the other Bimbos movies, which I have been informed do exist somewhere out there... Oh, yippee-skippee... aren't meant to be any great work of art and really not meant to be taken seriously, as frustrating as they are.

(The movie poster for Future Shock is shown)

Holokara (v/o): Here, though, we have the problem where the work was supposed to be taken seriously. In fairness, the movie that the comic is based on, Future Shock, is actually pretty good. So good, in fact, that I'm going to make an "a quick look at" to accompany this one to talk about the movie in greater detail, since we don't have a lot of time here.

(Footage of the movie is shown)

Holokara (v/o): It's kind of an anthology, with three different stories taking place, with one element connecting them, but I won't talk about it here. One of the movie's segments was written by and featured independent actress and writer Vivian Schilling. Fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 can probably recognize another film that she helped create and star in...

(Cut to the MST3K gang watching said film, Soultaker, the title for which comes into view)

Crow T. Robot: (misreading title) Soup Taper? What?

Mike Nelson: Let it get a little closer.

(The title becomes clearer as it swoops closer)

Tom Servo: (imitating Don Cornelius) THE SOUUUUUUUUUUUUULTAKER!

Holokara (v/o): That's right, she was Natalie in Soultaker and also wrote its initial screenplay. And to be fair, Soultaker is one of the better films to be featured on MST3K. Hell, it even won a Saturn Award. It's not a good film, but considering some movies I've seen, it's frickin' Citizen Kane by comparison

Holokara: But we're not here to talk about Soultaker or any other movie. As such, let's dig into (holds up today's comic) "Future Shock #1".

(AT4W title theme plays, and the title card has "Fly Like an Eagle" by the Steve Miller Band playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Holokara (v/o): Our cover has better artwork than what's in the actual story, which is always sad, buuut let's not get too excited about that, since this guy in the back looks more like a "Black Web" character than anything else. I admit, I like the logo: simple font, but creative, with the little energy arcs coming from the hole in the "O". Not bad. Natalie from Soultaker* is staring into a big glowing ball and looking extremely bored.

• NOTE: Schilling's character is named Jenny Porter.

Dr. Langdon: DON'T stare into that light... whatever you do!!!

(Cut to a clip of ???)

Eye: I see you...

(Cut back to the comic's cover)

Holokara (v/o): Meanwhile, this guy up front [Jack Porter] is rubbing his hands together like truly evil people do.

Jack: FOOL!!! Soon SHE will be under MY control... JUST AS YOU ARE!!!

Holokara: (confused) If he's under your control, then why did you have him yell out to not stare into the light...? (shrugs)

Holokara (v/o): We open at Hellfire Laboratories... Really need to get the marketing people on the line with that name... in San Clemente, California, where a marble is balanced on top of a domino, which is then placed on top of another marble.

Holokara: Hey, don't ask me; I'm just telling you what I'm reading here.

Holokara (v/o): A man enters.

Man: He-He-Hello?

Doctor 1: Come in, Troy! Please, take a seat! Make yourself comfortable!

Troy: That looks like an electric chair!

Holokara (v/o): For the record, said electric chair is a normal wooden chair.

Doctor 2: What an idiot! There's no brain in that head to probe!

Holokara: I love it when a crappy comic does the work of insulting people for me.

Doctor 1: Who else but a fool would volunteer for this experiment?

Holokara: (doctor's voice) All right, Test Subject Number 17, we have several new McDonald's dishes we'd like you to try.

Doctor 1: One sure thing about morons though, the little brains they have are always in their pants!

Holokara: (as Troy) Uh, you guys know that I can hear you, right? Uh, I mean, the glass is not that thick.

Holokara (v/o): It turns out the two spheres and domino thing are actually some kind of holographic projector, which emits an image of a woman in lingerie.

Holokara: (stroking his chin in thought) Hmm, a holographic projection of a woman in lingerie...

(He looks toward his emitter on his shoulder, which he reaches out to touch, then withdraws quickly, waving dismissively)

Holokara: Nah, I'm just messing with ya! I already used up this year's shirtless budget last week.

Holokara (v/o): Also, I think there might be something wrong with Captain Huge Forehead here, since he looked at the hologram and proclaims...

Troy: Hey baby! OOOOOOOWEEEEE!

Holokara (v/o): Because, you know, it's only natural that your first reaction to holographic porn is letting out that you're in pain? However, this doesn't last long.

Narrator: Suddenly, Dr. Evans hits the wrong switch, and Suzy-Q becomes Johnny-Boy! Troy is whirling out of control on hormone overload!

Holokara (v/o): And yes, the image has changed from a woman in lingerie to a muscular guy in a Speedo. So... hormone overload after switching from a half-naked woman to a half-naked guy? So, is the guy bisexual? I don't think this comic understands how hormones work.

Troy: NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Holokara: I think Troy is in a little bit of denial about himself. Or he just really, really misses the half-naked woman. (shrugs)

Holokara (v/o): And then his head explodes!

(Holokara stares for a long time, then slaps himself on the head with the comic)

Holokara: WHAT?!?

Holokara (v/o): I... I don't... WHAT?! When did this suddenly turn into Scanners?!

Dr. Evans: Whoops! Well, at least we know it works well enough!

Holokara: (as Dr. Evans) Yes, our brilliant invention of a machine that projects half-naked holograms of people that, when it switches from one to another, causes people's heads to explode, is an unbridled success!

Doctor 1: That's life in the great food chain!

Holokara: Yeah, I'm sure you people have heard of the Circle of Life. In reality, it's the circle of people's heads blowing up.

Doctor 2: Shall we send the lamp to Dr. Langdon?

Doctor 1: Yes! I know his results will be even more explosive!!

Holokara: I think if you need something more explosive than (makes "finger quotes") "blow people's heads up", you might want to just make a more conventional explosive than "holographic lamp projector that shows half-naked people"!

Holokara (v/o): And they called them mad. Ha! And yes, this Dr. Langdon now has the lamp on his desk and a woman named Jenny enters.

Dr. Langdon: (thinking) Jenny Porter. Paranoia. What a beautifully perfect subject.

Holokara: Eh, I liked "hooker with a heart of gold" a little bit better than "paranoia".

Dr. Langdon: (thinking) What a perfectly vulnerable mine. Controlling her should be easy!

Holokara: (as Dr. Langdon) And if not, I have my Easy Bake head exploder. (normal, angrily) No, I'm not letting this go! Lamp projects hologram, gender switches, dude's head explodes! (utterly dumbfounded) What the hell?!

Dr. Langdon: Ah, Jenny. It's so nice to meet you. I'm Doctor Langdon.

Jenny: I'm afraid there's been a mistake. My husband said I was meeting someone to teach me self-defense!

Holokara: (as Dr. Langdon) Naturally. I'm a doctor of kung fu.

Jenny: (thinking) I don't need a shrink... I need a 12-gauge, semi-automatic shotgun!

(Cut to a clip of Army of Darkness)

Ash (Bruce Campbell): (holding up his "boomstick") S-Mart's top of the line.

(Back to the comic again)

Holokara (v/o): The woman says that clearly, her husband has deceived her and that she'll be leaving now.

Dr. Langdon: That's okay, Jenny, I understand. I'm sorry for the deception. Say, what do you think of my new lamp? I just had it delivered... (thinking) Delivered from Hell, that is!

Holokara: But that doesn't look like the Amityville 4 lamp at all.

Holokara (v/o): And by the way, as a lamp reviewer, I must say that a lamp that destroys your head kind of defeats the purpose of the lamp, which is to illuminate the room and help you see. If your head is blown off, your eyes are gone, too, thus making it more difficult to see everything. Then again, you're dead and don't really care at that point. Final score for this lamp: five out of ten.

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