Frozen (NC)

Frozen
Release Date	November 13, 2019
Running Time	26:28
Previous Review	Justice League
Next Review	Commercials 10
Link	TBA

(We are shown the Channel Awesome logo and the opening of the show, before showing NC in his room)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Has anybody talked about Frozen yet?

(A clip from a movie showing several women in a mental institution screaming and yelling is shown)

NC: Good, I'll be the first.

(The title of Frozen is shown, before showing various clips)

NC (vo): It's hard to believe that over six years ago, Frozen graced the big screen and became, let's be fair, Disney's biggest animated hit, being the highest-grossing animated film of all time.

(The poster for The Lion King (2019) is shown next to NC, though NC smiles and wags his finger at it)

NC: No, no, no. That was the live-action remake. (An audience is heard groaning) Aw! They just had to film the backgrounds! Aw!

NC (vo): Frozen has become a cultural phenomenon Disney hasn't seen in years. Not that Disney has been particularly struggling, at least, creatively question mark... (Several posters of Disney's live-action remakes are shown) ...but an animated juggernaut of audiences, critics, music and merchandise hasn't been seen like this since, well... (An image of the characters of The Lion King is shown) ...the actual animated Lion King. The costumes are still huge, the songs are still sung, there's still high demand to see a perfect stranger dress up like Elsa just so kids can sniff a snowflake up her soul! And now, with the sequel coming out... (The poster for Frozen 2 is shown)

NC: (speaking in a snobbish manner) Which is pointless to see. You know I predicted it all already. (NC's mentioned video is shown)

NC (vo): ...they are reminders everywhere that Frozen is an abominable money-making snowman that no one can defeat.

NC: So now, years later, I have to ask, was it really worth all that attention?

NC (vo): I mean, I like the film fine, but over the years, a strong backlash has formed around it. People have asked with all the obsessing from kids and adults, "Was it really anything that special to hold in high regard? Was it truly a masterpiece, or a lucky film that just happened to hit the right fads at the right time?" Well, after letting some time pass, I think it only makes sense to look back and see if it deserves the good, the bad, and the... (A computer game involving pulling Elsa's teeth out is shown) ...whatever we're doing here.

NC: Let's go back and see if it was all worth it... (Another computer game involving removing several items from Elsa's hands is shown, creeping NC out a bit) ...most of it. This is Frozen.

(The movie starts, first showing a group of ice-deliverers, among them a boy named Kristoff and his reindeer Sven, cracking pieces of ice at a frozen river. The film then shows a castle in the kingdom of Arendelle, where two daughters of the King and Queen, Anna and Elsa, play together with Elsa's magical powers that allow her to control and create ice and snow)

NC (vo): The film opens, singing in a foreign language, which I think translates to "This song's underrated", as we see a little boy named Kristoff and his pet reindeer Sven helping out ice harvesters. Meanwhile, in Must-Be-A-Future-Disney-Attraction-Somewhere... (An image of the upcoming Frozen Land at the Disney Parks is shown) ...there it is...we see two young princesses, Anna and Elsa, stay up late playing, as Elsa has magical ice powers.

(Anna and Elsa slide down a snowy hill)

Anna: Tickle bumps! (Dives into a pile of snow and laughs)

NC: You know, with all those Doctor games, how come there isn't one called "Anna Has Frostbite"?

(Anna soon walks through some tall snowy hills and jumps very high into danger)

Elsa: Anna!

(Elsa releases a blast that accidentally hits Anna in the face, knocking her out)

NC (vo): Elsa accidentally hurts Anna with her powers, as her parents take her to a medical expert... (Elsa, the King and Queen take Anna to a colony of trolls) ...or these butt-ugly things.

(Kristoff and Sven are shown witnessing the whole scene from far away, until one troll appears between them)

Troll: Shush! I'm trying to listen! (Sven licks her in the face, causing the troll to smile) Cuties. I'm gonna keep you.

NC: The tone of the film has decided to find this... (The image of the troll meeting Kristoff and Sven is shown with several captions that saying "Alarming", "Disturbing", and "A Possible Kidnapping" before stopping on...) ...cute.

(The trolls' leader, Grand Pabble, approaches the group)

Grand Pabble: You are lucky it wasn't her heart. I recommend we remove all magic, even memories of magic.

NC (vo): Now many have pointed out the parents' choice of erasing magic from Anna's memory and keeping the sisters mostly separated is...oh, what's the term often used?

(A clip from a movie is shown)

Man: What the fuck is this?

NC (vo): Right. But I do argue this is more along the lines of how traditional fairy tale storytelling works. It's a means to an end. Why didn't Scar kill Simba earlier? Why didn't Ariel communicate through writing? Why was Aurora separated from her parents for years? All of these have simple solutions, but these problems further the themes, drama, and fantasy enough that many will let it slide. Do I wish something more logical was done while also furthering these elements? Absolutely. And I get why it bugs some people.

(A clip from Disney's Tarzan, showing Tarzan and Jane meeting for the first time, is shown)

NC (vo): But if Tarzan can say his name in perfect English despite it being taught to him in ape...

Tarzan: Tarzan.

NC: Yeah, think about it. How does that work?

NC (vo): ...I think this earns a little wiggle room.

Grand Pabble: (to Elsa) Your power will only grow. Fear will be your enemy.

(A smoky image of angry people attacking Elsa is shown, scaring Elsa)

NC: (as Grand Pabble) This ends the lesson driven by fear to convince you to stop giving in to fear.

(After Grand Pabble heals Anna and alters her memories so that she forgets about Elsa's magic, the King and Queen isolate both sisters within the castle, closing the castle gates to their subjects)

NC (vo): It looks like Elsa's powers are tied to her emotions... (Various images of many famous characters that also have emotional powers are shown, ending with Princess Peach) ...haven't seen that done before this. (Beat) I don't want to end on that one. (An image of Luke Skywalker and Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back is shown) Okay...as she's gloved up to hopefully keep her powers under control.

(The King gives Elsa a pair of gloves to keep her powers hidden)

King: Conceal it.

Elsa: Don't feel it.

Both: Don't let it show.

NC: This is gonna sound weird, but can she wear those as socks?

(Several scenes of Elsa's power coming out of her feet are shown)

NC (vo): 'Cause her shoes don't do shit! Maybe there's a lot more that can be explored with her feet...

(Yet another computer game called "Elsa's Foot Doctor" is shown next to NC)

NC: You know what, Internet? I'm fine not diving into that.

(In an effort to protect her sister from her increasingly unpredictable powers, Elsa ceases all contact with Anna. These scenes are shown via a musical number called "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?")

NC (vo): Over the years, Anna sings about building a snowman, but Elsa continues to keep herself locked away, afraid she might hurt her.

Anna: (singing) I've started talking to the pictures on the walls. (Speaks to a painting of Joan of Arc) Hang in there, Joan.

NC: (laughs, then turns serious) Never read a history book.

(When the sisters are teenagers, their parents go out to sea, but end up dying during a storm. Three years later, Elsa is about to be crowned Queen of Arendelle, and many citizens are shown to be excited about the big day)

NC (vo): Their parents go to create way too many fan theories, but get lost at sea, leaving Anna and Elsa on their own. Three years go by, and Elsa is about to be crowned queen, as she's finally turned 21. (NC scoffs, as an image of all the Disney princesses, all below the age of 21, is shown) Oh, lady. This calls for a crowd of expositionists.

NC: No, I didn't pronounce that wrong. I mean people who literally say nothing but exposition.

(Several clips of the guests' reactions are shown)

Duke of Wessleton: Arendelle, our most mysterious trade partner.

Mother: It's coronation day.

Man: I can't believe they're finally opening up the gates!

Mother: The Queen has come of age.

(A button that says "Skip Recap" is shown below the clips)

Duke of Wessleton: I may unlock your secrets and exploit your riches.

NC: (imitates Willy Wonka) Are we ready? Yes. Good. On we go!

(The guests begin walking to the castle)

Man #1: I can't wait to see the Queen and the princess.

Man #2: I bet they are beautiful.

(We instantly cut to Anna sleeping in her bed, with drool on her face and her hair being all messy)

NC: Ha! Take that, Disney conforming the feminine beauty! Now quickly conform to feminine beauty.

(An excited Anna spends the morning preparing for the big day, while singing "For the First Time in Forever")

Anna: (singing) The window is open, so's that door. I didn't know they did that anymore.

NC (vo): So Anna, played by Kristen Bell, sings about the excitement of finally opening up the palace doors...

Anna: (singing) Why have a ballroom with no balls?

(NC makes an uneasy smile at that line, before we are shown Elsa, nervous at the big day)

NC (vo): ...while Elsa, played by... (An image of Idina Menzel and John Travolta at the Oscars is shown with the caption "Adele Dazeem") ...is this joke dated? I don't care. Needs a comeback...is dreading the opening of the palace doors.

Elsa: (singing) Conceal, don't feel, put on a show.

NC: Ah, the words every Roland Emmerich movie begins with.

(We are shown a close-up of an Easter Egg cameo of Rapunzel from Tangled entering the palace doors)

NC (vo): After a cameo from another magical princess...

NC: Which, given everything that happens in this, pretty douchy she does nothing.

(After the song ends, Anna meets up with another guest, Hans, Prince of the Southern Isles)

NC (vo): ...Anna bumps into a prince named Hans, and they seem to hit it off.

Hans: Prince Hans of the Southern Isles.

Anna: Princess Anna of Arendelle.

Hans: Princess? (Bows to Anna) My lady.

NC: Hmm. I have a sneaking suspicion that horse is up to something. (A close-up of Hans' horse is shown) You know, Rapunzel is in this. He could be tied to the one from Tangled! (An image of Maximus is shown)

(Soon, Elsa's coronation ceremony begins)

NC (vo): Anna makes it to the coronation, which puts Elsa's biggest fear to the test.

Man: (clears throat) Your Majesty, the gloves.

(Elsa's reaction is shown with a close-up and the caption "Note to self: Execute". As the man pronounces Elsa queen, Elsa holds her Queen items without her gloves on. Ice starts to emerge and freeze the objects)

NC: I know i should be concerned that her powers will be revealed, but honestly, I'm just happy Miguel finally transitioned. (One guest is shown with a Photoshopped image of Miguel from Coco) Yeah, I can have fan theories, too!

(The coronation goes by without incident, and an after-party is soon held, with Elsa and Anna watching)

NC (vo): She holds out long enough to be crowned queen, as her and Anna are finally given some awkward but important sisterly time.

Elsa: This is what a party looks like. What is that amazing smell?

(Anna and Elsa both sniff and smile together)

Anna and Elsa: Chocolate. (Both giggle)

NC: (confused) I've literally had six years to think of a joke, and I still don't know how to react to that.