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Frozen

Frozen nc

Release Date
November 13, 2019
Running Time
26:28
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(We are shown the Channel Awesome logo and the opening of the show, before showing NC in his room)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Has anybody talked about Frozen yet?

(A clip from Death Becomes Her, showing several women in a mental institution screaming and yelling, is shown)

Woman: Stop! Stop it! Stop!

NC: Good, I'll be the first.

(The title of Frozen is shown, before showing various clips)

NC (vo): It's hard to believe that over six years ago, Frozen graced the big screen and became, let's be fair, Disney's biggest animated hit, being the highest-grossing animated film of all time.

(The poster for The Lion King (2019) is shown next to NC, though NC smiles and wags his finger at it)

NC: No, no, no. That was the live-action remake. (An audience is heard groaning) Aw! They just had to film the backgrounds! Aw!

NC (vo): Frozen has become a cultural phenomenon Disney hasn't seen in years. Not that Disney has been particularly struggling, at least, creatively, question mark?... (Several posters of Disney's live-action remakes are shown) ...but an animated juggernaut of audiences, critics, music and merchandise hasn't been seen like this since, well... (An image of the characters of The Lion King is shown) ...the actual animated Lion King. The costumes are still huge, the songs are still sung, there's still high demand to see a perfect stranger dress up like Elsa just so kids can sniff a snowflake up her soul! And now, with the sequel coming out... (The poster for Frozen II is shown)

NC: (speaking in a snobbish manner) Which is pointless to see. You know I predicted it all already. (NC's mentioned video is shown)

NC (vo): ...they are reminders everywhere that Frozen is an abominable money-making snowman that no one can defeat.

NC: So, years later, I have to ask, was it really worth all that attention?

NC (vo): I mean, I like the film fine, but over the years, a strong backlash has formed around it. People have asked with all the obsessing from kids and adults, "Was it really anything that special to hold in high regard? Was it truly a masterpiece, or a lucky film that just happened to hit the right fads at the right time?" Well, after letting some time pass, I think it only makes sense to look back and see if it deserves the good, the bad, and the... (A computer game involving pulling Elsa's teeth out is shown) ...whatever we're doing here.

NC: Let's go back and see if it was all worth it... (Another computer game involving removing several items from Elsa's hands is shown, creeping NC out a bit) ...most of it. This is Frozen.

(The movie starts, first showing a group of ice-deliverers, among them a boy named Kristoff and his reindeer Sven, cracking pieces of ice at a frozen river. The film then shows a castle in the kingdom of Arendelle, where two daughters of the King and Queen, Anna and Elsa, play together with Elsa's magical powers that allow her to control and create ice and snow)

NC (vo): The film opens, singing in a foreign language, which I think translates to "This song's underrated", as we see a little boy named Kristoff and his pet reindeer Sven helping out ice harvesters. Meanwhile, in Must-Be-A-Future-Disney-Attraction-Somewhere... (An image of the upcoming Frozen Land at the Disney Parks is shown) ...there it is...we see two young princesses, Anna and Elsa, stay up late playing, as Elsa has magical ice powers.

(Anna and Elsa slide down a snowy hill)

Anna: Tickle bumps! (Dives into a pile of snow and laughs)

NC: You know, with all those Doctor games, how come there isn't one called "Anna Has Frostbite"?

(Anna soon walks through some tall snowy hills and jumps very high into danger)

Elsa: Anna!

(Elsa releases a blast that accidentally hits Anna in the face, knocking her out)

NC (vo): Elsa accidentally hurts Anna with her powers, as her parents take her to a medical expert... (Elsa, the King and Queen take Anna to a colony of trolls) ...or these butt-ugly things.

(Kristoff and Sven are shown witnessing the whole scene from far away, until one female troll named Bulda appears between them)

Bulda: Shush! I'm trying to listen! (Sven licks her in the face, causing Bulda to smile) Cuties. I'm gonna keep you.

NC: The tone of the film has decided to find this... (The image of the troll meeting Kristoff and Sven is shown with several captions that saying "Alarming", "Disturbing", and "A Possible Kidnapping" before stopping on...) ...cute.

(The trolls' leader, Grand Pabble, approaches the group)

Grand Pabble: You are lucky it wasn't her heart. I recommend we remove all magic, even memories of magic.

NC (vo): Now, many have pointed out the parents' choice of erasing magic from Anna's memory and keeping the sisters mostly separated is...oh, what's the term often used?

(A clip from Burn After Reading is shown)

Osbourne Cox (John Malkovich): What the fuck is this?

NC (vo): Right. But I do argue this is more along the lines of how traditional fairy tale storytelling works. It's a means to an end. Why didn't Scar kill Simba earlier? Why didn't Ariel communicate through writing? Why was Aurora separated from her parents for years? All of these have simple solutions, but these problems further the themes, drama, and fantasy enough that many will let it slide. Do I wish something more logical was done while also furthering these elements? Absolutely. And I get why it bugs some people.

(A clip from Disney's Tarzan, showing Tarzan and Jane meeting for the first time, is shown)

NC (vo): But if Tarzan can say his name in perfect English despite it being taught to him in ape...

Tarzan: Tarzan.

NC: Yeah, think about it. How does that work?

NC (vo): ...I think this earns a little wiggle room.

Grand Pabble: (to Elsa) Your power will only grow. Fear will be your enemy.

(A smoky image of angry people attacking Elsa is shown, scaring Elsa)

NC: (as Grand Pabble) This ends the lesson driven by fear to convince you to stop giving in to fear.

(After Grand Pabble heals Anna and alters her memories so that she forgets about Elsa's magic, the King and Queen isolate both sisters within the castle, closing the castle gates to their subjects)

NC (vo): It looks like Elsa's powers are tied to her emotions... (Various images of many famous characters that also have emotional powers are shown (including Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Flame Princess from Adventure Time, Raven from Teen Titans, Rogue from X-Men: The Last Stand, the Hulk from the 2003 film, Matilda from the eponymous movie, and ending with Princess Peach)) ...haven't seen that done before this. (Beat) I don't want to end on that one. (An image of Luke Skywalker and Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back is shown) Okay...as she's gloved up to hopefully keep her powers under control.

(The King gives Elsa a pair of gloves to keep her powers hidden)

King: Conceal it.

Elsa: Don't feel it.

Both: Don't let it show.

NC: This is gonna sound weird, but can she wear those as socks?

(Several scenes of Elsa's power coming out of her feet are shown)

NC (vo): 'Cause her shoes don't do shit! Maybe there's a lot more that can be explored with her feet...

(Yet another computer game called "Elsa's Foot Doctor" is shown next to NC)

NC: You know what, Internet? I'm fine not diving into that.

(In an effort to protect her sister from her increasingly unpredictable powers, Elsa ceases all contact with Anna. These scenes are shown via a musical number called "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?")

NC (vo): Over the years, Anna sings about building a snowman, but Elsa continues to keep herself locked away, afraid she might hurt her.

Anna: (singing) I've started talking to the pictures on the walls. (Speaks to a painting of Joan of Arc) Hang in there, Joan.

NC: (laughs, then turns serious) Never read a history book.

(When the sisters are teenagers, their parents go out to sea, but end up dying during a storm. Three years later, Elsa is about to be crowned Queen of Arendelle, and many citizens are shown to be excited about the big day)

NC (vo): Their parents go to create way too many fan theories, but get lost at sea, leaving Anna and Elsa on their own. Three years go by, and Elsa is about to be crowned queen, as she's finally turned 21. (NC scoffs, as an image of all the Disney princesses, all below the age of 21, is shown) Old lady. This calls for a crowd of expositionists.

NC: No, I didn't pronounce that wrong. I mean people who literally say nothing but exposition.

(Several clips of the guests' reactions are shown)

Duke of Weselton: Arendelle, our most mysterious trade partner.

Mother: It's coronation day.

Kai: I can't believe they're finally opening up the gates!

Mother: The Queen has come of age.

(A Netflix pop-up that says "Skip Recap" is shown below the clips)

Duke of Weselton: I may unlock your secrets and exploit your riches.

NC: (imitates Willy Wonka) Are we ready? Yes. Good. On we go!

(The guests begin walking to the castle)

Man #1: I can't wait to see the Queen and the princess.

Man #2: I bet they are beautiful.

(We instantly cut to Anna sleeping in her bed, with drool on her face and her hair being all messy)

NC: Ha! Take that, Disney conforming the feminine beauty! Now quickly conform to feminine beauty.

(An excited Anna spends the morning preparing for the big day, while singing "For the First Time in Forever")

Anna: (singing) The window is open, so's that door. I didn't know they did that anymore.

NC (vo): So Anna, played by Kristen Bell, sings about the excitement of finally opening up the palace doors...

Anna: (singing) Why have a ballroom with no balls?

(NC makes an uneasy smile at that line, before we are shown Elsa, nervous at the big day)

NC (vo): ...while Elsa, played by... (An image of Idina Menzel and John Travolta at the Oscars is shown with the caption "Adele Dazeem") ...is this joke dated? I don't care. Needs a comeback...is dreading the opening of the palace doors.

Elsa: (singing) Conceal, don't feel, put on a show.

NC: Ah, the words every Roland Emmerich movie begins with.

(We are shown a close-up of an Easter Egg cameo of Rapunzel from Tangled entering the palace doors)

NC (vo): After a cameo from another magical princess...

NC: Which, given everything that happens in this, pretty douchey she does nothing.

(After the song ends, Anna meets up with another guest, Hans, Prince of the Southern Isles)

NC (vo): ...Anna bumps into a prince named Hans, and they seem to hit it off.

Hans: Prince Hans of the Southern Isles.

Anna: Princess Anna of Arendelle.

Hans: Princess? (Bows to Anna) My lady.

NC: Hmm. I have a sneaking suspicion that horse is up to something. (A close-up of Hans' horse is shown) We know Rapunzel is in this. He could be tied to the one from Tangled! (An image of Maximus is shown)

(Soon, Elsa's coronation ceremony begins)

NC (vo): Anna makes it to the coronation, which puts Elsa's biggest fear to the test.

Priest: (clears throat) Your Majesty, the gloves.

(Elsa's reaction is shown with a close-up and the caption "Note to self: Execute". As the priest pronounces Elsa queen, Elsa holds her Queen items without her gloves on. Ice starts to emerge and freeze the objects)

NC: I know I should be concerned that her powers will be revealed, but honestly, I'm just happy Miguel finally transitioned. (One female guest is shown with a Photoshopped image of Miguel from Coco) Yeah, I can have fan theories, too!

(The coronation goes by without incident, and an after-party is soon held, with Elsa and Anna watching)

NC (vo): She holds out long enough to be crowned queen, as her and Anna are finally given some awkward but important sisterly time.

Elsa: This is what a party looks like. What is that amazing smell?

(Anna and Elsa both sniff and smile together)

Anna and Elsa: Chocolate. (Both giggle)

NC: (confused) I've literally had six years to think of a joke, and I still don't know how to react to that.

(The Duke of Weselton approaches Anna and Elsa)

Duke of Weselton: It seems only fitting that I offer you your first dance as Queen. (Performs some crazy dancing moves)

NC: Oh, we're doing this kind of humor. Okay.

(The Duke of Weselton briefly dances with Anna)

NC (vo): I guess we haven't really had the equivalent of the Six Flags guy for the two-year-olds. Yeah, fair enough.

(Anna trips, but is caught by Hans)

Hans: Glad I caught you.

NC (vo): Anna meets up with Hans again, and they sing about how they're spontaneously in love.

NC: No, it's okay. It's supposed to be weird in this Disney movie.

(Anna and Hans bond with each other while singing "Love is an Open Door")

Anna and Hans: (singing) Jinx again! Our mental synchronization can have but one explanation.

NC: Welcome to either the best or worst duet you will encounter at every recital from now on.

(After the song, Hans proposes to Anna, who eagerly accepts, but Elsa doesn't give them their blessing)

NC (vo): Hans proposes, and Anna accepts, as long as she can get the Queen's blessing, which she does not give.

Elsa: No one is getting married.

Anna: Wait, what?

Elsa: You can't marry a man you just met.

NC: Yeah, apparently, people don't know that these are fairy tales, not to be taken literally. (Posters of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella are shown) So Disney's got to spell it out a bit more.

Elsa: The party is over. Close the gates.

Anna: Please! I can't live like this anymore!

Elsa: (with a sad look) Then leave.

NC: Yeah, I have to admit, I always thought that was a little too fast of a turn.

NC (vo): Like, they've just met up again after so long, and suddenly, she's telling her to piss off. It never quite felt right.

(A clip from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith is shown)

NC (vo): Even Anakin's turn was like... (Imitates Anakin) Give me a second. (Imitates Palpatine) That was a second. (Imitates Anakin) Okay, I'm in.

(The emotional strain causes Elsa to accidentally unleash her powers in front of everybody. Elsa flees from Arendelle, but in the process, her powers cause the entire kingdom to be engulfed in an eternal winter)

NC (vo): I think it was just meant to speed up her outburst, which, speaking of, her emotions and powers get out of control, as she's revealed to the crowd, who see her as a monster. This causes her to run away, putting the land into permanent winter. Anna decides since this was all her fault, she's the one that should go after her.

Hans: I don't want you getting hurt.

Anna: She's my sister. She would never hurt me.

(Two clips of Elsa accidentally striking Anna with her powers are briefly shown)

NC (vo): I disagree, but if you want to Jack Torrance yourself, you do you. (The image of a frozen Jack Torrance from The Shining is shown)

(Anna ventures out to find Elsa and end the winter, leaving Hans in command of Arendelle. Meanwhile, Elsa arrives at the North Mountain)

NC (vo): She takes off to find her, while meanwhile, on a nearby mountain...

(The opening piano notes of "Let It Go" start playing. NC's ears literally explode upon hearing this)

NC: Sorry! That's the reaction every adult has now when they hear those five notes!

(Throughout the song, Elsa realizes that now that she is far away from everyone, she can unleash her powers freely, and uses them to create an ice castle for her to live in)

NC (vo): Yeah, it's no mystery this song has been overplayed and overheard to the point of madness, with countless covers on the Internet, tons of merchandise with the song's title, and, as of now, having over 1.8 billion hits on YouTube. (A YouTube video, "Let It Go: Sing-Along", is shown to have 1.8B views) At first, when people heard it on the radio, they were like...

NC: "Oh, that's the song from Frozen, right? Man, I sure hope that little kids' movie song gets the attention it deserves."

NC (vo): And now, when you hear it, people are like...

Elsa: (singing) Let it go...

(A clip from The Great Gatsby (2013) is shown, showing Gatsby flying into a temper and grabbing Tom)

Gatsby: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!

NC: But, okay, objectifiably, objectifiably...it is a good... (Suddenly dodges a gunshot) ...song. (Dodges another gunshot)

(We cut back to the "Let It Go" sequence)

NC (vo): I mean, the melody's catchy, the lyrics poignant, the singing fantastic. Anyone that's had stress in their life...so, everybody...can listen to it and connect it to breaking free in a grand way. I guess when you think of all the other songs you've heard to death and have been played way too many times... (Images of single covers of famous catchy songs including "Achy Breaky Heart", "Macarena", "Who Let the Dogs Out" and "Friday" are shown) ...is this really the worst one to be stuck with for a while? A queen making a fortress of ice while the sun rises and her hair ignoring physical mass? I feel like this could be worse. Of all the songs annoyingly played millions of times over the years, I still stand by this is one of the better ones. Overdone? Sure. But that doesn't mean it didn't sound really good the first time it was played.

NC: Anyway, it's gotta be better than "Hakuna Matata".

(An audience boos, but NC smiles, stands up, and begins waving at the crowd, while a caption is shown saying "I don't care". We go to a commercial. When we return, we are shown Anna struggling on her journey)

NC (vo): So Anna travels all day until it becomes dark, and she finds an old shop. You...might be wondering why they had the short bit of her in the day, only to cut to night, especially when they could've just had it all happen the exact same night.

NC: Because "light of day" was a lyric in the last song we heard, and there is no way...

(The ending shot of "Let It Go", showing Elsa looking at the rising sun, is shown)

NC (vo): ...they are passing on a whimsical money shot like this.

NC: Disney. We shit these scenes. (Images of sunrise scenes from other Disney films including The Lion King, Aladdin, Hercules, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame are shown)

(While on her journey, Anna gets buried in a pile of snow, and slips and falls into a freezing river)

NC (vo): Can't count the number of illnesses the cold would have given her in that outfit, so let's just say all of them.

(We are briefly shown a shot of Kristoff talking to Sven after being kicked out of a supply store Anna is also in)

Kristoff: No, Sven, I didn't get your carrots.

NC (vo): She comes across Kristoff, who's now all grown up, who pretends that his reindeer Sven can talk to him.

(As they settle in for the night, Kristoff sings "Reindeers Are Better Than People" to Sven)

Kristoff: (singing; imitating Sven) "Every one of them's bad, except you." (Speaks normally) Oh, thanks, buddy.

NC: This already has me rethinking how many Disney characters are just imagining colorful characters talking to them... (An image of Geppetto and Pinocchio from Pinocchio is shown)

NC (vo): ...but seeing how a reindeer has a lifespan of 10 years and they were kids together...

NC: ...I'm wondering if Sven is even alive.

Kristoff: (singing) Sven, don't you think I'm right? (Imitates Sven again, as we are shown a frozen image of Sven instead of Sven's reaction) "That's once again true, for all except you." (Sings normally) Let's call it a night.

NC: (whispers) Just let him dream.

(Anna meets Kristoff and Sven and convinces them to take her to the mountains, and they begin journeying on Kristoff's sleigh)

NC (vo): Anna convinces him to take her up the mountain to find Elsa, where she talks about her love Hans and their sporadic romance.

Kristoff: What's his last name?

Anna: Of the Southern Isles.

Kristoff: Eye color?

Anna: Dreamy.

Kristoff: Foot size?

Anna: Foot size doesn't matter.

NC: Hey, the only reason this movie has a PG rating! Definitely belongs in the same ranks as this. (The infamous melting scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark is shown) Ratings system's still a joke!

(An attack by wolves leads to Kristoff's sleigh being destroyed, and the group continuing on foot, where they meet Olaf, a cheerful snowman brought to life unknowingly by Elsa)

NC (vo): They're attacked by wolves, but they fight them off, losing the sled. On top of that, they come across a snowman Elsa accidentally gave life to...

NC: Sorceresses do this all the time. (An image of Galadriel is shown) Galadriel accidentally farted Hobbits.

NC (vo): ...and it looks like his name is Olaf, played by Josh Gad.

Anna: Did Elsa build you?

Olaf: Yeah, why?

Anna: Do you know where she is?

Olaf: Yeah, why?

NC (vo): While I can't act like he doesn't get a hint annoying from time to time, he does have a few jokes that really do land.

(A later scene is shown, showing Olaf's upper half accidentally caught on a sharp icy point)

Olaf: (still smiling) Oh, look at that. I've been impaled.

NC (vo): And I have to give credit. While most Disney comic relief are very loud and stupid, this character is at least very quiet and stupid. A kid imitating him would probably be more whispery than, say, imitating... (Image of...) Mushu.

(NC suddenly looks at annoyance at an off-screen kid (voiced by Doug) reciting a line from Mushu)

Kid: (imitating Mushu) Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow! Dishonor on...

(NC presses a button, causing an explosion that shuts the kid up)

NC: The thought occurs to me, I shouldn't have children.

(Olaf sings "In Summer", expressing his wish to experience all the things related to summer)

NC (vo): It is also wonderfully surreal to see him sing about what he thinks snow does in summer, which is lay on burning sand, take a hot tub, and grind a film's story to a complete halt.

NC: But again, it is a little funny.

Olaf: (singing) In summer!

Kristoff: (deadpan) I'm gonna tell him.

Anna: Don't you dare!

NC: (as Anna) And while you're at it, don't tell me what Elsagate is. I just know it's bad.

(The group eventually reaches Elsa's ice palace)

NC (vo): They climb all day, and eventually reach Elsa's palace.

Anna: Whoa.

Kristoff: Now that's ice.

NC: Don't start with the ice puns, man. The Olympic champion cannot be beat.

(A clip of Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin is shown)

Mr. Freeze: The iceman commeth.

NC: Once you start, it's a slippery slope. (Beat) See? I'm doing it!

(Inside the palace, Anna meets Elsa again)

NC (vo): Anna confronts Elsa and tries to convince her to come back, while... (The poster for Maleficent is shown) ...well, we've ripped off Wicked a few times and now we have their stars, so we can rip it off a bit more.

(Both Elsa and Anna sing a reprise of "For the First Time in Forever")

Elsa: (singing) Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free.

(A clip of "Defying Gravity" from the musical Wicked, performed by Elphaba, also played by Idina Menzel, is shown)

Elphaba: (singing) And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free.

NC: Well, what did you think we were gonna take from this? The Snow Queen?

Anna: (singing) Arendelle's in deep, deep, deep, deep...snow.

NC: (as Anna) See? I almost said "shit", but I didn't, and we could've gotten away with it, too, 'cause we're PG!

(Shocked by this revelation, Elsa loses control of her emotions and her powers again, and in the process, she accidentally strikes Anna again, this time in the heart)

NC (vo): Elsa doesn't know what to do, gets emotional, and ends up hurting Anna again.

Catwoman (from Batman Returns; audio): Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead.

(Elsa creates a snow monster named Marshmallow to throw Anna and Kristoff out of the castle)

NC (vo): Elsa makes a snow monster to throw them out, as he chases them down the mountain.

(Marshmallow chases Anna and Kristoff)

NC (vo; as Marshmallow): Wanna build me now, bitch?

(After escaping, the group realize that Anna's hair is getting whiter after being struck earlier, so Kristoff takes them to meet the trolls)

NC (vo): They escape, but they realize Anna's hair is getting whiter, so Kristoff takes her to the Rockbiter's ball fungus.

Anna: What's going on?

Kristoff: I've learned to just roll with it.

(NC suddenly hears a punch sound from below)

NC: It's fair. For every half-a-dozen fun scenes, you got to take a little kick to the testicles. By Disney standards, it's pretty good.

(The trolls, believing that Anna and Kristoff are boyfriend and girlfriend, sing "Fixer Upper")

Trolls: (singing) With your fiancee out of the way...

(NC suddenly takes more invisible punches to his crotch)

NC: And sometimes, you got to take a little more!

NC (vo): Yeah, time for everybody's least-favorite song sung by everybody's least-favorite characters. Again, I know I've heard more annoying Disney tunes, but this one really does stop the story in its tracks and offer pretty much no laughs. At least the Olaf song had a few light giggles. This one has the fast-forward sign imprinted on your screen because you've skipped past this song so much!

Reverend Troll: Do you, Anna, take Kristoff to be your trollfully wedded...

Anna: Wait, what?

Reverend Troll: You're getting married.

NC: You know that thing we made a big deal not doing after knowing a guy for a day? We're doing that.

(Suddenly, Anna starts to get weaker and colder)

Kristoff: She's as cold as ice.

(Grand Pabble rolls in)

Grand Pabble: There is strange magic here.

NC (vo; as Grand Pabble): Sorry. I was in the back reading "Stale Smurf Hooters Monthly". It's kind of what I do whenever that song plays.

(After Grand Pabbie reveals that Anna will freeze solid unless "an act of true love" reverses the spell, the group begins racing Anna back home so Hans can give her true love's kiss. Meanwhile, Hans is leading an attack on Elsa's palace)

NC (vo): He tells them that only an act of true love can fix a frozen heart, so Kristoff insists that they take her back to Hans, who's considerately on his way to kill her sister.

(Elsa is confronted by the Duke of Weselton's bodyguards)

Elsa: Please!

(One guard shoots an arrow at Elsa, until a block of ice appears and stops the arrow)

NC (vo; as Elsa): That's right, I forgot. I'm awesome.

Guard: Get her!

(Elsa begins fighting back against the guards, but eventually, Elsa gets knocked unconscious and she is taken back to Arendelle and imprisoned in a cell. Meanwhile, the group arrives back at Arendelle and Kristoff hands a weak and cold Anna to Kai and Gerda, the main servants in the palace)

NC (vo): She knocks herself out on a camera and wakes up in prison. Kristoff gets Anna home and instructs the servants to take her to Hans.

Kristoff: Find Prince Hans immediately.

Kai: We will. Thank you.

NC (vo; as Kai): You deserve a just reward. (Kristoff stays behind as the doors close) Well, goodbye.

(Anna is raced inside and brought before Hans)

Anna: Hans, you have to kiss me.

Hans: What?

Anna: Now! Now!

Hans: Whoa, slow down.

(Everyone in the room leaves to give Anna and Hans some time alone)

NC (vo): This leads to arguably the most polarizing... (A rimshot is heard as we are briefly shown the frozen castle) ...part of the movie: Hans reveals he's actually the villain.

(As Hans and Anna prepare to kiss, Hans suddenly smirks at Anna and reveals his true evil side)

Hans: If only there was someone out there who loved you.

NC: Now, here's the thing. At first, I didn't really like this because it just felt like another Disney surprise villain...

NC (vo): ...which they've been having way too many of recently. And on top of that, this movie was doing fine without a real villain. It was kind of refreshing to get away from the basic good vs. evil storyline.

NC: But then I thought about it. Elsa's problem is that she...

(Several footage of Anna and Elsa is shown)

NC (vo): ...shut herself out and won't let anyone get close. Anna's problem is that she wears her emotions on her sleeve and will let anyone get close.

NC: Both of these are increasingly bigger problems, especially online.

NC (vo): You often hear about someone getting fooled or manipulated on the Internet because they were too giving of themselves. Hell, there's literally a hit show about it. (A poster of the MTV series Catfish is shown) But on the other hand, you hear about people who stay in and never talk to people, finding comfort in their echo chambers and never going out into the real world.

NC: Because of this, I've actually really grown to like Hans as the bad guy.

(A scene of Hans bonding with Anna is shown, before cutting back to the scene where Hans reveals his true evil nature to Anna, also revealing that he intends to take over the kingdom for himself by eliminating both Anna and Elsa)

NC (vo): It's a legit surprise, I honestly thought he was fleshed out enough to be a funny and charming character, and it hammers home the problem of being too giving with your emotions and not being careful with who you trust. Elsa needs to open up, Anna needs to pull back, and it works best if we're as shocked as she is that someone betrayed her.

NC: As long as there's no corny villain lines, like she says...

(After revealing his plan, Hans leaves Anna to die. NC recites their final lines to each other as they're shown)

Anna: You won't get away with this!

NC (vo): And he says...

Hans: I already have.

NC: Yeah, that's lame, but you know... (Takes another invisible punch to the crotch) You take a few.

(Olaf frees Anna, and they venture outside into a roaring blizzard to meet Kristoff, who Olaf has revealed is in love with her. Meanwhile, Hans confronts Elsa outside, who had just escaped and has unleashed the blizzard, claiming that she killed Anna, causing Elsa to break down and abruptly stop the storm. Anna spots Hans about to kill Elsa; she leaps in the way and freezes solid, stopping Hans at the apparent cost of her life)

NC (vo): Olaf helps Anna escape as she continues to turn, and everybody meets up on the lake. She sees Hans about to kill Elsa, so she sacrifices herself, letting the ice consume her.

Charlie Wilcox (from Suburban Commando; audio): I was frozen today!

NC: Yeah, you would've killed me if I didn't put that in.

(Elsa breaks down, hugging Anna's frozen body, as Kristoff, Sven and Olaf watch in sadness)

NC (vo; as Olaf): I'll refrain putting my tongue on her to see if it sticks.

(Anna suddenly thaws out, her heroic act constituting "an act of true love", much to Elsa's relief and joy)

NC (vo): But this counts as an act of true love, as it melts Anna free, and Elsa realizes, for lack of a better term, love conquers all.

Elsa: Love.

(Elsa finally uses her power to end the eternal winter and bring Arendelle back to normal)

NC (vo; as Elsa): I send you to Chicago! Just arrive whenever you want. October, if you like.

(Elsa also uses her power to give Olaf his own personal flurry to survive in the warm climate. Hans is told off by Anna for his evil deeds and is soon arrested and exiled back to the Southern Isles, and Anna and Kristoff start a romance)

NC (vo): Olaf is given his own personal flurry, Hans is given his own personal meme, and I'm still convinced Kristoff is dragging around a dead animal.

(Anna and Kristoff share their first kiss)

NC (vo; as Kristoff): Will you marry me? (as Anna) Sure.

(A clip from Liar Liar is shown)

Fletcher Reede: (spitting out water) OH, COME ON!!

(Anna and Elsa are reunited, and Elsa uses her power to unite the entire kingdom of Arendelle and never close the gates ever again)

NC (vo): Elsa is in more control of her powers, the relationship between her and Anna is stronger, and Olaf went on to be everyone's favorite part of Coco.

(The movie ends)

NC: So that was Frozen, one of Disney’s biggest movies of all time. How does it hold up? Well...it's still really, really good…for Disney.

(Various footage of Frozen is shown once more as NC states his final thoughts)

NC (vo): I know that sounds weird, as they're THE pioneers in animation, but technology-wise, nothing that new is done. In terms of story and characters, nothing really that new is done either. I mean, their biggest breakthrough is, "You don't have to marry someone you just met." I feel like other animated films have gone way beyond that. But with that said, it just does the job of having charming characters, an engaging story, hummable songs, and even some updated lessons that tie into modern-day problems. You could argue a lot of this is about overcorrecting, how the parents overcorrect at separating them, how Elsa overcorrected shutting people out, and how Anna overcorrected being too social. Is this one of the great animated movies? Objectifiably, I think there's better stories and bigger groundbreakers, but I still think it's really, really good, and showcases a lot of great talents that clearly worked their asses off to make something millions of people strongly connect with. Is it way too all over the place? Yeah. But I can see why it is. I can see why not everyone gets onboard the Frozen train, but I have to admit, I’m always gonna have a special place for it in my frozen heart.

NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and if you'll excuse me, I got a hunger for some donuts. (Gets up and leaves the room) I Donut Donuts.

(We are shown an extremely brief shot of NC's "I Donut Donuts" T-shirt before this review concludes)

Channel Awesome Tagline: Anna and Elsa: (sniffing) Chocolate.

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