April 28, 2018
Todd plays "Freaky Friday" on the piano.
FREAKY FRIDAY - LIL DICK ft. CHRIS BROWN
A pop song review
Todd: You know, I've reviewed a lot of different genres on this show, but we've got something special today. We're gonna review...a comedy song! That's right, get ready to listen to some wacky hysterical comedy music with some hilarious jokes that will make you pee your pants with laughter! Are you ready for some humor? (Honks on his comedy horn) But of course, this is still a review show, so not only are we gonna get some laughs, I'm going...to criticize it! That's right, I'm gonna explain why those jokes that apparently everyone thinks are funny are actually offensive and not funny at all. You heard me. We're about to get #PROBLEMATIC up in here! I wanna die.
Todd (VO): Now, to be clear, I am not saying we shouldn't analyze and criticize comedy. Jokes are extremely powerful and important, so I think it's a real vital thing to understand jokes and criticize them, harshly if necessary, if we're gonna understand our own beliefs and values and what effect we have on the people around us and what kind of world we wanna live in.
Todd: But what I am saying, is that doing so is completely unenjoyable for everyone! It's not enjoyable to write, or to read, or to listen to. Either you're gonna disagree with me, in which case, I'm a buzzkill shitting on your good time, or you agree with me, in which case, you were already offended and not enjoying yourself. So, I can make this promise to you, this episode is gonna be 100% no fun! Not for me or for you or for anyone else in the universe, it's going to be miserable. I'd rather skin my own feet with a carrot peeler! In fact, I don't remember why in God's name I decided to do this.
Chris Brown: I woke up in Chris Brown's bodyTodd: ...Okay...Before we get to...that guy, we need to go back a little.
Lil' Dicky: This is me coming at you as a man right now, let me freak youTodd (VO): This is Lil' Dicky. Up until apparently a few years ago, he was apparently just some marketing guy, and he was trying to break into writing for Hollywood, so he started making comedy raps, and apparently his mixtapes took off so hard that he's just decided to do this full-time. And apparently people really like him, but before this year I don't think he ever had that big "Dick in a Box" style viral breakthrough. I don't think I would've known who he was myself, but I just kinda kept randomly running across him on Spotify.
Todd: This was his most famous single, "$ave Dat Money."
Lil' Dicky: The rap game got it all wrong, We ain't 'bout to go and spend money just to flex on 'em, We ain't really got it like y'all (Yeah, baby!)Todd (VO): Like, you know how rappers are constantly talking about how much money they spend? Well, he's talking about how much money he saved! Haha?
Lil' Dicky: Drugs are generic but still work the same, I get logins for Netflix from my cousin GregTodd: ...I've already heard this joke.
Macklemore: That’s 50 dollars for a t-shirt, Limited edition, let’s do some simple additionTodd: A few times, more than once.
Kendrick Lamar: Renting is for suckers right now, A dependable savings, And you'll retire with money in your accountTodd: It's not like a total waste but it's been done.
Todd (VO): Although, there's one major element that Dicky brings to the table.
Todd: Greedy Jew jokes!
Lil' Dicky: You ain't heard of Lil Dave, Yung L the Jew biz major?/I'ma get on Yelp in a minute and review this piece of shit place like only a kike know howTodd: Heh heh heh...look, he's the Jewish one, I'm not (As far as YOU know.) If he wants to make those kind of jokes, that's his perogative. I'm just saying, a lot has changed in the few years since he recorded that, so he might wanna back off a little. I told you this episode was gonna be no fun! If you're still here, that's your fault!
Fetty Wap: Ayy, where the gold at, baby?Todd (VO): It's not the worst thing ever, I guess. The big reason it worked for me is the same reason "I'm On a Boat" worked. Because the beat was hot, and he got an actual big name rapper to do the hook, and you could almost mistake it for a real rap song.
Todd: ...I did mistake it for a real song. I actually don't listen to music all that closely, it took me, like, four listens. I'm actually terrible at this, why do you guys even listen to me?
Lil Dicky: Cheltenham, It was in the suburbs, upper-middle wealth around
Snoop Dogg: So real shit you ain’t never had to struggle for muchTodd (VO): But yeah, pretty much all his songs are in that vein apparently. Ooh, look at me, I'm rapping, isn't that funny? I'm lame and Jewish! A middle class white guy rapping.
Todd: The very idea!
Todd (VO): Like I said, I've seen it. Rap cliches are such cliches at this point that even the parodies of the cliches are cliches now. I can't say I was bothered or offended or anything. At least not until we got to the magical year of 2018, when he made a record with his new best friend!
Lil' Dicky: And on that day, me and Chris Brown would change bodies.Todd (VO): This is his new single with Chris Brown, "Freaky Friday." And it is a huge hit. I'm fairly certain it doesn't have any radio play, but it's been in the Top 10 for weeks now. And that's probably because the charts weigh YouTube much more heavily now, but still, for a comedy song, this is huge.
Todd: See, let me give you the premise to this song. The premise is, Lil' Dicky is now big enough to work with Chris Brown, and Chris Brown hasn't had a hit in a while and has to work with Lil' Dicky. Actually, that'd be a pretty good premise for a joke song, but that isn't what we got.
Todd (VO): The real premise is, you know, he's down on himself.
Woman: You're a rapper?
Man: Nah, he's not, like, a rapper rapper, he's like, a funny rapper, he raps about how, like, how small his dick isTodd (VO): And then so is Chris Brown, and then they switch bodies, like in Freaky Friday. Now, Freaky Friday is already shorthand for body-switching, so they don't have to make any direct references, but it looks like specifically we're going with the magic fortune cookie from the Lindsay Lohan version. Which is also #PROBLEMATIC.
Todd: We're not gonna get into that because I loathe myself enough already.
Todd (VO): And then they wake up in each other's bodies, and then, here's the joke. It turns out, being Chris Brown...
Todd: ...is an absolute dream come true!
Chris Brown: I woke up Chris Breezy, Oh my God I'm the man, I'm so fly and I can danceTodd (VO): Being a man envied by everyone around you! Because Chris Brown lives an amazing life! Chris Brown drives awesome cars! Chris Brown bangs the hottest chicks! Chris Brown has a huge penis!
Chris Brown: I look at my soft dick with the light, It's my dream dick!Todd: Yeah, cause I have never heard Chris Brown sing about his own penis in my life before.
Chris Brown: Oops, I said "On my dick," I ain't really mean to say "On my dick"Todd: Look...the whole Chris Brown controversy...
Todd (VO): I realise I'm the only person left who cares anymore. Even I'm tired of myself at this point. The assault was, like, 10 years ago now. I really wish the world had dropped him off the radar, but that battle's been well and truly lost, there's no point in fighting it anymore.
Todd: We're all just gonna live our lives...
Todd (VO): ...and let Chris Brown guest star on family sitcoms like it's NBD. Makes my stomach turn, but who am I to judge? I still sing R. Kelly songs when I hear them. Not that I'm proud of it, but I do. I went to see Pirates 5 just like everybody. And it sucked. So I got that out of my conscious, plus I got to watch a shitty movie.
Todd: My point is, I don't have room to call out anyone for letting Chris Brown keep being famous. But...
Todd (VO): ...this isn't a song "by" Chris Brown, or "featuring" Chris Brown.