[[Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts]]
[[Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts]]
NC: Hello I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to.
Footage of the Sesame Street Home Video logo (I don't know why he did that)
NC (voiceover): In 1969, Sesame Street was born, an educational show that actually made learning numbers, letters and words somewhat entertaining. It was put together by puppeteer legends Frank Oz, Jim Henson and a few others. For awhile it was everywhere, and if you could believe it, this show is actually still on TV running almost 40 years nonstop.* Surely there must be some kind of movie we could exploit out of this.
- NOTE: The review was made in 2008; as of now, 2019, Sesame Street has been on the air for 50 years now. Congratulations, Big Bird, Oscar, Bert, Ernie, and the rest!
NC: Luckily there is! In 1985, Warner Bros. released their big screen, motion picture ground breaking epic, Follow That Bird.
Footage of the movie
NC (voiceover): Good lord this is gonna be painful. The show itself never made any sense, so what makes people think that a movie about it is gonna make any sense?
NC: I haven't seen this movie in years, I just remember that it was weird and childish. I mean...okay, it's a CHILDREN'S movie, but that's beside the point! It's time I look over this crazy, nonsensical garbage and give it the beating that it deserves, so let's dive right in at the beginning.
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please rise for the Grouch anthem.
Oscar: No no no, for the Grouch anthem, you stay sitting down.
NC: (gasp) Oh my God, it's Oscar! I haven't seen him in years! He's like the first puppet I ever saw in my entire life. He's like totally responsible for the grumpy personality I have today, I mean I just like looked up to him, I just loved him and- I'm sure that this movie's still gonna blow despite him!
NC (voiceover): All right, so the movie starts out with an organization called the Feathered Friends, which apparently relocates orphaned birds with proper families. It turns out that Big Bird is on that list--dude, look at this information, was someone stalking him?--and one representative, Ms. Finch, goes to his aid. So this logically brings us to Sesame Street, where we, of course, come across--(gasp) Big Bird, oh my God!
NC: He is just as big as I remember, some things never change when you're a chil- It's a man in a costume! A big, lovable, heartwarming costume.
NC (voiceover): So he's told that there's a family called the Dodos who are willing to take him in and look after him. So Big Bird, always looking for a family, agrees, and desides to say goodbye to all his friends. (gasp) IT'S SNUFFLEUPAGUS!
NC: I REMEMBER SNUFFLEUPAGUS! He's like a big, hairy dumbo but with depression.
Big Bird: Oh Snuffy, I guess this is goodbye.
Snuffleufagus: Oh, Bird...
NC: Oh no, Big Bird don't leave, don't leave Mr. Snuffleupagus!
Snuffleufagus: I hate to see you go...
NC: (gasp) He's got the little trunk that wraps around his-
He slaps himself
NC: What the hell is wrong with me! I'm the Nostalgia Critic! Not the Pussified Emotional Cries Over Every Sesame Street Related Motion Picture Epic Where Every Person Puppet And Occasional Crappy Animated Animal Tugs At Your Heartstrings Critic!
NC (voiceover): Okay, so Big Bird goes to live with the Dodos, but finds that he's not really fitting in. Mostly because the Dodos are certifiably insane. It's pretty bad when a group of characters seems so crazy that even a Sesame Street movie can't pull them off as normal.
Donnie: Get the door, Marie.
Marie: No way. Uh uh. You get the door.
Donnie: Get the door!
They continue arguing
NC: SHUT UP!
Ms. Finch: This is worse than I thought.
NC (voiceover): Wanting to keep his mental health, Big Bird runs away and tries to get back home. But Ms. Finch is determined to get him back before he reaches his destination. So the Sesame Street gang goes looking for him. The gang consisting of Oscar and- (gasp) Grover! The Count! Cookie Monster and- (gasp) BERT AND ERNIE!
NC: Oh, ahem, as you notice, uh, Bert and Ernie are sharing the exact same plane. That's because they also share the exact same bed! Ahahahahahaha...see, it's because-I CAN'T DO IT! I CAN'T MAKE FUN OF SESAME STREET! It's the first show I ever saw! I'm sorry about the gay joke Bert and Ernie, whatever your sexual preference is it's none of my business! I'm sorry Big Bird, I'm sorry Grover, I'm sorry everybody! I love you all! You're all so beautiful and innocent to me. You. Are. Childhooood. I can't do it, I finished, I'm done, get someone else to review the movie, I can't do it.
He walks offscreen
NC: Hey you, you want 20 bucks? Go review this movie.
Chester A. Bum: HOORAY!
He practically leaps into the chair
Bum: Hello! I am here to review...what's the name of this movie again?
NC: Follow That Bird.
Bum: OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!
Bum (voiceover): There's this bird who runs away from home only to run away from his home again, to get back to the first home that he ran away from in the first place! And there's this lady, who looks like one of my acid fantasies, and she's trying to bring him back home to the home he ran away from the second time.
Bum: Now I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense...
Bum (voiceover): So anyway there's these two guys, and they're like "Dude, that's a big bird," and they're like "Let's paint him blue for some reason and parade him around like an animal-" which he is an animal so I guess that's legal- meanwhile Bert and Ernie are flying, Super Grover is flying, and Oscar is flying, except on the ground, and Cookie Monster ate his car because he thought it was a cookie!
Bum: I thought my car was a cookie once! But it wasn't a cookie. Or a car. It was MAN.
Bum (voiceover): So they find Big Bird and at first they're like "HOORAY!" But then they're like "Oh crap," So they have a big car chase scene and they're like "Jump!" And he's like "No!" And they're like "Jump!" And he's like "No!" And they're like "Jump!" And he's like "Okay." So then the bad guys are taken away by officer John Candy, and Big Bird is returned back to Sesame Street. But Ms. Finch is like "I have to take you back home." And Big Bird is like "Dude what is your deal?" Everybody's like "This IS his home! Go back to Russia!"
Bum: So the moral of the story is, home is not about where you belong or where you need to be, it's all about where you live. I live in a box, so that blows donkeys. I'm Chester A. Bum saying I remember it so you don't-CHANGE! YA GOT CHANGE? Aw come on help a guy out, will ya? Come on, change! Well can you at least tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Nobody seems to know!
|The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts
|| Transformers · Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue · Cloverfield Trailer Review · Power Rangers: A Look Back · Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Book Launch · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movies · The Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments · Super Mario Bros.: The Movie · Cloverfield Review · Street Fighter · Mortal Kombat · Space Jam · The Nerd Rant · The Nerd Rant Part 2 · Pokémon The First Movie · The Nerd Wizard Rant · The Wizard · The Top 11 Naughtiest Moments in Animaniacs · Batman & Robin · The Top 11 Catchiest Theme Songs · '90s Sports Montage · The Nerd Response…Response · The Top 11 Drug PSAs · The Battle of Epic Proportions · Captain Planet · Double Dare · 3 Ninjas · Top 11 Hottest Animated Women · Video Game Review · The Search for the Nostalgia Chick · He-Man and the Masters of the Universe · Follow That Bird · Saved By the Bell · Tom and Jerry: The Movie · Top 11 Saddest Moments · Nostalgia Chick Winner · Surf Ninjas · NC vs The Nerd Showdown · Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows · Kazaam · The Nerd vs. NC: The Final Battle · Off to Beat the Nerd · Drew Struzan Tribute · Halloween '08 Special · Double Dragon · Top 11 Underrated Nostalgic Classics · Howard the Duck · Mortal Kombat: Annihilation · Godzilla · Top 11 Disney Villains · The Super Mario Bros. Super Show · Top 12 Greatest Christmas Specials · Jingle All the Way
|| Nicktoons · Nickcoms · SNICK · Good Burger · The Making of the Final Battle · Ferngully: The Last Rain Forest · A Kid in King Arthur's Court · The Good Son · The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog · Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks · Twister · Garbage Pail Kids · Rock-A-Doodle · Titanic - The Legend Goes On · The Pagemaster · The NeverEnding Story · Moonwalker · Top 11 Dumbest Superman Moments · TMNT · Red Sonja · TGWTG Team Brawl · Short Circuit 1 & 2 · Batman vs. The Dark Knight · Full House · North · Critic and Nerd: TMNT Making of Coming Out of Their Shells · Sidekicks · Gargoyles · Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen · Steel · Top 11 Cereal Mascots · Barb Wire · New vs Old - LOTR Animated vs Lord of the Rings · Last Action Hero · Captain N · We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story · Warriors of Virtue · Captain America · Top 11 F*ckups · Alone in the Dark · Blank Check · Old vs. New: Willy Wonka · Cool as Ice · Suburban Commando · Next Karate Kid · Casper · Superman IV · Congo · Siskel and Ebert Tribute · Judge Dredd · Tank Girl · Jack Frost · He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special · Next Best Christmas Specials · Star Wars Holiday Special · Ernest Saves Christmas
|| Commando · Junior · Conan and Conan the Destroyer · End of Days · Battlefield Earth · Bebe's Kids · Lost in Space · Top 11 Villain Songs · Quest for Camelot · Old vs. New: Nutty Professor · Bio-Dome · NeverEnding Story II · Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments · Flubber · Home Alone 3 · Old vs. New: King Kong · Drop Dead Fred · The Care Bears Movie · Kickassia: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 · Jaws 3 · Free Willy · A Troll in Central Park · Theodore Rex · Top 11 Coolest Cliches · Hook · Independence Day · The Room · The Phantom · Zeus and Roxanne · Animaniacs Tribute · Flintstones Movie · Mr. Nanny · Rocky IV · Chairman of the Board · Next Top 11 NC Fuckups · Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw · Pebble and the Penguin · Ernest Scared Stupid · Top 11 Scariest Performances · IT · Leprechaun · My Pet Monster · Commercial Special · Old vs. New: 10 Commandments vs. Prince of Egypt · The Thief and the Cobbler · Waterworld · Little Monsters · Rover Dangerfield · You're a Rotten Dirty Bastard · The First Couple: TMNT
|| NeverEnding Story III · Ferngully 2 · Secret of NIMH 2 · Care Bears 2 · Dungeons and Dragons · Top 11 Dumbest Spider-Man Moments · The Lost World: Jurassic Park · Return of the Nostalgic Commercials · Inspector Gadget · Old vs. New: The Karate Kid · The Langoliers · Airborne · Baby Geniuses · Raiders of the Story Arc: X-Men · The Magic Voyage · Double Team · Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress · Jaws: The Revenge · Gordy · The OTHER Animated Titanic Movie · Revenge of the Nostalgic Commercials · Once Upon a Forest · Little Nemo · Old vs. New: True Grit · Suburban Knights: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 · Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon · Milk Money · Rad · Raiders of the Story Arc: Duck Tales · Care Bears in Wonderland · Cop and a Half · Top 11 Batman TAS Episodes · Alaska · Let's Play Bart's Nightmare · James and the Giant Peach · The Avengers · Simon Sez · The Tommyknockers · The Haunting · Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows · Exorcist 2 · Doug's 1st Movie · The Cell · Raiders of the Story Arc: Superman · Felix the Cat · Moulin Rouge · Babes in Toyland · How the Grinch Stole Christmas · Child's Play
|| Santa Claus: The Movie · Star Trek: The Motion Picture · Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock · Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier · Star Trek 7: Generations · Star Trek 9: Insurrection · Patch Adams · Ponyo · Dunston Checks In · Thomas and the Magic Railroad · Top 11 Nostalgia Critic F*** Ups Part 3 · Richie Rich · Jungle 2 Jungle · Old vs. New: Manhunter vs. Red Dragon · Star Chaser · Transformers Cartoon · A Simple Wish · Alien Resurrection · Jack · Heavy Metal · Mr. Magoo · Top 11 Simpsons Episodes · Signs · Digimon: The Movie · Top 11 F*** YEAH Movie Themes · Baby Geniuses 2 · Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom · The Wiz · Total Recall (with Sci-Fi Guy) · Scooby-Doo · To Boldly Flee: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 · NC's Top 11 Favorite Jokes · The WORST Movies Nostalgia Critic's Reviewed
|| The Review Must Go On · The Odd Life of Timothy Green · Pearl Harbor · Son of the Mask · The King and I · Catwoman · The Cat in the Hat · Top 11 South Park Episodes · Jurassic Park · A.I. Artificial Intelligence · The Master of Disguise · Turbo - A Power Rangers Movie · Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments · Sailor Moon · Les Miserables · Top 11 Adult Jokes We Never Got as Kids · The Last Airbender · Bridge to Terabithia · The Shining Mini-Series · Sharknado · Devil · Dawn of the Commercials · Man of Steel · Top 12 Santa Clauses · Eight Crazy Nights · The Christmas Tree
|| Face/Off · The Wicker Man · Ghost Rider · Top 11 Strangest Best Couples · Ghost Dad · Disney's Alice in Wonderland · Top 11 Moments You Never Noticed in Ghostbusters · Disney Afternoon · Foodfight · Swan Princess · The Lorax · Old vs. New: Spider-Man · Blues Brothers 2000 · Jurassic Park 3 · After Earth · Bloodrayne · The Purge · Top 11 Trailers · Small Soldiers · The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement · Ghost Rider 2 · Top 11 Worst Avatar Episodes · Top 11 Best Avatars (with Dante Basco) · Maximum Overdrive · Top 11 New Halloween Classics · Monster Squad · Rise of the Commercials · Forest Warrior · Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (NC) · Christmas Story 2 · Care Bears Nutcracker
|| The Matrix · The Animatrix · The Matrix Reloaded · The Matrix Revolutions · AVGN Movie · Mamma Mia! · The Haunted Mansion · Daredevil · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) · Demolition Man · Top 11 Animaniacs Episodes · Legend of Zorro · The Ewoks Cartoon - Was That Real? · Fantastic Four · Cowboys of Moo Mesa - Was That Real? · Sharkboy and Lavagirl · Small Wonder - Was That Real? · Jupiter Ascending · Jurassic World · Top 11 TV Show Intros · Planet of the Apes · Osmosis Jones · Garfield: The Movie · Pixels · The Smurfs · Hammerman - Was That Real? · Mad Max: Fury Road · Event Horizon · Children of the Corn · Hocus Pocus · Conquest of the Commercials · Dragon's Lair · We Wish You a Turtle Christmas · Christmas with the Kranks · Star Wars: The Force Awakens (NC)
|| The Happening · Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments · Lady in the Water · Labyrinth · Spawn · Cats & Dogs · The Phantom of the Opera · The Adventures of Pluto Nash · Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain - Was That Real? · Batman v Superman · Blade · Old vs. New: Cinderella · Spy Kids 3D: Game Over · Jem and the Holograms (2015) · The Grinch vs. The Cat in the Hat - Was That Real? · Scooby-Doo 2 · Alvin and the Chipmunks · Ghostbusters (2016) · Teddy Ruxpin Live Action Series - Was That Real? · Wild Wild West · The 3rd Animated Titanic Movie (Tentacolino) · The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle · Stephen King's Dreamcatcher · Freddy vs. Jason · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows · Battle of the Commercials · Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas · Top 12 Christmas Commercials · I'll Be Home For Christmas · Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
|| Top 11 Best Movie Sequels · Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel · Top 11 Worst Movie Sequels · The Smurfs 2 · Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties · Cool World · Old vs. New: Evil Dead · Top 11 WTF Alternate Endings · Balto · Fant4stic · Clockstoppers · The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas · Suicide Squad Trailer · Suicide Squad · Alien vs. Predator · Transformers: The Last Knight NON-Review · Wonder Woman · Norm of the North · Hulk (2003) · Monkeybone · The Sorcerer's Apprentice · Eragon · Kangaroo Jack · Green Lantern · It (2017) · The Mummy · The Mummy (2017) · Dragonball Evolution · War of the Commercials · Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa · Home Alone 2: Lost in New York · Star Wars: The Last Jedi
|| Lara Croft: Tomb Raider · Top 11 Good Adam Sandler Movies · Yogi Bear · Batman Forever · Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked · Alice Through the Looking Glass · Beauty and the Beast (2017) · Jack and Jill · Starship Troopers · Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins · The Spirit · Deadpool 2 · The Angry Birds Movie · Fox Kids · The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen · Mission: Impossible 2 · Doom · Ghostbusters 2 · Freddy Got Fingered · Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer · Sleepwalkers · Van Helsing · Rubber (2010) · Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom · Escape from the Commercials · A Christmas Story Live · The Nutcracker (2010)
|| Max Payne · Robocop (2014) · The Black Cauldron (NC) · Top 11 Funniest Siskel and Ebert Reviews · The Country Bears · X-Men: The Animated Series · X-Men · X-Men: The Last Stand · Best F(r)iends · Hop · Toonami · Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within · Mary Poppins Returns · Alien 3 · Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief · Kim Possible · Blade II · That Darn Cat · Underworld · Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip · The Wall · Hannibal · It: Chapter Two · Venom · Justice League · Planet of the Commercials · The Grinch (2018) · The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
|| Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker · Beverly Hills Chihuahua · Con Air · Supergirl · Spider-Man · Spider-Man 3 · The Amazing Spider-Man 2 · Dolittle · Independence Day: Resurgence · Critters · Avatar (2009)
| DVD Exclusives:
|| Turkish Rambo · Video Game Review 2: Blues Brothers (SNES) · Reefer Madness · Doomsday Machine · NC - Kickassia · NC - Suburban Knights · NC - To Boldly Flee · NC - Live Review of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 · Paranoia · Cup of Idiocy (Doug's Old Home Movies) · Night of the Living Dead · The Cinema Snob Movie · The Review Must Go On Review
| Theme months
|| NostalgiaWeen · Christmas · Annual Theme Month