[We open on Mickey's Fun Wheel in Disney's California Adventure, Jerk and Spazz are still stuck in the gondola]
Jerk: And that's the story of the lima bean. Say, did I ever tell you about the time I reviewed the Matters Family?
Spazz: What's the Matters Family?
Jerk: You know, the show with Urkel in it.
Spazz: Oh, the Urkel show. That was just called the Urkel Show.
Jerk: Then what was the Matters Family?
Spazz: Obviously a family named Matters.
Jerk: I'm intrigued by your line of reason and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But first, let's sit perfectly still for twenty minutes and remember August 30th, 2013, when I released the following thing!
Announcer: Previously on a much better show than this one...
[Cut to a clip from MST3K. Mike Nelson is dressed like a nerd entertaining Crow, Gypsy, and Servo, who are laughing hard at his performance]
Announcer: And now, montage.
Jerk [v/o]: URKEL. I know I'm late to the party on this one, but how the fuck did the snotty dickhead become America's sweetheart? Haven't black people suffered enough without making their first televised nerd the most gratingly retarded wormy-voiced asshole with the gall to ask us if he's thee one who did that? OF COURSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FUCKING DID THAT!! YOU'RE THE MOST BACK-DOING MOTHERFUCKER IN THE MULTIVERSE!! Pond scum looks down on this character. Sewer runoff rushes him off at industry parties. Even French people don't think he's a genius! [Caption appears: "Family Matters 'We're Going to Disney World' (Parts 1 and 2) Season 6 Episode 22-23 First Aired April 28 and May5, 1995"] And near the tail end of Family Matter sixth season... [#SixSeasonAndADisneyWorldEpisode]
Urkel: I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!
Jerk [v/o]: Disney World had to weather Urkel's presence when he got his full self entered in an inventor's contest.
Myra: Aw, I wish I could go, Dimple Knees.
Jerk: That's right, this was the season when they gave a girlfriend to Urkel and not to you. Urkel probably lost his virginity before you did. Isn't that just wacky? Isn't that...? [A hand gives Jerk a folded piece of note. The paper glows accopanied by the choir music from "Life of Brian." Jerk opens the note and reads it. He is astonished] I've just been informed that half of you have just committed suicide, [Looks back at the note and puts it away] which, no judgment, but it kind of begs the question what the other half is waiting for. URKEL HAD A GIRLFRIEND!! HOPE IS DEAD!!