Face/Off

Face/Off
Released	January 07,2013
Running time	31:09
Previous review	The Christmas Tree
Next review	TBA
Link	http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/41915-faceoff

(We start off in the Nostalgia Critic's office as he sits down at his computer)

NC: Ah, well, those Christmas reviews were fun, but it's time to make way for the future. (he drags a folder called "NC Christmas Episodes" into the Recycle Bin) And...empty. (He then deletes the files) Okay, there we go. Now on to Rachel's farewell video. (he opens the folder, only to see it's empty) What the hell? (Folder's still empty) Oh, that's right, I left all the footage for her farewell video in the Christmas folder. (dawning on him) In the Christ...mas...fol... (freaks out) AAAAHHH!!

(Smash cut to Rachel Tietz)

Rachel: You want me to do what?

NC: Fly back from California so we can shoot your farewell video again.

Rachel: Critic, I can't fly all the way out there and shoot that in such a short amount of time.

NC: Okay, look, I know a lot of opportunities have opened up for you down there. I'm simply asking you to throw away your future for MY personal needs.

Rachel: I can't do it. There's no time.

NC: But it was such a good idea! It won't take long to shoot you die during a war by having your head decapitated before falling down an elevator shaft after being spit out by a gooey alien while getting in a car accident...during the Red Wedding.

Rachel: It. Ain't. Happening.

NC: Oh come on, what am I supposed to do? Have Malcolm and I discover a--

(Cut to Malcolm Ray and NC holding a DVD)

NC: --video message left here by Rachel.

(NC puts a DVD named exactly that into the PlayStation 3, then sits down with Malcolm to play it)

Rachel: Hello, Critic. Hello, Malcolm. By the time you see this, I will be in California. Some opportunities have opened up to help me continue my career as an actress. Though one door has closed, I will never forget the good times we've had. The fun, the laughs...the fact that Malcolm's worn more women's clothing than I have...

Malcolm: (sarcastically) Oh, thanks.

Rachel: ...I'll remember it all fondly. You guys are amazing friends and I'll never forget the good times we've had together. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of this experience. And...(reading off a piece of paper) if I should die in a war by having my head decapitated before falling down an elevator shaft after being spit out by a gooey alien while getting in a car accident during the Red Wedding...don't be shocked.

NC and Malcolm: We won't.

(NC turns the video off)

NC: *sigh* Well, let's not let this ruin Nicolas Cage Month.

Malcolm: I wasn't planning to.

NC: Oh good. (camera zooms on his face as he lets out a huge smile) Nicolas Cage Month!

(We do the usual Nostalgia Critic opening, only with Nicolas Cage singing lyrics to the theme while every single head on screen is replaced by various characters he's played)

I'm Nicolas Cage

Well I was in Lords of War

No-ot the bees

Another movie I was in

I think it's called Ghost Rider and I played my brother or something or other

I was the only fan of it, but I really think I got it

The vision, you know?

I'm Nicolas Cage

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic; I remember it so you don't have to, and welcome to Nicolas Cage Month!

(Clips of various Cage movies play)

NC (vo): Oh you bizarre, human explosion of a man. Just how did you get such a following the past five years or so? I mean, don't get me wrong, Nicolas Cage has been a Hollywood star for some time now. He's even gotten a lot of credit as a pretty good actor. But with the birth of the internet, people started to notice compilation videos that showcased a certain...

NC: ...motif, if you will. That being that Nicolas Cage likes to act fucking nuts.

NC (vo): The Nicolas Cage freakout has practically patented itself because nobody else can possibly duplicate it. It's his own strange concoction of 10% Awkward Yelling, 10% Over the Top Spazzing, 20% Creepy Smiling, and an astonishing 60% out-of-skull Eye Bulging, making for the delightful protein shake that is our Nicolas Cage.

NC: So okay, we all know that he can make any premise interesting by his insane performances. But, what happens when you take an (picture of Cage) over-the-top actor, mix him with another (picture of Terl) over-the-top actor, and combine them together with the (picture of Jon Woo) most over-the-top director of all freaking time? You get a mushroom cloud of uneasiness and awkwardness simply known as Face/Off!

(Clips of the movie play)

NC (vo): As if the in-your-face acting style of Nicolas Cage wasn't enough, we're complimented with multi Razzie Award winner John Travolta, together with director and professional dove fetishist, Jon Woo, for literally the most overblown action flick since...(poster of Mission: Impossible II) well okay, Jon Woo's next overblown action flick. But that only had one crazy ego to deal with and this one has two. And every moment of screentime is delicious 90s cornball perfection.

NC: So, let's go eat a peach for hours, this is (waving his hand in front of his face) Face...Off!