No edit summary Tag: rte-wysiwyg |
No edit summary Tag: rte-source |
||
| Line 78: | Line 78: | ||
Jerk: Santa Claus isn't real either? Then who the hell is my real dad?!?!{{TeamTGWTG}} |
Jerk: Santa Claus isn't real either? Then who the hell is my real dad?!?!{{TeamTGWTG}} |
||
| − | {{Category:Some Jerk With a Camera Transcripts}} |
||
[[Category:Some Jerk With a Camera Transcripts]] |
[[Category:Some Jerk With a Camera Transcripts]] |
||
[[Category:Articles that need improvement]] |
[[Category:Articles that need improvement]] |
||
Revision as of 07:06, 12 March 2017
|
Escape From Tomorrow (Part 1)
| |
|
| |
|
Show
|
Some Jerk With A Camera
|
|
Original Air Date
|
November 6, 2015
|
|
Previous
|
|
|
Next
|
Escape From Tomorrow (Part 2)
|
|
Link
|
|
(We cut to Jerk in front of the Universal Studios Hollywood entrance sign, the screen is in black and white.)
Jerk: To all who come to this reasonably content place, welcome. I'm Some Jerk With A Camera! (We cut to the entrance archway for the park with the "Some Jerk With A Camera" Logo in the style of Disney's logo. Cut back to Jerk, looking depressed.) Have you ever felt overshadowed? Eclipsed? Usurped, even? Have you ever spent years of your life that you will never get back, toiling relentlessly on a massively ambitious project, very near and dear to your heart, only to see someone else with more money and resources than you will ever have, swoop in and abduct your spotlight with an idea just similar enough to yours that you loo like the idea thief who's just riding a coattail? Have you ever felt like that? Cause I have. MTV's (yells) "JERKS WITH CAMERAS!" ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!
(We cut to clips from MTV's "Jerks With Cameras")
Jerk (v/o): (Sarcastically) Hey, I've got an idea: let's make the world's most retarded prank show for those who find "Jersey Shore" too high-brow! Uh-oh! One of the jerks pretended to take someone's cell phone! BA HA HA! Stupid pedestrian thinks her property is being stolen! Uh-oh! This jerk's holding up an elevator indefinitely! BA HA HA! Stupid people with jobs they're gonna be late for! (We see a prank of a jerk moving a baby carriage roughly, nearby people notice) Uh-oh! These people think a baby's being endangered! BA HA HA! Stupid life-forms with no basic cable show! God, I hate them all!
Tone Bell (Host of the show): The audience will actually decide "The Jerk Off!"
Jerk: They actually call it "The Jerk Off," because they can! MTV: "Artistic expression is dumb! Content is dumb! (Referring to the short cancellation of "Daria") We're horrible jerk offs and we're gonna live forever!" (Cut to some one on the show, badly twerking) MTV: "Uuuunnnngh!"
Jerk: (Groans at the thought of the show than perks back up) Anyway, someone shot a movie at the Disney parks!
(Cut to footage from "Escape from Tomorrow")
Jerk (v/o): This film has been on my radar ever since it premiered at Sundance 2013, where, despite being a tiny, low-budget, indie film made by a first-time director and a cast that had no famous people, it soon took the festival by storm and skyrocketed to international notoriety.
Jerk: Oh, um, for the benefit of my younger viewers, I should probably explain what Sundance is. Uh, remember the bad guy from "Captain America 2" (Robert Redford)? Well, every year, he compiles a YouTube playlist, projects it in dark rooms, up in the mountains, scams the upper 1% by charging them to watch it with them. Boy, are those old fogies gonna feel silly when their grandkids tell them about the Internet! (laughs)
Jerk (v/o): You see, "Escape From Tomorrow" wasn't, strictly speaking, legal. It was shot with digital consumer cameras, entirely in black and white to make lighting easier, and mostly shot guerrilla style on location at Disneyland and Walt Disney World, without a scrap of permission from the famously litigious Walt Disney Company.
(Cut to Jerk in front of the Universal Studios globe fountain)
Jerk: That's right, folks. Someone finally had the guts to stand up to those lying vicious rodent bastards and sneak a camera past Disney security, then they pointed that camera at a human face, and then they pressed a button! You know, we really don't see that many truly revolutionary concepts in one lifetime, so I think...
(We cut to static then to Spazz Master in front of Disney Castle in Disneyland.)
Spazz Master: (Annoyed) Why are you still at Universal?
Jerk: You know why.
Spazz: This movie has nothing to do with Universal, it was shot on location at...
Jerk: I know where it was shot and I already told you, I am not setting foot in that rancid hellhole again! Disney is an evil corporation...
Spazz: UNIVERSAL IS OWNED BY COMCAST!
- Ironically, Spazz's day job is at Universal Studios.
(Jerk looks annoyed. Cut to him near an abandoned lot)
Jerk: To all who come to this...place, whatever.
Jerk (v/o): And who was this bold new voice in 21st century cinema? None other than Mr. Randy Moore, whose name ironically rhymes with the voice of a Disney princess (Mandy Moore from "Tangled"). He and I have quite a bit in common; we both visited Disney parks a lot as little kids, usually with just one parent, we both loved every minute of every childhood visit, and then, as grown adults, we both came to realize that these parks are nothing but nightmarish, deceitful shams.
(Cut to an interview Randy Moore did for the film.)
Randy Moore: It's a corporate religion for so many people, you know? Dare I say the word "cult," but there's cultish aspects of it.
(Cut to Jerk sitting in a circle of other reviewers like an intervention or an AA meeting. We see reviewers like Calluna, Luke Spencer, Spazz Master, Tricksterbelle, Doggans, Ryan Hipp, Chris The Nerd, R.L. King, Arthur Knowledge, Insane Ian, Matt Iannone, Lotus Prince, Michael Novelli, Kitty Marie, and leading the group, Linkara.)
Jerk: Hi, um, my name is Jerk and I'm a Disney-haulic.
Group: Hi, Jerk!
Jerk: All my life, I've been duped into believing that Disney parks were these magical places where these magical creatures live and all your problems disappear and your dreams come true. All the commercials said so, and if you can't trust omnipresent advertisements in which (gets sadder) a sentient toy spaceman detects increasing levels of happiness, then who can you trust? (Cries)
Ryan Hipp: (Whispers to Chris The Nerd) I thought this was a supports group for necrophiles.
Chris The Nerd: (Whispers back) I thought this was a filk circle!
Jerk: (Perking up) But then, I realized that Disney parks are manufactured and staffed entirely by mere humans. I don't think the kingdom of elves were even consulted on it! That was my very last episode visit to "Dismal Land," as I've come to call it and I've refused to have any fun there ever since! (See Jerk's "ABC Goes To Disneyland" episode for the details)
(The group applauds Jerk.)
Linkara: That was very brave of you, Jerk. We other jerks (gestures to the rest of the circle) all have similar stories. (Looks at R.L. King) Some of us more severe than others.
R.L. King: (Dressed like Pinnochio, depressed) I'll never be a real boy again.
Linkara: (back to Jerk) And on behalf of the whole group, I wholeheartedly welcome you to this circle of Jerks. (More excited, pulls out a box for...) Now, let's play "Cards Against Humanity!"
The Whole Group (even Jerk and R.L. King): (Hands in the air) YAY!
(Cut back to Randy Moore's interview)
Randy Moore: That magic for them never went away, you know? No one ever told them that Santa Claus wasn't real.
(Cut to Jerk on a street)
Jerk: Santa Claus isn't real either? Then who the hell is my real dad?!?!