Dragonball Evolution

Dragonball Evolution
Aired	November 7, 2017
Running time	32:01
Previous review	The Mummy (2017)
Next review	TBA
Link	http://channelawesome.com/dragonball-evolution-nostalgia-critic/

(2017 title sequence plays; cut to shots of a desert-like region. Everything is narrated by Kyle Hebert)

Hebert: Last time on Nostalgia Critic Z...

(NC, dressed as Krillin, is seen confronting a DVD of an anime movie: Death Note)

Hebert: ...Critic was confronting the worst anime adaptation of all time. (sees the Death Note DVD) No, the other one. (the DVD turns into another, Dragonball Evolution) There ya go.

(NC starts speaking at this point, but as a parody of anime, his mouth just opens and shuts repeatedly, not matching the words heard)

NC: Some shitty movie. You think you can piss off the legion of fans with your misunderstanding of source material? (DVD does not answer, of course) Your silence only enables your guiltiness! Now I will show you the meaning of pain!

Offscreen voice: You can't fight this evil alone!

(MasakoX of Team Four Star appears, dressed as Goku. His "appearance explosion" destroys part of the Earth)

Hebert: MasakoX of Team Four Star joins Nostalgia Critic's fight!

NC: MasakoX from Team Four Star, you come to join my fight?

Hebert: I totally just said that.

MasakoX: (his mouth moving up and down, not matching what he says either) You need a true DragonBall fan to understand this outrage!

(Cut to a long shot of the two)

NC: What do you know about DragonBall that I don't?

MasakoX: Plenty, like how we cut to the extreme long shot to save on lip animation, and your anger over this will be represented by zoom-out, combined with grunting and clenching your teeth with your eye twitching.

(Sure enough, NC is seen doing just that)

NC: Grunt, grunt!

MasakoX: Now I will fight you by doing the same move repeatedly, and you doing the same dodge repeatedly!

(They do just that, until...)

Offscreen voice: You fools are missing the real enemy!

(LittleKuriboh suddenly appears, dressed as Vegeta, also destroying part of the Earth after showing up)

Hebert: LittleKuriboh comes to talk sense into the feuding heroes!

MasakoX: So, LittleKuriboh, you've come to talk sense to us, the feuding heroes?

Hebert: Am I just not here or...

NC: Get out of here, Yu-Gi-Blow! You're not even from the right anime!

LittleKuriboh: (nope, his mouth movements don't match his words either) Maybe, but I'm smart enough to know that while you two are bitching like pansies, your opponent is building his power!

(To an explosion, the Dragonball Evolution DVD is seen charging up)

NC: My God! He's going Stupid Saiyan!

MasakoX: It's okay. This usually lasts ten minutes. There's surprisingly little fighting in the show. It's mostly off-screen, while rocks rise up.

LittleKuriboh: But he's using his Stupid Saiyan power to make stupid people say his movie is good!

MasakoX: What?!

NC: IMPOSSIBLLLLLE!!!

LittleKuriboh: Just check out its critical score!

(LittleKuriboh holds up a smart phone, whose screen has the Rotten Tomatoes site on it; it shows that Dragonball Evolution has a 14% rating from critics)

LittleKuriboh: (growls, then smashes phone in his clenched fist) It's over nine perceeeent!!

NC: What?! Nine percent?! There's no way that could be right, can iiiiit?!

LittleKuriboh: People who don't know the show are being duped into thinking it's good!

MasakoX: We can't let it get away with that!

LittleKuriboh: Agreed! Let dueling sides join forces just this once!

MasakoX: And by "once", we mean "probably many times"!

NC: ATTAAAAACK!!!!

(They all unleash their powers on the DVD, which causes an explosion that destroys the whole Earth... or rather, transitions to the title of the movie)

NC (vo): In a long line of botched live-action anime adaptations...

(Footage of the movie is shown)

NC (vo): ...Dragonball Evolution is arguably the most infamous. For years, I've gotten fan requests to talk about this cinematic ball-buster, but sadly, even though I'm a fan of some anime shows and films, Dragonball is not one I know a great deal about.

(Cut to NC sitting in his room; to his right and left are LittleKuriboh and MasakoX. All are in their normal getup)

LittleKuriboh and MasakoX: (in unison) That's where we come in!

MasakoX: MasakoX from Dragonball Z Abridged...

LittleKuriboh: ...and LittleKuriboh from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged.

NC: That's right, a Japanese anime dubbed by Americans, now analyzed by two Brits!

LittleKuriboh: It makes as much sense as anything else in this movie.