Doug's Top 10 Movies He Hates But Everyone Else Loves

Doug: You ever have that movie that you really can't stand but everybody else seems to love? And maybe it's not just one movie, maybe it's a couple of movies, and maybe you suddenly become really famous by doing a stupid Internet show, and maybe everybody judges you by those movies, and they're always like, "Oh! Oh! You can't like that movie! You can't like that movie! No! No! We have to judge you now, because you're a pussy, you're an asshole! And I hate you! I'll never judge you again! YOU'RE THE WORST PERSON I EVER...!!" You get the idea. So, what I'm trying to get across here is that there are movies that I can't stand, they just...they get under my skin, but a lot of other people seem to like them...and that's fine. It's really cool. Don't go around judging people by this, it's not worth it. Just because you like a film or don't like a film doesn't mean you're an idiot or you're not smart or you're a jerk or anything like that. And to prove it, I am going to do the Top 10 films that I can't stand but everybody else seems to enjoy. And if you think, "Oh, that's not fair!", next week, I'm gonna do the Top 10 Films That I Like and Everybody Else Seems to Hate. So, I'm doing this just to show it's all opinion, it doesn't say anything about whether or not you're a good person or a bad person or a smart person or a dumb person. It's just opinion and what you like. To me, what matters is how well you can explain it. So, with that said, I'm gonna explain why these Top 10 films I can't stand, they drive me nuts, but everyone else seems to enjoy them. So, without any further ado, let's get started.

(A drawing of Doug's face is shown as the title is shown. This image will serve as the countdown's interlude)

#10

Doug (vo): Number 10: Cars.

Doug (vo): I don't know, am I the only one who thinks this is a terrible idea? I guess, when you hear it you think, "that's a satire of a Pixar film" it doesn't even sound like a Pixar film, it's like...

Doug: "Hey, we got a lot of people, and THEY'RE ALL CARS! THEY'RE ALL CARS! Oh, the possibility of jokes!" ...I can't recall one good car joke in this movie. The only joke I recall that was kind of funny was when at the very beginning, when they're all leaving and the women's room has this really long line of cars. That was kind of funny. But, outside of that...

Doug (vo): Why were they all cars? You could make them anything, it didn't matter! You can make them race car drivers, that would've been fine. The other thing that really bothers me is that...

Doug: Before this film, The Incredibles came out, and Pixar always had trouble getting people down. They always sort of looked like these weird plastic puppets. And that's why they kept doing inanimate objects, or bugs, or whatever. Uh, in The Incredibles, they got people down really good. They looked like three-dimensional cartoons, and they were awesome. It was like the first time you saw a cartoon character in 3D and it was great. Man, the possibilities you can do with this. What did they do? Cars. It- it just seemed like a huge step backwards to me.

Doug (vo): And that's not the only thing that annoys me, the other thing that annoys me is that, it's a very basic guy-in-the-highlights, suddenly gets dragged down to the slumps, and he appreciates the value of hard work, and stuff and...

Doug: Seen that story to death. Nothing new, outside of the fact that they're cars. Which, is not that exciting. So, um, it- it just didn't do anything for me and I know a lot of people like it and to be fair, it's not god-awful, it's not like a horrible film, it just seemed like there was nothing to it. So, again, a lot of people like it, a lot of kids enjoy it, *sigh*, there's a sequel coming out. So, hopefully it's better, they're secret agents now, or something, I don't know, so... I mean thankfully, after Cars they went, they did Ratatouille, and they kept expanding what they can do with, you know, actual humans, when they're not just, whatever roto-scoping them in WALL-E. Uh, so yeah, I'm glad to see they're going in whatever better direction, and Up, which of course was great. So... yeah, that just seemed like a real step backwards and to see a sequel, this was popular enough to get a sequel!

Doug (vo): I don't understand it, but that doesn't mean you don't have to understand it, so...

Doug: That's Cars.

#9

Doug (vo): Number 9: Gladiator.

Doug (vo): I am not a Russell Crowe fan, but that's not why I don't like this movie. I don't like this movie because, again, it's a story that's been done to death. It's the Moses story, the guy on top of the world, betrayed or whatever by someone really close, dragged out to the slumps, has to work his way back up so he can get his righteous revenge and...very, very bland.

Doug: The only thing that's kind of entertaining is Joaquin Phoenix as the villain...

Doug (vo): ...cause he's so over-the-top.

Doug: I think there was one point where he was watching the, you know, them all fight, and he just goes... [Does an over-the-top performance of a guy sticking out his tongue and gargling] Love it. Absolutely love it. Um, but outside of that, it's just your typical bland hero...chops up people and gets the bad guy. And...which I wouldn't mind if the characters were interesting. They're not very interesting. Particularly Crowe.

Doug (vo): He's just the generic good guy. And I always feel bad for Ridley Scott...

Doug: ...because I get the feeling he can make good movies. Like, he tries to give his characters depth, and he tries to add a little more. But he's still picking scripts that are just...it's the bland story. There's nothing meaty to it. He's trying to add meat to, you know, just bare bones, and, which, okay, it's decent challenge, but it doesn't always work. So, but for whatever reason, people really got into it. It does look nice, for the most part. Um, the fight scenes are kind of cool. But if you don't give a crap about them, you know, if you don't give a crap about the people, you don't give a crap about what they're fighting for. So, and when a character dies, you know, you're supposed to feel, "Oh!" And...nothing.

Doug (vo): I mean, I barely felt like I got to know these people. Um, you know, generic, over-the-top villain. Sometimes, a little depth.

Doug: Um, Ridley Scott always seems to be doing that. He'll start to get depth, they'll start to be interesting, and then it just goes into cliche again. So, um, not a fan, definitely don't think it deserved Best Picture, uh, but I rarely agree with the Oscars anyway. So, um, yeah, so that's my thought on Gladiator.

#8

Doug (vo): Number 8: American Pie.

Doug (vo): Now this movie came out during that gross-out era of comedy that will probably come back again sometime, but hopefully, it will be done better, because this was during There's Something About Mary. That became a huge hit, huge, big groundbreaking gross-out movie.

Doug: Everyone tried to copy it, and...what the movie's trying to copy. What they missed about There's Something About Mary, and American Pie missed as well, is that the comedy does not come from the gross-out humor. That's not what's funny. It's funny that the gross-out humor is happening to these characters. It's funny when it happens to Ben Stiller. 'Cause we like him, but he's weird and pathetic. Uh, it's funny when it happens to Matt Dillon because he's such a jerk but we enjoy hating him. Uh, and these weird story twists that it takes you know with all this, it just adds to the strangeness. That is why that movie worked. American Pie...

Doug (vo): ...just seemed like generic geeks and jocks. That was about it.

Doug: They're just bland characters we've seen a million times, and they're not the star of the movie, they are not the focus. It's the gross-out humor. That's the focus. The only person I got a lot of laughter from was Eugene Levy as the father. He was great. Uh, the other reason I really hate it is because they start off making this pact that they're gonna get laid before, whatever, senior year is out. And then by the end, they say "you know what? Fuck it. We don't need to do this. You know what? Sex should be a special thing that we do when we're ready and we want to have it with that special person. It shouldn't be a contest." Good for you movie. Good message. Good thing to send out to teenage kids that may feel pressure about it and stuff... What'd they do? They all sleep with people that very night. So, there went the message out the window. Just totally gone. So, it didn't have a good message, or it tried but totally failed. Um, didn't think it was very funny. I guess I like that it made a few stars out of this. Um, but yeah, where it spawned from I thought was a very weak, unfunny place. So, again, maybe you laughed, great. Uh, not a fan.

#7

Doug (vo): Number 7: Avatar.

Doug (vo): Okay, you've all heard me bitch and moan about this movie. Um, but it's actually pretty low on the list because there's some good things about it. I like the scenery, it's a very nice scenery. Now if you ever look at illustrations, it's nothing new, but it's nice to see it on the big screen.

Doug: I did like the 3D. I thought it was pretty cool. But, again, How to Train Your Dragon came out maybe a month later, few months later. Totally blew it away. I mean, unbelievable 3D. Best I've ever seen. So, doesn't have that going for it. And of course what I really hate is the story.

Doug (vo): And even people that like this move say the story's not that good. Good. And I understand...

Doug: ...guilty pleasures you know, I understand they want to be sucked into the environment and stuff like that, but, the technology I didn't see as anything that spectacular, sometimes it looked like it was really there, but I was almost always aware I'm looking at computers.

Doug (vo): These are computer images. They're very nice-looking, but they move like computers, the texture looks like computers, it's still computers.

Doug: I never felt like "Hey, I can reach out and touch these people." only once or twice. And to be fair, they're blue cats.

Doug (vo): How are you gonna make that look real? So granted, it's a challenge, and...

Doug: ...to make that come alive, I guess they did it pretty well, but for everyone...

Doug (vo): ...to be building it up like that I thought, it wasn't really worth it.

Doug: But I think the number 1 thing that annoys me about this movie, it really is the story but the reason is that, we have heard this story so many times. Pocahontas, Ferngully, Dances with Wolves... It was old when those movies did it. And to have now, now, this movie coming out, and it becomes the highest grossing movie of all time, that is telling these studios "we want more of this story. We want to hear this story again and again and again." I can't believe that. I just, I think we know this story and people who watch it even admit that the story's not very good. And, I think by making it the highest grossing movie, we're really saying "hey, bring us more of this, bring us more of this story. This is new to us." And, that's what gets to me is that there's already Avatar sequels being made. It's probably gonna be that same story over and over and, I don't mind stories about prejudice or the big man, you know whatever, uh, using his power over the smaller man. It's... go into 'why'.

Doug (vo): Why are they like that? You know, go into, you know, we know the story.

Doug: Don't judge. Got it. We've been told this since Kindergarten. We know the story. Unless you're gonna give us something new instead of just replacing the Native Americans with blue pussies, It's not gonna be very interesting. So, I would like to see a movie that goes into why these people, these prejudices, exist. You know, or greed, why do we think that, you know, to get this valuable stuff, whatever the obvious, gold or oil, whatever it was, um, is more important than human life. That would be interesting. That would be new. This movie doesn't do it. It tells us a story we've seen a million times. You can predict it from the first minute to the last minute. Just annoyed me. But it looked nice.

#6

Doug (vo): Number 6: With Honors.

Doug (vo): I...this is another one of those "Man, I wanna punch this" movie. This movie tries so hard to be that underground, you know, "Oh, if only we'd listen! If only we were aware!" You know, you have Joe Pesci playing this bum, this "incredibly obnoxious, you wanna kick him in the nuts" bum. But, "Oh, he's not bad! He's just misunderstood because we won't listen!"

Doug: No, I know what he is. He is a tool. He is a tool of the movie to make us feel bad for him, so that we can feel like big jerks.

Doug (vo): And Harvard apparently has these programs that go out and help people...

Doug: ...that are homeless and stuff like that, they go out and they help these people, and they never talk about that. The professors are the stereotypical professors...

Doug (vo): ...with the time, the puffed-out shirts...

Doug: [Speaking in a British accent] You have no idea what's going on. [Normal] And I hate that. I hate that they see this bum. I hate that this bum keeps saying, "Oh, boy, oh, boy!" like they're trying to get that catchphrase in your head.

#5

Doug (vo): Number 5: Signs.

Doug (vo): Now, of course, M. Night Shyamalan has become the punchline of directors, pretty much. I mean, his movies, people are just hating them more and more and more.

Doug: But what really shocked me is how many people liked Signs.

#4

Doug (vo): Number 4: Nell.

Doug (vo): This is one of those movies where...you know the only reason it was made was so the main actress could get an Academy Award. She produced it, Jodie Foster produced it, she acts in it. Interesting ideas. The idea's that this mentally-challenged young woman lives in the woods, her mother dies, and she's left out there. And they're wondering should they bring her to a...

Doug: You know, a mental institution, or should they just leave her out there to take care of herself? But she speaks her own language.

#3

Doug (vo): Number 3: Matilda.

Doug (vo): Now here's a funny thing. I originally was gonna do this as a Nostalgia Critic review. People freaked. They're like, "You do not touch that fucking movie, you mother--!"

Doug: This movie must hit a chord with a lot of people because, I mean, there was like an uproar of people that were gonna kill me if I said anything bad about this movie. So I took it off, I didn't want to piss off that many people. Uh, but...I thought this was horrendously awful.

Doug (vo): I mean, just really horrible, mean movie. Again, anyone who knows me knows I'm all for dark movies. I love dark humor, I adore it.

Doug: But there has to be a reason for it.

#2

Doug (vo): Number 2: District 9.

Doug (vo): This is another one people just go nuts when I say I didn't like it. "Why?! How could you not like this? This is an innovative, brand-new! Nobody has done this before!"

Doug: Everybody has done this movie.

#1

Doug (vo): And the Number 1 Movie That I Hate But Everybody Else Seems to Like is...Moulin Rouge.

Doug: Oh, God! Hate this movie! This is up there with one of my Top 10 Least-Favorite Movies.

Doug (vo): Remember what I was saying before about films that think they're saying something really brand-new and innovative but it's been said a bajillion times before and in better ways? This is one of those big movies. This is one where, you know, the message is just, you know, "Follow your heart, be in love" and stuff like that, but they think that by...

Doug: ...putting all these big effects and musical numbers and recycling songs that we heard a bajillion times before, sung badly, is gonna make this somehow new. And it's not...it's not, it's not, it's not! It is... [Sighs] I want to like this movie.