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Disney Afternoon
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Released
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March 25, 2014
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Running Time
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44:34
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Previous Review
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Next Review
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TBA
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Link
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(We start off with the opening before dissolving into the Nostalgia Critic's living room)
(NC runs in, followed by Tamara Chambers and Malcolm Ray)
NC (wearing a no fear shirt and carrying a Marvel? backpack): Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! (sits down and reaches into his backpack to pull out baseball and Ninja Turtles trading cards) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! It's my favorite time of the day!
Tamara: Critic, I don't think the girls in the 90s wore this many hair products. I look like...Punky Brewster's recycling bin.
Malcolm: And why are my pants this baggy?
(Malcolm's pants are so baggy he's stepping on the knees)
Tamara: Also, why are all the logos on the back?
(She and Malcolm take off their jackets to reveal shirt with the logos "MAGICAL MOTHER FUCKER" on Tamara's shirt and "YOU'RE KILLING ME SMALLS" on Malcolm's shirt)
NC: It's all part of the experience. Now sit down before it starts!
Malcolm: Before what starts? You're just pressing play on the DVD player.
NC: You don't understand! This is the Disney Afternoon! There's a certain ritual to this: We act like we just got back from school, throw our belongings on the ground for our mothers to pick up, surround ourselves in high-fructose corn syrup, and reward ourselves for dealing with the mental scars of the tremendously flawed education system.
Tamara: Wait! A-Aren't you talking about Disney's One Saturday Morning on ABC?
NC: Fuck Disney's One Saturday Morning! That was just a carbon-copy cartoon-caust comparison compared to the Disney Afternoon!
Malcolm: Hey! Pepper Ann was good.
NC: Okay, maybe one.
Tamara: And Recess was decent.
NC: Yeah, if you wanna get technical...
Malcolm: And Kim Possible.
NC: Well, Kim Possible, obviously.
Tamara: And Proud Family.
NC: Whose dissin' The Proud Family? Nobody's dissin' The Proud Family while I'm around!
Malcolm: And there was also that other show, um...Doug. (NC's expression changes wild rapidly as he stares at Malcolm) Yeah, that was a pretty good cartoon series. You can't deny that must've had some sort of impact on your life--
(Smash cut to Malcolm and Tamara sitting with NC. Malcolm's got a black eye and rubbing his jaw, blood leaking out the corner of his mouth
NC (after punching Malcolm): What you're both missing is that the Disney Afternoon had a timeless sense of magic and wonder that was the perfect welcome-home from a long day of schoolhouse popularity or awkward social punishment. So, if there's no other comparisons to "lesser forms of art"... (turning to look at Malcolm who is covering his chin with his hand).
Malcolm: (whimpering) I can't feel my teeth...
NC: We'll go ahead and get started!
(The intro to Disney Afternoon begins)
NC (excitedly): Oh my god! Here we go! Here we go! (He puts his arms around Malcolm and Tamara excitedly)
Singer (while NC dances with his friends): Step right up and come on in! It's where the fun begins! There's so much to do! Getting ready just for you! Everybody's busy bringing you a Disney Afternoon! Can you feel the fun! Well, come on and feel the buzz because everybody's busy! Just a little busy! Bringing you a Disney Afternoon!
NC (vo): *(Clips from the Disney Afternoon shows playing) For the first time ever from 1990-1997, Disney took some of its hit Syndicated shows and ran them with all new material in a two hour block called the Disney Afternoon. Sure, their were some reruns and specials featurning the old classic Dinsey cartoons before then, but this is the first time Disney put a slew of new programming back to back in one glorious line up. Most of it timeless (Gargoyles ); some of it not so much (Quack Pack and the Mighty Ducks), but we'll get to that when we get to that.
NC: Lets take a look at Disney's first installment Gummi Bears
Singer: (clips from The Gummi Bears opening playing) Gummi Bears bouncing here and there and everywhere. High Adventure that's beyond compare-
NC (vo): (Clips from the show) And yes the first thing you are thinking pops into everybody's head too. Why and/or how do you make a show based on a fruit snack, whose head and limbs you disturbingly bite off? Well, despite such a distracting commercial tie-in, the show, surprisingly, wasn't that bad. Alot of that had to do with its bright colours, fantasy focused environment, and a theme song sung by the most easily exciteable group ever. Just listen to how into it these guys get; it's impossible not to get sucked in yourself.
(The group also dances along to the theme)
Singer: High adventure that's beyond compare. They are the Gummi Bears. (NC mouths the words) Magic and mystery are part of their history. Along with the secret of Gummi Berry juice. Magic is growing, they take pride in knowing. They'll fight for what's right, whatever they do! Gummi Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that's beyond compare. They are the Gummi Bears. They are the Gummi Bears!
NC: Little known fact, the singer actually died on that very last note, he was into it.
(The snippet is played, an explosion happening at the word "bears." NC and Malcolm take their hats off while Tamara takes a scrunchie off as a caption says "R.I.P. Guy Who Took Gummi Bears Too Seriously."
NC (vo): The show centers around a boy named Cavin. He lives in a kingdom trying to be conquered by a group of ogres led by an egotistical Duke.
Duke Sigmund Igthorn: King Gregor's castle will be nothing but a big pile of gravel! Get moving! Time is money! Or it would be if I were paying you!
NC (vo): Truth be told, I always thought the Duke through most of my childhood was just (picture of) Skeletor before he lost his flesh. In fact, maybe this all takes place in the same universe and Skeletor's just the Duke's ghost.
(The Duke is standing on the catapult, holding a boulder)
Duke: Come on! Forward! (his legs are giving out) Uh-oh! (and the boulder drops on him)
(One lightning crash and we now have Skeletor)
Skeletor: Oh, damn it! Now what flamboyant spectable am I going to chase--(he looks over and sees He-Man) Hellooo...
NC (vo): Cavin stumbles across the group of enchanted cereal mascots and learns of their secret weapon that can defeat the Duke: A liquid that gives them super strength and jumping abilities called ....
Tummi: Gummi Berry Juice.
Sunni: Gummi Berry Juice.
Grammi: Gummi Berry Juice.
Singer: Gummi Beary Juice.
NC (vo): You know couldn't you come up with a better name for such a gigantic source of power? Woudn't the force lose a little bit of it's magic if it was called something different.
Yoda: You must use the yummy muffy puffy.
Luke: Right.
NC (vo) So it's a constant battle between our loveable plush toys and the evil monsters and sorcerers that plague the land. The show had an innocence to it that made it silly, but still pretty enjoyable. But maybe alot of the shows intrigue came from the fact that it sounded like most of the bears ate your favourite cartoon characters. Like (picture of) Garfield......
Tummi: He's more homesick then we are.
NC (vo): (picture of) Tigger,
Zummi: Oh no, oh no, of course not Cubbi, that's just a story.
NC (vo): (Picture of) Natasha,
Grammi: Gruffi Gummi, you have the manners of a billy goat.
NC (vo): Tony Curtis,
Gruffi Gummi: Don't you tell me who I like and who I don't like
NC (vo): And of course Nicholas Cage.
(Scene from Wickerman where Nicholas Cage, in a bear costume, punches a woman)
NC (vo): This is the way the teddy bears have their picnic bitch! (punches the woman)
NC (vo): Honestly the show worked suprisingly well, I'm kind of wondering if Disney maybe should consider doing other shows based on bitesized treats.
NC (vo): (mimicking Singer): Dorito's! Getting cheese stains on your goddamn clothes! They are the Dorito's!
Singer: They are the Gummi Bears!
NC: But that was only one show in the line up. Next was the always popular DT.
Tamara (confused); Why don't you just say the title?
NC: Because I have (turns his head towards Tamara) literally 24 years after its release just gotten the theme song out of my head and I don't want to risk putting it back in their by saying the title once more.
Malcolm: You mean DuckTales?
(NC quickly turns his heads toward Malcolm as the theme song starts)
Singer: DuckTales! Woo-oo! Everyday-
(NC has blood on his hand and is waving it around while Malcolm lays unconscious on the couch in the background)
NC: As many of you know, I've already talked about this show several times in both my Raiders of the Story Arc and of course my Top 11 Catchiest Themes.
Tamara (concerned): Should we call an ambulance?
NC (calmly): It's too late for him, (back to the audience), So I won't waste too much time on this one.
NC (vo): (Clips from the show play) But we can talk a little bit about it. The show centered about Scrooge McDuck looking after Hewey, Dewey, and Lewey, as their parents, once again, refuse to take any responsibility for them, and all the adventures they go on and crazy characters they encounter finding treasures. It's sort of like Indiana Jones meets (picture of) Duckula, does anyone remember that? I don't care. Despite the fact that the focus of the story is continuing to reward the one percent, the show still kicks ass even years later, giving us all sorts of memorable secondary characters like Launchpad, that witch duck (Magica DeSpell), that inventor duck (Gyro Gearloose), the chubby woodchuck duck (Doofus), and robo duck (Gizmoduck).
NC: Hey I said the characters were memorable not the names.
NC (vo): It's still smart, it's still creative, and it's still incredibly likeable. It has just as much charm as it did back then. But surely their must be another Disney title that also made an unbelievably good Capcom game?
Singer: C-C-Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers
Ash Williams: Yeahhh babbbbyyyy!
NC (vo): (Clips from the show play) Now we're talking. Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers was the famous chipmunk duo, forming a team to help them save anyone in danger. Think of them as an anti-Pinky and The Brain.
Chip: (Shakes Gadget's hand) I'm Chip.
Dale: (Shakes Gadget's hand) And I'm Dale.
NC (vo): You know Chip and Dale of course, but on top of that their was Gadget, Zipper, and Montery Jack. And while these characters were memoaable and extremely likeable, it did suddenly make me realize the triaditonal team formula that lingered over most kid shows: For example, you have the inventor (Gadget), you have the muscle (Montery Jack), you have the leader (Chip), you have the goof off (Dale), and of course the little cute one that's just so darn adorable (Zipper). But, lets be fair, this was when that formula was just starting to be put into effect. And give the show credit for putting two popular characters onto a team, instead of just keeping it two people, whose real voices sound like Babs Bunny and the crazy taxy guy, fighting over the same woman.
Chip (real voice): I've gotta hand it to you Gadget, you were right about Tom after all.
Dale (real voice): I always believed in you.
(NC, Malcolm, and Tamara shudder)
NC (vo): Most of their time was spent fighting off evil schemes usually from the diabolical Fat Cat.
Fat Cat: Hello, my galvanized feline friend.
NC (vo): And, surpisingly, he has no political tie-ins despite the fact that his name is in fact Fat Cat. Though I guess he does look a touch like (picture of) Christopher Christy?
Fat Cat: My million dollar dinner gone down the drain!
NC (vo): While we're on the subject, did you know that Chip and Dale were actually modeled after (picture of) Indiana Jones and (picture of) Magnum PI. God wouldn't that have been a totally different show if it matched their personalities too.
Chip (voiced by Indiana Jones): You stood up to be counted with the enemies of everything that the Grail stands for; Who gives a damn what you think!
Dale (voiced by Magnum PI): Hey! Did you come here just to abuse me?
NC (vo): The characters allowed for a lot of inventive storylines and ideas, like Gadget, being the rodent equivilent of McGyver. I mean, good god, just look at half the things she makes.
Chip: Geez, Gadget? Didn't you put any brakes on this thing?
Gadget: Don't be silly, Chip! Of course I did! But they fell off a few blocks back!
NC: Hey, Tamara, can you make a car out of a skateboard and a hair dryer?
Tamara: (sulkily) No! All I do is a Chevy pick-up truck sculpted out of rubber and ice.
NC: You're an insult to the craft!
NC (voiceover): A lot of characters lent their way to learning some good lessons too, like always be yourself, have confidence in your work...don't...join...cults...Yeah, there was actually an episode about the dangers of following a cult, and I, I think like most kids around my ages, found out what a cult was by watching this episode. Hey, it's better than finding out...other...ways. (Picture of Newsweek: Special Report: The Cult Of Death)
Myron: He had more cheese weggies than he could count, but he's far richer in spirit now that he's giving up all his wealth to be fizzed.
NC (voicover): It's actually pretty clever social satire. A group of mice mistake a Cola commercial, you know the ones that always say you don't belong unless you buy our product, and they turn it into a literal interpretation.
Pop Top: Ah, we were all lost once, before we found the Cola Cult.
NC (vo): And I'll be damned if I can't remember one algebraic equation from all my days of school, but yet, years later, I still remember every fucking word of the Coo-Koo Cola song.
Singer: Come along, you belong. Feel the fizz of Coo-Koo Cola.
(NC waves his hands in the air while Tamara rolls her eyes. NC lifts Tamara and Malcom's arm, who yelps in pain, and waves them along with his arms)
NC (vo); It was cute, it was clever, it had characters we could never forget; it was a whole lot of fun.
Singer: C-C-Chip n Dale!
NC (vo): After Chip n Dale wrapped up, we then moved onto a show with a familiar character whose a bumbling pilot with his gigantic plane and the timeless environment that he inhabited in. I am of course talking about the Jungle Book.
Singer: (Titlescreen of Talespin appears) Bum bum bum bum bum let's begin.
NC (vo): (Clips from the show are showing) Talespin is arguably one of the stranger set ups. Not because of the plot itself about a delivery pilot who battles air pirates along with his sidekick Kid, but.... why the Jungle Book characters? It's like having the cast of Bambi in a film noir, it doesn't add up. Well, maybe part of it is that, suprisingly, Jungle Book, after inflations, was the fourth highest grossing Disney film at that time, so I guess they figured It made sense to give them their own show. But even then there's only three characters that ever made it in: (picture of) Baloo, (picture of), Louie, and (picture of) Shere Khan. Where are the other guys? Wouldn't it be great to see (picture of) Kaa in there? Or (picture of the monkeys and vultures) Kaa? But then again, to their credit, maybe that's all they needed as the rest of the characters stood on their own quite nicely. Kid was sort of the everyday kid you wanted to be, especially when he was flying around on that glider thing. He's kind of like an adorable Green Goblin. I mean, (picture of Green Goblin from Sam Raimi's Spider-man) more adorable then he already is.
Kid: Baloo told me never to talk to strangers and I've never met anybody stranger then you.
Don Karnage: Cute kid.
NC (vo): There was Rebecca, who ran the business, who a lot of people didn't like, but honestly I think she is a perfect comic foil. Just look at all these reactions when Baloo tries to disguise his friend as a scientist.
Wildcat: Geundghta! Bon joy! How ya doing?
Rebecca (unamused): What are you doing in that get up?
Wildcat: You have me confused with someone entirely not myself. I'm Dr. Sven Vileent Gesundheit, BDD.
Rebecca (smiling): You mean PHD?
Wilcat: Uh, T-t-that too.
NC (vo): She even plays along in finding ways to teach Baloo a lesson for trying such a lazy scheme.
Rebecca: Hiiiii, just checking to see if you've landed on.... Maaaars yet?
Baloo: Yeah and it's bad time here.
Rebecca (On radio) You should be out there exploring, collecting specimens! Now, don't you dare come back without a cargo hold full of plants and animals. Oh, and while I have you..... (Baloo whines)
NC (vo): I don't know, she never bothered me. What did bother me though was her kid Molly, who was sort of like a (picture of) Webby 2.0
Molly: I'm not Molly! I'm Danger Woman here to inspect my secret headquarters.
NC (vo): She was just as annoying, just as cutesly pandering, and just as inconsistant in her appearances. Sometimes Rebecca needed a sitter for her; other times she was nowhere to be seen. Where the hell did she go in the middle of those episodes?
(An open door is shown with a sign by it that says "Daycare for Filler". An animation of Molly is thrown through the door and a crashing sound is heard).
NC (vo): I think she was just an unused Gummi Bear that they decided to fit in somewhere.
Molly: You stay away from my mommy! (kicks the guy)
Rebecca: Molly!
NC (vo): Needles to say any episode that featured her definitely needed more air missles falling in her direction.
Molly: Just wait till you tune in next in week. Same danger time (nuke drops) same danger-- (explosion)
NC (vo): And then, of course, there's Don Karnage.
Don Karnage: Don Karnage knows all that a field pirate needs to know, you know?
NC (vo): Oh, how does one describe Don Karnage? Imagine if Ricky Ricardo got fed-up with his wife, took his Caribbean van, and just started robbing the shit out of people. You got pretty much as hilarious a villain as you can conceive.
Don Kanarge: (various scenes) Fetch me the nasty bird! Idiots! You are my worm for catching the early bird ha ha! (Don Karnage crashes into a wall) What a lousy place for a wall.
NC (vo): How is it this guy never got a spin off show? He's fucking hilarious and I know what you're thinking; yeah he's a pirate, he's a bad guy, so that wouldn't be good for kids, but.... hey pirates were kind of the first forms of democracy. I mean come on, all those pirates have different accents, and hell, I think Don Kanage has like eight different accents in his one voice.
Don Kanarge: You had better get that annoying bird back here if you ever want to see sociable insecurity!
NC (vo): It's teaching kids about being together with all sorts of different races, even if you are a million different races in one somehow. It can work; Disney, make it happen!
Baloo: Oh little britches, say it isn't so.
NC (vo): For such a strange combination of characters and timelines, Talespin had a great feel, charming characters and enough air battles to keep any kid happy.
Singer: Ah ha ha Talespin!
NC: But sadly, this would spell the end of Disney's phenominal run
Malcolm: What, you didn't like Darkwing Duck?
NC: How dare you indicate I don't like Darkwing Duck! (pulls out a gun) Do I have to get out my "people who don't like Darkwing Duck" gun? (Malcom shakes his head no). I was talking about the fact that they never did another good Disney Afternoon and Capcom game again. (Footage of the Talespin video game) I mean, come on! Baloo's head is the size of a plane? That's just dumb.
Tamara: Well then why don't you just explain what Darkwing Duck is for those who don't know. (NC glares at Tamara and turns the gun on her) Which is obviously... not.... me.
Singer: Darkwing Duck! (the title appears) When there's trouble, you call DW. Darkwing Duck--
NC (vo): (Clips from the show play) He is the terror that flaps in the night. He is the noun that verbs your other noun. He is Darkwing Duck. Yeah, a funny superhero was really nothing new, but part of what made Darkwing Duck so great was that the majority of the time he wasn't doing it because he thought it was right; he did for the exact opposite reason any superhero should do: he did it for fame and fortune. Really think about that. We see a ton of egotistical funny villains (pictures of Hades, Gaston, and Captain Hook), but Disney has never really had a hero that was full of himself. Constantly looking for attention and even sometimes endangering the mission so that he can get all the glory.
Darkwing Duck: I had it all under control!
Darkwing Duck: Lemme guess, "You've come to help."
Darkwing Duck: Everyone jumping on my crime-fighting band-wagon.
Darkwing Duck: I'm not flying anywhere with "laughing boy" here.
NC (vo): Yeah, we've had a side character here and there (pictures of Pete and Timon), but this is a main character--a main Disney character--the focus of good morals, and yet he constantly comes across as 100% egotistical in every single scene he's in. He even provides his own narrations out loud like a little kid.
Darkwing Duck: He had washed the city clean of crime like a... damp mop. No that's not very dramatic.
NC (vo): But maybe that's why we indulged him so much. It wasn't as much a nasty need for attention as much as like a little kid looking for attention. Trying to be the center by being the hero and technically following his dreams. Even if it is misguided, it's still well meaning.
Darkwing Duck: I should've worked with the team!
Gosslyn: But dad the team needs you they've been captured
Darkwing Duck: Ohhh perfect, some team they turned out to be. I guess I'll have to go save them
NC (vo): You of course had side characters like an excited tomboy daughter named Gosslyn, the return of DuckTales character Launchpad
Launchpad: Fake wrestling's fake?
NC (vo): And a slew of pretty inventive baddies including a shocking rodent named Megavolt, a crime boss named Steelbeak who I always felt was (picture of) Fowlmoth growing up. Maybe he lost his break by swearing to Columbian drug lords or something, and his archnemesis Negaduck
Negaduck: That's the end of Darkwing Duck
NC : Litttle knowing fact Jim Cummings' voice as Negaduck kills five puppies everytime he speaks
Negaduck: I get... the loot
Villains: Why?
Negaduck: Because I said!
Villains : Oh yeah that makes sense when you put it that way
NC (vo): Also, in my opinion, Darkwing was the first time we had a legitimaetly unique kid character in the Disney Afternoon. Not that the past ones were bad, but they were just the typically nice generic troublemaking kid. Their is only one Gosslyn she is wide, she is funny, she is always part of the action.
Gosslyn: (various scenes) You get your own copy work out of it! You better call off Winnie The Ghoul right now! You aren't taking that lying down are you Launchpad (smacks Launchpad on the back and he falls over) Oh i guess you are.
NC (vo): And she compliments Darkwing perfectly seeing as how he has the dreams and ego of a little kid and she literally is a little kid. So there's a legitimate connection as well as an arc for him learning to be a parent.
Darkwing Duck: Wherever there's an evildoer doing, I'll be there.
Gosslyn: Great dad!
NC (vo): The show was also great at satirizing everything supehero oriented while still being it's own thing. How many analogies did he make up to describe how fearsome he is.
Darkwing Duck; (various scenes) I am the metal key on the Sardine can of Justice! I am the hair on the lens of your projector! I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3 am! I am the parking meter that expires while you shop! I am the tube of Cadmian yellow that's impossible to open!
NC (vo): Darkwing Duck was one of the Disney Afternoon's best shows ever
Darkwing Duck: Lets get dangerous!
Singer: Darkwing Duck! Better watchout you bad boys! Darkwing Duck!
NC (vo): Before, sadly, it's inevitable decline
Malcolm: Decline what do you mean decline?
NC: Well like anything we love what eventually goes up must eventually come down........but we'll worry about that in the next half! For now what do you say we all have some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fruit snacks!
Tamara: Eww you held onto to those since the 90s
NC: Oh no their current!
Tamara: Oh well the heck with that. I'm going to reconnect with my Little Pony
NC: Ohhh you held onto that since childhood?
Tamara: No it's.... current
Malcolm: Well I'm going to reconnect with my nostalgia by playing with my Transformer
Tamara: Did you get that out of your attic?
Malcolm: No....it's...current
NC: Well lets do something that's not current by watching children's cartoons while talking.....over....them. (All three frown) Nothing's changed.
(The titlescreen appears to lead into commercial)
(Return from commercial)
Malcolm: So you're saying the Disney Afternoon went downhill after Darkwing Duck. Does that mean you hate Goof Troop?
NC: No!
Malciolm (relieved) Oh good (Tamara looks relieved as well)
NC: Ish (Malcom and Tamara stare at him)
SInger: We're the Goof Trip and we'll always stick together! Yeah we're the Good Troop!