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Dinosaur Adventure
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Aired
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January 16, 2016
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Running time
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34:12
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Previous review
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Next review
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Link
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Phelous: (traumatized) Lion and the King took me... quite a while to recover from... but because I hate myself, let's go back into the Dingo Pictures world with Dinosaur Adventure!
(the thumbnail for the video is shown, accompanied by the film's theme)
Phelous: Like I mentioned in the Lion and the King video, Dingo Pictures didn't always steal from Disney; sometimes, they also stole from Don Bluth cartoons as well! So, let's look at the bastardized version of The Land Before Time! Oh, and maybe with a little Disney's Dinosaur sprinkled in.
(posters for the Lion and the King game adaptations are shown)
Phelous (vo): Much like Lion and the King also going under the name Lion and the King 2, Son of the Lion King on PS2, and Lion and the King 3 on DS...
(With a confused look on his face, Phelous holds up the two PS2 games, while a picture of the third game is shown below. We are then shown the German poster for Dinosaur Adventure)
Phelous (vo): ...this Dingo Picture movie has multiple names as well, though not as many phony sequel ones... that I know of. (posters for the PS2 version are shown) It was called "Dinosaur Adventure" on this PlayStation 2 release, and the more generic name "Dinosaurs" on the original PlayStation. (a page on Dingo Pictures' website is shown) But its first title by Dingo Pictures was "The Little Dinosaur". However, they seem to have changed their mind later on, and then started calling it Dinos (he pronounces it "dee-nose" instead of "dye-nose").
(the logo for Phoenix Games is shown, followed by the two PlayStation posters)
Phelous (vo): Also of note: Phoenix published both PlayStation versions this time, and there is apparently no Midas Interactive release of this crap.
Phelous: (sarcastically) Sucks to be them. Truly.
Phelous (vo): These PlayStation releases were also the only way most of the Dingo Pictures movies got their English dubs - well, sort-of-English dubs - but there were a few other regions that got these semi-animated movies on VHS and DVD other than Germany, such as Italy.
Phelous: (sarcastically) Lucky them.
(The opening title screens in different languages are shown)
Phelous (vo): Some differences with these releases are the title screens; the ones on VHS and DVD actually had them within the movie, while the PlayStation games MIGHT show the screen where the title would be, but without it, (shows a shot where the title should be, but instead cuts straight to the opening) and in this case, is just a quick and awkward shot before suddenly going into the next one. Instead, for the PlayStation releases, they have the title show up while initially starting the supposed game, which uses the same artwork as the cover, which, while also resembling The Land Before Time, does not accurately depict what our shitty characters actually look like in the slightest!
(shows the differences between the PlayStation posters)
Phelous (vo): Also like the covers, for whatever reason, the PS2 one has the artwork flipped horizontally and zoomed in quite a bit. Which was possibly done to crop out the original "Dinosaurs" title, which is amazingly incompetent, and confusing as to why they even bothered retitling it!
Phelous: And as much as I'm sure you just want me to get to the movie already, I bet you also really want to hear about the games on the disc first, right?
Phelous (vo): (sounding bored) It's the same flood-fill coloring crap and slide puzzles, except this time, the back-out functions actually work!
Phelous: (angrily muttering under his breath) Stupid games not having any actual content! I was trying to delay actually having to watch Dingo crap again! (takes breathes) alright... alright... I can do this!
(the opening scene is shown, complete with horrible animation and 1980s-sounding techno music. When we cut back to Phelous, he is wearing a smile of utter discomfort and complete shock)
Phelous: Every time I think I have prepared myself for these Dingo movies... I have not!
(He falls over in his chair)
Phelous (vo): I love how they always insert these non-relevant "character walking" shots in these Dingo Pictures, like we're really amazed by the stunning animation on display here, which, thanks to the Italian VHS that actually has credits, unlike these PlayStation ones that just abruptly end, I know who to thank! So, my deepest appreciation goes out to Ludwig Ickert and Simone Greiss!
Phelous: You know what else they worked on besides Dingo Pictures movies? NOTHING!
Phelous (vo): The Italian credits also lists this Simone Greiss as one of the four voice actors in this thing!
Phelous: Which really is one more voice actor than I thought they had for any of these things, so color me impressed.
Phelous (vo): Her being listed here, though, makes me think this is just the original German voice cast being listed rather than the Italian one. Though, maybe this team was just a jack-of-all-languages, and masters of none.
(A scene is shown of dinosaurs gathering around an egg and watching it. The participants are a pteranodon named Cree, the parent dinosaurs, and a few others)
Cree: It's enough, already!
Father dinosaur: Rubbish! Just the opposite! Everyone should come here!
Cree: After all, it's the first Egbert a dino has ever laid!
Phelous: What the hell's an "Egbert"?!
Cree: The first Egbert Dino has EVER laid! The rest were all brought in by the stork. (laughing) That's what you think!
Phelous (vo): And don't you think sarcasm is a bit much for (shows a comparison between Cree and Petrie from The Land Before Time) green knockoff Petrie to try and attempt, when he barely has a grasp on the words he's speaking? Just... every time with these!
Mother dinosaur: Quiet! I think something moved inside the egg!
Phelous (vo): Eww! Why is knockoff green Littlefoot so ugly? And why is Littlefoot the mother? And why green again?!
Cree: What should I offer them to eat? Must a birth always entail so much work? Oh, gosh!
(As he flies away backwards, Cree's mouth continues to move up and down as if he is speaking, but there is no sound coming out of it)
Phelous: (with horrible lip-syncing) Wow, they're making the synching in Lion and the King look amazing by comparison already!
(Phelous continues to lip-sync with no sound coming out of his mouth).
Mother dinosaur: I polished it every day; I heard that it's good for the baby inside!
Phelous (vo): You should sue whoever told you that! For diamonds!
(A scene from Lion and the King is shown)
King: My God!
Dinosaur: Utter nonsense! You just have to leave it in the sun. That's enough!
Cree: So that's what you have to do! There just isn't any more! (intercut with a kid dinosaur laughing) And now... it's about time.
Phelous: What are they saying? Why was that random dinosaur laughing? WHAT IS GOING ON?!
Phelous (vo): Well, if you're worried about sense showing up, you can ease those fears, as knockoff Petrie - who's named Cree, by the way - decides maybe he should BREAK OPEN THE EGG WITH A HAMMER!
Mother dinosaur: Oh, is it coming too late?
Cree: Well, it's a little overdue... but no problem! I can help it along.
(An ankylosaurus named Peek is shocked at this)
Peek: (falsetto voice) NOOOOOOO!!!
Phelous (vo): Don't. Do. That. EVER. AGAIN.
Father dinosaur: (taking in a deep breath) Are you crazy, Cree? You could hit his head!
Phelous (vo): (imitating the father, and taking in a deeper breath) Why are the fathers in these things always so out of BREATH?!?
Cree: Oh, a little smack from the back of the head never hurt anyone.
(A rock is animated into the video, smashing Cree and killing him; goofy music plays in the background)
Peek: (falsetto voice) NOOOOOOO!!!
Phelous (vo): The egg hatches, and the way they animated this, apparently everyone has immediately left, as the baby just suddenly walks around a jungle. Guess the show is over! Besides for jackass Cree; he loves hanging around with the babies!
Dinosaur: Do you have a name for him?
Mother dinosaur: Yes, if he was a girl, I would have named her Tia.
Phelous: Well, thank you for that interesting "what-if" scenario.
Father dinosaur: But guessing is it's a boy's name is Ti-O!
Cree: Oh, yeah! There are nice names, but he'll be able to live with it. (intercut with baby Tio giggling) And now, why... did I gather all this food?
Phelous: (imitating baby Tio's laughing) What the hell are we laughing at?!
Cree: (flatly) Party time. Yeeeah, party time.
(The words "super enthusiastic party..." is shown overhead as the dinosaurs leave; we fade to black, and fade to a duck in a tree, who proceeds to act as narrator)
Duck narrator: And that is just what the dinos did.
Phelous (vo): And suddenly, this is being told to us by a duck, I think, Who is either really lazy, or trying to seduce us! I'm glad we always need random narrators in these things, who seemingly have no way of actually knowing the story they're telling!
Duck narrator: Cree spread his wings over him, and Tio went to sleep immediately.
Phelous (vo): (nervous chuckle) Sounds like Cree needs to back the hell off from this baby!
Duck narrator: He loved to play with Cree, because although Cree was much older, he was up for..... all the pranks they got up to.
Phelous (vo): (showing the duck's exact words overhead) Well, can't argue with that logic.
Tio's dad: TIO!
(Cree flies towards him and lands)
Tio's dad: (gruffly and difficult to decipher) I didn't mean you; my son named Tio!
Phelous (vo): (imitating the father dinosaur's growling voice and speaking gibberish) Am I still speaking English??
Tio's dad: I want Tio here immediately, with no whys and wherefores!
Cree: (stuttering) But to find you, I should come here! I could go and tell him! Yeah! (intercut with Peek laughing)
Phelous (vo): This random laughing was also a thing in Lion and the King, But it *really* seems to be one of the main motifs of Dinosaur Adventure, so get used to that!
Tio's dad: TIO!
(Tio walks to his dad, and speaks in a very feminine voice)
Tio: Why are you shouting at me like that? I haven't done anything wrong today!
Phelous (vo): You guys sure you didn't have a girl? Nah! It's the same female voice they used for Robin in (shows clips of lion cub from...) Lion and the King, so of course it's a boy! And I'm, uh, really loving how different this is so far! (shows clip comparisons between Lion and the King and Dinosaur Adventure) Angry father constantly yelling for their stupid child who has an idiot sidekick friend!
Tio's dad: He is a bad influence on you! You see? You're getting rebellious already!
(Tio is shown to be laughing during this, but in the next shot, he is shown to be sad)
Phelous (vo): (as Tio) I thought this was hilarious for a second, before I suddenly realized that I was sad! (normal) Now, try to figure this one out: Tio is bipedal, while his parents are both quadrupeds. Also, they are Apatosauruses... maybe, (shows a side by side comparison of Tio and Chomper from Land Before Time 2) while Tio seems to be a green ripoff of Chomper, a T-Rex!
Phelous: Maybe we missed the scene where Tio's mother admitted to his father that Tio wasn't really his, and that's why he's so cranky.
Phelous (vo): Tio's father - who doesn't actually have a name of his own - says he's sick of Tio hanging around with that pedo-dactyl, so he's sending him to school.
Cree: Eh, I would just fly away!
Tio: That's it! I've got it: You simply show me how to fly, and then if the lesson is too boring, I'll just up and fly away!
Phelous (vo): You're beginning to make me long for the logic of lions looking for *diamonds*!
Cree: No dino's ever come up with that idea before! So I have no idea if it'll work or nnnnnot!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Cree) If I just randomly drag out a woooord, my sync is seamless!
Cree: We have to get you some wings. Yeah, that's what we need!
(It is intercut with Peek's silent laughter; Phelous puts the text "Scene-Interrupting Ankylosaurus" below)
Phelous (vo): (speaking in an announcer's voice) "Scene-Interrupting Ankylosaurus"! (normal) with laughing! Because, of course.
(shows another scene of Peek, before showing a snapshot of his shocked face)
Phelous (vo): Also, I'm fairly certain Dingo Pictures just reworked one of their horrible dog designs to make this Ankylosaurus.
Peek: (who almost only speaks in rhymes) Instead of flying, Tio's father will spank you for lying!
(Intercut with Tio laughing)
Phelous (vo): Tio may just laugh this off, but dinosaur spanking is still a controversial subject which I am totally NOT in favor of!
(Cut to Tio using leaves as wings and flapping them up and down, trying to keep up with Cree, who is in flight)
Cree: Atta boy! Elegantly!
Peek: Elegance! With elegance! Tio invites the bride to dance!
Cree: Shut up, Peek; you're a freak!
Phelous: I really feel for any kid that actually had to watch these back when. But he's right, the guy's a total freak.
Tio: Why in the name of (weird pause) Tyrannosaurus Rex does it work for you and not for me?
Phelous (vo): (as Tio) Why in the name of... (pause) Tyrannosaurus Rex did you think I would know that woooord?
(Tio walks while flapping the leaves, takes a tumble off a cliff and lands hard on the ground. Cree and Peek scream nearby)
Phelous: (makes a shocked mouth-open face) Welp... I guess it's about as well as I expected these flying lessons to end!
Cree: Wake up! Oooooh!
Peek: Oh, no!
Cree: Oh, no! Mammoth mayhem! What do I do nooow?
Phelous (vo): (horrified) Holy shit! Is he really dead? (imitating Cree) I've got to hide the booodyyy!
(Tio's supposedly dead body is animated flying into the water)
Tio's dad: What the HELL is going on here?
Phelous: The perfect little kid movie... CLEARLY!
(a side-by-side shot shows the king from Lion and the King, and Tio's dad)
King: MY GOD!
Tio's dad: What the HELL?!
King: MY GOD!
Tio's dad: What the HELL?!
King: MY GOD!
Tio's dad: What the HELL?!
King: MY GOD!
Tio's dad: What the HELL?!
Peek: Tio was trying to learn to fly, that's what made him cryyyy!
Tio's dad: Cree, oh, what have you been up to with my son?!
Cree: (to Peek) Ah, just wait until I catch you in a dark corner; you'll get a damn good beating!
Phelous: Who the DAMN HELL is this actually meant for?
Phelous (vo): (as Cree): Ohhh, nooo! My damn wing is being cut off! I'll give you another DAMN good beating, just like you get at home with your parents! (cackling)
Peek: You'll prick yourself, and I'm not crying!
(Tio's dad says something, but no sound can be heard)
Phelous (vo): (imitating Tio's dad) I think I was supposed to have a line there! Whoops! (normal) I get the feeling the way they dubbed this one was they just played the movie and told the voice actors to sort-of, kind-of, try to keep up with the lines, but if they didn't, who the DAMN HELL cares?
(We return to the duck narrator)
Duck narrator: He had a light concussion.
Phelous (vo): Wow! And we're really supposed to want Tio to hang out with this monster?
Duck: But the worst thing for Tio was, that during this time, Cree had not been allowed to visit... him... once!
Phelous: No, Duck-Fuck! That is *not* the worst thing! Tio's gonna die if he receives many more of this flying moron's visits!
(Cree is shown sneaking into Tio's home)
Tio: I'm not allowed to see you anymore, and as... (quickly) soon-as-tomorrow-I-have-to-go-to-Oro's-class, with that d-- lizard, Faa!
Phelous (vo): (imitating director): Yeah! That's good! Really good! We have to ship this out, and... as soon as tomorrow! So roll with it!
Cree: We'll just... we'll just meet secretly! That's more exciting anyway!
Phelous: A creepy older guy tells a kid to keep meeting with him in secret behind his parents' back! (chuckles nervously) Yeah, good lessons for the kids in this one!
(We're introduced to an older dinosaur named Oro, who serves as a teacher)
Oro: Oh... ohh... two pupils who don't like one another. Well, at least there's no danger that they'll be chit-chatting instead of listening to me. Okay, come along, kids.
Phelous (vo): (imitating Oro): Why am I just announcing that when I have no evidence that's true, and why am I so disgusting?
Oro: How is your concussion, Tio?
Tio: It wasn't that bad at all. I don't feel a thing now.
Oro: Ohh, good!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Oro): Yes! The loss of feeling in your body is a really good sign! No wonder I only have two students! (normal) And of course, the other student, Faa, is a blue otter-lizard; my favorite dinosaur!
Oro: What is so special about volcanoes, Tio?
Tio: Uh, they're rather high, and it's very strenuous to get to the top. Right?
Faa: Wow, you are stupid!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Oro): Yes, I'm very happy my students are yelling at each other and talking, just like I didn't want a couple seconds ago! Why aren't I dead yet?
Faa: And then hot lava flows down the mountains from the side!
Tio: Rubbish!
Faa: No, it's not!
Tio: Have you ever seen it?
Faa: Uh, no, but, uh...
Tio: So there! You're just showing off!
Phelous: Here's an idea guys: don't have the two characters that are going to have an argument with each other sound so similar; just sounds like someone going INSANE! (looks towards right side of screen) What?! How dare you say that!!
(Phelous appears on the right side of the screen, looking at the left side)
Right-side Phelous: What? I would never!
Left-side Phelous: Oh, yeah?
Right-side Phelous: Yeah!
Left-side Phelous: Okay, whatever.
Right-side Phelous: Yeah, cool.
Left-side Phelous: Shut up.
Right-side Phelous: 'kay.
Phelous (vo): To continue this movie's trend of making sense, this old bastard, Oro, has invented the phonograph, but with the horn pressed to the ground, so it can detect when a volcano will erupt! Don't worry, he'll explain it!
Oro: ...and from the rumbling, the machine here creates waves, and then the earth moves under us, the machine begins to paint curves!
Phelous: See? "Paint curves"! I don't know why anyone might've been thinking that this didn't make sense!
Tio: Always?
Oro: No, of course not. Only when there... are EARTH movements.
Phelous (vo): Did he just hiccup? ...Is he cartoon-drunk?
Oro: Course not! Only when there... (hiccups repeatedly)
Tio: It works!
Oro: Of course it works, you silly boy! But that means that the volcanoes will erupt in the near future! And that's what's gonna happen! Yes!
Tio: With fire and everything? Great!
Oro: Don't you have any sense at all in your thick dino skull?!
Phelous (vo): (as Oro) I hate children so much! Being a teacher was the worst job I possibly could have taken! (normal) I guess Tio's supposed to show us why the dinosaurs went extinct, as so far, he's thrown himself off a *cliff*, and when hearing a volcano is about to rain fiery *DEATH* upon everyone, his response is (overlapping with Tio's voice) "GREAT!"
Phelous (vo): So, Oro holds a town meeting to let the dinosaurs know they suck and they're about to die.
Tio's father: But how do you predict an eruption with that strange con-strap-tion over there?
Phelous (vo): "Con-STRAP-tion"? (a strap-on dildo is photoshopped onto Tio's father's lower front) I believe you are not thinking of the right THING there, Tio's father!
(A triceratops named Ark - who is very clearly supposed to be evil - speaks up)
Ark: You can't prove anything! We can only tell by watching us die!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Ark) I sure hope I don't turn out to be evil with my evil face. That'd be a twist!
Oro: You're as stupid as you always were!
Phelous (vo): Yikes! If you're getting called stupid by *this* face, you'd better rethink your life!
Oro: Science has made progress! One day, we'll all be able to flyyy!
Phelous: THAT'S NOT HOW SCIENCE WORKS!
(Oro is photoshopped to look like he's flying next to the volcano)
Phelous (vo): (imitating Oro) I'm flying! SCIENCE!
Oro: The volcano will erupt! Because it will destroy EVERYTHING!
Phelous: Well, surprisingly, everyone isn't quite inclined to believe the Doomsday Dinosaur whose science will make him fly, and they just go home.
(We fade to the duck, with its legs apart, practically flashing the audience)
Duck narrator: The dinos consulted back and forth...
Phelous (vo): AAAGH!!! I seriously did not need to see this duck all spread-eagle like this!
Phelous: I think Dingo seriously overestimated the sex appeal of this fucking duck!
Phelous (vo): Look at its stupid little string-legs; what the DAMN HELL is any of this?!
(A crocodile is shown, bearing a resemblance to Dundee from Lion and the King)
Crocodile: We're getting visitors; Cree's coming.
Robin: (from Lion and the King) Shut up, Dundee.
Tio: Hey! Is anybody there?
(The crocodile jumps out of the water)
Crocodile: (hissing) RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Tio: (shown with unfitting laughing animation) AAAAHHH!! Did you expect me to jump? You can't scare me!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Tio) I wasn't scared! That's why I said "AAAAHHH!!" But I did it with my laughing animation, so that means I wasn't scared... I guess.
(The volcano is shown expelling fireballs, in horrendous animation)
Phelous: It is GLORIOUS!
Phelous (vo): So while the attempted animation of the eruption sends out red circles at the bozos that we've been forced to follow, they make their way to a cave.
Crocodile: It's the end of the world! It's raining fire, the water's boiling, and we're all gonna die!
Tio: (crying) So Oro was right! But the others are all... all right below the volcanoes! They'll burn for sure!
Cree: Yeah, it looks as though we've been lucky again!
Phelous (vo): Cree, you dipshit! Tio just said his family probably burned to death, and your response is "We got lucky again"?!
Tio: But my parents!
Cree: Hey, it may not be so bad! Maybe they believed Oro after all and ran away!
Phelous (vo): It's really not a matter of believing him or not, when the volcano is already currently raining down DEATH FROM ABOVE, YOU PEDO-DACTYL MORON!
Second Crocodile: But it's terribly hot in here! If we have to stay in here much more, I'll turn into a fire lizard!
(A fade to black, and we are shown to duck narrator again)
Duck narrator: Of course, the crocodile didn't turn into a fire lizard.
Phelous: Thank you, Duck! I thought that might have actually happened until we had your reassurance!
Duck narrator: Although, the friends had to stay in the cave for many days. They were terribly thirsty and hungry. The air was so stifling, that one could hardly breathe. Finally, after almost a week, the air cleared!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Duck): Luckily, the smoke couldn't find them in that apparently airtight cave! (normal) Tio, Cree, and the Dundees come out to the amazing sight of everything being destroyed! And after their first thoughts of not having anything to eat - which I guess is only an issue after a week - they remember that this also means that everyone just FUCKING DIED!!
Tio: I'm sure they're all dead!
Cree: Well, somehow... I don't know!
(On the word "know", Cree puts a weird emphasis on it)
Phelous: Stand back. Cree has been infected with Walken Flu Virus!
Phelous (vo): Don't worry though, guys! Everyone else might be dead, but the Deathosaurus himself, Oro, is still alive, because of his magic scientific phonograph! Don't see the little dinosaur that operated his volcano device though, so he's probably dead. Oro must've decided there wasn't enough room in his cave for it and his science wings!
Tio: Do you mean that my parents are dead?
Oro: Well, who can say?
Phelous (vo): (as Oro): Scientifically, your dead parents might still be alive, so let's find them scientifically! By pulling straws to see which random direction will go in!
Cree: West!
(They walk in a certain direction while cheap synthesizer music attempting to sound dramatic plays over it. It fades to black and then back to the duck narrator)
Phelous (vo): (imitating duck narrator): They went the wrong way and never found them. The End! (normal) As the Fellowship of the Phonograph search for Damn Hell Valley, they came across some grass! But wouldn't you know it, it was grass owned by dinosaurs' natural enemy, gorillas! Which gives Dingo the opportunity to be even lazier than just reusing character models like they did with the Dundees earlier, but straight up just reuse the gorilla shots from Lion and the King!
(A side-by-side comparison is shown between the gorillas shown in Lion and the King and the gorillas shown here. It is the exact same shot, with a different background)
Phelous (vo): But they did change the *background*!
Phelous: Too much effort, really!
Phelous (vo): So of course pedo-dactyl flies away backwards, 'cause his friends dying ain't his problem. But luckily, Myu-Myu's mother, complete with the same voice, is here to say, "let them have a little grass!"
Mother gorilla: They haven't eaten that much, and I feel sorry for the little one!
Mother gorilla: (from Lion and the King): The lions are our enemies, Myu-Myu!
(A back cover of Lion and the King is shown)
Phelous (vo): Oh, and by the way, according to the back cover, Myu-Myu's name is actually... Keno! She clearly said "Keno" there, right?
(A shot from Lion and the King is shown, with the mother gorilla and the word "Keno!" superimposed at the top of the screen)
Mother gorilla: (from Lion and the King) Myu-Myu.
Mother gorilla: They could stay here till they get their recuperated.
Phelous: But where will they find their "recuperated"?
Cree: Oro invented a machine that predicts the eruption of the volcano!
Offscreen gorilla: And WHY......?
(After a pause, we then cut to the gorilla talking)
Gorilla: And why did you not predict this terrible eruption?
Phelous (vo): (imitating Oro) Came in....... came in a little too quick there, so we left it in to be extra sloppy......
Phelous: (imitating a broken record) Though-- though, I'm-- though, I'm sur-- though, I'm sure the audio editing on this consisted of... nothing.
(beat)
Phelous: Nothing.
(beat)
Phelous: Nothing.
(beat)
Phelous: Though I'm sur--
Baby gorilla: I told Cree that when we ran into the cave during the great volcano eruption, I was almost crushed by a great, big, foot!
Tio: It must have been a dino! Cree, Oro, my parents are alive!
Phelous: Or it was other dinosaurs! Or are your parents the only ones that would almost run over a baby gorilla?
Duck narrator: Oro gave the gorillas an exact copy of his machine.
Phelous (vo): Somehow!
Duck narrator: The apes promised him to turn on the machine every day.
Phelous (vo): (imitating duck narrator): And Oro said, "I don't give a shit if you do or not! I have no investment in your welfare!" Now look at my crotch!
(A crow caws over the duck's narration)
Duck: After Colin made them a big bundle of the--
Phelous (vo): Hey, blackbird asshole, we're trying to listen to Super CROTCH Duck! Do ya mind?
Tio: There are tracks! Look, Cree! Tracks!
Cree: You're right! Tio's RIGHT!
(Tio is shown yet again with laughing animation)
Phelous (vo): (as Tio) Tracks are hilarious! (laughing)
(A sound clip from The Real Ghostbusters plays)
Peter Venkman: (from The Real Ghostbusters) It wasn't THAT funny.
Tio: We found my parents!
Oro: No, no, there's something I don't like here. Something's not right!
(Oro's mouth continues to move up and down, with no sound coming out)
Phelous: (with bad lip-syncing) Yes, there's something I don't like here either, but it's hard to tell what it is! (Phelous's lips continue to speak, but there is no sound coming out)
(Ark is shown, with two horrible excuses for roars)
Phelous: Is he mad, or just taking his last breath before death?
Oro: Cree, fly there and see what's happening!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Oro) You're the most expendable one in our group!
Cree: I just KNEW it was you, Ark!
Phelous: ARGH?! His name is ARGH?!*
*= It's actually "Ark"
Cree: Is that the way you greet a long-lost friend?
Ark: You just came here because you want to eat! There's hardly enough for us... and for you, there's nothing!
Cree: This boring, dried-out stuff here? We don't wanna eat that, anyway!
Ark: We've got used to something better there!
(A jpeg of dinosaur skeletons are superimposed into the sand. This is in the actual film; Phelous didn't animate that) Phelous (vo): Pffffft! Well, that's a new level of lazy for you, Dingo; you couldn't even be bothered to draw the dinosaur bones! Cree: You haven't become... meat-eaters, have you? Shame on you!
Phelous (vo): (imitating Ark) Shame on me? Awww, now I feel bad for eating Tio's parents!
Phelous: They just... DECIDED to become meat-eaters! That's how dinosaurs worked!
Cree: But what is with Tio's parents? Where are they, are they alive?
Ark: (laughing) Don't think so! They refuse to eat meat!
(Ark's sidekicks laugh)
Ark: They really thought there was a place with enough plants to eat. Ha! But I don't think so! Ha ha ha ha ha.
Phelous (vo): (imitating Ark): Ha ha ha ha ha. I probably should be trying to eat you, but I'm too stupid. Ha ha ha.
Cree: Ark and his cronies, they've become meat-eaters.
(deep inhaling is heard)
Tio and Oro: WHAAAT?!?!
(A shirtless man wearing a skull mask and a shield screaming "What!?" is superimposed over them)
Oro: I'll have to go to Ark, myself.
Cree: And be careful, don't let anyone... get eaten!
Phelous (vo): (imitating director): Go ahead! Finish the line!
Cree: We still need you!
Phelous (vo): (as Cree): If we didn't, I wouldn't care!
Oro: Your meat-eating is going to do you in! That's for sure!
Phelous (vo): Okay, these plant-eaters magically scienced into meat-eaters, so... why do none of these morons realize that they're just chatting away with their next MEAL?
Faa: Uncle Oro!
Phelous: Oh, of course the blue otter-lizard-thing is related to the Monoclonius, or whatever the hell it's supposed to be! It only makes sense!
Phelous (vo): Anyway, Blue-otter-saurus and the rhyming jackass plan to join Team Random-Direction, because they aren't meat-eaters now! So... I guess they've just been surviving on the rocks out here. With the new additions to Team Idiocy, they finally achieve a single success: scaring off some antelope, when they realize that they probably shouldn't exist at the same time. Especially during the age of the Blue-otter-saurus!
Peek: Peek is going to some real paradise!
Tio: (dubbed with Robin from Lion and the King) Shut up, Peek! (normal) If my parents came here... why wouldn't they stay?
Phelous (vo): (imitating Oro): They're probably dead, and we've been running a fool's errand the whole time!
Peek: (singing) And if you're happy, it's quite clear!
Cree: Very.
Peek: What?
Cree: Oh, just forget it.
Phelous: Well, you sure told him! I don't know what you told him, but those certainly were words spoken!
(A baby dinosaur, looking very similar to Tio, walks up to Tio)
Tio: Who are you?
Baby dino: I'm Tio the 2nd!
Phelous: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTT!!!!
(Phelous explodes into loud, insane cackling)
Phelous (vo): Amazing, absolutely amazing, Dinosaur Adventure! Tio's parents decide to not look for him, even a little, and immediately - no wasted time at all - got to bangin' to produce a replacement! Then, just to remind the replacement that it's their SECOND-PLACE MEDAL, they named him Tio the Second!
Faa: Why the 2nd?
Tio the 2nd: I had a brother, but he's dead!
Phelous: (smiling in shock) Holy shit, their parents are horrible! I love it!
Phelous (vo): That they even told their baby that it has a dead brother really is something, but them also writing Tio off as being dead this quick shows how devoted of parents they are!
Cree: Of course! He's the spitting image of you! (laughing) Spitting image!
Tio the 2nd: (crying) That's not true! I was hatched out of an egg, not SPAT out!
Phelous: (disappointed) Well, that terrible joke just killed the happy "horrible parents" mood.
Tio: (dubbed with Robin from Lion and the King) Your father, my father, is your FATHER?? (normal) Why did they make another dino that looks like ME??
Peek: When your parents have a new kid, out you go on the dustbin lid!
Phelous: You really chose your friends well, Tio.
Oro: Peek! How can you talk such rubbish?
Phelous: How can you talk such rubbish, Oro? I believe your response SHOULD have been...
(The Italian version is shown; Peek says, "Mom and dad have a new baby, now you are nothing to them!", and Oro says "Peek", but the way it's said sounds very much like "Yee". This is the origin of the famous "Yee!" meme on YouTube)
Phelous: (angry) THERE! I referenced the "Yee" meme! HAPPY NOW?!
Tio's mother: We should've kept on looking for Tio.
Tio's father: Who knows? Maybe he's still alive!
Phelous (vo): (as Tio's father) So I could have spared our Tio clone the "dead brother" story, but ha! His face when I told him! Priceless! (normal) Well, the Bozosaurus find out that they still have the original Tio, meaning it's okay if they lose the second, so they leave him with Cree, and of course, he's gonna take care of that immediately.
Tio the 2nd: Will you show me how to fly?
Cree: Later, later when it's dark!
(The earlier clip of Tio attempting to fly and falling off a clip is shown, only this time, when he lands, blood explodes out of his head and splatters on the rock wall)
Phelous (vo): (imitating duck narrator): And everything was perfect in Damn Hell Valley... until the ice age two days later.
(A shot of the dinosaurs is superimposed with an ice cube around them)
King: (from Lion and the King) My God!
Phelous: Well..... I never thought I'd see something that'd make me say more effort was put into Lion and the King, but there you go!
(An 8-bit version of Phelous is shown, laughing repeatedly for seven seconds before we return to the original Phelous, who is in a state of shock)
Phelous: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
(We fade to the closing credits)