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Devil
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Released
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October 29,2013
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Running time
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45:15
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Link
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(After the Nostalgiaween Opening 2013, we come upon the Nostalgia Critic pressing the down button for an elevator. Inside the elevator are Rita Repulsa played by Rachel Tietz, Santa Christ played by Rob Walker and Satan played by Malcolm Ray)
NC: This seems like a randomly colorful group of characters to randomly on an elevator with.
(Suddenly the power goes out)
Satan: Oh, grapenuts.
(The power comes back on, followed by a voice on the intercom, voiced by Malcolm)
Voice: This is Goit Forman, your elevator--
SC: Hi, Goit!
(A panel on the elevator console blinking DON'T PANIC is shown)
Goit: Uh, hi. Listen, your elevator seems to be stuck. You folks sit tight and we'll have you out in a minute.
Rita: (still dubbed by Doug Walker) Well great, now what do we do?
NC: Anybody got any stories?
Rita: I do! It's about how I plan to take over the world with one monster at a time instead of building an army of them. And how I was embarassingly defeated by the martial arts version of Glee! And then how-
NC: Santa Christ! You must have some interesting tales!
SC: Well I did write a screenplay.
(The NC and Satan look interested)
Satan: You wrote a screenplay?
SC: Yeah, I write every morning at Starbucks. Have to justify that rewards card somehow.
(Everyone looks interested. The NC nods approvingly)
SC: It's about a group of people trapped on an elevator!
NC (sarcastic): Oh I love it already!
SC: But one of them is a killer!
(NC and Satan suddenly look interested again)
NC (curious): Yeah?
SC: And, well, the power is faulty. So everytime the lights go out, the killer strikes!
Satan: Yeah?
SC: So basically the race is on. To rescue a group of claustrophobic people trapped in an elevator before the lights go out again and the killer picks them off! One (jabs at the NC) by one (jabs again).
Rita: Yeah?
SC: And the twist is...........It's Cthulhu!
(The dramatic music since SC mentioning the faulty power cuts off as he reveals the twist, everyone gives a disappointed sigh)
NC: Okay that's really dumb. You had this genius idea for a setup.
Satan: Building suspense and drama
Rita: Downright Hitchcockian!
NC: Then you fuck it all up for having something supernatural for no reason.
SC (saddened): But people love Cthulhu!
Rita: It doesn't matter if people love Cthulhu! It doesn't fit into the story!
Goit (voice): And besides, it don't matter, they did something like that in M. Night Shyamalan movie, Devil.
(Suddenly, the theme for the movie Devil starts playing, on the screen, static appears with a hiss before we see the title card for the film Devil)
(Clips from the movie play as Goit talks about the film)
Goit (Voice): While Shyamalan only worked on the Story. It has his fingerprints all over it. It's got the hokey acting, the hokey writing, the hokey twist, it's got every hokey thing except the hokey pokey!
Satan: But to his credit, he does represent my work well.
NC: Oh really? The guy who couldn't represent a Nickelodeon cartoon represents the most evil demonic force on Earth?
Goit: Hey! I got an idea! While we're working on getting you out, why don't we play the movie to keep you entertained!
NC, SC and Rita: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Goit: Uh, I'm sorry, you cut out there, could you say that again?
NC, SC and Rita: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Goit: Still didn't get it. Tell you what, go ahead and watch the movie until we figure out a way to get you out!
(Everyone but Satan sighs, Satan looks happy to see the movie)
NC: I guess this is Devil!
Satan: It's really not that bad!
(We see the logo of the Night Chronicles)
NC (Voice): So our film begins with a logo that reads Night Chronicles and then the Number 1................Eh?
SC: Oh yeah! I remember this. This was the first of a series of films that Shyamalan was supposed to work on.
Satan: Why aren't there more?
(SC looks annoyed)
SC: Because the first one was Devil!
Everyone but SC: Ooooohh!
NC: And because Shyamalan can never start a movie without some important looking text..........Here's some important looking text!
(We see some text appear on screen saying: "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour", after a short pause, more text appears below it: Peter 5:8)
NC: Ah now this is especially essential. Without it, I don't think we could draw the conculsion that the Devil is bad!
Satan: Really? All these years and that's never came across?! I should make more Republicans
(We see some water as opening credits play)
NC: And just listen to how the music tries to scare you into what I guess is supposed to be a big reveal.
(The music booms with suspense as we see a city, upside-down)
NC: Oh my god, everything's upside down! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
(The camera passes by an upside-down blue suspension bridge)
NC: Oh the possibilities this suggests.......like the film projectionist passed out when he loaded the film reel.
(We see granite floor as the Critic narrates)
NC: We start with an opening narration from a security guard that once again reassuring us that the Devil sucks.
Ramirez (portrayed by Jacob Vargas): My mothers' story would always begin the same way. With a suicide paving the way for the Devil's arrival. And it would always end with the Devil killing all involved
(We see a janitor {played by Ruby Webb} glossing the floor with a box van parked behind him when a man slams into the back of it, smashing it)
NC: And so went the financier of the Last Airbender movie.
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