Dart #1

Dart 1 at4w

April 18, 2016
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As much fun as having darts thrown at you!

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Patreon-sponsored reviews exist for a reason: namely, that I need money to live, and there are a lot of things that people have wanted me to review over the years, and they've grown impatient waiting for me to just do them.

(A shot of a comic entitled "Protoplasm: The Untold Secret Origin of the Human Water Balloon")

Linkara (v/o): Now, other people are content to merely send me a comic via my P.O. box, handily found on the contact page of my website, and hope that the sheer "what the hell" factor will get me to do it, which, a lot of times, it has.

(Cut to a shot of "Star Trek Special: Flesh and Stone")

Linkara (v/o): The "Star Trek: Flesh and Stone" review from a few weeks ago was one of those, in fact. Sometimes, however, there is a bizarre overlap.

Linkara: I received "Dart #1-3" in my P.O. box, along with $100 and a note that said, (makes "finger quotes") "Review these". And since you can see the title of the episode, I chose to do so. However, here is why I'm talking about this in the introduction: in the future, don't do this.

(Another montage of comics is shown: "Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines", "Crimson: Vampire - Bloodlines", "Power Man and Iron Fist")

Linkara (v/o): From now on, if you send me money outside of Patreon, along with a request to do something, sorry, but I'm keeping the money, and it's a crap-shoot whether I'll actually review it. When I first started the Patreon, there were four review slots that were relatively cheap. And I soon realized the mistake of that and limited it to two and just doubled the price. They filled up so often that if I didn't restrict it to that, I wouldn't be able to look anything that I wanted to review.

(Cut to a clip of the video game "Overdrive")

Linkara (v/o): A lot of you guys really want me to look at stuff, some of which is stuff I would never have contemplated to do for the show, and rest assured there are more to come this year.

Linkara: And it's okay to look at different stuff here. This may be (makes "finger quotes") "where bad comics burn", but breaking away from the regular routine is fun and helps keep things fresh. And hey, didn't we all need to know about the pedophile dog from a visual novel? (beat) The answer is no.

(Cut to a shot of a Green Lantern comic)

Linkara (v/o): But yeah, the Patreon slots are in very high demand. I get messages every week from people asking me when the slot will be open for them to make a request.

(Now cut to a shot of the Japanese comic magazine "Cho Dengeki Stryker")

Linkara (v/o): But of course, the answer is it's first come, first serve. The best time to look for an opening is the beginning of the month, since that's when Patreon charges people...

(Cut to a shot of the comic "Popeye: Borned to the Sea")

Linkara (v/o): ...and those people usually can't keep paying me $80 a month for extended periods of time, especially when they're only allowed a single request every six months.

(Cut to footage of the Japanese equivalent of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, known as (translated in English) Dinosaur Squadron Zyuranger!)

Linkara (v/o): But the point is that a lot of people want to use the system I have set up to do this, and just sending me money cheats those who have been very patient for their chance.

Linkara: So yes, in this one instance, I will take the money and do as asked, from now on, you can send me a thousand dollars and a bunch of My Little Pony comics to review, but unless it was through the Patreon, I'm not gonna be reviewing 'em. (beat) Spoilers: Later this year, I'm gonna be looking at some "My Little Pony" comics.

(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Savage Dragon")

Linkara (v/o): And with that reminder that I am a windbag out of the way, let's talk about Dart. Dart first appeared in the pages of "Savage Dragon", Erik Larsen's book when he and the others first started Image Comics.

(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Freak Force #1", where Dart appears)

Linkara (v/o): We've technically already seen her before on this show, sort of, in "Freak Force #1".

Linkara: And sadly, I don't remember a thing about it, not because "Freak Force" is unmemorable, which it is, but rather because 90s Kid did that episode. Where the hell is 90s Kid, anyway?

(A montage of shots of Dart follows)

Linkara (v/o): Since I still haven't looked at anything related to "Savage Dragon" yet... Yeah, that's something I should rectify, given all the other Image books I've covered. ...I have to rely on Wikipedia and other online sources to find any info on her. What I can say is that, unlike Liefeld's stable of interchangeable, generic characters, she actually has a gimmick that's kind of interesting: she possesses deadly accuracy with throwing objects; in particular, darts. The miniseries, of which the first issue I'm reviewing today, gave her a backstory that was apparently declared to be non-canon by Erik Larsen, which makes me wonder why one of his characters was allowed to have an origin he didn't approve of, given how I understand Image worked even in 1996, but whatever.

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up today's comic) "Dart #1" and see what was so awful and see what was so awful about a mid-'90s Image comic. Can't imagine what would be wrong with it.

(The title sequence plays, followed by the title card for this episode, set to "Polka Face" by Weird Al Yankovic)

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