Cup of Idiocy (Doug's Old Home Movies)

NC: And that's one of the reasons I'm not reviewing these home movies. Yeah, I know. I know its one of the main reasons you bought the DVD but I don't care. I know you wanna see if Mara Wilson was right that these videos were just as embarrassingly stupid as you think they are but I'm not doing it. You wanna know why? Because you can take away my dignity but there's one thing you cannot take away from me. My dignity!

Black Willy Wonka: Oh, no. This simply won't do at all. And you.  You worked hard to pay for this DVD. Well, through the magical powers I suddenly decided that I have, were going to alter his memory so he doesn't realize that he's watching himself in these videos.

NC: That was weird. Hey, who's that on the TV? I wanna make fun of him.

NC (vo): The video opens up with a disclaimer.

Young Critic: What you are about to see is not true.

NC: Thanks for that.

NC (vo): Their first section is called Battle of Stupidity where a news report seems to be going on.

NC (vo): But suddenly the news report is interrupted by aliens.

NC (vo): Boy, am I glad they had that disclaimer because by God, I'd be fleeing into the streets by now. I mean look at that alien dental work. And that alien scotch tape I'm sure stops their alien eyes from blinking.

NC: Yet to their credit, they are more intimidating than the Psychlos from Battlefield Earth.

NC: Whoa, whoa! I'm sorry, that was a little too real there.

NC: A curios looking race.

NC (vo): Now I know its hard to tell, I was pretty amazed when I heard the news too but apparently the exact same kid doing the puppeteering for Voltar is also doing his voice and the voice of the other person talking.

NC (vo): But its done so flawlessly you would never be able to tell.

NC (vo): So she decides instead to knight... Chester?!

NC: Chester, is that you?!

Chester: Maybe.

NC: What are you doing in this?

Chester: I told you I had a checkered past as a child actor.

NC: Oh. And then you derailed into a life of drugs?

Chester: No, this is the regulat route most child actors take.

NC: Ah.

Chester: Actually I'm doing better than most.

Young Critic: I am Humpty Dumpty.

NC: Good start.

Young Critic: I like wearing women's clothing. It is fun.

NC: I'm learning so much today. I mean here I thought Humpty Dumpty was an egg with balancing issues but no, its clearly a Austrian who likes to crossdress. Change the story you tell your kids.