Cup of Idiocy
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NC: And that's one of the reasons I'm not reviewing these home movies. Yeah, I know. I know it's one of the main reasons you bought the DVD, but I don't care. I know you wanna see if Mara Wilson was right that these videos were just as embarrassingly stupid as you think they are, but I'm not doing it. You wanna know why? Because you can take away my dignity, but there's one thing you cannot take away from me. My dignity!

Black Willy Wonka: Oh, no. This simply won't do at all. And you. You worked hard to pay for this DVD. Well, through the magical powers I suddenly decided that I have, we're going to alter his memory so he doesn't realize that he's watching himself in these videos.

NC: That was weird. Hey, who's that on the TV? I wanna make fun of him.

NC (vo): The video opens up with a disclaimer.

Young Doug: What you are about to see is not true.

NC: Thanks for that.

NC (vo): Their first section is called Battle of Stupidity, where a news report seems to be going on.

NC: I'll just assume this is the other weatherman.

NC (vo): Obviously they got the cameraman for Hunger Games on this one.

NC (vo): But suddenly, the news report is interrupted by aliens.

NC (vo): Boy, am I glad they had that disclaimer, because, by God, I'd be fleeing into the streets by now. I mean, look at that alien's dental work. And that alien scotch tape, I'm sure, stops their alien eyes from blinking.

NC: Yet to their credit, they are more intimidating than the Psychlos from Battlefield Earth.

NC: Whoa, whoa! I'm sorry, that was a little too real there.

NC: A curious-looking race.

NC (vo): Now I know it's hard to tell, I was pretty amazed when I heard the news too, but apparently, the exact same kid doing the puppeteering for Voltar is also doing his voice and the voice of the other person talking. 

NC: But it's done so flawlessly you would never be able to tell. Watch and marvel.

NC: All one person. Amazing.

NC: God, it seems like 2 different people.

NC: Warning: this scene gets a little graphic.

NC: Really, you dubbed that line? How hard is it to say no? Unless you're Nicholas Cage offered a movie role! Swish!

NC: What a twist!

NC (vo): We then get what they call a pointless moment.

NC: Well it definitely delivered what it promised.

NC (vo): So she decides instead to knight... Chester?!

NC: Chester, is that you?!

Chester: Maybe.

NC: What are you doing in this?

Chester: I told you I had a checkered past as a child actor.

NC: Oh. And then you derailed into a life of drugs?

Chester: No, this is the regular route most child actors take.

NC: Ah.

Chester: Actually, I'm doing better than most.

Young Doug: I am Humpty Dumpty.

NC: Good start.

Young Doug: I like wearing women's clothing. It is fun.

NC: I'm learning so much today. I mean, here I thought Humpty Dumpty was an egg with balancing issues. But, no, it's clearly a prepubescent Austrian who likes to crossdress. Change the story you tell your kids.

NC (vo): Okay, there's clearly a Mother Goose motif going on. Lets just see what its all leading up to.

NC: Humpty Dumpty, Little Bo Peep, Trigger-Happy Mac. You're free to make sense of that all you want, I'm just going to prey for us as a species.

NC: A reference that'll never date.

NC: Way to go out on a high note, guys. Cup of Idiocy!

NC (vo): I know its just kids messing around with a camera but its still so painful to watch! Couldn't they have had some effort? Obviously not and we're the ones paying for it today!

NC: I mean come on. Even at that age, who would be stupid enough to actually think that was any good?

Black Willy Wonka: Well... you would, Critic.

NC: Black Willy Wonka, what are talking about?

NC: Will you stop doing that? Wait a minute. I suddenly remember. I was the idiot who filmed all that!!

Black Willy Wonka: That's right, Critic. Everyone's talent starts from somewhere and your's starts from the most embarrassing of beginnings. Ever!

NC: My God. I have such a different outlook after you altered my mind like that.

Black Willy Wonka: And what outlook is that, Critic?

NC: Well, I guess...

Black Willy Wonka: I never really cared for rap lyrics.

Young Doug: I like wearing women's clothing. It is fun.