Critters

Critters
Release Date	May 13, 2020
Running Time	18:44
Previous Review	CG vs. Hand-Drawn Animation
Next Review	Alpha and Omega
Link	http://channelawesome.com/critters-nostalgia-critic/

(After the Channel Awesome logo, we cold-open on a man, played by Doug, in a mock '80s commercial)

Announcer (Malcolm): Hey, guy in the '80s, do you love your kids? (The man nods) But do you also kind of hate them, too? (The man looks around shiftily, then nods) Well, do we have the perfect toy for you!

(A monstrous teddy bear with bloody teeth and a torn-up belly appears, along with the words "Lil' Shit")

Announcer: It's Lil' Shit! (The man yelps at this abomination, but then laughs at it) A tiny troll of torturous terror that's also kind of funny.

(The Lil' Shit is displayed amid twinkling stars)

Announcer: Is it for kids? Is it for adults? I don't know, it's the '80s...

(A montage of posters for '80s movies is shown, all displaying scary, yet funny, little monsters: Gremlins, Critters, Hobgoblins, Ghoulies, Munchies, Puppet Master)

Announcer: ...and we're just into scary little things right now!

(The Lil' Shit sits at the couch, pushing on the remote control. The man peers in, confused)

Announcer: You laugh with glee when he goes "Arooga!" at (image of...) a beautiful woman...

(At this, the Lil' Shit goes crazy, making an "arooga" sound as it does so. The man points at the Lil' Shit and laughs. Then he becomes shocked when he notices it's gone)

Announcer: ...scream in fear when he burns her alive...

(The man looks in another direction and spots a skeleton on fire)

Man: (covering his mouth in shock) Oh, fucking God!

(He then notices the Lil' Shit sitting on the couch again, this time holding a beer bottle)

Announcer: ...then laugh again when he gets drunk on beer. (The man laughs again) Is it meant to be funny? Is it meant to be scary? Who knows? But your kids will want the hell out of it.

(Two kids, played by Tamara and Malcolm, are shown acting all excited over the Lil' Shit)

Announcer: And because we're the '80s and we're all about making money, we'll totally sell it to them, despite it haunting their nightmares.

(Cut to a clip of a Gizmo (of Gremlins fame) doll commercial)

Announcer: Whether it be Gremlins...

Boy: (to the Gizmo doll) I'll take care of you, Gizmo.

(A clip of the movie is shown, as one Gremlin's head explodes after it's stuck in a microwave. Then cut to a commercial for RoboCop toys)

Announcer: ...RoboCop...

Boy: Surprise, RoboCop!

(A scene from the RoboCop movie is shown: a man getting mowed down by bullets. Then cut to a clip of a Batman toy commercial)

Announcer: ...or even Batman...

Boy: (playing with Batman and Joker toys) You've got three new weapons, Batman!

(A clip of that movie is shown as a man lands on a car's windshield as it drives, freaking out a girl in the car. Then cut back to the Lil' Shit and the man, played by Doug, laughing and shaking his finger at it)

Announcer: ...we simply don't care, ethics be damned. But don't trust us...no, really, you shouldn't.

(Cut again to the little girl)

Announcer: Listen to these happy little scamps.

Girl: I'll admit, I did think he was pretty scary when...

(The Lil' Shit is seen at the top of a stairwell, with a body lying on the floor far below)

Girl (vo): ...he dropped Mother down the stairwell...

(Cut back to the girl as she smiles)

Girl: But then he said a swear word that I didn't even know, and I laughed so hard! (giggles) I am a little concerned about that machine gun he's putting together, though.

(The sound of a machine gun is heard, its bullets leaving holes in the wall that come towards her!)