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Cloverfield Trailer Review

Nc-ctrailer

Date Aired
April 8th, 2008
Running Time
04:07
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Release Date: July 5, 2007

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Now usually on the show, I talk about things you might have seen growing up, old TV shows, movies, stuff like that. But today... Today, I'm making a special exception, so I can talk to you about the trailer that premiered before the Transformer[s] movie, you know what I'm talking about. And for those of you who don't, I'll give you the skinny.

Cut to a set of illustrations of events from the trailer
NC (voiceover): Alright, so it starts with a handheld video camera shooting a going away party for some guy named Rob. For the most part, it's people joking, drinking, talking, and saying how much they're gonna miss Rob after he leaves the city.

Cut to NC
NC: I don't know who Rob is, but I'm missing him already.

Cut to a black screen, then back to the illustrations
NC (voiceover): When suddenly, the power goes out, and a loud explosion is heard outside! (audio from Ghostbusters plays as Critic continues talking) The people start screaming and running downstairs as the camera goes a little Blair Witch on us. As everyone exits outside, they hear a thunderous ROARING sound! (a roar is heard)

Back to NC
NC: A thunderous roaring sound? What could that be?

Back to the illustrations
NC (voiceover): Oh, it's a building blowing up. (stammers) Dude, it's a building blowing up! Holy shit! (the audio from Ghostbusters resumes) As the building blows up into smithereens, bits of rubble and fiery death are smashing down on the onlookers. Within seconds, everything's being thrown at 'em! a car, a house, other bits of rubble, a cow- Okay, maybe not a cow, but a lotta stuff!

Back to NC
NC: And last, but not fuckin' least, the head of the goddamn-

Back to the illustrations
NC (voiceover): -Statue of Liberty!

Back to NC
NC: Good God, I just pissed myself! That is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!

Cut to a montage of the illustrations
NC (voiceover): I mean, it was terrifying, it was incredible, it was suspenseful, it just... It was...

Back to NC
NC: I mean, oh my God, you just wouldn't believe it! What could this horrible creation of Beelzebub be?

Cut to a black screen with white text saying "A Film Produced* by J.J. Abrams"
NC: J. J. Abrams?

Back to NC
NC: He may be a monster, but he's not that big.

Cut to another black screen, but with white text saying "Coming 1/18/08"
NC: (voiceover) Okay, we now know WHEN our lives are gonna come to an end,

Back to NC
NC: ...but, what is it that's gonna kill us?

Cut to another black screen, but with white text saying "Coming this Winter..."
NC: (voiceover) Oh, come on, there's gotta be more than that, isn't there?

Back to NC
NC: Isn't there?

Cut to another black screen, but with text saying "And Now, Our FEATURE PRESENTATION", with some cartoony music playing
NC: (voiceover): OH, FUCK YOU!

Back to NC
NC: (grasping for words) HEEEY! Did you forget something? The TITLE?! You forgot the title of your movie! What- (stammers) How can you forget the title of your movie?! What kind of a ripoff is that?! (stammers again) You build us up, you scare the shit out of us, and then you don't even tell us what we're supposed to be afraid of?! That's... BULLSHIT! (stammers some more) I mean, what could it be? What on Earth could that giant thing that blows up buildings and throws the head of the Statue of Liberty everywhere be? Is it a demon? Is it a machine? Is it Donkey Kong? My money's on Donkey Kong!

Cut to an illustration of Donkey Kong attacking New York City
NC (voiceover): After he got drunk on all those barrels of beer, he rampages through the city, seeking out all the Italian plumbers.

Back to NC
NC: Or, you know, it is J. J. Abrams! Maybe it's the black smoke from Lost!

Cut to an illustration of the Smoke Monster from Lost in New York City
NC (voiceover): He got off the Island, and now he's looking for a nice industrial plant to call home.

Back to NC
NC: No, no! I bet it's J. J. Abrams' production logo, the Bad Robot!

Cut to an illustration of the Bad Robot in New York City
NC (voiceover): He goes stomping through the city looking for the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Back to NC
NC: Because there's only room for ONE giant homicidal corporate logo in THIS town! Maybe it's not a monster at all! Maybe it's Jesus!

Cut to an illustration of Jesus in New York City
NC (voiceover): Maybe he just wanted to give the Bible a twist ending, and decides to rampage through the city!

Back to NC
NC: Maybe it's all four of 'em! Maybe it's a giant...

Cut to an illustration of the giant robotic Donkey Kong Jesus riding the Smoke Monster in New York City
NC (voiceover):
...robotic Donkey Kong Jesus riding a puff of smoke.

Back to NC
NC: ...Holy shit, that'd be really cool. But HIGHLY improbable! Now, good luck finding information about this movie, 'cause that's actually a lot harder than it sounds. Many people think the name of the movie is Cloverfield, but that's not actually true.* [*It is.]

Cut to "CLOVERFIELD" on a black background
NC (voiceover): Cloverfield is the fake title they came up with so that nobody can get an idea about what this thing really is.* (the word "BULLSHIT" in red covers the "CLOVERFIELD" text) [*Cloverfield is the actual title, the Critic noted this and corrected it in a follow-up episode.]

Back to NC
NC: Which I feel is... ...kind of bad advertising. How can I, say, see the film, purchase a ticket, go into a theater, and watch this motion picture experience, if... THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S FUCKING CALLED?! My prediction of what that monster is is that it's J. J. Abrams' gigantic ego, terrorizing the city with its pretentious advertising. Will it consume this nation? Only time will tell, my friend. Only time will tell. (pop) I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to.

Critic gets out of his seat, then sits back down
NC: It had better be Donkey Kong.

Critic points at the screen, gets out of his seat again, and leaves, ending the video with the typical ending screen with "Game Start 2" from the NES version of Donkey Kong playing in the background

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