Child's Play 2
March 22, 2012
(The "Phelous" theme plays over footage of Phelous and The Nostalgia Critic.)
Subtitle: NOSTALGIA CRITIC AND PHELOUS / STARRING... DOUG WALKER / PHELAN PORTEOUS / AND I GUESS THAT IS IT... / SO THIS SEEMS TO BE WAY LONGER THAN IT NEEDED TO BE / ONLY TWO TWITS TO CREDIT YEP... / OH WELL ALMOST DONE NOW
(The title card for the episode comes up, along with the theme to Child's Play 2. Fade to black, then fade in to the Nostalgia Critic's pencil sharpener.)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember... (pause) I remember not being a pencil sharpener.
Phelous: Yeah, but I remember continuity, so you had to be in the pencil sharpener.
NC: YOU WERE THE ONE IN THIS PENCIL SHARPENER!
Phelous: Really? Damn it. All right, you want to move over and I'll get in the pencil sharpener?
(NC angrily rolls over in his chair to his desk.)
NC: No! Stay away from my pencil sharpener! Both of us have done the review since then. We don't need the pencil sharpener!
Phelous: Hey! Well, EXCUUUUUUUUUSE ME, Miss Critic-y Pants! I was just trying to add a bit of continuity from the last crossover.
NC: Well, way to fail us again, Phelous. I remember continuity so YOU don't have to!
Phelous: Oh, zing. Anyway, Child's Play 2 time.
NC: Ah, yes, Child's Play 2. I remember it well. ...Chucky's in this one too, right?
(The movie begins with Chucky's burnt face.)
Phelous: Yeah, but who the hell managed to take that doll from a crime scene and then said, "Yeah, we gotta fix this"?
NC: Oh, now, I'm sure there's an extremely, non-contrived reason why someone would steal a charred doll and rebuild it.
Mattson (Greg Germann): We re-built it from head-to-toe. A lot of it was burnt to a crisp. But everything checks out, the boys just set the servo mechanisms. We found absolutely nothing.
NC: See? The company was just making sure they didn't really create a doll that killed people. Apparently.
Phelous: What would re-building the doll have to with checking out anything on it? Of course you aren't going to find anything wrong! It's all new parts except the skull and teeth!
NC: Well, with Chucky re-built, they can... have another sequel. Yeah, there's really no justifying this. At most, the doll company believes someone tampers with its voice. Unless the electronics were stored in its teeth and survived being SHOT AND SET ON FIRE, this won't give you any information on it.
Phelous: And even if the electronics magically survived, new plastic parts don't aid in your examination, also, maybe if they had examined the doll before rebuilding it, they'd have discovered all that blood in the supposed heart it had.
(Stock footage of the first Child's Play, with Det. Mike Norris aiming a gun at Chucky.)
Karen Barclay: Shoot him in the heart!
(Mike does so.)
(Back to the movie; Chucky electroshocks the metal eye cleaners, electrocuting the worker operating it.)
NC: What, does Chucky have the force now?
Palpatine (audio): (from Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith) UUUNNNNLIIMMMIIITTTEEEDD POWEEEEEERRRRRRRR!
(Cut to NC's "Kickassia" review, Phelous commenting.)
Phelous: Wow, those are the worst lightning effects I've seen since "Kickassia".
NC: Oh, I don't know. I thought the ones in "Suburban Knights" were even worse.
NC: Because you did that.
Phelous: I got it!
(Cut to the electrocuted worker screaming as he is launched by force through a window.)
NC: Truly a scream that will send shivers down you spine and make you realize the gravity of this sad situation.
Phelous: Yeah, a fucking soul in a doll zaps someone with cheap lightning. This is sad.
(NC mimics the screaming worker, sounding like Tarzan as a result.)
NC: Sounds like a drunk Tarzan.
(Cut back to the movie.)
Social worker (Raymond Singer): You still dreaming about Chucky?
Andy (Alex Vincent): Sometimes.
Social worker: Wanna talk about it?
Social worker: Talking helps make the nightmares go away.
Andy: He's this bad man who got inside my "Good Guy" doll so he wouldn't have to go to Hell.
Phelous: You know, I will actually have to give this kid some credit, his acting in this film is vastly improved, and child actors giving an actual decent series performance is kinda rare.
NC: Oh, yeah. He's the best around, nothing's ever gonna keep him down; well, except for the fact that his mother's gotten taken away to the nuthouse for confirming Andy's killer doll story.
Phelous: (sarcastic) Oh, really? Catherine Hicks isn't in this one? I could hardly tell since they had Andy hold up that picture of her, really made it seamless as she wasn't just in this movie because she didn't want to come back. What, was she too busy with her precious Star Trek at the time?
NC: Oh, now you remember she was in Star Trek, huh? Well, no, this is long after the Star Trek movie.
Phelous: Really? I thought Homeward Bound came out after this.
(NC gives a WTF look.)
NC: Who are you?
Phelous: So, really? Hicks got taken away for saying there was a killer doll, but what about the other two cops who've seen the doll?
NC: Oh, they did the sensible thing.
(He winds his finger near his ear and makes a cuckoo noise out of the side of his mouth.)
Phelous: Wow. Who would've thought Prince Humperdinck could be such an asshole?
(Back to the movie)
Phelous: And back at over-the-top evil doll corp, we see the CEO showing great concern over the death of an employee.
Mattson: Um, what do you want me to do with the doll?
Sullivan (Peter Haskell): Stick it up your ass!
(Phelous holds up a "Suburban Knights" DVD case.)
Phelous: So, um, Critic, what do you want me to do with this movie?
NC: Stick it up your ass!
Phelous: All right.
(As Phelous does so, it cuts back to NC.)
NC: And for everyone else watching, be sure to visit TheAwesomeStore.com, so you can not only get that DVD, but other DVDs to stick up your ass!
Phelous: Really? You're just gonna start commercials in the middle of reviews now?
NC: Well, it was either that or another midroll.
(After a pause, he smiles.)
(Cut back to the movie)
NC: Meanwhile, the foster home they're trying to send Andy to isn't quite sure they want him as they only like dealing with children overjoyed to lose a parent.
Phil Simpson (Gerrit Graham): Are we even qualified to take care of a boy like this?
Grace Poole (Grace Zabriske): I understand you're concerned, Mr. Simpson, but I'm sure you can see that this is just a child's way of coping with a difficult situation.
NC: (mimicking Homer Simpson) D'oh!
(Phelous gives him a "Really?" look)
NC: I had to.
(Cut back to the movie)
Phelous: I don't know what the issue was here, the foster mother (Joanne Simpson (Jenny Agutter)) dealt with werewolves in the past (reference to An American Werewolf in London). Dealing with a kid with a killer doll should be a walk in the park.
NC: And I don't know why the foster father's freaked out when he's CLEARLY THE KILLER!
(Cut to one of the pictures in their house.)
NC: Look at that evil smile!
(Cut to a scene where Phil is about to sneak up on Joanne who is sewing and dramatic music plays.)
NC: Turn around, you fool! You're gonna die!
(He puts his hands on her shoulders, and NC plays it back to look like he snapped her neck.)
Joanne: What do you think?
Phil: Oh, I'll get used to him.
NC: (mimicking Phil) And if I don't, that's just one more child's body to help fertilize the garden.
Phelous: Um, no. He's actually not the killer, Critic.
NC: Really? Who's it going to turn out to be, then? The suspense is killing me!
Phelous: Chucky! The killer is still Chucky.
NC: Oh, now you're just being silly! He was apparently becoming more human in the doll and THEY BURNT AND SHOT HIM and now even more time has passed! Are you telling me that if I skin someone, I could place that skin on another skeleton and bring them back to life?
Phelous: According to Child's Play 2, yes. And, seriously, this isn't a case of sequelitis. The plot point that Chucky's becoming more human while in the doll is very much still a factor here. Glad these films are around to teach us how humans really work.
NC: Yeah, anything that has humans dying and just coming back to life repeatedly has no merit in my book.
Phelous: Yeah, for reals! And anyone who would do that has no opinion worth listening to.
(After a long pause, their heads violently explode. It then cuts to Andy's bedroom, where he jumps back to find a Good Guy doll (who is not Chucky, but Tommy) sitting in the closet.)
Phelous: (mimicking Joanne) Oh, hey, Andy, look, we got you a doll just like the one that traumatized you. Uhhh...
NC: Yeah, I begin to see why they thought they might not be up for taking care of Andy.
Phelous: Or any child, for that matter.
(The scene cuts to Mattson driving his car while Chucky is holding a water pistol up to his face.)
Mattson: Okay, take it easy, take it easy. Please don't. Don't shoot.
Chucky (Brad Dourif): Bam! (squirts him) You're dead. Heh heh heh heh!
NC: You know, it's actually really nice to see that, despite dying and coming back to life within a doll's body, Charles Lee Ray, serial killer, is still able to laugh.
(Chucky pulls a plastic bag over Mattson's head, suffocating him until death.)
Phelous: And kill. Good thing instead of heading straight to the boy he apparently still has time to transfer into, he's spending time killing the toy company Ally McBeal here.
NC: Ally McBeal-- How do you know these stupid references?
Joanne: (reading) "In the morning, the stepmother called them. 'I think it would be nice if we all went to the forest today,' she said. Hansel and Gretel did not reply, but followed their parents into the dark forest, where they all lived happily ever after."
Phelous: What accent is she going for in this film, anyway?
NC: Who cares? I'm just glad I finally heard the end of the Hansel and Gretel I've always wanted.
Andy: I miss my mother.
Joanne: Oh, honey, I know you do.
Andy: Will I ever see her again?
(An image of an IMDb page comes up.)
Phelous: Let me check IMDb, honey. Nope! Your mom doesn't love you and she's never coming back. But now, let us get ready for the greatest confrontation in any Chucky movie, bar none.
NC: Wait, what? He and Andy are gonna square down already?
Phelous: Pfft. Who the hell cares about Andy? This is between Chucky--and Tommy.
(Chucky comes face-to-face with another Good Guy doll. It reacts the moment he gets near it.)
Tommy: Hi! I'm Tommy.
Chucky: Shut up, you idiot. (hits Tommy)
NC: Wait, why was the other Good Guy doll standing at the end of the stairway?
(Tommy hits the ground and starts malfunctioning. His eyes start rapidly moving around, and he repeatedly says, "I like to be hugged." Chucky then picks up a glass figurine.)
NC: Wait, no! NO!!!
Chucky: Hug this!
(The "Phelous" theme plays as Chucky proceeds to smash Tommy's face in with the glass figurine. The figurine shatters as Chucky strikes Tommy for the final time. Tommy's face is all messed up now.)
NC: He killed the doll?!
Phelous: Ha ha! Oh, yes! Chucky fucking killed the doll!
NC: (slow motion) What???
Phelous: Tuh. Aw, ya think that's it? Get ready for this!
(The "Phelous" theme plays again. Chucky is burying the ruined toy underneath the swing.)
Chucky: Heh heh heh heh! Eat dirt, Tommy! Heh heh heh heh!
NC: He buries the doll?! (stammers) What? Tell me what!
Phelous: Well, obviously, he's gonna take Tommy's place.
NC: And... he needed to kill the doll for that? What, was he afraid he was gonna talk?
Phelous: Well, it is a talking doll...
NC: (shouting) DON'T EVEN!
Phelous: So, after the awesomeness of Chucky murdering a doll, we follow up with the extra awesomeness of children smoking.
Kyle (Christine Elise): These things are very bad for you.
Phelous: Yeah, now just keep breathing in that completely clean second-hand smoke. That's good for ya.
Phil: He's a very...troubled little boy, and he obviously has not come to terms with this whole doll thing.
NC: (mimicking Phil) And obviously, we have no sense of hearing or peripheral vision. (Andy closes the door.) They still didn't notice him? Really?
Andy: I hate you.
Chucky: (Child voice) Hi, I'm... Tommy.
Phelous: Aww, ain't that real fucking cute? He had to remember his name. Good thing he didn't blow his cover.
NC: Yeah. Why is he infiltrating the foster house? Isn't he on a time limit in front of the very person he needs to transfer himself into? What is he waiting for?
Phelous: The climax. Duh-uh...
NC: Oh. Right, right. Or maybe he's scared of that foster father. I know I would be, even if I was an evil insane killer catchphrase-spewing doll.
(Cut to Andy on the swing set.)
Phelous: You're saying you aren't already?
NC: (laughs) Shut up.
Kyle: Come on, Andy, please. I just wanna sit here, okay?
Phelous: That's why I chose to sit on the swing instead of the obvious choice of the bench back there. 'Cause I'm an idiot.
NC: But, UH-OH! They're kicking off the dirt! It's almost like burying things at a swing was a stupid idea!
Phelous: Well, later on, we find out why Chucky didn't just try to transfer himself into Andy right away. He was waiting for nighttime, 'cause...
(The scene cuts to Andy all tied up on the bed and a sock stuffed in his mouth.)
Chucky (voiceover): I have a date with a six-year-old boy.
Chucky: Did you miss me, Andy? I sure missed you. I told ya, we're gonna be friends to the end. And now, it's time to play.
NC: This just keeps getting worse and worse, huh?
Chucky: I got a new game, sport. It's called "Hide the Soul".
NC: So it looks like Chucky just thought the bed would be a more appropriate spot for soul-swapping.
Chucky: Give me the power, I beg -- (He gets interrupted by the sound of scuttling outside.) This isn't over, you little shit. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life as a plastic freak. Next time you're alone, you're mine!
(Kyle crawls in through the open window.)
Phelous: Yes, with her around, I couldn't possibly finish the spell. Sure, I could just kill her and finish the spell, but I wouldn't wanna do that.
NC: Well, no, 'cause that'd actually work. And pretending you're just a doll to other people is far more important than this boy.
Phil: You know, Kyle, I don't believe you. You honestly tied this child up so he wouldn't tell on you.
NC: Yeah, if you're gonna tie him up, do it for the right reason like I would. To beat him!
Phil: Calm down. I'm going to get rid of him. (Phil tosses Chucky down the basement steps.) There, see?
Phelous: Yeah, see? Toss toys down the stairs. Yeah, that's truly the safest way to store things, especially with kids around. And just like a real human, Chucky gets a little nosebleed from being thrown downstairs.
(Chucky looks at the red from his nose.)
NC: Yes, you can truly feel the sense of fear there. Well, I guess this isn't keeping with his character.
(Clip of Charles Lee Ray)
Charles Lee Ray: Oh, God, I’m dying.
(Back to the film)
NC: (waving his hands) Oh, no. Ah...
Kyle: Andy, how did you manage to tie yourself up like that last night?
Phelous: Okay, I know she's not gonna believe the doll did it, but how do you come to the conclusion that he did something physically impossible to do?
NC: Yeah, I mean, shouldn't she be at least a little bit concerned that somebody probably snuck in and tied Andy to the bed? Or at the very least, accuse that creepy-ass father for it?
Phelous: Let it go, Critic.
NC: He's scary.
(Cut to one of the pictures in their house.)
NC: So instead of again just trying to get Andy alone and Shang Tsung-ing his soul, Chucky makes sure to follow him to school and vandalize his schoolwork.
(After the scene of Andy on the bus, we see Chucky in the classroom, searching through the papers on the teacher's desk. He then gets a demented grin on his face. Later, when the teacher, Miss Kettlewell (Beth Grant) flips through the papers, she sees the words "FUCK YOU BITCH" scrawled on Andy's paper in red. The scene then cuts to Charles Lee Ray shooting at Detective Norris and then breaking into the toy shop before cutting back to the film.)
NC: You know, I seriously like imagining this. A guy being this way before transferring his soul into a doll. (mimicking Chucky) "Sure, I'm a thief and a murderer, but where my real passion lies is ruining children's schoolwork."
Miss Kettlewell: You think this is funny?
Phelous: (mimicking Kettlewell) "Seriously? Way outside the lines and all yellow? That's it, Andy, I'm locking you up inside the classroom."
NC: Yeah, I'm sure that's all kinds of legal.
Phelous: So Andy runs off, then Chucky kills the teacher. 'Cause he couldn't have done that while Andy was still there, 'cause then, you know, he'd be able to do that little main objective of his.
(Chucky suddenly emerges from the closet and plunges an air pump into Miss Kettlewell's chest. He pumps the handle, causing her to fly backwards into the desks. He then comes out of the closet wielding a Good Guys yardstick. Kettlewell looks on in terror as Chucky then smacks her with the yardstick.)
NC: Pfft. Is this really supposed to be imposing? And did Chucky just kill her with a ruler? Must be that super doll-turning-human strength.
Joanne: His teacher called.
Phelous: (mimicking Joanne) "She said Andy killed her. You are so grounded."
Andy: Chucky did it!
Phil: I will not allow this foolishness in my house! You understand? Open the door. (The door opens.) Now I want you to look down there and tell me what you see. (He points to Chucky, who has somehow managed to get in the exact same position when he landed at the bottom of the steps.)
Phelous: So let me get this straight: Chucky raced back to the foster house and got back in the spot in the basement on the off chance he would check to see if the doll didn't move?
NC: Now how long was he lying there for this? Was fooling douche-face into thinking it was a doll really this important to him???
Phelous: Well, I guess by that night, Chucky re-evaluated his priorities, 'cause he finally just kills him.
(Chucky trips Phil, who ends up falling and snapping his neck bones.)
NC: Making it make even less sense that he didn't just do this in the first place.
Phelous: Oh, but don't worry, he's gonna kill the rest of 'em now, too.
Phelous: Nope. He's gonna wait for Andy to be safely taken away somewhere else before killing the foster mom and then attacking Kyle, then making her drive to where Andy was taken to.
Chucky: Step on it!
Kyle: What's the rush?
Chucky: (yelling) If I don't get out of this body soon, I'll be trapped in here!
NC: If only you had the opportunity to transfer your soul to Andy's body! Oh, wait! You had almost the entire film's running time!!!
Phelous: Well, to be fair, some of the things he did beforehand were pretty important.
(The "Phelous" theme plays as the scene of Chucky smashing Tommy's face runs.)
NC: (slow motion) What?
Chucky: Floor it!
Kyle: Get real. This is a station wagon.
Chucky: (Sees the police car.) Shit! Pull over.
Phelous: Oh, darn. And this "driving-the-doll-while-at-knife-point" scene was so suspenseful. Why did he have to ruin it?
NC: Why does Chucky even need her to drive him? He seems to have gotten back from the school before Andy just to lay on the floor just fine.
(Kyle suddenly slams on the brakes, causing Chucky to go flying right through the windshield.)
Phelous: Finally. Someone gets the idea of breaking hard instead of trying to drive away from another seat in the car.
NC: Yeah, well, unless his soul adds some serious weight, I'm not quite sure I see a doll crashing through a windshield very likely!
Kyle: Stupid bastard. (Kyle tries to ram Chucky, but he dodges out of the way, and the car hits the chain link fence.)
Phelous: (mimicking Kyle) "Oh no. I might not have hit him. I'd better now get out of my vehicle, 'cause it's the dumbest option available."
NC: What are you talking about? I'm sure this will work out just fine. I'm sure -- oh! I got caught again.
Grace: Oh, don't give me that! (She snatches Chucky out of Kyle's arms.)
Chucky: Amazing, isn't it? (He stabs Grace with the knife, and then she falls onto the copier, which prints out images of her face.)
Phelous: I'm not sure what was more impressive -- the fact that slamming into the photocopier turned it on and started making copies or the fact that it's still making copies of her face well after the fact that she's fallen over.
NC: You know, I think the most impressive thing is how clear those pictures came out. Whenever I scan my face in the scanner, it never comes out that clear.
Phelous: That's something you do often, Critic?
NC: (shouting) IT'S NOT WEIRD!
Phelous: Okay. Okay. No need to be so defensive about it.
NC: (shouting) YOU'RE DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT! Oh, God, I need a photocopier!
Phelous: Freak. (He opens a portable scanner and starts scanning his face.)
Chucky: We're gonna have a little game of "Chucky Says".
Phelous: (mimicking Andy) "Oh, you mean as in, I have absolutely no reason to do what you say because you can't kill me since you need me and if I do what you say, you're gonna steal my body?"
NC: And again, this isn't something you can just do right now! No, no, no. Obviously, he's gotta take him to the Good Guy doll factory.
Phelous: Hey, fun fact: The reason they're producing so many Good Guy dolls in the factory is because the film was originally gonna be set around Christmas. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
NC: This isn't even a Christmas review. Why are you trying to relate it to Christmas again?
Phelous: (pauses) I... don't.. know.
(The scene cuts to Chucky performing the chant over Andy. After he finishes, Andy looks up. Drops of red suddenly fall on Chucky's open hand, and he finds out his nose is bleeding. After realizing it's too late, Chucky lets out a big "NO!" that can be heard throughout the factory.)
Phelous: Oh, so that's where George Lucas got that from.
Darth Vader (audio): (from Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith) NOOOOOOOO!
(Andy starts scrambling away.)
Chucky: (yelling) YOU LITTLE SHIT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE? IT'S TOO LATE!
NC: (mocking) No way! Imagine that! I am in just utter shock!
Phelous: Guess defacing childrens' coloring and laying around on basement floors isn't quite looking like the right decisions anymore, huh, Chucky?
NC: So now we get a good look at the Good Guy factory. A truly wondrous place where the dolls just fall down chutes, yet somehow land in the exact spot they need to be on the conveyor belt.
Phelous: And emergency exits only accessible if you crawl through the machinery.
NC: And don't worry. If you do somehow manage to not kill yourself doing that, the exits are always still locked.
Phelous: So, after Chucky tears a hand off, since his arm now has the consistencies of a real human Silly Putty arm, he fashions a blade arm and finally kills his archnemesis, random security guy at the doll factory.
(Chucky slashes the worker's cheek, and he falls onto the conveyor belt. The machine sticks fake doll eyes into his real ones.)
NC: Yeah, why'd he bother with that?
Phelous: Guess he's kinda got no clear goal now.
NC: Well, if he ever did. And also, the Good Guy factory, their security apparently double as mechanics.
(Kyle and Andy have been playing around with one of the machines. An unfinished doll goes into the machine, and when it comes out, it's all messed up, with limbs stuck on it in odd places.)
Phelous: Oh. I'm glad they have a destruction machine there that just scrambles the dolls' parts around.
NC: Well, you never know when that may come in handy. Killing killer dolls and... tea parties.
Phelous: So, big surprise. Chucky winds up in there, but because he's now stuck in the doll body, and has become fully human, he survives without his bottom half.
Chucky: (audio from Child's Play) Andy, no! Please. We’re friends to the end, remember?
Andy: (audio from Child's Play) This is the end, friend.
(During the audio footage, Andy turns a valve, showering Chucky in molten plastic.)
NC: As we all know, the only way to actually kill a human is to pump their head full of gas until they explode.
(Kyle sticks an airhose into Chucky's mouth and his head explodes.)
Phelous: And I think we all learned something today.
NC: That killer dolls are extremely incompetent?
Phelous: Well, that, too. And you know what? This was a harder sequel to sit through than The Human Centipede 2!
Phelous: No. This movie is pretty much the same silly fun as the first Child's Play, and the doll effects have been improved for the most part. However, at no time is this one genuinely creepy.
NC: Chucky has about a million opportunities to actually switch bodies with Andy, but just doesn't, because if he did, then he would've actually won.
Phelous: But it had the greatest death scene ever, when Chucky kills the doll.
NC: And the greatest missed opportunity ever, by not making the foster father the killer! That still bugs me. He's a freaky fuck!
(Cut to one of the pictures in their house.)
Phelous: Know what I just realized, Critic? I shouldn't have been able to transfer back into my body. I should've been able to transfer into yours, since you were the first person I revealed myself to as the pencil sharpener.
NC: Please don't say reveal yourself to me ever again. Besides, we did that gag at the beginning last time. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I rem--
(Lightning flashes, and Phelous starts speaking an undecipherable spell as the screen suddenly blurs.)
NC: You gotta be shitting me.
Phelous: (starts talking like NC) OH, NO! I'm stuck in Phelous' body now! I can't make his voice high pitched enough! NOOOOOO!
NC: (starts talking like Phelous) Whoa... ohh... oh. I'm Phelous now. Ho, ho, ho, Critic. I'm gonna go and ruin your stuff with nothing but metacrap. (He takes off his hat and pushes his hair back.) Oh, look! I'm that balding guy from Video Game Confessions Domino or whatever! Off I go, Critic. Off I go to ruin your stuff!
Phelous: Uh, I was just joking, Critic. The voodoo didn't work. I waited too long. Oh, well whatever. He was the Nostalgia Critic. (sighs) He's very confused right now, and I'm Phelous. (pause) Phelous outro.
(The credits start rolling.)
NC: Oh, no. I'm doing your bum now. Look, I'm taking out your wig. Aaagh! Oh, no! Oh, I think this needs a real red or blue shirt, 'cause that's all that's in my wardrobe. Phelous, yeah. That's what I do, talk slow and REALLY LOUD all of a sudden. Yeah... Here I go. Look, I'm referencing something behind the camera. Oh look! I date Obscurus Lupa or Alison or whatever I call her in this meta world that's kind of real but kind of not... I'm Phelous, I do this kind of stuff. Woooo! (cuts to pencil sharpener) I was a pencil sharpener.
("Drunken Tarzan" scream as the Channel Awesome logo appears)
NC: (voiceover) You should be the one doing this imitation. Sounds more like you.
(Cut back to NC)
NC: (making funny sound) That's my imitation of what it's like.
Phelous: Eh. Why not?
(He sticks the Kickassia DVD up his ass again.)
Phelous: (high-pitched) KICKASSIA!
(Nostalgia Critic makes some hoarse noises before the episode ends.)