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Chatterbox

Cschatterbox

Release Date
November 11, 2010
Running Time
15:18
Previous Review
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Tagline
Look what's talking! No, seriously, look what's talking.
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OPENING SEQUENCE

The Cinema Snob: Well, coming off of Sasquatch porn, I really don't know what to do. So I'll just pick something at random! Doesn't have to be anything with a striking title or anything, just... something!

DVD cover for Chatterbox

Snob (VO): Ah, okay, how about this? Chatterbox! Sounds about as entertaining as a brick!

Snob: Let me guess, it's about some woman that won't shut up? If I want that, I'll just watch Kristen Wiig!

Vestron Video logo

Snob (VO): Chatterbox was distributed by our old friends Vestron Video, one of the first companies to release (Vestron box art for...) Caligula on VHS, so you know they have standards! (The opening titles start with a zoom-out from a cartoon of a woman flashing her rear; after that, "Chatterbox" writes itself) The hell? The fuck is this logo about? They trying to tell me that this movie is ass? You don't have to tell me that, I'm already assuming it! And what the fuck is with this Fifties infomercial music? (Some of the opening theme plays) It sounds like any minute now, it's gonna try to sell me a stove for my wife! (Cut to the opening sex scene) We're off to a great start so far. Nothing sexier than a Seventies love scene with skin and film grain!

Suddenly, we hear a sparkling noise, and then...

Virginia: You call that a fuck? (Suddenly, Penelope Pittman (Candace Rialson) gets up)
Ted: What?

Snob: (Flinches mildly) The fuck?

Penelope is outside her bedroom door

Penelope: It's not me, Ted; you have to believe me!
Virginia: She's right, Ted, it's me! Can't you handle a little wisecrack?

The Snob's jaw drops upon realizing what he's seeing

Penelope: I must be out of my mind. I don't know what's come over me.
Virginia: (Laughs) I'm under you, not over you! (Penelope looks down, and Virginia laughs again) That's right, it's me, your own little chatterbox!

Snob: (Starts to laugh) This movie is about... okay, huh. Why not? A talking vagina. Alright, Seventies. You got me!

Snob (VO): Even I didn't think you went there, but apparently you did!

Snob: A talking vagina movie called... oh, for the love of Christ, CHATTERBOX?! Chatterbox! Classy, movie! You know, I bitched about this title earlier, (Takes his glasses off) but to be perfectly honest, despite how the rest of this movie turns out, that is probably... the greatest movie title of all time!

To be continued

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