(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from Brother Bear 2. "Days Are Long" by Silent Partner plays throughout)
Doug (vo; sounding angry): Why was Disney so obsessed with turning people into bears? They did it in Brother Bear, which didn't do so well. They did it in Brother Bear 2, which, as far as I know, didn't do so well. Even Pixar did it in Brave, which also didn't do so well! Did one of the Disney higher-ups just want to be a bear? Well, whatever the reason, we have this direct-to-DVD sequel that, big shock, is not very good. If you saw my review of the first one, you know I like everything in the beginning, everything in the end, and think the middle was really dumb. I guess that's better than this one, seeing how it's...mostly dumb, and pointless, and forced, and uncomfortable, and...oh, let's just get to it.
Doug (vo): A young woman is about to marry a young man in this arranged marriage. But God literally splits them apart, because, apparently, they weren't meant for each other. Or, at least, the sassy medicine woman, played by Wanda Sykes, says that long ago, she gave her heart to someone else when they were little kids. Well, of course, that little kid was our main character from the last one, who's a bear now. Thus, the sassy, magic Wanda Sykes gives her the speech of the bear...oh, after getting mixed up with some other wacky animals.
(A scene showing Nita making an elephant sound is shown)
Innoko: That ain't it.
Doug (vo): Ha-ha. So now she can talk with the bear, and they have to work together to burn this amulet. Of course, they do nothing but bicker and argue and act like they don't like each other, (Speaks in a totally sarcastic tone) and where is this going? Surely they're gonna hate each other throughout the whole thing, right? Uh-oh! The sassy little cub from the last one...boy, there sure is a lot of sass in these movies...hates the fact that he might be falling in love with her, so he tries to jeopardize the relationship. But, uh-oh! The two moose also want to fall in love with these two lady moose...seses. What's the plural? I don't care. It's a dumb movie. Will they be able to show them how to win over the ladies while also acting cool at the same time? Oh-ho-ho, wait a minute. They're not acting cool. They should just learn to be themselves, and follow their heart, and all sorts of other cliches you've heard a million times, but doesn't add anything new to it.
Doug (vo): That's all it is. It's just cliches from kids' movies, romantic comedies, bland adventure tales, with nothing charming or fresh thrown on top of it. You're just watching these cliches play out, and nothing else. Cliches are fine, we need them once in a while, but if you're not gonna add anything or give a unique spin on it, it's just...cliches and nothing else.
(Scenes focusing on the climax and ending are shown)
Doug (vo): The world they inhabit doesn't even make sense, like our bride-to-be knows that the main character is turned into a bear, yet at the end, the cub goes into the village, and they're like, "Oh, no! They'll kill him!" What...why would they kill him? Don't they know that he's a guy that was turned into a bear? And even when he goes in there, they're all trying to hunt him down and kill him, and she's like, "No, no, no!" But wait, don't they know?! And on top of that, there's a bear wedding at the end, where there's all these people and all these animals on both sides...CLEARLY, THEY KNOW! Why were they hunting each other a day ago?! I'd be like, "Screw you, guys! I'm not going to your wedding! Bunch of a-holes!"
(Scenes focusing on the animation are shown)
Doug (vo; sighs): All right, so, yeah, this movie's pretty stupid. But is there anything good to it? Well, I guess, oddly enough, a couple things. One: There's no Phil Collins. Good start. Two: This is probably the best-looking out of the Disney sequels I've seen so far. Not only does the animation pretty much look identical to the first film, but the backgrounds are gorgeous. Look at those brush strokes, look at how thick they are. They stand out, but they also blend together just right, and they really help the characters in the foreground stick out, while again, also kind of blending together. On top of that, it also kind of feels the most cinematic. It's paced well, and it's acted well, and it's animated well, and it looks great. Really, the biggest problem is just the writing, but...yeah. That's a really big problem. It's just characters acting like they know what to do, and then it turns out they don't know what to do, and then they throw in some catchphrases and...look. The moose says "Eh" like Canadians do, because, get it? They're from Canada. It's just generic, and dumb, and doesn't add up.
Final thought Edit
Doug (vo): I guess I can't say it's the worst, because we have movies like Mulan II and Beauty and the Beast 3 and such. To me, those are much more offensive. This is just...stupid, and once again, not deserving of this great animation and this wonderful background work. I don't know. If you're a fan of the first one, maybe you'll like this one, but it's kind of hard for me to find people that are even fans of the first one. They're just kind of forgotten Disney movies that, for some reason, they throw a lot of effort into, just not the best writing. Not the worst, but definitely pretty bad.
(A scene showing the lights of the Earth traveling around the place is shown)