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Seriously? The worst act in pop music, an act who hasn't released a song that wasn't utterly loathsome, their next single is called "Best Song Ever". ''[pause]'' Well, I guess the low-hanging fruit is there for a reason. Let's take a listen.
 
Seriously? The worst act in pop music, an act who hasn't released a song that wasn't utterly loathsome, their next single is called "Best Song Ever". ''[pause]'' Well, I guess the low-hanging fruit is there for a reason. Let's take a listen.
   
  +
:''Video for "Best Song Ever"''
  +
:'''Les Grossman (Louis Tomlinson)''': So I said to her, "Angelina, I want to, I really, really want to. But Brad...Brad's like a son to me."
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Oh, good, comedy bits.
  +
  +
:'''Secretary (Zayn Malik)''': One Direction are here to see you
  +
:'''Les''': Sure, I love new movies.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': I see ''somebody'' watched ''[picture of Tom Cruise as Les in...] Tropic Thunder''. Okay, let's hope they don't put one of these poor kids in ''[picture of Robert Downey, Jr. from same movie]'' blackface, although I do know that the one dressed like a girl is distressingly hot.
  +
  +
''Todd just watches, then snaps out of it.''
  +
  +
:'''Les''': Can I just say what ''huge'' fans we are of you guys!
  +
:'''Studio Exec (Niall Horan)''': Niall, Liam, Louis, Harry, Zack.
  +
:'''Zayn''': It's Zayn.
  +
:'''Exec''': Sure, whatever you say, big guy.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Ha ha, he got their names wrong. How could anyone not be able to immediately recall the names of Harry, Zayn, Chesterton, the Fonz, that one guy...boy, that guy sure is a dope, right?
  +
  +
'''Todd''': Ladies and gentlemen, we have made such great progress in the fight against singers trying to be funny. ''[brief clip of Kanye West - "The New Workout Plan"]'' The scourge of the rap album comedy skit is all but eradicated, but there is still so much work to do.
  +
  +
:''Clips of Katy Perry - "[[The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2011##5|Last Friday Night]]"; Nicki Minaj ft. Drake - "[[The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2011##9|Moment 4 Life]]"; and Britney Spears - "I Wanna Go"''
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Millions of people on YouTube are exposed ''every day'' to pre-song comedy bits in music videos.
  +
  +
'''Todd''': And that number is just growing everyday. You can help. Please donate to the ''[text appears]'' Stop Singers From Thinking They're Funny Foundation, care of me. (c/o Todd In The Shadows, P.O. Box 2112, B.F.E. Virginia, 24501) I can think of no cause dearer to my heart.
  +
  +
:'''Marketing Guy (Harry Styles)''': I want you to meet Leeroy. He's gonna be your choreographer! Leeroy!
  +
:'''Leeroy (Liam Payne)''': Hi, boys! First new number is going to be really big! Stay with me 'cause I'm quite quick. And 5 6 7 8...
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Ha ha, gay people are hilarious.
  +
  +
'''Todd''': Oh my God, how long does this go on?
  +
  +
:'''Les''': We cannot wait for this movie. It's gonna be the greatest movie of all time. Have you ever seen ''Forrest Gump''?
  +
:'''Harry''': Sure.
  +
:'''Studio exec''': Better than that!
  +
:'''Les''': Have you seen ''The Hangover''?
  +
:'''Liam''': Yeah.
  +
:'''Studio exec''': Funnier than that!
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Jesus! Is this like a prank video? Like, you click on it expecting the "best song ever" from your favorite band, One Direction, and instead, you just get six minutes of bad improv.
  +
  +
'''Todd''': Actually, that ''would'' be pretty funny.
  +
  +
:'''Leeroy''': And Niall for the shimmy, for the shimmy, for the shimmy. And Zayn, pirouette. And Louis, do the splits. And Liam...
  +
:'''Louis''': We never do them.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Uh, yeah, you're the record industry's bitch, kid. You'll do what they tell you to do.
  +
  +
:'''Marketing guy''': Now personally, I think this one is the one.
  +
:''[Puts picture of the group on easel, featuring them in white tanks and white pants]
  +
:'''Harry''': Absolutely not.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': I legitimately don't understand why any of this would be worse than the way they normally act and dress. I mean, Christ, they're right there, I can see what they look like.
  +
  +
'''Todd''': I don't know why they expect me to believe that dressing in stupid outfits and dancing badly is beneath their dignity.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Oh, I guess there is a song at the end of this. Okay, finally.
  +
  +
:''Music begins''
  +
  +
'''Todd''': Why, ''those'' are some familiar-sounding chords.
  +
  +
:'''Harry''': Maybe it's the way...
  +
  +
'''Todd''': I'm sure you are noticing just as much as I am that this is a complete ripoff of ''[brief clip of...]'' "Baba O'Riley" by The Who, or as One Direction fans know them, ''[picture of little girl shrugging]'' The Who? Yes, thank you, that was a vintage joke dating back to at least the 90s, although archaeologists believe it may be much older.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Okay, but yeah, so this is basically a completely stolen...
  +
  +
'''Todd''': ...from The Who. Well, not ''completely'' stolen, because the chord structure was different. "Baba O'Riley" goes ''[plays chords]'' Dah...dah-dah... and One Direction goes ''[plays similar chords]'' Dah...dah-dah. Completely different. But yeah, yeah, other than that...
  +
  +
:''Clip of "Baby O'Riley"''
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': ...the inspiration is pretty blatant. What a bunch of hacks! What makes you think you have the right to rip off "Baba O'Riley", a song you could make a case for actually ''being'' the best song ever? How dare you? How dare you ''[back to "Best Song Ever"]'' make a song that sounds like "Baba O'Riley"?! What makes you think I want you to fill the airwaves with a song that starts with a slow synth build that suddenly ''slams'' into life with surging piano chords, guitar thundering out the most primal riff in rock history,...
  +
  +
'''Todd''': ...drums mimicking the epic, wildman style of Keith Moon?! ''[pause]'' Now that I say this argument out loud, it sounds a lot more in favor of One Direction than against it. Okay...I do notice...
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': ...the irony of teeny-boppers ripping off a song whose most famous line is "teenage wasteland."
  +
  +
:'''Roger Daltrey''': It's only teenage wasteland
  +
  +
'''Todd''': But, um...yeah, this line of attack does not strike me as strong as I thought it did a second ago.
  +
  +
:'''One Direction''': And we danced all night to the best song ever.
  +
  +
'''Todd''': Uh...I think this actually sounds kinda good.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': I mean, it's far more polished than The Who, obviously, but not so much that I think it's, like, a horrible butchering.
  +
  +
'''Todd''': If I thought they were butchering it, I'd let you know. Like, you wanna hear what they released right before this?
  +
  +
:''Clip of "One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks)"''
  +
:'''Liam''': One way or another I'm gonna find you
  +
:I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you
  +
:One way...
  +
  +
'''Todd''': Now ''that's'' taking a good song and ruining it.
  +
  +
'''Todd (VO)''': Okay, well you know what? My complaint was never with One Direction's musical sound anyway, it's that they're such obvious insincere sleazeballs.
  +
  +
'''Todd''': Let me guess. Here's a song about a girl. And not just any girl, you. Always you.
   
 
'''''Transcript in progress'''''
 
'''''Transcript in progress'''''

Revision as of 22:02, August 30, 2013

Best Song Ever

Best Song Ever by krin

Date Aired
August 30, 2013
Running Time
14:27
Previous review
Next review
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Website


Todd plays "Best Song Ever" on the piano

ONE DIRECTION - BEST SONG EVER
A pop song review

Todd: One Direction.

Video for "Kiss You"
Zayn: Oh, I just wanna take you anywhere that you like

Todd (VO): I loathe this band, I think I've made that clear. But see, here's the thing. If I want to pretend they don't exist, I can totally do that, 'cause the only people who generally care about teen idols are teenage girls, and otherwise, they're generally very easy to ignore.

Todd: Especially for me because I haven't actually listened to any new music in ten years.

Clip of "One Thing"

Todd (VO): But for the past month or so, pretending that I live in a One Directionless world has not worked for me because I've been trying to keep up with the summer movie season and all, so...

Todd: ...I keep getting reminded that this is happening.

Clip of One Direction: This Is Us TV spot
Speaker: On August 30th, make a date with Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis. One Direction: This Is Us.

Todd (VO): Why am I seeing ads for this?

Todd: I ask you, why does someone apparently think that because I bought a ticket to [poster of...] Elysium

Clips from movie

Todd (VO): I might also be interested in the badly edited amateur footage of five teenage boys pretending to act natural?

Todd: And the thing is, I don't even dislike any of them as people or...

Todd (VO): ...as singers or as artists, even, whathaveyou. It's just that the people who write their songs for them, make them seem so intensely creepy with how they make these guys directly exploit their teenage fanbases deepest insecurities, which is what makes me so nervous about them. They need to be stopped.

Todd: And they don't have any competition. Like, in the 90s, we had [EW image of 'N Sync vs. Backstreet Boys, followed by brief clips of Backstreet Boys - "Larger than Life" and 'N Sync - "Pop"] the boy band wars, which was a terrible time for music, but ultimately, both sides ended up destroyed. I choose to liken it to World War II.

Clip of World War II documentary

Todd (VO): Both Nazism and Stalinism threatened the free world as we know it, but ended up fighting each other, leaving one defeated and the other unable to do more than burn itself out trying to keep up over the next few decades. Now I do...

Todd: ...realize that I can say controversial things sometimes, but I think we can all agree, comparing the Backstreet Boys to Hitler is entirely accurate and proportional.

But One Direction has no rivals; they've destroyed them all.

Clip of Justin Bieber - "Beauty and a Beat"

Todd (VO): I guess there's still Justin Bieber, but there's still only one of him and five of them. That's some asymmetrical warfare.

Todd: We're running out of options. Right now, I'm leaning towards quarantining the entire island [poster of...] 28 Weeks Later style. In any case, I am not gonna to go see their movie. (Unless I am.) But in lieu of that, there's also their big soundtrack song. Whoopee. It is entitled, [single cover] "Best Song Ever".

Seriously? The worst act in pop music, an act who hasn't released a song that wasn't utterly loathsome, their next single is called "Best Song Ever". [pause] Well, I guess the low-hanging fruit is there for a reason. Let's take a listen.

Video for "Best Song Ever"
Les Grossman (Louis Tomlinson): So I said to her, "Angelina, I want to, I really, really want to. But Brad...Brad's like a son to me."

Todd (VO): Oh, good, comedy bits.

Secretary (Zayn Malik): One Direction are here to see you
Les: Sure, I love new movies.

Todd (VO): I see somebody watched [picture of Tom Cruise as Les in...] Tropic Thunder. Okay, let's hope they don't put one of these poor kids in [picture of Robert Downey, Jr. from same movie] blackface, although I do know that the one dressed like a girl is distressingly hot.

Todd just watches, then snaps out of it.

Les: Can I just say what huge fans we are of you guys!
Studio Exec (Niall Horan): Niall, Liam, Louis, Harry, Zack.
Zayn: It's Zayn.
Exec: Sure, whatever you say, big guy.

Todd (VO): Ha ha, he got their names wrong. How could anyone not be able to immediately recall the names of Harry, Zayn, Chesterton, the Fonz, that one guy...boy, that guy sure is a dope, right?

Todd: Ladies and gentlemen, we have made such great progress in the fight against singers trying to be funny. [brief clip of Kanye West - "The New Workout Plan"] The scourge of the rap album comedy skit is all but eradicated, but there is still so much work to do.

Clips of Katy Perry - "Last Friday Night"; Nicki Minaj ft. Drake - "Moment 4 Life"; and Britney Spears - "I Wanna Go"

Todd (VO): Millions of people on YouTube are exposed every day to pre-song comedy bits in music videos.

Todd: And that number is just growing everyday. You can help. Please donate to the [text appears] Stop Singers From Thinking They're Funny Foundation, care of me. (c/o Todd In The Shadows, P.O. Box 2112, B.F.E. Virginia, 24501) I can think of no cause dearer to my heart.

Marketing Guy (Harry Styles): I want you to meet Leeroy. He's gonna be your choreographer! Leeroy!
Leeroy (Liam Payne): Hi, boys! First new number is going to be really big! Stay with me 'cause I'm quite quick. And 5 6 7 8...

Todd (VO): Ha ha, gay people are hilarious.

Todd: Oh my God, how long does this go on?

Les: We cannot wait for this movie. It's gonna be the greatest movie of all time. Have you ever seen Forrest Gump?
Harry: Sure.
Studio exec: Better than that!
Les: Have you seen The Hangover?
Liam: Yeah.
Studio exec: Funnier than that!

Todd (VO): Jesus! Is this like a prank video? Like, you click on it expecting the "best song ever" from your favorite band, One Direction, and instead, you just get six minutes of bad improv.

Todd: Actually, that would be pretty funny.

Leeroy: And Niall for the shimmy, for the shimmy, for the shimmy. And Zayn, pirouette. And Louis, do the splits. And Liam...
Louis: We never do them.

Todd (VO): Uh, yeah, you're the record industry's bitch, kid. You'll do what they tell you to do.

Marketing guy: Now personally, I think this one is the one.
[Puts picture of the group on easel, featuring them in white tanks and white pants]
Harry: Absolutely not.

Todd (VO): I legitimately don't understand why any of this would be worse than the way they normally act and dress. I mean, Christ, they're right there, I can see what they look like.

Todd: I don't know why they expect me to believe that dressing in stupid outfits and dancing badly is beneath their dignity.

Todd (VO): Oh, I guess there is a song at the end of this. Okay, finally.

Music begins

Todd: Why, those are some familiar-sounding chords.

Harry: Maybe it's the way...

Todd: I'm sure you are noticing just as much as I am that this is a complete ripoff of [brief clip of...] "Baba O'Riley" by The Who, or as One Direction fans know them, [picture of little girl shrugging] The Who? Yes, thank you, that was a vintage joke dating back to at least the 90s, although archaeologists believe it may be much older.

Todd (VO): Okay, but yeah, so this is basically a completely stolen...

Todd: ...from The Who. Well, not completely stolen, because the chord structure was different. "Baba O'Riley" goes [plays chords] Dah...dah-dah... and One Direction goes [plays similar chords] Dah...dah-dah. Completely different. But yeah, yeah, other than that...

Clip of "Baby O'Riley"

Todd (VO): ...the inspiration is pretty blatant. What a bunch of hacks! What makes you think you have the right to rip off "Baba O'Riley", a song you could make a case for actually being the best song ever? How dare you? How dare you [back to "Best Song Ever"] make a song that sounds like "Baba O'Riley"?! What makes you think I want you to fill the airwaves with a song that starts with a slow synth build that suddenly slams into life with surging piano chords, guitar thundering out the most primal riff in rock history,...

Todd: ...drums mimicking the epic, wildman style of Keith Moon?! [pause] Now that I say this argument out loud, it sounds a lot more in favor of One Direction than against it. Okay...I do notice...

Todd (VO): ...the irony of teeny-boppers ripping off a song whose most famous line is "teenage wasteland."

Roger Daltrey: It's only teenage wasteland

Todd: But, um...yeah, this line of attack does not strike me as strong as I thought it did a second ago.

One Direction: And we danced all night to the best song ever.

Todd: Uh...I think this actually sounds kinda good.

Todd (VO): I mean, it's far more polished than The Who, obviously, but not so much that I think it's, like, a horrible butchering.

Todd: If I thought they were butchering it, I'd let you know. Like, you wanna hear what they released right before this?

Clip of "One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks)"
Liam: One way or another I'm gonna find you
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you
One way...

Todd: Now that's taking a good song and ruining it.

Todd (VO): Okay, well you know what? My complaint was never with One Direction's musical sound anyway, it's that they're such obvious insincere sleazeballs.

Todd: Let me guess. Here's a song about a girl. And not just any girl, you. Always you.

Transcript in progress

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