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Changes: Best F(r)iends

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(The opening's done. To the people who clearly know how to write a transcript (including the one that took the Siskel and Ebert Top 11, that was fair enough), you can continue.)
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''(The title for the movie ''Best F(r)iends'' is shown, followed by clips)''
  
''(The title for the movie ''Best F(r)iends'' is shown, followed by clips)''
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'''NC (vo):''' ''Best Friends'' is the first big outing between cult stars Greg Sestero and Tommy Wiseau since their now classic disasterpiece, ''The Room''. Sestero wrote and produced this two-part true story, and when I say true, I mean...you know how ''The Conjuring'' was technically true?...this is the ''Annabelle: Creation'' of that. Sestero admitted that one of the reasons he wanted to make this movie was to show that his buddy Wiseau can actually turn in a legit performance. Okay, I'll set the "legit bar" to Shaq from ''[[Kazaam]]'', and even that, I think, is too high. Any time these two are together is guaranteed to be weird, but is it an entertaining kind of weird, a passionate kind of weird, and, most importantly, a different kind of weird than what we've seen in T''he Room''?
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'''NC:''' Well, even if that's not the case, I think they'll get over it.
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''(Cut to Tamara, Malcolm and Aiyanna standing with Tommy in front of the shelf)''
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'''All:''' You are tearing me apart, Lisa! ''(They laugh)''
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'''Tommy:''' That's good. ''(to NC)'' Hey, Critic. Go watch a movie. ''(NC sighs and leaves down the hallway)'' Do your job. You're just standing there like Statue of Liberty.
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'''NC:''' (goes back to his desk) Well, I guess it figures to give this movie a fair shot. Let's take a look at...
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''(The title of the movie is shown again)''
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'''NC (vo):''' ...''Best F-parenthesis-r-parenthesis-iends''.
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'''NC:''' Oh, ''now'' I get it. ''(nods, smiling)''
   
 
{{Stub}}
  
{{Stub}}

Revision as of 18:30, 4 April 2019

Best F(r)iends

Best friends nc

Released
April 3, 2019
Running Time
35:00
Previous Review
Next Review
TBA
Link

(The Channel Awesome logo is displayed. We open on...bird's-eye shots of Chicago, with the title and credits of a different font rolling amid them in the black background. This is pretty similar to the opening of a certain movie. Fade to the Nostalgia Critic, who looks around his room in confusion)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. I don't know why we didn't have our usual intro.

(For the next few seconds, it alternates between this camera and a second camera with a decidedly lower quality to it and slightly off to the side of the NC, who points to it)

NC: Or why there's a lesser-quality camera right next to a high-quality camera. (Eyes widen in alarm) Oh, my God! HE'S HERE!!

(NC runs out of the room through the hallway and stops in horror when he sees...Tommy Wiseau (actually, it's Greg Sestero playing him) smiling and standing near the exit)

Tommy: (slurring through all his lines) Ha-ha. Oh, hi, Critic. You look different.

NC: (sternly) Tommy Wi-goddamn-seau!

Tommy: Ha. Yeah, that's me. I have gift for you: football. You want football? Catch it.

(He throws a football into NC's hands, the latter throws it away)

NC: Keep your footballs in your pocket! (thinks for a bit) Why did I say that? That's terrible!

Tommy: Yeah, relax, Critic. It's okay. You look good. Anyway, how is your sex life?

(Against all odds, NC does a spit take)

NC: How'd water even get in my mouth?!

(Tamara and Malcolm appear in front of Tommy)

Malcolm: Hey, relax, Critic. We're gonna have so much fun with him.

Tamara: Yeah. Tommy, say the thing.

Tommy: What thing?

Tamara: The line.

Malcolm: Yeah.

Tommy: Oh, the line. Oh, I need to have a motion. (NC facepalms) "I did not hit her, it's not true. It's bullshit. I did not hit her. I did not...oh, hi, Mark."

(After Tommy throws a bottle he was holding on the floor, Tamara and Malcolm laugh and clap)

Tamara: Oh, my God, he's such a thing!

Tommy: Look, this is official merchandise water bottle. Themovie.com.

(Malcolm picks up the bottle, and it's seen that the "Ice Mountain" logo on the label is crossed out by a black marker, and "The Room Water" is written above)

Tommy: Yeah, no. It's real thing. It's real thing.

Malcolm: (overlapping) Wow.

Tamara: (to NC) Isn't he the best?

Tommy: (to Tamara) Don't talk too much.

NC: No! This is always what he does! First, he's cool, then he's not. Then he's cool, then he's not. Then he brings up The Room, and everybody just forgets everything!

Tamara: Wait, that's not true. Is it, Tommy?

Tommy: Okay, quiet. Look, I have gift for you. Football.

(He gives Tamara a football, and she looks overjoyed)

Tamara: Look, Critic, a football!

NC: Yeah, heh-heh-heh. Can you two give us a minute?

Malcolm: Oh, why? Are you chicken?

Tamara and Malcolm: (imitate chickens) Cheep, cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep...

NC: (sarcastically) Yeah, you're the first ones to do that. Go!

(Tamara and Malcolm leave the scene, still cheeping)

Tommy: Ha-ha-ha...

NC: Okay, Tommy. You may have fooled your sheep...

Tommy: No, not sheep. It's chicken.

NC: Whatever...you're not fooling me! One minute, you're trying to take down our videos, the next, you're giving bizarrely kind interviews, when neither I or anyone else here is gonna be manipulated by you any further!

Aiyanna: (appearing in the doors, holding a phone) Oh, hey, Critic. Did you know that nutball Tommy Wiseau is here? I just want to let you know in case he dropped by... (sees Tommy and instantly becomes giddy) Oh, my God!

Tommy: (overlapping Aiyanna) Oh, hey. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no problem. Uh, let's do it, let's...like this, "huh". Do something crazy. Huuuuuh.

Aiyanna: (overlapping Tommy) Can I take a selfie?! Oh, my God... Okay. (sticks tongue out and takes a selfie)

(NC massages his forehead, looking furious)

Tommy: I have gift for you.

Aiyanna: Okay.

Tommy: (takes out another football) Here you go. Football.

Aiyanna: (gasps) Oh, my God!..

Tommy: No, no. Hold tighter.

Aiyanna: Oh, oh, okay.

Tommy: It's a Room movie football.

Aiyanna: Critic, look, it's a football!

NC: GO OVER THERE!

Tamara: (offscreen) Aiyanna, do you have a football, too?

Aiyanna: Yeah! Though I didn't know it has a "Wilson" crossed out, and then just says "The Room". (leaves)

NC: So what are you doing here, you walking accent?

Tommy: Well, I want to say, fight is over, Critic. I'm sorry, okay? Everything is fine.

NC: Yeah? What's the angle?

Tommy: No angle. I want to show people I can do more than just The Room, you know. I can...I'm very versatile actor.

NC: No, you can't, Tommy. You can only do less. Far, far less.

Tommy: Well, I disagree with your negative statement. Right there, I stopped you right there, you know? With proper studio, big shark, director, camera, I can do anything. I can do superhero, I can do dolphin, I can do...anything we show you now. We make new movies.

NC: I'd like to believe you, Tommy...actually, no, I wouldn't, but, regardless, you've gone back and forth so much.

Tommy: Well, believe nothing. Okay? I can show you it happened. Or it will happen.

NC: Ah, and there's the rub. As I think both you and I know nobody is patient enough to put up with your insanity anymore... (Tommy brings out a photo of Greg Sestero) ...except him.

Tommy: Ha-ha-ha-ha...ha.

(The title for the movie Best F(r)iends is shown, followed by clips)

NC (vo): Best Friends is the first big outing between cult stars Greg Sestero and Tommy Wiseau since their now classic disasterpiece, The Room. Sestero wrote and produced this two-part true story, and when I say true, I mean...you know how The Conjuring was technically true?...this is the Annabelle: Creation of that. Sestero admitted that one of the reasons he wanted to make this movie was to show that his buddy Wiseau can actually turn in a legit performance. Okay, I'll set the "legit bar" to Shaq from Kazaam, and even that, I think, is too high. Any time these two are together is guaranteed to be weird, but is it an entertaining kind of weird, a passionate kind of weird, and, most importantly, a different kind of weird than what we've seen in The Room?

NC: Well, even if that's not the case, I think they'll get over it.

(Cut to Tamara, Malcolm and Aiyanna standing with Tommy in front of the shelf)

All: You are tearing me apart, Lisa! (They laugh)

Tommy: That's good. (to NC) Hey, Critic. Go watch a movie. (NC sighs and leaves down the hallway) Do your job. You're just standing there like Statue of Liberty.

NC: (goes back to his desk) Well, I guess it figures to give this movie a fair shot. Let's take a look at...

(The title of the movie is shown again)

NC (vo): ...Best F-parenthesis-r-parenthesis-iends.

NC: Oh, now I get it. (nods, smiling)

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