Beauty and the Beast Part 1
Phelous: ♪Tale as old as... [pauses and looks at the back of the DVD] '92 / Rehashed as it can be / Barely a movie, animated most poorly / Quite expectedly,♪ [trails off] Beauty and the Beast. [beat] Ruined it.
[title card as the film's theme plays]
Phelous: Beauty already dancing with the beast?
Phelous: Never mind!
Old Man: Are you sure? They can't be thieves!
Old Man: We're not rich yet. We don't know if there's any cargo on that ship.
Old Man: I'll light a lamp.
Old Man: My spices! They're ruined! These tea leaves are useless.
Phelous: For someone who was pre-maturely celebrating, you sure have a defeatist attitude all the sudden. You know somethin' we don't, Old Man?!
Old Man: --idy, boogidy, boogidy, boogidy, boogidy, boogidy, boo--
Phelous: No, clearly you don't.
Old Man: Yes! Go ahead and rain, you miserable sky!
Phelous: Is that supposed to scare me?
Phelous: Shut up. Wait, am I telling myself to shut up? That doesn't make any sense.
Old Man: Hello! Is the master of the castle here?
Phelous: And they tried to send this guy's counterpart, Maurice to the looney been? At least he had a candle and a clock invite him in.
Old Man: Well thank you, kind chair.
Old Man: At least I'll be able to bring back a lovely rose.
Beast: So this is how you repay all my kindnesses?!
Phelous: Why thank you, Beauty and the Beast 92! You answered one of my longtime questions!
Beast: You'll pay for this with your life!
Phelous: Seems reasonable.
Old Man: I took the rose as gift for my daughter Beauty!
Beast: A daughter you say? And named Beauty?
Beast: I will strike you a bargain! You may go home and ask Beauty if she will die in your place!
Old Man: I could not think of such a thing.
Old Man: I did bring back one gift.
Old Man: Yes. Cherish it, my dear. For it will cost me my life.
Nathan: Robert and I could go with you!
Old Man: Nathan, you would not say that if you saw the beast! It is beyond imagination!
Old Man: Now I know I'm doing the right thing by letting him kill me instead of-
Beauty: Instead of who, father?
Phelous: Oh, no. What an accident.
Beast: So you have come.
Beast: Be gone before I strike you dead!