Channel Awesome
Beauty and the Beast Part 1

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Phelous: ♪Tale as old as... [pauses and looks at the back of the DVD] '92 / Rehashed as it can be / Barely a movie, animated most poorly / Quite expectedly,♪ [trails off] Beauty and the Beast. [beat] Ruined it.

[title card as the film's theme plays]

Phelous: Beauty already dancing with the beast?

Phelous: Never mind!

Old Man: Are you sure? They can't be thieves!

Old Man: We're not rich yet. We don't know if there's any cargo on that ship.

Old Man: I'll light a lamp.

Old Man: My spices! They're ruined! These tea leaves are useless.

Phelous: For someone who was pre-maturely celebrating, you sure have a defeatist attitude all the sudden. You know somethin' we don't, Old Man?!

Old Man: --idy, boogidy, boogidy, boogidy, boogidy, boogidy, boo--

Phelous: No, clearly you don't.

Old Man: Yes! Go ahead and rain, you miserable sky!

Phelous: Is that supposed to scare me?

Phelous: Shut up. Wait, am I telling myself to shut up? That doesn't make any sense.

Old Man: Hello! Is the master of the castle here?

Phelous: And they tried to send this guy's counterpart, Maurice to the looney been? At least he had a candle and a clock invite him in.

Old Man: Well thank you, kind chair.

Old Man: At least I'll be able to bring back a lovely rose.

Beast: So this is how you repay all my kindnesses?!

Phelous: Why thank you, Beauty and the Beast 92! You answered one of my longtime questions!

Beast: You'll pay for this with your life!

Phelous: Seems reasonable.

Old Man: I took the rose as gift for my daughter Beauty!

Beast: A daughter you say? And named Beauty?

Beast: I will strike you a bargain! You may go home and ask Beauty if she will die in your place!

Old Man: I could not think of such a thing.

Old Man: I did bring back one gift.

Old Man: Yes. Cherish it, my dear. For it will cost me my life.

Nathan: Robert and I could go with you!

Old Man: Nathan, you would not say that if you saw the beast! It is beyond imagination!

Old Man: Now I know I'm doing the right thing by letting him kill me instead of-

Beauty: Instead of who, father?

Phelous: Oh, no. What an accident.

Beast: So you have come.

Beast: Be gone before I strike you dead!