Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
February 10, 2021
(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the NC title sequence. We then cut to NC sitting in his usual spot, but looking rather bored as he drums his fingers on his cheek)
Hyper Fangirl: All right, everyone! Fan Fiction 101 is in session! I trust you all brought your homework?
Benny the Assassin: I'm sorry, why is this mandatory again?
NC: Yeah, it's not like the Internet is short fan fiction. (looks up) What some of them have me do with Pocky is...just not gentlemanly.
HFG: Well, as people who analyze nostalgia, it's important to understand the creative process from the people that we critique!
Benny: So, writing for fictional characters will make us understand others who write for fictional characters?
NC: Your husband wreaking bombs in our heads while we sleep might play a part.
(We then cut to Devil Boner, who is standing in the middle of a war-torn city with lasers flying everywhere and a green circle in one building (presumably a teleporter))
DB: Hey, if my little head slicer says something is mandatory, it's mandatory!
Benny: Where the hell are you anyway?
DB: Oh, humanity has gone back in time to stop us from becoming them. It raises a lot of complex questions about the ethical responsibilities of–
NC: What does this have to do with anything?
DB: We need a time travel joke for later.
HFG: Speaking of which, muffin top, did you finish your Star Wars fan fiction?
DB: I'm kinda livin' it!
HFG: Lemon pudding, we had an agreement!
DB: Oh, you're right, eye crusher. Hold on, let me get my phone. (takes out cell phone) Uh... (fires gun with one hand while holding cell phone in other hand, reading text) "A young person living alone in the desert finds a droid."
(Cut back to NC, who rolls his eyes and rests his head on his hands)
DB (vo): "The droid has information to defeat the army of bad guys..."
DB: "...and a wise mentor from the past helps get the droid to the army of good guys." (goes back to firing with both hands)
HFG: Well, I hate to critique you, cherry ice cream, but that's just the original Star Wars story.
DB: Oh, God, you're right! Clearly, I've been lazy and not focusing on what's important.
(With his back turned to it, he aims his phone in the direction of a building and pushes a button on his phone. The building blows up)
HFG: Well, email me what you have and I'll look it over.
DB: Got it! (goes back to firing with one hand and writing text with the other at the same time)
HFG: Oh, and don't worry, Benny, I'll get to yours after I read his.
Benny: (deadpan) I can hardly wait.
HFG: You don't have to be sarcastic.
Benny: No, that was me showing genuine excitement.
NC: (sighs, rolls eyes) The world of fan fiction doesn't exactly have the best reputation.
(A shot of a woman at an Apple computer is shown)
NC (vo): Whether they're read online...
(Cut to the cover of "Fifty Shades of Grey")
NC (vo): ...or sold to spice-hungry housewives...
(Cut next to a shot of Philip J. Fry with the phrase "Fanfiction – A crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors")
NC (vo): ...fan fiction is seen as both so corny and so cheesy, you'd swear (The states of Wisconsin and Illinois are superimposed) Wisconsin and Illinois had (An image of a baby is added) a love child. (The word "Fanfiction" appears in a yellow starburst) And there's fan fiction about it.
NC: But sometimes, there's professional writing that reads like fanfiction and it's not always a bad thing.
(A montage of shots involving fanfiction-like crossovers is shown: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse, a three-part Star Wars book series by Timothy Zahn, The Lego Movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit (a shot of Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny together), House of Mouse, a comic involving DC characters being pitted against Marvel characters, a silhouetted shot of Batman battling Superman, Batman v Superman)
NC (vo): You know what I'm talking about: the films, books and comics that are super fanservice-y, but also give exactly what people are looking for. They usually combine elements we all want to see and utilize them sometimes better than massive productions with tons of money behind them.
NC: With that said, one of the most fan fiction-y things ever written comes with a crossover I didn't even know I wanted: Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
NC: Let's take a look at fanservice done right! This is Batman vs. the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
(The movie starts in Gotham City)
NC (vo): We open in Gotham City where the forecast calls for blimps, and....red as a lab called Powers Industrial, who use a discount version of the Riddler logo (shows close up of the logo and a photo of the Riddler's question mark to compare the two) shows college student Barbara Gordon around.
(The lights turn off)
Technician: Hey! What's going on?!
(Barbara blocks ninja stars with her notepad that are thrown at a technician.)
NC: Okay, those are either bad stars, or an amazing notepad.
NC (vo): The Foot clan attack the lab, but are stopped by....(shows the turtles attacking them after throwing a smoke bomb) oh, judging by their silhouettes, I'm going to say Street Sharks.
(Cut to Batgirl on a roof talking to a gargoyle)
Batgirl: Those things. They were like lizard men or something. They took the generator.
(Zooms in on gargoyle)
NC (vo; as gargoyle): Does she think I'm Batman? (Shows scene of Batgirl kissing Batman from The Killing Joke) Wait! This might have its perks.
(Batman has joined Barbara on the roof.)
Batman: Whatever they are. They're going to regret stepping foot in Gotham.
NC: It drives me nuts to that I have no idea if that pun was intentional. (vo) If it was in this one, (shows a cover of the '60s Batman TV show) there'd be no question.
(Cut to the credits that are stylized in black and white)
NC (vo): Ooh. I didn't know this was a Sin City crossover as well.
NC: Though something about seeing the (shows it) The Nickelodeon logo kind of feels off.
NC (vo): I keep expecting Spongebob (shows Spongebob running across the screen) to cutesy away the badassness.
(A swarm of bats transition to the Batcave with Batman and Alfred)
NC (vo:) We next see Batman looking over security footage, and.... (Alfred puts coffee down, and the screen zooms in to show it is a Superman themed mug) pack your bags Alfred, you're fired.
(Batman ready as Alfred says the following)
Alfred: We received a call from Commissioner Gordon. Wayne Enterprises is likely the target for another break in!
NC (vo; as Alfred): I told him we know Wayne something is always the center of a super villain plot. His advice, ironically, was to dress up as Batman to scare them away.
(Shows a montage of the turtles and Batman getting ready with a close up shot of Batman's butt from Batman & Robin mixed in)
NC: Sorry, sorry! I couldn't resist (beat) and neither could [Joel] Schumacher hooooo!
(Shows the turtles landing on the roof at night)
NC: Guess we should have a "look they did the thing" count.
(On cue, a count is shown with a woman gasping as a scene from the 1987 TMNT opening is shown)
NC (vo): It looks like the Penguin also plans to attack Wayne Enterprises to get first whatever the new visitors are stealing.
(Shows Raphael in the shadows)
Penguin: It's the bat!
NC (vo; as Penguin): I recognize his shell!
(Penguin's men fire at the turtles as they begin to fight)
NC (vo): So, I gotta say everyone looks pretty good in this interpretation. With the turtles thankfully having more differences in their design than just colored bandanas and weapons. (The turtles vary in design and an image of the 1987 TMNT is shown again to show the difference) The only thing that's a little odd is the shading on their pecks. I don't know, it kind of looks like I am supposed to play them like an (picture of) ocarina.
Donatello: We're not aliens though, we're turtles!
(Leonardo kicks the goon away.)
Leonardo: Not the time Donny!
'Donatello: It's always the time for accuracy, Leo.
NC: You wouldn't last two seconds on Twitter.
(Cut to Batman fighting the Foot Clan in Wayne Enterprises)
NC (vo): While that's going on, the Foot attack inside, but Batman is there to stop them.
(Batman is interrogating a Foot ninja)
Batman: Now, what does a ninja clan want with an experimental cloud cedar?
(A shurikan impales the ninja in the head, killing him as NC is stunned)
NC: I think we can count that as the "shit got real" moment!
(The Shredder lands and an identical scene from the live action shown is moving as the LTDTT count goes up to two)
Shredder: You picked the wrong battle, warrior!
(Shredder starts fighting Batman)
NC (vo): The voice of Shredder is pretty good like most versions of him, but I'm not going to lie: I always like to imagine the voice of Uncle Phil [James Avery] (shows the 1987 Shredder) doing it. In my book, he's still the og.
(In the following exchange, the Shredder is dubbed over with audio from the 1987 Shredder)
Shredder: Greetings, my subjugated subjects!
Batman: Who are you? And why are you—
Shredder: (attacking) Will you shut up?! (Batman grabs Shredder's head) Heeeyyy! (Batman bangs Shredder's head on the railing) Imbecilic incompetence! (Batman and Shredder continue fighting) Stop this tantrum, and just tell me what's wrong?! (Batman throws Shredder off the catwalk) You never let me have any fun!
NC (vo): The film immediately shows it has an understanding of what people want, as it gives us a very badass battle between Batman and Shredder. Most of the fight choreography is really well done.
(Shredder charges up some kind of super move and strikes Batman, whose leaping towards him, in the chest; sending him flying, and crashing backwards into some pipes. Shredder falls to his knees.)
NC (vo): Shredder barely defeats him—which is pretty surprising early on—and escapes, so he can heal up.
Shredder: (normal audio) Next time, I will not be so merciful.
(Shredder throws a smoke bomb and vanishes)
NC (vo: as Shredder) I have a brain in a robotic suit laying in a waterbed waiting for me.
(normal) I like how both serious mock the other for stuff that never made sense like why on Earth does Gotham city have blimps?
Michelangelo: Does New York City have mad blimps flying around for no reason? (shows a blimp flying around Gotham) I mean, what are they for?
NC (vo): Yeah, that is pretty— (shows Turtle blimp from the 1987 series) hypocrite!
(Batman throws Batarangs near the turtles)
'NC (vo): Batman discovers the turtles, and each assume the other is working with the Shredder.
(Batman is shown fighting the turtles)
NC (vo:) This fight is fun and well laid out, but there's just one problem: (the current fight is intercut with scenes from Batman fighting Shredder) Nothing is going to top that Batman-Shredder battle. You could have other fights kf course, but then the title battle is immediately after the coolest one in the flick; it's kind of like following up (picture of) Thanos vs (picture of) Hulk with (picture of) Plastic Man vs (picture of) Jar Jar.
NC: I guess I'm curious, but you blew your load a hint early.
Leonardo: It's ninja vanish time!
(Leonardo Throws a smoke bomb and they vanish)
Batman: Ninja turtles?
I should consider switching jobs. One that doesn't sound weird to me.
(Cut to Shredder meeting up with Ra's Al Ghul)
NC (vo): We see that Shredder is in cahoots with Ra's Al Ghul—Again, these are perfect villains that you want to see teamed up—and they call upon Baxter Stockman to help them with their evil plan. Take one guess on who was probably their first choice to play him.
Baxter Stockman: (sounding like Jeff Goldblum) Master Shredder, I take it you've procured the cloud cedar from Wayne Enterprises. Obviously without it, I can't finish the machine.
NC: That's right (picture of) David Duchovny, but he sadly had other obligations (picture of The Craft movie) to let down.
Ra's Al Ghul: I do hope you and you're Foot Clan can live up to your reputation.
Shredder: (1987 audio) Why not leave the messy details of conquering the world to me?!
NC (vo): Ra's will trade his secrets of eternal life with Shredder's secret of the ooze, and together they will construct a machine that will bring Gotham to its knees. They even test the ooze on one of Ra's men.
(The ninja transforms into a werewolf)
NC (vo; as werewolf ninja): I AM ADORABLE!!! (normal voice) The turtles sneak into a closed internet café and do some research on their supposed bat foe.
(The turtles are shown peeking out from a manhole cover)
Leonardo: Come on! We don't want to be seen.
(The turtles start to retreat into the sewer as a photo of the first movie poster is shown how similar the two images are, and the "TDTT" counter goes up to three.)
NC (vo): Meanwhile, Batgirl is brought up to speed about what they are up against.
Batman: The cloud cedar is the last piece of the puzzle, which is why I had to move it to a secure location outside of Gotham (shows an image of the Gotham docks on the computer Batman is using)
NC (vo): Yes, there's nothing more safe than the seedy docks! I'm sure nothing ever happens there in movies, comics, cartoons, crime dra--you're a detective, right?!
(The turtles are seen travelling through the sewers)
The turtles locate the Batcave pretty damn easily. I'm sorry, how'd you do this?
Donatello: I made a database of every reported Batman sighting, and ran it through an algorithm that triangulate through a police record--
Leonardo: Donny! Nobody cares.
NC: Right, this does have Jeff Goldblum (shows a clip of Baxter Stockman) as the fly again. (vo) And, they decide to snoop around.
(The Batcave is shown which has a giant t-red statue, a giant coin, a giant joker playing card, and a case of Batsuits)
NC: I guess I can technically count these all as one (The "TDTT" count goes up to 4)
(Donatello sees the Batcomputer)
Donatello: I'm going to seen if I can access that big computer because it's beautiful!
NC (vo; as Donatello): Imagine what OnlyFans would look like on this!
Raphael: I just see the signs of a dude with way too much time, and way too much money on his hands.
NC: Uh, you're not going to sell a thing (shows the Batman and Leonardo toyset of this movie) if you keep talking like that
(Michelangelo is wearing one of Batman's cowls and cape.)
NC (vo): Robin spots them, though, and they have honestly the response I think most people would have seeing Robin for the first time.
NC: It's okay. Later on, he says "fuck Batman" (shows photo of the Titans Robin) to legitimize himself.
(Robin is on top of Michelangelo and struggling with him)
Robin: Take that mask off now!
Donatello: What are you five?
Robin: How did you get in here?!
(The turtles are shown fighting Robin and easily getting their asses kicked by him.)
NC (vo): I like that Robin is kind of a sourpuss in this as Batgirl seems a bit more lighthearted, so having two optimistic sidekicks would have been a little much. It's also just funny seeing the turtles getting their ass kicked by a twelve-year-old
Leonardo: Hey little guy.
(Robin strikes both his legs with his staff)
Leonardo: Argh geez! (Later after the fighting has ended) We're not your enemy. We came here to stop Shredder and the Foot Clan
(Batman and Batgirl have now joined Robin)
Robin: So, are we not going to beat up these green losers?
Batman: It's not looking like it, no.
NC (vo): Yeah, for a film called Batman vs. the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, there's only one fight between them, and at the one third mark they team up. In any other film, I'd call bullshit, but I do want to see them work together, and if they just kept fighting throughout the whole film, I think it'd get old pretty quick. I think they just called it vs. to sell more copies, but honestly I don't feel ripped off at all.
(Cut to an Arkham Security guard getting impaled from behind by Shredder)
NC (vo): As, Shredder and Ra's go to the one place that--lets face it--you want to see them go.
(Ra's and Shredder are in front of Bane's cell)
Bane: Ra's Al Ghul means Batman, and I'm just dying for a rematch!
NC: I think this proves (shows poster of the Dark Knight Rises) never have you team up in the same film.
(Shows Scarecrow in his cell threading a needle through his mask. Poison Ivy is shown in her cell tending to plants)
NC (vo): What is Arkham a spa?! How are they getting all of these extra add-ons?!
(Harley Quinn calls out to Shredder from her cell)
Harley: Hey! Over here! (checks her face on Shredder's mouth plate) Hmm. Uh-huh! That's it! Just wanted to make sure my makeup wasn't smudging.
NC: Shouldn't she like that her makeup is smeared--movie ruined. (vo) Of course, they want to meet up with the Clown Prince of Crime, but we'll have to wait to see why because....pizza.
(Cut away from the reveal of the Joker to Alfred getting the pizza)
Alfred: I offer to cook a gourmet meal, but they want pizza....teenagers.
NC (vo; as Alfred): I've killed God knows how many men; yet, this is my lowest point!
NC (vo): Batgirl and Donatello, meanwhile, try to make their own antidote for Shredder's mutagen.
Donatello: Ooze. We call it ooze
Batgirl: Really? Ugh I do not like that word. "ooze" blech gross.
NC (as Batgirl): It just sounds so moist
Michelangelo: Can't fight crime without first partaking in a cheezy slice
Batman: This isn't the time for pizza
NC (vo; as Batman): Besides, this is New York style. I'm a deep a dish kind of gu--
(Cut to a black screen that says "Two Seconds Later", and then shows Batman fighting the turtles. The Batcomputer blared an alarm)
Batman: The bat signal! Robin, Batgirl, let's move!
Batgirl: What about them!?
NC (vo; as Batman): There's no turtle signal (turns to his left to see a packaged toy of a turtle signal) they really made a toy out of everything didn't they (normal) Back at Arkham, the Joker literally hacks up his formula for his poison gas in exchange for....
(Shredder holds up a canister of mutagen as Joker laughs maniacally)
NC: If you're not getting hard thinking of the possibilities the Joker could do with that, hand over every comic you ever pretended to read! (vo) Speaking of which, he breaks all the villains out, sprays them with the mutagen, and does so doing his best Danny Elfman impression.
Joker: Nurse Harley Quinn.
Harley: (holding the mutagen tighter) Hmph!
Joker: Oh, fine! Dr. Harley Quinn!
Harley: Ya damn straight!
NC: In the same way, Bill Cosby's technically a doctor. (vo; as a montage of the villains transforming is shown) This scene alone should have you hyped up as hell. The Batman super villains with the ninja turtle mutagen. This is absolute fanfiction heaven!
NC (vo): Gordon lights the bad signal and is introduced to the new crime fighters.
Jim Gordon: What are those?
NC (vo; as Batgirl): Well dad, they're—ugh, damn it! (vo; as Batman) Kill him!
(A gunshot is heard and blood is superimposed on Jim's forehead.)
NC (vo): He talks about how Arkham has been taken over by the villains, and they apparently have hostages. As far as I can tell, there's no real explanation as to how the mutagen works in this one. (shows Hamato Yoshi transforming into Splinter from the 1987 cartoon) I mean, in the cartoon it combines with whatever animal you're around. In the comic, it makes animals more human. This (sighs) I guess we have to assume is the Out of the Shadows Logic. Ironic-gen! It's basically ironic-gen! If you're obsessed with the cold, you're going to be a polar bear! If Scarecrow's in your name, you're going to be a crow!
NC: It's stupid in any reality....except, this one! (vo) The idea of the Batman villains mutating into animals is one of the coolest things you could do in this universe because there's so much that can be done with it. Poison Ivy becoming a plant: Amazing! Two-Face becoming a two-headed cat sharing an eye: spectacular! Harley Quinn, as a hyena, is both hilarious and actually terrifying! I'd be laughing my ass off if I didn't know I'd be sleeping with one eye open tonight.
Harley: Well, would you look at that! (jumps onto the balcony to reveal her hyena mutation)
The Bats have made some new best friends!
NC (vo): This second of her peaking her head behind the corner is legit the last thing I ever want to see peaking behind a corner.
(NC turns to see Hyena Harley peeking around the corner, and freaks as it slowly retreats back behind the corner)
NC (vo): The fights that come out of this are just as creative with Mr. Freeze attacking our heroes in the kitchen.
Michelangelo: (dodging Mr. Freeze's ice blasts) Uh, little busy right now!
(Michelangelo runs away and Mr. Freeze chases him)
NC (vo; as Mr. Freeze): ALWAYS COCA-COLA!!!!!
Michelangelo: That is so cool!
Mr. Freeze: I'll show you cool, child!
NC: How is that Mr. Freeze as a polar bear, fighting a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, still have more dignity than (vo as it shows Michelangelo fighting with Mr. Freeze, and an image of Mr. Freeze from Batman and Robin is shown) one line out of Arnold as the same character!
(Michelangelo destroys some icicle chunks with his nun chucks and a photo of him striking the same pose from in the 1987 opening is shown as the "TDTT" count goes up to 5. Robin throws two heat disks on Mr. Freeze's chest where his nipples would be.)
NC: Oh, they did get bat nipples on him somehow.
(An image of the Bat nipples on the Batman & Robin Batsuit is shown as the TDTT" count goes to 6.)
NC (vo): There's a pretty cool fight with Bane.
(Bane, who has been mutated into a tiger, tried to slash at Batgirl)
NC (vo; as Tony The Tiger): Your ass is grrrrrass!
(Bane knocks Batgirl off of the wall by throwing a punching bag at her)
NC (vo): And, even as mutants, they still rely on their old tricks; as Scarecrow uses his gas on Leonardo, showing his greatest fear.
(Leonardo looks up and screams as an article announcing Seth Rogen's reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is shown)
(NC vo): There's a funny joke with Poison Ivy not being able to fight because her roots won't let her stretch far enough. Which, again, could be seen as a letdown, but there's so much fighting in this movie; I think they knew if they needed to cut a corner this was a clever and funny way to do it.
(Robin, Raphael, and Michelangelo simply go around Poison Ivy to the door and exit through it. We then cut to Batman and Leonardo confronting Two-Face, who has hostages as Joker's voice is heard.)
Joker (offscreen): Better listen to the bat, turtle boy.
NC (vo): This all builds up to the Joker, whose been transformed into a cobra.
NC: Which is.....fine. (vo) I feel like there's a lot of better animals the Joker could be like a shark or gator. You know, something with a lot of teeth.
NC: I mean, did you see (vo) Harley Quinn hyena?
(Looks around the corner to see Hyena Harley looking at him again)
NC: Ohhhh my!
Hyena-Harley retreats around the corner.)
NC (vo): I guess this is a little disturbing though.
(Shows Joker and Harley kissing with their tongues as Michelangelo shudders in disgust.)
NC (vo): And, like that a new genre of fetish was made. (beat) And, there's already fan fiction on it. (vo) Joker combines with the ooze with his venom, and injects it into Batman, strangely enough turning him into....a chicken. No, it's a bat.
(The mutated Batman roars)
NC (vo; as Robin): Who are you? (vo; as Batman) I'm man bat!
Batgirl: Donny, catch!
(Batgirl throws the syringe to Donny, who catches it as Batman grabs Michelangelo and flies off.)
NC (vo): Donny and Batgirl give him the anti-mutagen, and eventually stop Harley and Joker.
Batgirl kicks out Joker's teeth, and grabs him for a selfie.)
NC (vo; as Batgirl): This is totally going on my instagram. That's going to get me discovered and arrested, but screw it if the NC's cat (shows a muscular body with Chester's head on it) can have an account, why can't I?!
Donatello: Batgirl and I found the surviving hostages in a room downstairs. They're fine....mostly.
Leonardo: And, now that we know that—
NC: No, I need to know what "mostly" means. Like, are half of them (shows a pic of a man with a butt for face) butt people or something. Mostly is a very vague thing to say in this universe. (vo) Big surprise, the docks is NOT a good a place to hide something as the Penguin steals Wayne's device to give to Shredder and Ra's Al Ghul. Our heroes discover that the device is going to combine Joker's venom with the mutagen to turn all of Gotham into an insane azoolem. But, Batman says he wants to stop them without the turtles because something-something "always alone".
Batman: You four are impulsive, and you don't follow orders. I want you out of Gotham.
NC: Pretty tough talk to people, who just saved your life. Does he tell his parents (shows the comic panel of his parents dead) "You should have gotten out of the way of those bullets. Lazy dead asses."
Raphael: Sure, we make the wrong moves, but we can't get better (grabs Batman's arm to turn him around to face him) if you don't trust us.
(Robin, Batgirl, Alfred, and the turtles all gasp as Batman narrows hie eyes.)
NC: What, is that the bat-arm, what am I missing? (vo) Honestly, this is the only section of the movie that feels weak as this third act break up does seem kind of pointless, but it does fly by pretty quick, and I guess give a moment for the two most brooding characters to connect in some way. They get back to the good stuff pretty fast as they drive off to stop the villains evil plan. The turtle van even puts it on it's 3d glasses--it's a little weird, but they upgrade the pizza thrower (shows the image of the toy and the "TDTT" count goes up to 7).
NC (vo): The pizza thrower is used to take out a Foot Ninja operating a crane.
NC: That's right Donatello killed a man, awesome. Good thing it wasn't Batman, or else we'd all be going "boooo!" I don't get comic ethics.
(Donatello is picked up by a Foot Ninja that has been mutated into a bird. Shows a scene from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker)
Fin: They fly now?!
Poe Dameron: They fly now!
(Three shots of the antidote is thrown into his back and he de-mutates)
NC (vo): This scene also has my favorite line as Michelangelo constantly wants to push buttons in the Batmobile, and he's constantly told not to. That is until they get caught, and he's given the direct order to hit every button
(One of those buttons fires off a firework that takes the shape of a bat symbol when it explodes.)
Robin: (sadly) I've always wanted to hit every button.
NC: (smiling) There should be medicine to contain how much fun I'm having right now. (vo) This whole chase is pretty great and, again, gives everything you'd want to see in the climax of a team up like this. And......then some.
(A Foot Ninja that has been mutated into a t-rex appears and roars.)
NC: So, on the one hand I ask "why is there a dinosaur here?", but on the other hand I ask (vo) "with all the insanity we've seen watching turtles drive a van; shooting pizza manhole covers, riding motorcycles with Batgirl, watching bat fireworks, and fighting the island if Nebune bune; why wouldn't there be a dinosaur here?!
Shows a close up of a calendar in the turtle van that shows they are in April.)
NC (vo): Oh, btw, there's April's cameo
(Robin grapples toward the T. rex, and flies towards it)
NC: Mmmm, my money's on the T. rex (vo): He launches the anti-mutaten (into the T. rex's mouth), causing him to shrink! Not, that kind of shrink--yeah, probably that too--as the villains arm their machine.
Ra's: Activate the machine
(Baxter Stockman activates the machine, laughing like Jeff Goldblum)
NC: This is a Jeff Goldblum impression, they're should be less maniacal laughs and more maniacal "uh's".
(Replays the scene, but dubbed over with NC uhing like Jeff Goldblum.)
NC: Our heroes burst in and all of them have worthy foes take on! That it, except for Robin.
Baxter: I surrender! I'm basically a hostage! (he pukes and faints)
Robin: You....are a terrible disappointment.
NC (vo; as Robin): Though not as big as Tyler Perry.
(Shows Raphael flipping a ninja back and forth as the screen shows an image of him doing the same move from the Turtles In Time game as the "TDTT" count goes up to 8.
NC (vo): Leonardo even gets over his fear of losing his brothers, shown earlier, and uses Batman's advice to focus.
Leonardo: And, I learned this from a rat!
(Leonardo attacks various points on Ra's body, and NC adds the effect that his head explodes; he just faints in the movie)
NC: Oooh, maybe I was a centimeter off. (vo) Batman, as well, gets a chance to fight the Shredder once more.
(Batman tries to use smoke pellets, but Shredder isn't having any of it.)
Shredder: No tricks! No gadgets!
NC: Dude, you live in a thing caller the Technodrome, that's like three world's biggest gadget! This next scene is so ridiculous, I kind of have no choice, but to love it.
Shredder: Any last words?
Shredder: What? Cowabunga!?
(Shredder gets smashed in the face by a turtles shell that knocks his mouth plate off.)
NC: (laughs) I-It's not that Batman says cowabunga as they reveal later that was the (vo) code word for the turtles to attack!
NC: It's the Shredder repeating it!
Shredder: What? Cowabunga?!
NC (vo; as Shredder): That's only said by party dudes! You're not a party dude!
(Batman punches the Shredder in the face)
NC (vo): Batman does finally defeat the Shredder, resulting him falling into a tub of chemicals.
Shredder (1997 series audio):' I think he did it just to annoy me.
NC (vo): And, the turtles stop the machine from destroying the city. Batman even joins them in a celebratory slice of pizza.
(Robin is shown eating pizza as Batman smiles at him, and turns away)
NC: And you thought the whole Batman killing (shows Batman using the Batmobile to light the guy on fire in Batman returns) using guns (shows Ben's Affleck's Batman shooting people), sleeping with daughter figures (shows Batgirl on top of Batman, taking off the top of her Batsuit in the Killing Joke) was shocking. No, no, he's the most controversial thing Batman's ever done: He folds his pizza (shows Batman folding his pizza) There is no excuse for this! A petition has already begun! (shows a fake petition that's titled "Batman does not fold his pizza", and says "18,290,907 have signed. Let's get to 19,500,000") Oh, and Shredder is still alive. (Shows that the chemicals turned the Shredder into the Joker) He's some kind of Joker hybrid, but clearly this is the part (shows Batman folding his pizza again, and eating it) that gets the biggest reaction!
Channel Awesome tagline – Batman: Cowabunga!
Shredder: What? Cowabunga!?
(The credits roll)