Batman Forever

Batman Forever
Aired	February 13, 2018
Running time	37:12
Previous review	Horton Hears a Who
Next review	TBA
Link	http://channelawesome.com/batman-forever-nostalgia-critic/

(NC title sequence plays)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.

(Suddenly, he becomes quite nervous. He parts his coat to reveal that his shirt has nipples on it! Say what?!)

NC: (terrified) What the hell is this?! (jumps up from his seat) Why are there nipples on the outside of me?!

(Tamara walks up, wearing a blond wig and a black dress)

Tamara: Ooh, a hot entrance, Critic. (she runs her hands on his body) Have I ever let you know that my interest isn't purely professional, or do I need skintight vinyl and a whip?

NC: (trying to fend her off with little luck) Tamara, you're a fricking professional! Why are you suddenly acting so weirdly horny?!

Tamara: I'm just representing how an out-of-touch gay man thinks a straight woman acts.

(Behind them, Malcolm, wearing half-black-and-half-white makeup, wig and suit, laughs crazily)

NC: (still trying to fend off Tamara's running her hands on him) Malcolm, why are you suddenly a white guy?! And a very annoying one at that?!

Malcolm: I'll tell you right after I finish mugging for the camera! (he turns to the camera and mugs it, cackling)

NC: Stop it, stop it, all of you! Who is responsible for all of this?!

Malcolm and Tamara: (in unison as they point offscreen) He is!

(NC turns to see Angry Joe dressed in a green Riddler-type suit, but with the letter M all over it instead of question marks)

Angry Joe: Hello, Critic. It's your old friend, Joe.

NC: (gasps) The Mocker!

(Throughout this whole scene, Tamara keeps running her hands on him, and he keeps trying to slap her hands away, but to no avail)

Joe: Nostalgia Critic has gotten too dark for the viewers' time. I'm here to make it more kid-friendly, colorful and nipple-icious.

NC: You won't get away with this, Mocker!

Joe: I know you don't like it, but I was just doing what the studio demanded.

NC: Yeah, but–

Joe: I apologize. I was just trying to do something more colorful for the kids.

NC: Oh, you don't need to apologize.

Joe: I understand you're frustrated, but why don't we sit down and talk about it over some herbal tea?

NC: Okay, that does sound really ni– (gasps) NO!! I won't let the fact that you're a decent human being get in front of the fact that you make horrible crap!

Joe: (singsong) It's Earl Grey!

NC: (Tamara hugs him) Oh, I love Earl Grey! That's like my favori– NO! I need someone who won't fall for your kindness! I need a geek. An angry geek. A Last Angry Geek!

Joe: (puzzled) Last? Really?

Tamara: Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of angry geeks.

Malcolm: Millions.

NC: Okay, I don't know why he calls himself that, but I'm calling him!

(NC runs out of the room. Tamara looks confused at NC's departure, then starts feeling her own body)