Batman: The Official Movie Adaptation
September 4, 2017
Linkara and the Nostalgia Critic team up to review the comic adaptation of Tim Burton's first Batman movie!
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Last year, I took a look at the comic adaptation of the abysmal movie Batman and Robin. You might remember it because I KILLED THE BAT CREDIT CARD JOKE!! (grins)
(Clips from that scene from Batman and Robin play)
Linkara (v/o): And yeah, I've read your critiques of it. "But he'd still have to sign up for a Bat Credit Card and reveal his true identity. It's so traceable!"
Linkara: No, no, he wouldn't. (holds up index finger) One, Batman has a number of false identities. Dude's a genius and he could easily cover his tracks. You think credit card fraud is beyond him? (holds up two fingers) Two, as I said in that episode, shell companies: corporate credit cards are a thing. You could just have it be Batman, Incorporated, or something, and it would still work. Coincidentally, there is a comic called "Batman, Incorporated".
(Shots of this comic are shown)
Linkara (v/o): One of the things I mentioned in that review is that I feel that in a weird way the four Batman movies from 1989 to 1997 do have a character arc for Bruce Wayne throughout them. This may seem a bit at odds with the fact that the two Joel Schumacher films are so totally different from the Tim Burton movies, but hey, the fact that we have recurring elements and actors throughout all four shows there is a connection between them. And, of course, the best way to talk about this character arc is to talk about the movies.
Linkara: So let's dig into "Batman: The Official Movie Adaptation"–
Offscreen voice: (offscreen) Hey!
(Camera pans to the Nostalgia Critic standing and glaring at Linkara)
Linkara: (surprised) Nostalgia Critic?! What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get in here?
NC: (dramatically suspicious) I have my ways...
(Cut to a flashback: NC breaks in Linkara's house and passes Viga, who's casually reading a My Little Pony comic)
NC: I'm going to go bug your roommate.
Viga: It's okay. You're the third one this week. At least you're not from space.
NC: You've made me stand in a corner for MONTHS after you broke the Bat Credit Card joke!
Linkara: Oh, please, it's not like you were going to use that time for anything worthwhile.
NC: I could've been doing more reviews!
Linkara: Oh, yeah, I'm sure everyone was begging you for a clipless review of Captain America: Civil War. Tell me, do you remember when you used to be nostalgic?
NC: I'm sorry we can't all have your integrity, Mr. Bad Comic Reviewer. What did you cover these last two weeks? An anime and a puppet movie?!
Linkara: Look, what the hell are you doing here?
Linkara: Oh, by the way, lots of people have been asking us to review another Uwe Boll movie.
NC: SHUT UP! The point is you keep getting in my way interrupting my show to do these crossovers. (NC pushes Linkara aside to sit on the futon) So now, I'm going to interrupt your review to do a crossover for a change.
Linkara: Why the hell would I agree to do that?
NC: Two words: ad revenue.
(Linkara tries to argue back, but thinks about it as if NC had a good point)
Linkara: So, let's dig into "Batman: The Official Movie Adaptation", and see how it compares to the film.
NC: It won't be as good.
Linkara: Shut up.
(AT4W title sequence plays, followed by title card for this episode, accompanied by the Batman (1989) orchestral theme. Cut to a shot of the cover of the comic)
Linkara (v/o): The cover is– (he gets cut off by the sound of struggling) Hey! Stop that!
(Linkara and NC are both fighting over possession of the comic)
NC: GIVE IT!
Linkara: I hold the comic!
NC: I can't review it if I can't see it!
Linkara: Then I'll just describe it for you, you jerk!
NC: (abruptly calming down) Okay! Okay. We'll both hold it.
(They both each take one end of the comic and hold it up, smiling into the camera as they do. After a few seconds, however, they become uncomfortable)
NC: This is awkward.
Linkara: Yeah, I agree. We'll just switch off. (takes comic)
(Cut back to the cover again)
Linkara (v/o): The cover is okay: a wraparound for the prestige format book.
(Cut back to the two of them)
NC: That... sure is a bunch of words you just said.
Linkara: I'm so glad I have you here to help me for this review.
NC: (mouthing) I know.
Linkara (v/o): ...featuring Batman on a parapet, while the ghostly faces of the main characters haunt the sky... including himself as Bruce Wayne.
(Cut to a shot of the cover for "Nightcat #1")
Linkara (v/o): Funny thing is, if you swing the camera over to the right, you'd see Nightcat hanging out with her three cats.
(Back to the Batman comic cover)
NC (v/o): Maybe these aren't his ghostly sky faces, but the gargoyle's. That thing looks like it's going through some issues. I also love how the Joker is looking right at the reader as he laughs. It's like he's saying, "You really paid $5 for this? HA!!"
Linkara (v/o): There's also a filmstrip on the back depicting panels of the comic, lest we forget the big letters on the top of the cover that tell us this is the "official comic adaptation" of the movie.
NC (v/o): Gee, I don't know if I'll remember this is a movie adaptation by the time we hit the first page. (book opens to the first page) There we go! Have the first page be yet another filmstrip showing the opening scene of the movie. Also, a huge crowd of people in the theater WATCHING THE MOVIE!! Again, maybe they're all actually looking at the filmstrip exploding into the theater, and they're all too high on whatever turned them blue.
Linkara (v/o): What's happening in the filmstrip is a family exiting out of a theater, trying to get somewhere, but unable to hail a cab. And hey, unlike the movie...
(Cut to a clip of the movie as Linkara describes it below...)
Linkara (v/o): ...it doesn't feature what is presumably a prostitute hitting on the little kid.
(Back to the comic)
NC (v/o): Turn the page, and immediately, the father is knocked out unconscious by a robber. The robber and his partner run off with the father's wallet, warning them not to scream. Later, they're examining what they stole.
Thug: All right! American Express. Don't leave home without it.
Linkara: That's the way to do product placement! It's so good that criminals will beat you up to get their hands on it!
NC: This movie's just jealous that American Express was endorsed by Superman and Jerry Seinfeld.
(Cut to an American Express commercial featuring Superman and Seinfeld in a store, addressing some customers)
Woman: I've forgotten my wallet.
Superman: (feeling around himself) I can't carry money in this. I'm powerless!
(The woman is shocked)
Seinfeld: I'm not. (he spins around in a circle, then whips out an American Express card)
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): One of the crooks wants them to leave, having heard rumors about fellow criminals having been attacked by "The Bat".
Thug: The Bat? Gimme a break. There ain't no Bat.
Linkara (v/o): There is, however, a guy eating Pringles based on these sound effects.
(Said sound effects are footsteps going "runch, runch, runch".)
NC (v/o): Upon hearing the footsteps, the two run off... right into Batman. Man, nice job, guys. You hear something suspicious, and you run towards it.
Linkara (v/o): Batman knocks one out, cutting out the bit from the film where he appears to be immune to bullets, and hangs the other over the edge of the roof.
Thug: D-Don't kill me... Don't kill me...
Batman: You're trespassing, ratbreath.
NC: Turns out Batman's just a security guard with a goofy uniform. (he and Linkara both shrug)
Thug: Trespassing? You don't own the night.
Linkara: He's right, you know; lovers own a strict intellectual property grip on the night.
Batman: Tell your friends. Tell all your friends. I AM the night.
Linkara: (wearing Batman's mask, and speaking in his voice) I AM THE NIGHT!!
NC: (startled by Linkara's yelling like that) Jesus! How'd you get that on so fast?!
Linkara: (still as Batman) I'm Batman.
NC: You're a weirdo.
NC (v/o): Speaking of weirdos, that guy goes from "Don't kill me" to "You don't own the night". Guy's got balls. Anyone threatening to drop me from a tall building dressed like that can own whatever the hell he wants! I ain't gonna debate!
Linkara (v/o): We cut to gangster Jack Napier watching an announcement on TV about the new district attorney, Harvey Dent, starting a war on crime through Jack's boss, Carl Grissom. Jack is having an affair with Grissom's wife, Alicia.
Alicia: You look fine.
Jack: I didn't ask.
NC: It's the warm compassion that attracts her to him.
NC (v/o): Back over to the robbers, they're being wheeled away in an ambulance as a reporter, named Knox, comes to ask the police about sightings of a dark figure in the shape of a bat.
Linkara (v/o): Knox was invented for the movie, originally even supposed to die in it, but the producers loved the character so much they decided to make him live. He's actually quite likeable as a smarmy, snarky, put-upon character, and I'm surprised he hasn't made the leap over to comics before. Maybe a rights issue? I don't know.
Knox: Lieutenant... is there a six-foot bat in Gotham City? If so, is he on the police payroll? If so, what's he pulling down after taxes?
Linkara: (as Knox) If he has health insurance, does he go to a veterinarian?
Linkara (v/o): The officer he was talking to, Eckhardt, slips into an alleyway to talk with Jack Napier. In the movie, it's to get a payoff; here, he's just randomly taking a walk. Jack implies Eckhardt better respect him because of what could happen in the future.
Eckhardt: You mean when you run the show? You got no future, Jack. You're an A-1 nut boy and Grissom knows it.
NC: (as Jack) No, I think of myself more Kraft original nut boy than A-1.
NC (v/o): After the two separate, Eckhardt wonders aloud about something.
Eckhardt: Where you been spending your nights, handsome...?
Linkara: Aw, that's cute! He's got a crush on him.
Linkara (v/o): Over to the Gotham Globe, Knox has a visitor.
Reporter: Hey, Knox--someone to see you... some someone.
Linkara: (as reporter) One some someone.
NC (v/o): It's Vicki Vale, a photographer who wants to help Knox on the Batman story.
Linkara (v/o): Including Vicki is fine in the story; she's an established Batman character and all. The problem is, as much as I like Knox, it kind of makes Knox superfluous in the story. You could've just made Vicki the reporter and really change nothing aside from their banter. And it's good banter, but Knox doesn't actually do anything in the story after this.
NC (v/o): No one believes Knox's Batman story, so they need to get some proof, hoping to confront Commissioner Gordon at a benefit party Bruce Wayne is holding.
Linkara (v/o): There's a minor edit in the next scene, where Grissom wants Jack Napier to destroy the record books at Axis Chemicals, so they can't be connected back to them.
(Cut to a clip of the movie that is described below...)
NC (v/o): Yeah, they leave out Grissom calling him his "number one guy", so we don't have a callback to it later. Also, this...
Grissom: Don't forget... (takes out a deck of cards and drops them, fluttering, into Napier's hat) Your lucky deck.
NC: (his hat is off; as Napier) Thanks...
(NC puts on his hat, which is full of cards that fall out on the floor)
Linkara (v/o): However, Grissom knows about the affair, and so decides to tip off Eckhardt about the break-in so Jack will be killed.
NC (v/o): At Bruce Wayne's party, the two reporters aren't able to get anything out of Gordon, who encourages them to go look at Bruce Wayne's weapon collection, for some... reason...
Linkara: (as Gordon) I especially encourage you to go look at his deadly bee weapon.
NC: (perplexed) Bees? My god.
Linkara (v/o): It's here where they meet Bruce Wayne, and Vicki seems a bit charmed by him. But Bruce is called away by Alfred because of Commissioner Gordon's own sudden departure. In the Batcave, Bruce sees a taped conversation of a police officer talking to Gordon and informing him of the raid on Axis.
NC (v/o): At Axis Chemicals, the office records have already been cleaned out and they spot the police in parking lot. Eckhart even tells the police to "Shoot to kill". Which is why when the police come in... they yell at the gangsters to freeze. Then again, it is Eckhardt we're talking about; they probably have learned to ignore what he says. Especially when he keeps calling everybody handsome.
Linkara (v/o): Commissioner Gordon arrives and takes charge.
Gordon: I WANT HIM TAKEN ALIVE! I REPEAT--ANY MAN WHO OPENS FIRE ON JACK NAPIER WILL ANSWER TO ME!
Linkara: (as Gordon, pretending to hold up a megaphone, as Gordon did) I just want Jack Napier to hear that, while we are not gonna shoot at him, he's free to shoot at us!
NC: (also pretending to hold a megaphone) Man, I really hope police radios are invented soon! This is... kind of awkward.
NC (v/o): Batman arrives and begins dealing with the other criminals, even being spotted by the cops now. Jack, seeing Eckhart down below, shoots him.
Jack: Eckhardt! Think about the future.
Linkara: (as Eckhardt, being shot) But... I got no future, Jack...
Linkara (v/o): Batman reaches Jack, who shoots him. Buuut... the bullet just deflects off his cape?
NC (v/o): Batman's cape is so bulletproof it can make bullets just bounce off it? Sheesh, maybe instead of learning all the martial arts, he should just ball up and let everyone shoot themselves with the ricochets. Anyway, the bullet bounces back and hits Jack across the face, causing him to fall off the scaffolding into a vat of chemicals.
Linkara (v/o): However, after Batman flees the police, we see a hand emerging from the chemical plant's sewer runoff.
Linkara: Jack Napier is the Toxic Avenger! (NC covers his mouth in mock surprise)
NC (v/o): Later, Bruce and Vicki are having dinner in his comically large dining room, where, of course, the dining room table means they're sitting really far apart. My question is, why did it take them so long to notice that? Also, Vicki asked Bruce to pass the salt, and an entire panel is devoted to a close-up of Bruce's face saying, "Sure." Why didn't anyone making the comic notice that was weird?
Linkara (v/o): She asks him if he likes eating here.
Bruce: You know, I don't think I've even seen this room before.
NC: (as Bruce) I gotta be honest: most nights, I just order pizza and veg out in front of the TV. I'm not very interesting.
Linkara (v/o): The two walk off, presumably to his bedroom, and Vicki makes the observation that the house and all the stuff in it don't seem like him. It's part of the character arc thing I described. The first movie establishes this Bruce Wayne as someone disconnected from his own life as Bruce Wayne. He doesn't eat in his own dining room...
(Cut to footage of the film as Linkara describes it)
Linkara (v/o): ...he didn't attend the announcement of Harvey Dent as DA, trouble sleeping, etc. It's fairly obvious stuff in this first installment, but as Knox would later say in the movie: "What do you think seeing your parents murdered right in front of you does to a person?" Fills one up with anger and makes you reject a regular life and all its trappings in favor of one you create? Where some muggers who attacked a helpless family won't get away with their crimes? Honestly, it's more surprising that Batman didn't murder those two at the beginning, given how this version of Batman is more willing to kill.
Linkara: Still, the developments there, I'll get into when I cover "Batman Returns" and "Batman Forever" and... (stops abruptly as he notices NC is absent) Critic? Critic, where the hell are you?
(NC walks into the room, holding two red Star Trek shirts, one in each hand)
NC: So, for the sketch, I was thinking something like Walter White in Star Trek. I don't know, something like that. We'll work it into Batman somehow.
Linkara: What are you talking about?
NC: For the skit part of the episode.
Linkara: Um, I don't do skits in my show.
NC: Sure you do; they're at the end of your videos all the time. You fight robots with Power Rangers crap!
Linkara: Dude, those aren't skits; that actually happens to me!
Linkara: I am regularly attacked by mad scientists, my own doppelgangers, and monster gods from other dimensions! I live in fear that my next review will be my last, because forces far more evil and far more powerful than I am have a personal grudge against me! I was possessed by a Lovecraftian deity for years, and only recently have my friends been able to free me, and we are currently in the middle of implementing a plan that will hopefully stop it, BEFORE IT DEVOURS US ALL!!
NC: (trying to make sense of what Linkara just said) So, you go through incredibly harsh and traumatic events... and put them at the end of your review show?
NC: Are you reenacting them?
Linkara: There are cameras all over the place; Pollo edits them in.
NC: I don't think I would do something like that.
Linkara: (incredulously) Really? Then how do you explain those?!
NC: ...Perhaps we should get back into the review.
(He tosses the shirts aside and sits down with Linkara again, and they sit in silence briefly)
Linkara: ...Walter White in Star Trek?!
NC: He's bald, I'm bald, Picard is bald – IT MAKES SENSE!
(Linkara rolls his eyes)
Linkara (v/o): Vicki and Bruce kiss...
NC (v/o): ...with lightning striking behind them! Sheesh. Them kissing just got a big down-vote from God!
Linkara (v/o): Jack goes to a plastic surgeon to repair the damage the chemicals did to him, but, of course, the doctor who operated on him could only do so much, and he starts laughing at himself in the mirror. And we see the Joker's face here.
NC (v/o): So... this is where they reveal the Joker's face? Well, okay. That's fine as long as they don't have the big reveal in front of Grissom. Annnd we cut to... the big reveal in front of Grissom! What the hell was the point of that? There's no point in filling up the whole panel with his face now! We just saw what he looked like! Well, technically, we also saw it on the front of the cover, so, I guess... spoilers.
Linkara (v/o): But yeah, the Joker figured out that Grissom set him up and shoots him a few times, splattering his blood all over a newspaper.
NC (v/o): I think you mean splattering his Kool-Aid all over the newspaper. That's some very pink blood.
Linkara (v/o): Maybe Grissom was secretly a Klingon. (reads paper) "Winged freak terrorizes Gotham gangland".
Joker: Watch it, Batman. Wait'll they get a load of me.
NC: (as Joker) I'll look great in wings.
Linkara (v/o): We cut over to the Globe... Er, wait, does Knox work for more than one newspaper? Bruce said he liked Knox's worked in the Gazette, but he's at the Globe now? In any case, because we cut out some scenes from the movie, like Bruce inexplicably hanging upside-down while sleeping and him lying about what he was doing to Vicki, we now just have her pulling out Bruce's file at the Globe for no reason.
Vicki: There's nothing in this file but social puffery. No photos. No history. Nothing. Where's he get his money? What's he do all day? Who is he?
NC: Does Wayne Enterprises not exist in this continuity? What are the implications with those questions? That he just gets his money from being Batman?!
Linkara: Dude, merchandising! Did you see how much money this movie made?
Linkara (v/o): She follows Bruce as he lays down flowers for his parents at Crime Alley. Another cutscene is the Joker asserting control over the other gangs in Gotham, murdering one who refuses to play ball. As such, we just cut to a press conference of one of those crime bosses assuming control over Grissom's business interests, claiming that Grissom asked him to before he "took a long vacation".
NC (v/o): The Joker is there, too, and confirms the story.
Joker: It's true. He raised his dead hand and signed the paper in his own blood.
NC: (as Joker) His own pink blood.
Linkara (v/o): He kills the criminal with a feather to the neck, his goons dressed up like mimes and shooting into the crowd. Bruce says, "It's him," though the comic doesn't explain if he's referring to the Joker being Napier, or being his parents' killer. In any event, later, a press conference for the mayor ends up being about Batman, which pisses the Joker off something fierce.
Joker: Bat man! BATMAN! Can somebody please tell me what kind of a world we live in-- where a man dressed up like a BAT gets my air time!?
Linkara: The irritated cry of every other DC hero.
NC (v/o): In the comic version, instead of the Joker having henchman Bob follow Knox around to see if he knows anything about Batman and thus catching a photo of Vicki Vale, possibly the only real contributing aspect of the story, the Joker just sees Vicki on the TV being interviewed for what happened in the street and falls for her that way.
Linkara (v/o): Another changed aspect was Grissom's wife. In the movie, she was tortured by the Joker in the name of his "art" until she was eventually driven to suicide. And in this version, the Joker just writes her off as going out the window? Was it suicide? Did he throw her out? Eh, who the hell knows; she's gone from the story now.
NC (v/o): The first part of the Joker's plan is revealed as a news report airs about mysterious deaths while laughing, when even one of the news anchors starts laughing and falls over dead. The broadcast is interrupted by the Joker, revealing some sort of product responsible for this.
Joker: (on TV) Where can you buy these fine new items? Well, that's the deal, folks. Chances are... you've bought 'em already.
Linkara: (as Joker) You're not fully dead until you're zestfully dead!
NC: Herbal essences! Yes, yes, I'm dying, YES!
Linkara (v/o): Vicki goes to a museum to meet Bruce for dinner, only when Bruce gets a message she'll be late, he realizes he never made any date. She receives a present: a gas mask with a note on it: "Dear V. Vale, Put this on right now!"
Linkara: (pretending to read something) "Place under your lapel"?
NC (v/o): The entire room is gassed, leaving only Vicki alive. We are sadly spared the montage of the Joker entering and playing a Prince song while defacing a bunch of art. The Nicholson version of the Joker is all about being an artist, which... is a bit odd. Not in the interpretation of the character, but rather that it seems to come out of nowhere, since it's not like Jack Napier was interested in art at all before he became the Joker. Still, as he tells it to Vicki, he's "the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist."
NC: Which, admittedly, makes him harder to work with when it comes to honest criticism.
Linkara (v/o): Vicki asks him what he wants.
Joker: My face on the one-dollar bill.
Linkara (v/o): In the movie, this is just a bit of an odd aside, but in the comic, this is foreshadowing.
NC (v/o): Batman comes down and grabs Vicki, swinging her away from the Joker with a grappling gun.
Joker: Those toys. Where does he get those wonderful toys?
Linkara: So I was gonna make a joke about this being part of a toy commercial, but I actually looked up the toy commercials at the time. None of them use that line. The closest we get is a kid saying, "Where does he get those weapons?" It's like... No! (he and NC shake their heads)
NC (v/o): They head out to the front of the museum and get into the Batmobile, and... the Joker's goons don't follow him. Miss out on the entire fight scene between Batman and the goons! What the hell?! In this, we don't even get to hear Bob the Henchman tell the others to "check his wallet"!
Vicki: This is a kidnapping.
Batman: Looks like it.
Linkara: Looks more like he rescued you from the homicidal maniac, but whatever.
Linkara (v/o): Less defensible is that he brings her to the Batcave, except that he does so for no real reason this time. In the movie, it's because she took photos of him, and he's trying to maintain the idea of being an urban legend and have no real proof of his existence.
NC (v/o): So... yeah, in this case, it's a kidnapping. Anyway, he explains what products the Joker is using to poison people and which combinations of products will kill you. He wants her to give that info to the press.
Vicki: Why did you bring me here? You could have sent that* information--
- NOTE: Vicki actually says "this", not "that".
Batman: You're right. I could have. There is something else.
NC (v/o): And... he grabs her! Bad touch, Batman! BAD TOUCH!!
Linkara (v/o): And then he gasses her!
Batman: I'm sorry. I was wrong to bring you here.
(Linkara and NC are seen wearing Batman masks)
Linkara: (as Batmam) Look, sorry, I'm no good with women. I just wanted to try to impress you with all my cool stuff.
NC: Can I get the nicer Batman mask?
Linkara: (still as Batman) No.
Linkara (v/o): After the press announces what products are safe and which to avoid, Bruce goes to see Vicki, who's pissed at him because they haven't spoken in a while. We've skipped the part where Alfred encourages Bruce to tell Vicki the truth, so now he's just showing up out of the blue to tell her he's Batman. However, before he can get around to admitting that, the Joker shows up. I think he's popular today.
NC (v/o): Bruce tries to goad the Joker into a direct physical fight, but the villain says something to him...
Joker: You ever dance with the Devil by the pale moonlight?
Linkara: And with that, Bruce and the Joker bond over their favorite Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode.
NC (v/o): He shoots Bruce and leaves... evidently satisfied with whatever he came there to do... Vicki runs back to see if Bruce is okay, but he's gone, having stopped the bullet by slipping a metal tray under his shirt.
NC: Although, it wasn't to protect himself; Bruce is just a kleptomaniac.
Linkara (v/o): Vicki and Knox look up the info on Bruce's parents being killed, and she starts putting things together about him. Speaking of the dead parents, Bruce looks back at the file he has about it and flashes back to it: the two robbers who came up to them, one in particular grabbing his mother's pearls.
NC (v/o): Mother Wayne looks weirdly disinterested when her pearls are taken.
(Cut to a clip of The Simpsons)
Homer: (to Marge) Oh, you probably got a whole drawer full of them.
Marge: (opening a drawer) Well, yes, I do.
(Back to the comic)
NC (v/o): The two parents are shot, with the shooter, a younger Jack Napier, asking the question to him...
Jack: You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
Linkara: Jack Napier, huge King Harvest fan. (NC gives a sign of the horns)
NC (v/o): The flashback is interrupted by Vicki arriving in the cave, Alfred having let her in.
Vicki: Is this what you were going to tell me at my apartment when the Joker came? You're him, aren't you? The Batman.
NC: Asking him in the BATCAVE if he's BATMAN is a special kind of stupid!
Linkara: Hang on now, it could still be Alfred.
(Cut to a clip of Batman: The Animated Series)
Alfred: Yes, I admit it. I am Batman.
(Back to the comic again)
Vicki: I've loved you every night since I met you-- but I don't know if I can love you dead.
NC: So... you're at least open to it?
Bruce: I can't help you with that. I wear a cape. You take pictures. It's not a perfect world.
Linkara: Caped people are not allowed to date photographers.
NC: As star-crossed as Jedi and senators.
Linkara (v/o): With Vicki saying she's just wanting to know if they're going to try to love each other, Bruce has no answer other than he has to go deal with the Joker. As such, he suits up and heads to Axis Chemicals, blowing the whole place up, and killing a lot of people with a "FWA-KWOMB".
NC (v/o): First time I've ever seen an explosion go "FWA-KWOMB". However, the Joker wasn't at the plant, flying overhead in a helicopter. He calls down to Batman...
Joker: The place where my life as the Joker started! But you're down there and I'm up here.
(Cut to a clip of Pokemon)
Gary Oak: (to Ash) I'm up here and you're down there!
(Back to the comic)
Joker: I'm going to the Gotham Bicentennial Festival. You really ought to show up.
NC (v/o): Since they haven't really established anything about Gotham's Bicentennial celebration, or how the Joker hijacked it because it was so in debt, this comes right the hell out of nowhere in the story.
Linkara (v/o): The Joker leads a bunch of parade floats through the streets.
Policeman: Man, we aren't equipped to handle this!
NC (v/o): The cops aren't prepared to handle balloons? No wonder why Gotham is so crime-ridden.
NC: I mean, how can you not handle balloons??
(Suddenly, they hear a clattering sound and look offscreen. To a suspenseful sting, a balloon leans in through the door, with huge eyeballs on it, and stares at them. Linkara and NC stare back nervously, before the balloon leans away again)
Linkara: (very much spooked) Is that stock footage gonna kill us?
NC: (equally spooked, very softly) I don't know...!
Linkara (v/o): The Joker releases money into the streets, but as foreshadowed, they're all dollar bills with his face on them. The balloons are filled with a gaseous form of his poison, and he's using the money to distract people while he murders them all.
NC (v/o): Fortunately, Batman flies in to steal the balloons, much to the Joker's anger. Something about the way he's waving his fist just cracks me up. I just want him to start yelling about "THEM DUKE BOYS!"
Linkara (v/o): They also cut down the joke with him shooting Bob the Henchman, so that he just randomly shoots him in the middle of his rant. The Batplane swings back around, but Joker pulls out a gun with a massive barrel.
(Cut to a clip of Johnny Dangerously)
Gangster: (holding up a gun) It's an 88 Magnum.
(Back to the comic)
NC (v/o): The gun shoots down the plane.
Batman: Explosive shell. I'm hit! I'm going down!
NC: (as Batman) Alfred, if you don't see me again, look for me in Italy!
NC (v/o): Vicki, having entered the area with Knox, who has now completely vanished from the story, goes over to the plane wreck to find Batman, but the Joker gets to her first. He summons his helicopter to come pick him up at the top of Gotham City Cathedral.
Linkara (v/o): Despite the massive flaming wreck, Bats is really no worse for wear and climbs out. Yeah, just walk off that fiery plane crash. Well, I tell a lie; he stumbles a bit, but still manages to get his second wind as he chases after Vicki and the Joker. It's a huge one, too! And no elevator!
(Cut to a clip of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, with Seto Kaiba standing before a LONG flight of stairs)
Seto: Oh, my God, so many stairs! I'd like to find whoever invented the stairs and push him down these stairs, just to show him how stupid stairs are!
(Back to the comic again)
NC (v/o): Once at the top, the Joker uses some acid to force the cathedral's bell to drop. It crashes through the stairs beneath Batman, keeping the police from climbing after them. Man, Quasimodo's gonna be pissed.
Linkara (v/o): Batman reaches the top and deals with the Joker's remaining goons, letting it end with him and the Joker. He repeats the Joker's line about dancing with the devil, but in the comic, punches him before finishing.
(Cut to a clip of the Joker in The Dark Knight)
Joker: Never start with the head; the victim gets fuzzy.
(Back again to the comic)
NC (v/o): After the two exclaim they MADE the other, the Joker puts on a pair of glasses.
Joker: You wouldn't hit a man with glasses, would you?
Linkara: Why not? (gestures toward NC) He and I hit each other all the time.
Linkara (v/o): The Joker pulls both Batman and Vicki over the edge of the roof, the two just barely managing to hold on. His helicopter arrives as the two manage to pull themselves up to a parapet. However, Batman's not through with the Joker.
Vicki: (seeing a boomerang-like weapon in Batman's hand) What's that?
Batman: I suppose the media would label it a Batarang.
Linkara: (he and NC exchange confused looks) Yeah, because... that's what it's called.
NC: (shaking his head) Why did you think they would call it that? Have they been nicknaming everything else you have up to this point?
NC (v/o): He snags the Batarang around the Joker's leg and attaches the end of it to a stone gargoyle, which gets pulled off the roof with him, along with crumbling the roof under Vicki and Batman. The added weight makes the Joker fall to his death, and... yeah, to their credit, the artwork of them falling is pretty good. Batman and Vicki swing into the Cathedral as the police examine the Joker's body, which still seems to be laughing. They find a box on him that is causing the laughter.
NC: I knew it, the Joker was a phony the whole time. (points to camera) He never laughed for himself!
Linkara (v/o): They also somehow find... Batman's body, too? But no, it's just a deleted scene from the movie where Knox is wrapped up in the cape and cowl... for some reason. How did Bruce find Knox? How did he even get down there without anyone noticing to grab the body and then strip off said cape and cowl? Why is he leaving the cape and cowl with them since it can be examined for evidence of who he is? This is compounded by a shot of Bruce half-dressed running away. Sure, the scene was rightfully deleted from the movie, but it makes one question: why was it ever made to begin with?
NC (v/o): Soon enough, Gordon has to announce to the world that, indeed, Knox isn't Batman! Man, this is gonna feed conspiracy theorists for YEARS! Gordon also got a letter from Batman, announcing that he'd be there for Gotham if they ever need him. And, how do they call him? With the Bat-Signal, of course! Except, it's projected on a building instead of the clouds, so the people in that tower are probably a little pissed off.
Linkara (v/o): Vicki starts walking away from Knox.
Knox: Vicki! Aren't you covering this press conference?
Vicki: No, I'm going to disappear for a while.
Linkara: (as Vicki) They wrote me out of the second movie, so yeah, you're not gonna see me for a while. (NC shakes his head)
Linkara (v/o): And so our comic ends with Alfred letting Vicki into Bruce's car, telling her that Bruce might be a bit late.
NC (v/o): In the movie, she said she wasn't surprised, but here, she looks... kinda pissed while she says it. (imitates Vicki) I'm not surprised. That bum-ass jerk is never on time. Yeah, that's right, tell the media it's a Batarang, you jackass!
Linkara (v/o): And of course, there's Batman swinging off for our final page.
NC (v/o): Where's he flying to? Does he actually think there's an emergency?
NC: And that was "Batman: The Official Movie Adaptation"!
Linkara: (holding up comic – offscreen) This comic is– (holds comic up in front of NC's face) This comic is... okay, (pulls comic away from NC, whose eyes roll up in annoyance) but it suffers from the same problems a lot of movie-to-comic adaptations do. (he and NC shrug)
Linkara (v/o): It is, for the most part, perfectly serviceable. The artwork is pretty solid by comic legend Jerry Ordway, that captures all the actors' likenesses perfectly. But, of course, like most other adaptations, it cuts out things that are kind of important. It doesn't ruin the whole story, but it creates larger plot holes by their absence. As it is, it manages to get the whole story out in the equivalent of three issues, but it feels like this one is one where a few extra pages would have helped fix some of the issues.
NC (v/o): As someone who doesn't really read comics or review them regularly, this seemed... okay. Still, in the end, just stick to the movie. It's a bit goofy, it's a bit dated, but it's got the right atmosphere for a Batman movie, and the acting is great, knowing when to be over the top at the right times, and when to be subdued.
Linkara: Next time, we start three Patreon-sponsored reviews – of comics, no less. (he and NC both nod) First up, the first two issues of "Ultimate Iron Man, Volume 1".
NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic; I remember it so you don't have to!
Linkara: I'm Linkara! (beat) I don't have an end-of-episode catchphrase. (another beat) Credits now.
What WAS the deal with the laugh box at the end? Just random weirdness from the Joker?
Honestly, most of the clips of the Joker in the movie would work as a stinger, but I was daddened by how this bit was handled in the comic, so enjoy!
(Stinger: a clip of Batman, with the Joker and his goons)
Joker: Bob? Gun.
(Bob hands the Joker his gun, after which he shoots him dead)