Batman: Fortunate Son
August 18, 2009
Batman faces his most menacing adversary yet. Rock and Roll! Bogus!
Linkara: (sitting on his Futon) Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. When you think of great Batman villains, who do you think of?
(A montage of images of Batman villains pop up, including... Aerosmith?)
Linkara (v/o): The Joker, Two-Face, Mr. Freeze, the Riddler, rock 'n' roll, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, the Ventriloquist... wait, wait, rock 'n' roll?
Linkara: Yeah, believe it or not, Batman has taken on the evils of rock 'n' roll. And no, I'm not talking about the Silver Age here. Today's subject came out in 1999 of all years. Intrigued yet? Hopefully you are because we're digging in to "Batman: Fortunate Son".
(Opening title with theme, followed by title card, with the opening to "So What?" by P!nk playing)
Linkara (v/o): This is going to be a longer episode because this is actually a one-shot 90-page graphic novel, kind of like "Superman At Earth's End", only that was much shorter. The cover is of Batman and Robin, Dick Grayson for those wondering which one, standing on top of what appears to be a Broadway Theater.
Linkara: What, are they there to break up the Ninja Turtles as an excursion into being a rock band?
(Clip from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Our Shells, All four turtles are playing "Count on Us" on the balcony to Radio City Musical Hall)
Linkara (v/o): We open to some long-haired guy plucking a guitar and smoking. Inside of the smoke is apparently somebody's review of the music of a guy named Izaak Crowe.
Linkara: Try new review cigarettes, a review with every puff.
(He inhales on a cigarette and blows some smoke. The text inside the smoke reads "This comic sucks." and blows away)
Linkara (v/o): This is our rock star, Izaak Crowe. Now, I'm tempted to do a "Because Poor Literacy is Kewl" joke here, but doing a Google Search does bring up some people who have Izaak spelled with a "Z" and a "K". But I got to tell you, I've never met anyone named Izaak who had it spelled like that. We see this weird montage of Crowe as he goes through his life playing a guitar and apparently his manager or something feeding him various lines. It goes from him playing to being the "savior of music" until they start telling him he just needs to do hit songs and he'll need a new image.
Manager: And that means a look, 'cause music is a visual medium.
Linkara: Yeah, because you hear music with your eyes. That makes perfect sense.
Linkara (v/o): Suddenly, we cut to him and his girlfriend in their home. He proclaims...
Crowe: It's dead! They killed it! They stuck it in a can and killed it!
Linkara: (as Crowe) Mountain Dew Classic, man! Why do we have to have different flavors?
Linkara (v/o): So he locks himself in his room with the intent to kill himself. The girlfriend suspects that he's on drugs, mostly because he's babbling like a madman.
Crowe: And they killed me with it!
Linkara: Actually, I'd say you're the one about to do yourself in, what with you holding the revolver to your head and all.
Linkara (v/o): But then suddenly, a blond Elvis appears! Yyyyyeah, they don't call him Elvis, but he's clearly a stand-in for him. Instead of referring to him as "The King", they call him "The God".
Crowe: No. N-No way. You're You're You're--
The God: Just a truck driver, fella. Uh-huh-huh.
Linkara: Oh, so that's what happened to US-1.
Crowe: B-But if it's you... why did you come to me? Why me?
Linkara (v/o): Because you're on DRUGS, you idiot! Hell, just a panel ago, you said, "No, it's the stuff! You're a hallucination!"
Linkara: Lots of people see things when they're on drugs! When I'm on drugs, I see Bea Arthur! (beat) You should probably forget I said that.
Linkara (v/o): Crowe starts babbling about he was supposed to "save it all" and trying to interpret what Not Elvis is saying.
Crowe: Do you want me to keep going? What do you want from me?
The God: Mama always told me always told me Ah was the special one. "The last shall be first," that's what they say in the prayer meetin's. Ah was the last... and Ah shall be the first, uh-huh! Mah twin brother died when I was born. An' sometimes it takes the death of one to pass a blessin' on to the other.
Crowe: A-A-Are you talking about your death? Passing something onto me?!
Linkara: (as The God) Nah, man, I'm sayin' I'm a drug-induced hallucination. Nothin' I say means anything. I need scissors 61, uh-huh-huh!
Linkara (v/o): His girlfriend suddenly kicks through the door with a...
Crowe's Girlfriend: HYAAH!
Linkara: New Rock Star Girlfriend with Kung-Fu Grip!
Linkara (v/o): The vision disappears, and Crowe interprets Yellowness' words to mean he should destroy the symbol of what he is in the eyes of his record producers. So we cut to the TV station where they're broadcasting his new music video. A bunch of music types in Post Zero clothing all critique the video based on lighting or the jacket. I'm not exactly sure why they're picking this moment to start talking about it, but whatever. One guy says...
Music Type #1: He still plays the strongest guitar I ever heard.
Linkara (v/o): But another guy randomly yells back...
Music Type #2: Yeah. So WHAT?!
Linkara: (lip-synching to P!nk's "So What?") So what? I'm still a rock star!
Linkara (v/o): Mr. Crowe suddenly bursts through the doors, carrying both a gun and a grenade! Where the hell did he get a grenade?! And why didn't security try to stop him?! Because we see he was on the top floor! And he blows up the studio, too! How he survives this is anyone's guess. Anyway, in the Batcave, Robin is listening to Crowe's music. Batman switches it off, saying it's not allowed in the cave.
Robin: You just don't like Izaak Crowe, that's all! You think he's a criminal, so he's a "bad influence"! Izaak couldn't have blown up that cable company! Why would he?
Linkara (v/o): Kid, this was made in 1999. Surely, a television station would have security cameras that showed the guy waving a gun and a freaking grenade around! Robin proceeds to list off all the evidence against Crowe, dismissing it out of hand as either a coincidence or something a psycho fan could do. (he zeroes in on one panel in particular, showing Robin with a rather ugly, snarling face) He proclaims that he's not a– GAH!!
Linkara: (looking at comic) Robin! What the hell did they do to your face?! Batman, what's going on?!
(He sees a panel of Batman whose bat ears are much longer than usual)
Linkara (v/o): (laughs uproariously)
(Linkara laughs as he holds the comic in his hands)
Linkara: Oh, my god! Thanks, Bruce. I needed that! (laughs some more)
Linkara (v/o): I mean, wow! Gene Ha is actually a pretty good artist, but man, the art on these two is terrible! Robin looks like he's fifty and always contorting his face, and Batman's just a joke. The ears are so huge! You're not gonna strike fear in the hearts of criminals with those things! He reminds me of a bunny rabbit or something. I guess he was going for a more realistic look, but just comes off as silly.
(Linkara is seen wearing a mask like Batman's, but whose ears are decidedly huge and floppy)
Linkara: I mean, it looks about as convincing as this!
Linkara (v/o): The two go off to meet Crowe's manager, a man named Roy Lazarus, in the hopes of finding the truth. Robin immediately goes off on the guy, yelling that the guy's spreading rumors about Crowe to try to boost CD sales.
Lazarus: Ah, yes. In the cliche rock-n-roll tales, it's always the evil manager exploiting the innocent artist. Well, I didn't enter this insane business in order to exploit the people I admire.
Linkara: Yeah... spoilers: he's actually the evil mastermind behind this. Go figure.
Linkara (v/o): The manager gets a call from Crowe's kung-fu girlfriend that Crowe has had another freakout and is now driving around, once again talking to a hallucination of... The God.
The God: Yes, sir. It surely is hard to handle bein' a star.
Crowe: But what do I do?!
The God: Want to get a cheeseburger? Uh-huh-huh.
Linkara: (as Crowe) So you're saying I should blow up a McDonald's? Of course!
Linkara (v/o): So Batman and Robin race into the car to trace the signal, and Robin's still being a complete twit.
Robin: Nobody got hurt anyway! Is it such a huge crime to knock some cheesy videos off the air?
Linkara: (stunned briefly) YES!! IT IS TOTALLY A CRIME TO TOSS A GRENADE INTO A ROOM AND BLOW IT UP! DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY, RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT, DESTROYING THEIR ABILITY TO BROADCAST VIDEOS; I.E., AN INFRINGEMENT OF FREE SPEECH! THAT IS TOTALLY A CRIME, ROBIN!! ARE YOU AS HIGH AS CROWE?!?
Linkara (v/o): Robin asks Batman if he ever listened to rock 'n' roll as a kid. We get a brief flashback to his father turning off the radio.
Thomas Wayne: We don't listen to that sort of music in this house. Now, you'd better get ready, if you don't want to miss...
(We then return to Batman)
Batman: ...that Zorro movie.
Linkara: (appalled) Really? You're really going to pull the "on the same day my parents died" card? (shakes head) This is a dumb comic.
Linkara (v/o): Oh, and during this little scene, we keep coming back to Crazy Crowe and Elvis the illusion. He says Not Elvis actually came from something "real", because he grew up from a shack.
Crowe: I grew up on a mock-colonial tract! My parents work for the entertainment industry! My manager went to Oxford--and he's trying to keep me off drugs!
Linkara: (complete sarcasm) Oh, no! It's so terrible that I grew up in an economically-stable environment, instead of impoverished and hungry and on drugs! (gives an exaggerated sad expression)
Linkara (v/o): Okay, this guy's dialog is so moronic, I have to switch to Superboy-Prime's voice to convey it properly.
Crowe: (Superboy-Prime's voice) I want to be real! Do you know what kind of life people live out here? A laid-off, leased-out, minimum-wage, no-health, smoke-a-pack, drink-a-six,* sick-of-the-tube, replaced-by-a-chain, bored-with-the-fear life!
- NOTE: Linkara failed to mentioned this, but Crowe also says "load-a-gun".
Linkara: (frustrated) THEN FREAKING QUIT! IF YOU WANT THAT LIFE SO MUCH, EITHER WAIT OUT FOR YOUR CONTRACT TO EXPIRE, OR JUST STOP ALTOGETHER!!
Linkara (v/o): Robin tries to continue to convince Batman of the glories of rock 'n' roll, particularly punk.
Robin: I mean, wasn't there a lot of great punk coming out when you were a--
(Linkara looks surprised by what he's reading)
Batman: "Punk" is nothing but death...and crime...and the rage of a beast.
Linkara: (laughs uproariously, then struggles for breath) Okay, we gotta hear that again!
Batman: "Punk" is nothing but death...and crime...and the rage of a beast.
Linkara: I mean, how do we even get away with writing like that? Just wow!
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, Crowe arrives in a town and happens upon a group of teenagers who are admirers of his.
Teenager #1: What you did, man, that was so insanely cool!
Linkara (v/o): Yes, risking people's lives because you're an asshole is cool. No wonder I don't connect to the young people today.
Teenager #2: We hate videos too, man! That ain't music!
Linkara: (as Teenager #2) Yeah, even though they have the music playing them and usually require a lot more work and artistic expression, they ain't music! Suck it, "Smooth Criminal"!
Linkara (v/o): They tell him that a local music store refuses to carry his new album because of his criminal status.
Linkara: (holds up his fist in the air) DAMN YOU, FREE MARKET!
Linkara (v/o): Crowe proclaims...
Crowe: Tell 'em there'll be no peace in this valley 'til they do!
Linkara (v/o): Weren't you just two seconds ago whining about how you wanted a normal life? At the mall where this music store is, we suddenly have a bizarre scene of people talking about Crowe. One wishes he could get away with blowing up stuff like that; another wants the news to talk about people "losing their lifestyle", whatever that means in this case; and another is a security guard who comes off as your stereotypical old man.
Security Guard: Whatever's bad in the cities they send out here, with all their violent music and movies.
Linkara: (as Security Guard) Ah, kids today with their iPods, and their M&M's, and their hula hoops, and their YouTubes, and their pierced I-don't-know-whats, and their Fallout 3s, and their...
Linkara (v/o): Crowe shows up at the mall and demands...
Crowe: You're going to order my new album. And you're going to give it to these kids--free!
Linkara (v/o): Humph. Well, now, we get to part of the truth of the matter, don't we? Purportedly, this whole thing is happening because Crowe thinks he's "sold out". So, what exactly constitutes selling out to these people? Is it that they actually make money on their work?
Linkara: Because if that is the case, then I have to tell both them and anyone who believes in that: YOU ARE A FREAKING IDIOT!!
(Cut to a black screen with the words "Real Life 101" displayed on it, then return to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): In real life, money makes the world go 'round. It's all well and good to be talking about how something should about "the art" of it and not about the money, but in the real world, YOU NEED MONEY. That nice little guitar of his that Mr. Crowe uses to strum out his art and all that? Yeah, you need to keep that thing in good shape, you need to clean it, you need to replace broken strings, you need food so that the muscles in your arms don't atrophy and you're incapable of lifting a guitar. That being said, of course I'm not saying one should only be about the money, but what exactly is preventing Crowe from earning money and making artistically revolutionizing music? I hate to agree with a villain, but the Joker is right.
(Clip from The Dark Knight)
Joker (Heath Ledger): If you're good at something, never do it for free.
Linkara: Take artists like Michelangelo or Leonardo DaVinci. They tended to get PAID for their work. You need money to survive in the real world.
Linkara (v/o): But in this comic, they're not living in the real world. They're living in a fool's paradise where they feel the need to rebel against their privileged environments because of "The Man" or some other bullcrap. But I'm sure you're all sick of this rant by now, so let me just end it with one more logical note: If the good Mr. Crowe is sooo incapable of simply making music and making money, why doesn't he just donate the proceeds to charitable foundations? I hate to break it to you, Guitar Hero, but there are people out there who'd trade every bit of music ever made if only they could have something to eat for a day. So you'll forgive me if I'm not feeling sympathy for your drug-addled hallucinogenic road trip.
Linkara: And the worst part, we're still not even halfway through this thing.
Linkara (v/o): So a riot erupts, and Crowe even gets shot in the arm. Batman and Robin show up, with Robin trying to get Crowe away to clear him of the charges, since he's a total idiot in this. However, Kung-Fu Girlfriend shows up and actually manages to beat up Robin! Even Batman is taken aback by this, believing that Robin let Crowe get away, despite his protests to the contrary. Crowe and his girlfriend speed away, with Crowe once again reverting to his cuckoo-for-Cocoa-Puffs persona. They stop at a drive-in theater showing some of Not Elvis' movies, and when Kung-Fu Girlfriend walks away, it's revealed that she's in on this dastardly plot!
(To a dramatic sting, Linkara opens his mouth in shock)
Linkara (v/o): So Crowe, brain trust that he is, downs a bunch of pills and alcohol at once. Geeze, who is this guy?! He survives a grenade, a gunshot wound, and now pills and whiskey at once?! He should be dead several times over by now! We get a quick scene where some guy finally decides to shoot his TV after we learn that he's working multiple jobs, has a wife and baby, and is basically unsatisfied with his life.
Linkara: Um... deep?
Linkara (v/o): Ugh! To compound our irritation, we cut to Roy Lazarus giving a press conference at a rock 'n' roll museum that has a special display for Not Elvis. He goes on and on about rock 'n' roll origins and... blah, blah, blah. Thankfully, Batman and Robin arrive so that we can actually have a point to this. Batman says that he's starting to agree with Robin that Crowe's not responsible for this whole mess, even though we just saw him a few pages ago INCITING A FRICKING RIOT!! Oh, but this is where things get really stupid, and that's saying something. Batman tells Lazarus that he lacks enough knowledge of rock 'n' roll music to understand Crowe's mission, so he's going to go "study up" on rock 'n' roll! Even Robin thinks this plan is idiotic!
Robin: You're not gonna "get" rock just by holing up with some CD's and microfilm for a couple of hours!*
- ANOTHER NOTE: In the comic, Robin doesn't say "hours", he only says "a couple of--", so he is cut off.
Linkara (v/o): Believe it or not, though, that is exactly what he does, and only after a few hours of study, suddenly Batman is the greatest musical expert on Earth!
Linkara: We were already straining credibility here, but this is just pushing it way past the goofy meter!
Linkara (v/o): First of all, HE'S FREAKING BATMAN!!! The man is a detective with an incredible mind and capacity for knowledge! He primes himself to be the best at everything, and that includes studying the criminal mind in every way he can to try to anticipate what they'll do. Even if we were to accept this ludicrous premise that Batman thinks rock 'n' roll is inherently evil, that just means he should already know about all of this! He would've studied up the history of rock, all its purveyors and singers and performers, because he would want to know everything he could to combat it. Secondly, COME ON! He learns all there is to know in just a few hours?!
Linkara: You could study music all your life and still never get close to any "true meaning" of a genre of a music, and just studying its history isn't going to do that!
Linkara (v/o): Meanwhile, more people are listening to the cry of Crowe to rebel and hit the road and somehow find him playing his guitar on some rocks. How did they know where he was? Why are they such idiots? I don't know and I frankly don't care. Back to Batman's study of rock n' roll...
Batman: Pigs-- from a gun!
Linkara: WHAT THE FUNK AND WAGNALL DOES THAT MEAN?!!
Linkara (v/o): Oh, from "I Am the Walrus"? Why is he randomly quoting... oh, screw it! While we're recovering from that bit of "what the hell", let's talk for a second about why a comic like this is set to fail from the start. Despite what this book said earlier, music is NOT a visual medium, unless it's a music video. Comic books, on the other hand, are a visual medium, words and images combined together to create a story. What comic books are not is an auditory medium. Oh, sure, there are times when I heard a triumphant song in my head when something badass was happening in a comic, but that's not the same thing as actual sound. We need sound effect words to substitute for that. But this and other comics that feature music try to get around that by just having the lyrics. Well, that's not the same thing!! People in this book keep talking about what a great musician Crowe is, how his music is sooo brilliant and new, but, you know what, if I can't hear it, I'm not buying it. All I can see are the lyrics, and they're not really all that impressive.
Linkara: Bottom line, unless you include a freaking CD with songs by this guy along with it, it's just a bunch of nonsense poems to me.
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, they figure based on the movements of the crowd that they and Crowe are headed for the original home of Not Elvis. We cut to said home where the assembled dumbasses decide to break in and claim the body of Not Elvis, who's sealed up in a glass case like he was freaking Lenin for crying out loud.
Crowe: In Europe, the relics of saints are on display to all worshippers--free!
Linkara: Yeah, and how are those high tax rates in Europe going, hmm?
Linkara (v/o): So another riot breaks out and Batman and Robin leap in to try to stop people from shooting each other. However, someone does shoot a police officer and one of the rioters, but it wasn't from either side. Crowe does yell out, though...
Crowe: I DIDN'T DO IT!!!
Linkara: Yeah, all you did was trash a museum while yelling "Free, free!" over and over. Speaking of, yeah, it'd be nice if such things were free, but how the hell do you think they pay for simple stuff like, oh, I don't know, standard maintenance and upkeep of those freaking relics?!
Linkara (v/o): Because, really, are we meant to sympathize with anyone here? We won't sympathize with Batman, and I'll show you why in a minute. We don't sympathize with Robin because he's being a naive idiot. And we don't sympathize with Crowe, who just spews out pseudo-philosophical ramblings while causing massive destruction and harm to people. But there's still a lot more comic to go, so let's get back to it. Batman leaps down.
Batman: Twist and shout, Mr. Crowe.
(Cut to Linkara dancing to "Twist and Shout" by the Beatles)
Linkara: Yeah, I'm just going to dance for a bit to help me forget about this whole thing.
Linkara (v/o): So Kung-Fu Girlfriend shows up again, and we learn that a lot of the thugs in the crowd are actually trained fighters, meaning that they were planted there. Somehow, during the chaos, Crowe manages to escape, and Robin says that the trained thugs proved that Crowe is being framed... except for all the stuff that we clearly saw him doing!
Batman: Does it matter whether others are manipulating his insanity...or his insanity is manipulating others?
Robin: He's not insane! He's telling the truth!
Linkara: (incredulously) What truth?! That people shouldn't be allowed to earn money? That if you disagree with someone, it's okay to wreck their stuff?!
Batman: Insanity... reverberates in every chord of this music you love...
Linkara: You're an idiot.
Linkara (v/o): So, believe it or not, Batman decides to take a detour from the hunt for the missing fugitive and bring Robin to Arkham Asylum, where, for some reason, we have all of the inmates talking about music at the same time. We also get a flashback to the incident that convinced Batman – or rather, Bat Bunny, if you can believe the art for his ears here – that rock 'n' roll was evil.
Batman: Before I became the Batman, wandering alone and without purpose through a foreign city...
Linkara: (as Batman) You know, in between training to become the greatest vigilante in history...
Batman: ...I heard a scream of rage and anguish--and rushed to stop the crime I thought was being committed. But the scream--and the crime--were music.
Linkara: This is not Footloose, Batman. Rock 'n' roll is not a crime.
Linkara (v/o): So apparently the bass player notices Bruce and grabs onto his arm, which I guess is somehow enough to convince Bruce to spend SEVERAL WEEKS "trapped in his obsession". Obsession with what?! By the time he got out, though, the bass player had already killed his girlfriend.
Linkara: And THAT'S why rock 'n' roll is evil. Because (holds up index finger) one rock player killed one person. That is enough to spook the Dark Knight! GOD, THIS COMIC SUCKS!!
Linkara (v/o): I don't even know where to start! This is moronic on so many levels, made worse by all of Batman's rogues gallery, who all decide to start spontaneously naming their favorite bands, including KISS, ABBA and Black Sabbath. I apologize to all of those musicians for being mentioned in this tripe! Robin runs off, unconvinced and rightfully so, and decides to strike out on his own in search of Crowe. Crowe, meanwhile, picks up some more delusions for his road trip. Yeah, I don't know who any of these people are, and I am giving a request to all commenters: DON'T post about who they are, DON'T speculate, DON'T inform me, I DO NOT CARE. AT ALL! There's so much stupid in this book that it doesn't deserve any such speculation! Anyway, Robin talks to Kung-Fu Girlfriend, and we learn that Lazarus is in on the whole plan. Lazarus talks to some reporters about how Crowe is intent on "tearing down the entertainment industry that corrupted his music".
Linkara: How did they do that exactly? Did they alter his music in post-production or something? I dunno.
Linkara (v/o): Kung-Fu Girlfriend drives with Robin out to Los Angeles to hunt down Crowe. When she explains that she was trying to bring music back to life through him, he asks if loving him was a lie.
Kung-Fu Girlfriend: No. I love Izaak Crowe with a fire that would turn most men* into ashes! But what is he...without the song torching through him?
Robin: A human being!
- STILL ANOTHER NOTE: Kung-Fu Girlfriend actually says "women", not "men".
Linkara (v/o): ...Robin yells back, along with me!
Kung-Fu Girlfriend: They're all human beings. That's the problem. They're not big enough to contain the song--without it burning them up.
Linkara: (irritably) Stop pretending this is poetic! Stop assuming this is deep! "The song"? Let me get it through your head: (points to camera) YOU! ARE! NUTS!!!
Linkara (v/o): Well, actually, we do learn the plan. The plan originally was to "set him free" so he could "lead his people against the packaging of their souls." Ugh! This was made in 1999, folks. This kind of hippie crap was old hat even back in the '80s. However, Kung-Fu Girlfriend has realized that Lazarus had an even bigger plan: to get him killed so his legend could live on forever, or some bullcrap like that. Crowe rides into the edge of L.A., but there are people already waiting there to disrupt things. For some reason, the cops decide to open fire on Crowe when he starts playing his guitar, and Batman goes nuts on a guy who looks like that, quote-unquote, "obsessed" rocker from his past. There's lots of hilariously bad dialog about "the beast", but I am so damn sick and tired of this. So they go to confront Lazarus, who has a bunch of Elvis and Crowe impersonators with him... I don't know, logic went out the window long ago. He rants and rants like some insane Colonel Sanders and then jumps out the window to his death, impaled on a cross.
Linkara: (confused) Um... ironic?
Linkara (v/o): And so our comic ends with Batman turning off the radio in the Batcave, telling Robin that it's Crowe's final and perfect composition: silence.
Linkara: (holds up comic) This comic? IT SUCKS!! Totally and completely! Nowhere amidst their rambling, incoherent musings about the nature of rock 'n' roll do they ever come anywhere close to a real answer! (holds up index finger) Here's one answer from the resident music man himself... (gestures offscreen) Paw.
(Cut to Paw himself, holding a guitar)
Paw: So, what this comic is telling us, is that rock music, and by extension, most types of music are the sole cause of moral degradation in today's youth, as if all it takes to turn your innocent little prince or princess to a drug-addled misfit bent on destruction of anything deemed authoritative is just to let them tune into the local rock stations. It's ridiculous. Rock music is not this demonic force sent in from another plane of existence, existing only to corrupt the innocent minds to create this brainless army of leather-clad hellions, rioting and looting, as awesome as that sounds. Instead, rock music, in its purest form, is simply artistic expression and popularity. Music is penned for the same reason you write poetry or write books or perform in plays or create videos. The fact that this comic portrays rock music in the same way that Reefer Madness portrayed punk either tells me that this comic is written by a 70-year-old Puritan in the '50s or by some moron who has absolutely no concept of what music is or its effect on society.
Linkara: So, let's end this episode not with some faux poetic bullcrap about silence. Let's end it with the real message of rock 'n' roll!
(Gesturing his finger, the rock concert finale from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey plays. We alternate between footage of the concert, as they sing "God Gave Rock 'n' Roll To You II", and Linkara dancing and lipsynching to it excitedly)
(Credits roll, with the rock song still playing)
LONG LIVE ROCK AND ROLL!