November 14, 2017
(The shortened opening)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
(A poster for Hook appears in the corner, followed by a shot of the Rotten Tomatoes site in the center, which shows that critics gave the film a 29% rating, against a 76% rating from audiences)
NC: Everybody loved Hook, except for critics...
(A shot of the Lost Boys from that movie appears in the corner, followed by a negative critique of them from RogerEbert.com in the center)
NC: ...and everybody loved the Lost Boys, except for critics. (the phrase "Seriously, WTF?" appears in the critique) And the one Lost Boy that everybody loved the most, including critics, is Rufio. (in the center, a shot of Rufio looking at Peter Banning (Robin Williams) appears)
(The pictures related to the leader of the Lost Boys, Rufio (Dante Basco) are shown)
NC (vo): Though not a character from the original story Peter Pan, the new leader of the Lost Boys has gained popularity as...well, the cool Lost Boy. Everybody seemed to love this kid, because it seemed like he was the awesome rebel. It was even hinted that with every boy coming from a different time period, Rufio's time period was most likely the 80s, as if he couldn't be more badass already.
NC: With fans still loving the character, Rufio's actor, Dante Basco, shown here in this dignified file footage...
(The clip of Dante dressed as Prince Zuko and shooting fireballs is shown)
Dante: Honor! Honor! Honor!...
NC: ...did a crowdfunding campaign to put together a short based around the character. That short's name is Bangarang.
(The card for the short film Bangarang is shown in the corner. The title of it is shown, before going to its clips)
NC (vo): Finally, we have a backstory to Mr. Skunkhead with too much mousse. And it seems to have the blessing of the person who obviously knows the most about the character, Dante Basco.
NC: Is it worth checking out? Well, let's take a quick look and see. This is my review of Bangarang.
(The film begins with showing the pretty modern-looking playground and the little kids named Roofus, Ella and Julani having fun playing pirates)
NC (vo): Well, seeing how Rufio was said to be an 80s kid, the film starts out...in present day.
NC: Eh, sounds about right. The 80s are everywhere now! (The pictures of media having references to this time period appear, clockwise: Atomic Blonde, GLOW, Kung Fury, It (2017), Thor: Ragnarok and the second season of Stranger Things)
NC (vo): We see our young lead is named Roofus, having a sword fight on a playground, as kids do.
NC: And... (coughs) some adults. (A clip from Suburban Knights is shown, showing the characters fighting on playground)
(A bully named Sid comes up to Roofus, Ella and Julani)
NC (vo): But a bully approaches them.
Ella (Olivia Trujillo): I wish we would stop anger!
Roofus (Sheaden Gabriel): No. Bad form. Negotiate.
NC: (chuckles) Wow! They're, like, medieval times waiting staff committed to this!
NC (vo): Why do I get the feeling you're all gonna be the D&D player nobody likes to play with? As long as you don't mail used condoms to your friends, I'm good.
Sid (Tyler Ross): Roofus! Buddy! The hell are you doin' here? This is a kids' playground.
NC: (as Sid) You're late to your addition for Grease! You're not even wearing your jacket!
(Sid tackles Roofus. We then cut to him in a principal's office)
NC (vo): He gets in a fight with the bully, and he's called to Principal Cameo's office.
Principal (Dante Basco): You play football? Sports?
Roofus: I...believe. (He sits in the principal's chair, putting legs on table) In things.
Principal: Oh, you're a believer? You're a dreamer. What do you dream about?
NC (vo; as Roofus): Like, how the Moon landing was fake. (as the principal) Okay, we need to talk.
Roofus: I can't ever remember.
Principal: Well, how are you supposed to live out your dreams, if you don't remember 'em?
(Roofus stands up and goes to sit next to the principal, but not before doing a few pirouettes)
Principal: You know, I used to be like Sid. I was a bully...
NC: No, no, no, no, no, no! We need to address that twirl!
NC (vo): If he forgets what he believes, well, he believed he was Billy Elliot for a second, and he should be reminded.
Principal: ...Mad at the world because of things I thought I could control. But that one thing's gone from me. And one thing that would keep me up when life is down...
NC: (as the principal) Catching the Avatar. (normal) All right, I know you were all counting down to that joke. (The caption "2:49" appears) Here's the winning timestamp.
Principal: A single memory that I held tight and close to my heart... (takes his Peter Pan book from his table) A happy one. (throws it to Roofus) Here. Homework.
NC (vo; as Roofus): Oh, as a kid who believes in fantasies, I've never heard of this story!
NC: (as Roofus) I don't really pay attention to things unless there's a Disney film about it.
(At Roofus' home, his mother calls him, Ella and Julani to her)
NC (vo): Roofus goes home to meet with his friends, but sadly, they have to be told some bad news.
Mother (Cheryl Tsai): I will be going back to the Philippines for a time. And Roofus will be going to a foster home.
Julani (Keilyn Bryant): Forever?
Mother: No, not forever. Until the family adopts him, or...until I can come back.
Ella: Really? I didn't think anyone wanted to adopt a 13-year-old boy.
NC: That 13-year-old boy is sitting right next to you, sensitivity training!
Mother: As long as you don't get a bunch of tattoos and dye your head red.
NC: (as the mother) Need I remind you of your Uncle Ronald? (A picture of Ronald McDonald pops up)
(We fade to Roofus' room...via a pretty sloppy transition, actually)
NC (vo): She's obviously anxious about leaving Roofus, as represented by a crossfade that was so anxious to start, it forgot to actually fade in, as Roofus tries to escape into his stories of Peter Pan. (The walls in Roofus' room are shown to have a pattern of various sports balls) Boy, for a kid not interested in football or sports, he sure does have a lot of football and sports on his walls...what the hell?
(Roofus's shadow appears on the wall and grows a Mohawk hair)
NC: Goku! (That character from Dragon Ball anime is shown) Use your Super Saiyan power to keep me here!
(The shadow brings out a sword)
NC: Or a...sword. Weird choice. Oh, wait!
NC (vo): You're Sonic from Black Knight!
NC: That's even better! (squints) I think.
(Roofus is still having fun on the playground the next day)
NC (vo): Next day, he's rapping with his friends...literally...
Roofus: (rapping) ???
NC: Eh, that's not bad. But nothing beats Peter Banning when he's off-camera!
(The clip from Mrs. Doubtfire is shown above NC, showing Daniel Hillard (Williams) cleaning the dinosaur figurines and rapping)
Daniel: (rapping) I'm a raptor, doin' what I can...
NC (vo): ...when Julani mentions a certain word.
Julani: (rapping) Imma be a star, definite fan. / So, the word up... (thinks for a second) Bangarang!
Emma: (pushes Julani back lightly) You can't make up words, Julani.
NC: Oh, 609 million views disagree. (A screenshot of the music video "Bangarang" by Skrillex is shown on YouTube, having 609,520,765 viewings as of November 2017)
NC (vo): But the bully comes back to start trouble.
(Roofus climbs on the rails)
Sid: What's he doing?
Roofus: Trying to fly.
Roofus: You heard me. Trying to fly.
Sid: Okay, "trying to fly". I'll tell you what. If you fly for me right now, I'll make sure to leave you and your friends alone. Forever.
NC: (as Sid) On top of that, I'll buy all the kids on this playground...
NC (vo; as Sid): ...shirts with copyrighted images.
NC: (as Sid) There are way too many stripes and solid colors up here!
Sid: But if you fall, I'll make sure your legs aren't the only things that are broken... (His face fades in, shot from a different angle) ...Flyer guy.
(Roofus jumps down, only to have been awakened by Emma and Julani. He was reading his Peter Pan book, lying on the table)
Emma: Roofus, snap out of it!
NC (vo; as Roofus): I had a dream that I was attacked by an 80s school portrait. (A double exposure portrait of a red-haired kid is shown)
NC: (as Roofus) Thank God there were no lasers this time! (A famous picture of Draven Rodriguez holding his cat in a laser background is followed)
Roofus: Okay, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but, when I go to sleep, I start to fly.
NC: (scoffs) That does sound crazy. All I dream about is cabbage rubbing oil on my nipples. Like normal kids!
Emma: Maybe this is your subconscious dealing with the whole foster care thing in our ???
NC: Or he just dreamed he could fly! You're a really weird girl!
(Roofus's mother puts his son to sleep for the last time)
NC (vo): But Roofus can't shake the feeling that he might be meant for greater things.
Roofus: I feel like I'm meant to be somebody. Like, I'm special. It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but it's how I feel.
NC: (as Roofus) I mean, I can totally see myself getting stabbed by a short Jewish pirate. I don't know why, I feel like that's my destiny!
Roofus: What if my dreams don't come true?
Mother: That's your father talking.
NC: (nods) Steven Wright is a pretty lousy parent.
(The next day, Roofus sports a Mohawk hair, with tips painted red, and tries to fly once more)
NC (vo): But he decides he wants to change his look and challenge the bully to a...um, fly-off.
(The second attempt doesn't work, and Roofus falls. Emma and Julani lift him from the ground)
Sid: Aw, that's too bad.
Julani: Come on, get up. Get up.
Emma: You okay?
Sid: I told you you couldn't fly. Now, about you and your little friends here... Go. Bye-bye.
NC: (as Sid, crosses arms) Wait till I tell my friends I made fun of you. Wait, I don't hang around anyone. Why don't you make fun of me?
(Roofus looks in the sky and...starts flying)
NC (vo): But Roofus...Jesuses himself...and achieves the power of flight.
(Sid is shocked, but most of the kids at the playground are surprised/confused/happy)
NC (vo): The kids' reactions are all great, but this one kid in particular cracks me up. (A green arrow points to a girl rubbing her chin, as if thinking)
NC: She's seeing a boy fly, and she has a look that says...
NC (vo; as a girl): I can make money on this. I'll put together five different business plans for this to make me rich.
(The principal walks up and watches Roofus flying with pride)
NC (vo; as the principal): I am silently pissing myself every color known to man right now.
(After Roofus lands, Sid kneels before him in amazement and gives him his jacket)
NC (vo; as Sid): You are the Oh. (normal) Roofus wins the bully's jacket, but Julani wonders how he pulled it off.