Balto II: Wolf Quest
May 8, 2019
(The Channel Awesome logo and the title sequence play)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. We all remember the true story of Balto– (abruptly looks away, snickering and trying not to laugh) I'm sorry, I said "true story" and "Balto" in the same sentence! But to be fair, it is about as authentic as the true story of Bohemian Rhapsody– (looks away, snickering some more)
(Footage of Balto is shown)
NC (vo): While Balto was not a box office darling in the least, lasting only three weekends and making back only a third of its budget, it did find a decent life on television and VHS/DVD. So, it only figured to make a sequel.
(A picture of Balto appears next to NC, moving its mouth and eyes. The character is voiced by Doug)
Balto: A cinematic sequel?
NC: Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is the early 2000s, ("Balto'"s smile goes down) and you know what they do with hand-drawn animated sequels in the early 2000s.
Balto: Straight to DVD?...
NC: Correct! And you know how good those always are, right? ("Balto" starts leaving NC slowly) Right?! (A gunshot is heard, to NC's astonishment) Wow, I've never seen a dog put himself down before.
(The title for Balto II: Wolf Quest is shown, followed by its clips)
NC (vo): Balto II: Wolf Quest...
NC: Again, (nods, smiling) totally a true story...
NC (vo): ...is the follow-up to Balto made a mere seven years later, released once again by Universal. As is usual, with straight-to-DVD releases, the animation isn't as good as the original, but where Balto II lacks in its visual elements, it... really lacks in its storytelling elements. Which, okay, is kinda to be expected of these DVD releases, but does it in any way hold a candle to its imperfect, yet still entertaining predecessor?
NC: (as a poster for Balto III: Wings of Change appears) Well, they made a third one, so... (throws arms out, grinning) Who cares?! Money! (To a cash register sound effect, the Photoshopped dollar bills start falling down) This is Balto II.
(The title "Wolf Quest" is shown in a cloudy sky, made with ice)
NC (vo): From the font, I'm already expecting to see (The end shot of the intro for Wolf's Rain is shown) four canines chase after a flower...
NC: ...That concept's surprisingly more interesting that it sounds.
(The film opens with the main character, Balto, chasing a crow on a thin ice that is breaking as he runs. Balto encounters a pack of wolves with glowing eyes)
NC (vo): We see Balto literally on thin ice, as he follows a bird to a giant ice wall. The ice breaks, though, as he sees other wolves in the distance.
(During this scene, the background score by Adam Berry is the inuit chanting followed by a crow's cawing. This is repeated again)
NC: What is this, the score by Al Pacino from Scent of a Woman?
(The scene is replayed, but the crow's cawing is replaced by clips of Frank Slade (Pacino) from 1992's Scent of a Woman saying "Hoo-ah!". It is revealed that this was a dream Balto was seeing, and he's awakened by Boris splashing water on him)
Boris: You were having dream again.
NC (vo): It turns out it's just a dream, as Boris played this time by Charles Fleischer instead of Bob Hoskins...
NC (vo): ...wakes up Balto, played this time by Maurice LaMarche instead of Kevin Bacon. (scoffs) Yeah. Like he's known for doing impressions at all.
Balto: It's just a dream.
Boris: (gets closer to Balto) I'm telling you, boychik, if you keep having same dream again and again, it means something!
NC: (as Boris) For instance, I have dream Aflac duck will kill me! (points to his right eye) I still sleep with one eye open every night! (He suddenly hears a voice whispering "Aflac..." and looks above nervously)
(It is shown that Balto is living in an abandoned ship)
NC (vo): Apparently, being a hero dog isn't as rewarding as one would think, as they spend the night in a shipwrecked boat. Yeah, everything went to shit (The Photoshopped box image for Wheaties is shown with the husky Togo on it) after Togo protested he should be on the Wheaty box.
(Wandering around, Balto and Boris see a totem pole with several animal faces carved on it)
Boris: Look! A totem pole!
NC (vo): They come across a totem pole that apparently has the same animals Balto saw in his dream.
Balto: They're just wood carvings, Boris.
Boris: Humans use them to tell stories. But of what, I don't know.
NC: (as Balto) Ah, what animated direct-to-DVD movies were back then.
(In the outskirts of Nome, a small terrier is shown running to the camera (actually, to Balto and Boris), barking wildly)
NC: (as Balto) I've only just met you, and you convinced me. Dog genocide is a good idea.
(Balto enter a building and sees with surprise that Jenna, with whom he got closer before, has given birth to a six puppies, one of them having the hair similar to Balto while the others have Jenna's color)
NC (vo): Jock-Two-Point-Blow tells him that Jenna has just given birth. She's played this time by Jodi Benson instead of Bridget Fonda.
Balto: Oh, Jenna. They're so beautiful. Just like you.
NC: (as Balto) I mean...beautiful enough to be here when they're born, but understand, I had a nap!
(The terrier bursts into the building, still barking wildly, but Boris kicks him away)
NC: (hand on cheek) You can tell an animator really liked drawing that.
(The scene is replayed. After eight weeks pass, we're shown Balto having nightmares again, and them to him at morning seeing his puppies playing with Jenna)
NC (vo): The pups get older, as Balto continues to be, apparently, a real deadbeat dad!
Jenna: Good morning, sleepyhead. Did you forget about watching the pups today while my girl and I go on a picnic?
NC: (as Balto) I don't think you understand just how important these naps are. They prepare me for my daily slumber.
NC (vo): Balto finds himself bummed out, knowing that soon they'll be up for adoption, they'll have to find new homes.
Balto: Tomorrow we can all go on a picnic.
Jenna: Balto, don't you remember? Tomorrow is the day for our pups to find their new homes.
Balto: I don't think I can let them go, Jenna. Not yet.
NC: (as Balto) I have so much more of their lives to sleep through.
(Cut back to the town, we're shown a store named "J. Watts", but the letter "J" looks a little bit similar to the other letter)
NC (vo): Eh, that "J" is looking a little too much like a "T" for my comfort...actually, what do they sell there? (Two vector images of women in skimpy clothing are shown)
(Balto eventually decides to have his pups adopted by other people, so he puts them in a crate)
Boy: I like this one. (takes one of the pups)
NC (vo): Balto and Jenna are concerned, though, that one of the pups named Aleu, voiced by Lacey Chabert, looks more wolf than dog, decreasing her chances of getting adopted.
(Aleu, the one that is more alike Balto, is the only one left in the crate. The shot zooms in to "Fragile" on a crate)
NC (vo): Too subtle!
Balto: Aleu looks more like a wolf than me. No human is ever gonna want her.
Jenna: We'll just have to keep trying.
NC: (as Jenna) Right here, on Toontown Road.
(The houses in the shown shot are leaning a bit too much)
NC (vo): Seriously, what is up with that angle? So she never gets adopted...well, screw that shit! She's so cute, you could say she's a vampire shark, and she'll still get adopted!...as she grows older, trying to make the case that she's not so little anymore.
(A year later, the grown-up Aleu speaks to Boris and the polar bears Muk and Luk)
Boris: How can I babysit if you won't sit?
Aleu: Uncle Boris, since I'm not a baby anymore, I don't need a babysitter. And you can tell that to my father.
NC: (as Aleu, with the clip of Ariel from The Little Mermaid being shown) I heard my mother do this dialogue. I know how the routine goes!
(Walking around the forest, Aleu spots a person standing in the shadows, who is, in fact, a hunter)
NC (vo): She comes across a hunter, though, and...let's just say, gets the wrong idea.
Aleu: No, it's a human. He wouldn't hurt me. Maybe he'll want to adopt me. (happily runs towards the hunter, who clicks his gun)
NC (vo; as Aleu): Hey, what's that? A dog biscuit maker? I'm so stupid!
(Balto charges at the hunter from behind, so the latter shoots in the wrong direction, and tells Aleu to hide)
NC (vo): Balto saves her, as Aleu doesn't understand what just happened.
Aleu: I don't understand, Papa. Why did you attack him? What if he wanted to adopt me?
NC: (as Aleu) That was an adoption bullet that came from its gun, right? Again, really stupid!
(Balto tells Aleu the truth about her wolf heritage, causing her to run away, hoping to find her place in the world)
NC (vo): He tells her about her heritage and how wolf blood flew through both their veins. Aleu runs away, as Balto, being a good parent, chases after her...nah, just kidding, he sleeps again.
(Balto is once again seeing the same nightmare from before)
NC: (massaging forehead in frustration) I want you to stop focusing on being half-wolf and start focusing on being half-parent! Your daughter was almost killed, you jackass!
NC/Balto: (offscreen) Wolf.
NC (vo): Once again, he has a dream, only this time, his mother speaks to him, saying he needs to understand the animals of the totem. Oh, and the movie wants to remind you these two are a thing.
(Muk and Luk awaken Balto, with the first sniffing under Balto's blanket and running away, giggling)
Balto: What are you two doing?
NC: (as Balto) My daughter was almost killed, meaning it's vital I catch up to my 30-hour snooze!
Muk: We're here to play with Aleu.
Balto: (becoming concerned) You mean you can't find her?
Muk: Uh, no. (Luk shakes head no)
NC: Again, I thought you'd know where she is...dad!
Balto: She's got to be at her mother's. (runs off)
NC (vo; as Balto): She's the parent that actually adults. Maybe she can find her while I nap.
Muk: (sniffling) I know. I wish we had a mum, too. (embraces Luk, and the both sob)
NC: ...Weirdly sad.
(Balto meets with Jenna in the town and tells her about everything)
Balto: She must have run away.
Jenna: Run away?
Balto: I thought I could keep her safe.
Jenna: But she's not safe now. She's running wild! We've got to find her.
NC: (as Balto) Oh, that's what a father does! (laughs) You know, here I thought the answer was...
NC/Jenna: (offscreen) Don't you dare say "napping"!
NC: (as Balto) ..."not napping"! (nods)
(Balto goes out in the Alaskan wilderness in search for Aleu)
NC (vo): Balto sees it as his fault, which...it totally is, so he decides to go after her alone. Good idea. Sending two dogs would give too great an advantage, so just send the lesser of the two parents.
NC: I'm starting to see why Aleu is so dumb.
(Balto begins to follow the raven, recognizing him as the one from his nightmares. The bird disappears in a fog, and after it dissipates, it reveals a female fox on a log, who has her throat tied up by a trap)
NC (vo): He comes across the raven in his dreams, who leads him to a fox, voiced by the late Mary Kay Bergman, caught in a trap.
Fox: Say, I'll help you find your daughter if you'll help me out of this trap.
Balto: (approaching her) How did you know I'm looking for my daughter?
Fox: Do we have a deal, or don't we?
NC: (shifting eyes) I don't like how sexy that fox's voice is. It makes me...you confused.
(Balto releases the fox)
Balto: Now, how can you help me find my daughter?
NC: And more importantly, who puts a trap on a log over rapids?
(Balto is pushed over into a river by a fox, and sees Boris, Muk and Luk. From their location, he sniffs out Aleu's scent and follows the trail. Later, he encounters three wolverines with glowing red eyes circling around him)
NC (vo): She pushes him over, saying the current will take him to where he needs to go. He comes across Boris and the bears, clearly where nobody needs to go, and he tells them to let Jenna know that he's got Aleu's scent and not to worry about him. As you can see, he has everything under control.
Balto: I'm looking for my daughter.
Demon Wolverine 1: Tell me, are you afraid?
NC: (as Balto) What, of glow-y-eyed, hellspawn, raccoon-badger demons? Very yes!
Demon Wolverine 2: You must listen to your fears. Let them lead you back to the safety of your cozy little home.
NC: (as Balto, smiling) Okay. Aleu was found dead, (A picture of a fried turkey is shown with Boris' head edited onto the picture) and they ate Boris.
(Cut to the end credits)
NC (vo): No, he admits he's scared of never seeing his daughter again, and they vanish. Apparently, that was the password. Aleu, meanwhile, tries to find the spot out of the hot sun.
(A crow from before flies over Aleu and lands on a brand next to an entrance to a cave)
Aleu: A cave. At least it'll be dark and cool.
NC: Like what Tim Burton movies used to be.
(Inside a cage, Aleu meets a field mouse named Muru)
NC (vo): She goes inside and finds a bunch of crystals and a singing mouse. As you do.
Muru: I am Muru. This answer tells us what we are, but not who we are.
Aleu: How do I find out who I am?
(Muru makes the sunlight reflect through the crystals, revealing the pictures on the cave walls glowing like constellations)
Muru: I am shedding light where darkness lies.
NC: (as Aleu) Really? Like how? (as Muru) You drink too much coffee, and are on social media too much. (as Aleu) This totally isn't working!
(We go to a commercial. After coming back, we're again shown the constellations on the cave walls that have gained the rainbow colors)
NC (vo): So the mouse, voiced by Peter MacNichol, tells her how the world of the spirits works.
Muru: When every creature in the world is born, a spirit stands beside them.
NC: (as Muru) To watch them undress. (Beat) It makes everyone uncomfortable.
(Muru reveals himself to be Aleu's spirit guide and tells her to go on a journey of self-discovery via singing)
NC (vo): He sings a surprisingly nice song about following her own path...though it is a mere...what?...40 minutes in to suddenly make this a musical! It's like if one of the Spider-Man movies had a musical number deep in the film- (The poster for Spider-Man 3 is shown) You know, that proves my point more!
Muru: Have faith and trust in yourself. And make the journey.
(Aleu turns her head to see Muru's drawing on the cave wall, as Muru himself isn't seen)
NC (vo): The mouse disappears into a picture on the wall...
NC: (shaking hands around) No, they got it backwards! It's Vigo that's supposed to go on the painting, not Janosz!
NC (vo): ...as she exits the cave, coming across an unexpected visitor.
(A big bear with glowing red eyes shows up outside of the cave, scaring Aleu away)
NC (vo; as Aleu): Oh, it's a bear! Maybe he'll want to adopt me, too!
(Balto appears and attacks the bear)
NC (vo): Balto saves her from the satanic grizzly... (A clip from the first movie that shows a black bear with no pupils is shown) ...seriously, there's a lot of those in these parts...as Aleu tries to look deep into his eyes.
(Aleu stares at the bear, and her eyes glow for some seconds)
NC (vo; as Aleu, in a deep voice): There is no Aleu, only bear.
Aleu: We've got to jump.
Balto: But we'll be killed!
NC: (as Aleu) The Devil has claimed me. I must destroy this vessel!
(Aleu and Balto jump down and land on the ledge. They run down)
NC (vo): It turns out there was a ledge to catch them, as Balto asks how she knew.
Aleu: I looked at his thoughts, and I saw it.
NC: (as Balto, looking very confused and shocked) How much of that five-leaf garlic did you eat? (as Aleu, smiling and turning head around) All of it!
NC (vo): He asks her to come home, but she doesn't want to until her journey is completed.
Aleu: Not until I find out who I am.
Balto: (chuckles a bit) That's ridiculous, Aleu. You know who you are.
NC: (as Balto) You're a loser. Like, a big loser.
(Aleu and Balto find their way to the ocean, where they are cornered by a group of three starving wolves)
NC (vo): He agrees to come with her so she can find herself...I'm sure her mother would be thrilled to have those extra hours of crippling anxiety...but they come across other wolves who have it out for them.
(The black crow flies over the wolves, holding them back from Aleu and Balto)
Balto: At least we know the raven's on our side.
Aleu: Come on. We can take 'em. (runs over to the stone the wolves are standing on)
Balto: Aleu, no!
NC: (as Balto) The raven's got this!
(Aleu slips on a stone and almost falls into the water, holding at the edge. The crazy-looking wolf named Sumac approaches her)
Sumac: Bye-bye, doggy! (He prepares to push her off...with the back of his paw)
NC: (snickers) There's something so demeaning about...
NC (vo): ...using the back of your hand to push somebody off.
NC: Like... you're not even worth a palm!
(The scene is repeated)
NC: (as Sumac) You have the luxury of smelling my lotion as I push you off. (as Aleu, offscreen) Ooh, is that cucumber mint? (as Sumac, smiling) It is.
(Before the wolves can attack Balto and Aleu, they're washed off a stone by a sudden tide. Defeated, they return to their leader named Niju residing on the other side)
NC (vo): Balto and Aleu are so bad at fighting them off that the water does a better job, as the gang's leader, voiced by Mark Hamill, tells them to chase them down.
Sumac: But, Niju, the tide! We'll drown.
Niju: If those two live, they'll take what's left of our food.
(The true leader of the wolf pack, the elderly Nava, stops the confrontation)
NC (vo): But the real leader of the wolves, voiced by the late David Carradine, tells them to clear the way.
Nava: (to Balto and Aleu) It is I who thank you for coming at last.
Balto: You knew we were coming?
Nava: It was I who sent for you.
(Aleu gasps. We fade to Nava speaking to his wolves at dusk)
NC (vo; as Nava): You see, there's...oh. Check extra features, I guess.
Nava: Our summer is almost passed, and I have listened to the trees and to the blades of grass.
NC: (as Balto, concerned) Thinking he bought the same five-leaf garlic as you, Aleu. (as Aleu, rolling head like a loon) I hear smells!
Nava: The caribou will not return this year. We must follow them.
Niju: Our leader has lost his ability to lead! (The wolves gasp and murmur)
Wolf 1: How dare you say that!
Nava: Let him speak. It is his right.
NC (vo; as Niju): Thank you, you're very kind. Anyway, he's not very kind and doesn't deserve our thanks!
Niju: We take what we need from other clans.
Wolf 2: Steal from others?
Wolf 1: It isn't right.
Niju: Yes, there is a right: our right to survive!
NC: (imitating Jenner from The Secret of NIMH) The Thorn Valley Plan is the aspiration of idiots and dreamers!
Nava: (walking down the ledge) And if we eat the food of other clans, what will they eat?
Niju: That is not our concern.
Nava: Is not the balance of our world the concern of all?
NC: (as Nava) Excluding the caribou. We can eat them until extinction. (looks to his right) Oh, wait, wait. (The shot from The Lion King, showing Mufasa showing the Pride Lands to the little Simba, is shown) Some bullshit about our bodies becoming the grass. Problem solved.
Nava: The white wolf has come to me in dream visions. She said we must be led by the one who is wolf and does not know.
Balto: (surprised) Huh?
NC: Yeah, spoiler: it's not him. (Beat) It's actually Ralph. It's a big twist. (Ralph Wolf, the character from Looney Tunes that is very similar to Wile E. Coyote, is shown)
Niju: See here. Our wise leader, who visits with the great Aniu only in his dreams, has brought a mutt to guide us. (Balto growls at him)
NC: Okay, he must have recorded this right after Batman, because that sounded very Joker-ish.
(The clip from the Batman TAS episode "The Laughing Fish" is shown, with Niju's whole line being played)
NC (vo): But Aleu tries to step in and motivate the pack.
Aleu: (standing on a tall stone) I say Niju is afraid to cross the Great Water.
Niju: I am not afraid. But crossing the Great Water is impossible!
NC: (as Niju) Don't you get I'm not afraid of impossible?! I love impossible! I wish (covers for...) Cuphead and Zelda II had a crossover, I love it that much!
(The angered Niju charges at Nava, but the latter suddenly disappears, leaving a cloud of smoke behind)
NC (vo): Oh, did I mention David Carradine wolf is also magic? Which...saying that sentence out loud makes me realize of course he is.
Niju: I will be a leader who does not depend on foolish dreams! (Note: in this bit of animation, his eyes are somewhat blurry-looking)
NC: (as Niju) Or animators who draw my eyes sunny-side up! (Pause) My eyes were eggs!
(After several of the wolves unwillingly follow Niju, Nava steps out of the tree nearby, revealing himself to be a spirit)
NC (vo): Half the wolves go with Armored Pupils, while the leader of the wolves reveals himself.
Aleu: How did you do that?
Nava: I simply became one with the tree.
NC: Okay, just because you were in Kung Fu doesn't mean you can always become one with blank! (Beat) Actually, yeah, it does.
(Aleu has a "dream vision" of the caribou herd crossing a bridge made of ice floes. At night, she joins Nava to tell him about this, as the rain starts)
NC (vo): Aleu has a vision of the caribou and says she wants to help the pack find them. She tries telling the leader of the wolves, but seeing how we're almost at the end of the movie, I guess we better have song number two.
Nava: (speaking as the chorus is singing in the background) We are all a part.
Niju: (throwing the bone off from the sleeping wolf's mouth) We must fight for what belongs to us!
NC: (as Niju) Like this movie, which we've stolen for ourselves!
NC (vo; as Niju): I knew 2/3 was about the father-daughter relationship and then we showed up right the hell out of nowhere...
NC: (as Niju) ...but we fought hard for this last 20 minutes, and we're gonna cram what we can!
Nava: We are all a part... (As he sings this, the giant images of Nava and Niju appear in the sky)
NC (vo; as Aleu): Hey, don't look now, but there's a giant you facing your back right now. One big sneeze, and we're both dead.
(In the meantime, Jenna, Boris, Muk and Luk stare at the sky, wondering about the fates of Balto and Aleu)
NC (vo; as Jenna): What happened to my part in this movie? (as Boris) What happened to MY part in this movie?
(Niju's wolves prepare to attack Aleu the next day, just as a large group of ice floes in the ocean come together to form a land bridge)
NC (vo): The wolves find the ice forms a bridge that the caribou crossed last winter. Like...not spread apart, just one clear path heading straight there. The odds of that happening once seem pretty impossible, but twice? That's just science.
Balto: (to the pack) If we're to cross, we must go now. The ice path will only hold for a short time.
NC: (as Balto, pointing at himself) I know, because...things!
(Balto leads the pack across the bridge until Nava falls behind. When Aleu attempts to help Nava, Niju shows up)
NC (vo): The leader gets separated, though, as Aleu tries to save him. But Mark Hamill wolf isn't done with him yet.
(Niju severely attacks Nava)
NC (vo; as Niju): Hey, if I could swim to you so fast, how come you couldn't swim back to the wolves you were separated from? ANSWER ME!
Niju: (turns his head) You!
(Aleu makes an angered growl at Niju...or, at least, what is similar to the growl)
NC: (confused) What was that, Donald Duck snoring? What was that?
(The scene is repeated, but with the clip from the classic Disney short Wide Open Spaces appearing in the top left corner, showing Donald sleeping outside and almost making a branch go in his mouth via his snoring. After fighting Aleu, Niju walks towards her, but notices Balto, who swam across the water to their ice floe)
Balto: Niju! Leave her be!
NC (vo; as Niju): Now, wait! If you could swim here from the pack you were separated from, then how...whoa!
(The ice under Niju breaks, and he's brought back to the shore by the current, almost drowning)
Balto: I can help you swim over, Nava. (Nava doesn't answer) No. You're right. You won't make it.
NC: (as Balto) You can only turn into trees and...probably water, which can in any way help us out here!
NC (vo): Aleu says Balto should help him back while she leads the pack across the ice.
Balto: Are you sure?
Aleu: Tell Mom...I've finally found my home.
NC: (imitating Spock from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home) Also tell her I feel fine.
(The proud Balto remembers the good times with Aleu in his life, more specifically, the moment of her birth and playing with her next to the sea)
NC (vo): So Balto has flashbacks of all the moments of her growing up. That's right, both of them. He was asleep for the rest.
(Aleu, who has rejoined the pack, howls in the sky as they swim away. At the shore, Nava is out to look for Niju. The raven appears to Balto again, and transforms into Aniu, revealing herself to be his mother. After she howls, she fades into nothing, and Balto makes his way home. The film ends)
NC (vo): The wolves float away, presumably to hit the Titanic, as Balto discovers his mother was his spirit guide the whole time. I guess I give credit that they try to answer what that weird-ass wolf spirit was in the original, but...she just disappears, and the movie ends. Yeah. Right there.
NC: (perplexed) Was that why you cut...
NC (vo): ...to Jenna and Boris so briefly a moment ago? Just to be like... "Eh, come on! They weren't just in the first 30 minutes and then vanished! They had...two seconds at the end, but it was a vital two seconds they looked at...nothing."
NC: ...Kinda like what you did watching the film.
(The movie's clips are shown again as NC states his final thoughts on it)
NC (vo): I guess for a direct-to-DVD sequel, it's not really...that bad. The backgrounds are still nice, the animation is passable, and the plot, while disjointed, did take its time and tried to give some atmospheric moments. For the low bar set, it does actually do an okay job. But...yeah, it's still clumsy and/or rushed in many areas, nothing's fully fleshed out, and it just comes across as exactly what it is: a direct-to-DVD sequel. Can kids watch it? Sure. There's nothing offensive in it for them, and, honestly, there's nothing even that offensive in it for adults either. But it's hard to say that's a glowing recommendation. Nothing that bad, but nothing that good either. This is a sequel to a "true story" that might be underwhelming, but at least it's not painfully underwhelming.
NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (gets up and leaves to his right)
Channel Awesome tagline - (Aleu growling)
(The credits roll)