(Created page with "Comicron-1 zooms through space. Linkara is on his laptop when he has a flashback to his encounter with the King of Worms. He grasps his head in fear. The doorbell ‘rings.’...") Tags: Visual edit apiedit |
Spike's Girl (talk | contribs) (Adding categories) Tag: categoryselect |
||
Line 878: | Line 878: | ||
Allen collapses, dead. Linkara is stunned. |
Allen collapses, dead. Linkara is stunned. |
||
+ | [[Category:Content]] |
||
+ | [[Category:Guides]] |
Revision as of 20:20, 30 November 2015
Comicron-1 zooms through space. Linkara is on his laptop when he has a flashback to his encounter with the King of Worms. He grasps his head in fear. The doorbell ‘rings.’
LINKARA
Come in.
MarzGurl enters.
MARZGURL
Hey, just wanted to let you know that Nash figured out how the engines work, so he should be fine in engineering. I would have used the intercom, but I haven’t figured out how it works yet.
LINKARA
Usually it’s just hold down the button, say who or what you wanna reach, and NIMUE will redirect the call for ya.
MARZGURL
Cool. Well, I’ll try it from the bridge, then.
Marzgurl starts to leave.
LINKARA
Before you go…you will be fine taking command of the ship if anything happens, right?
MARZGURL
Sure. Why? Don’t you trust me?
LINKARA
Of course I do. It’s why I gave you the job to begin with. It’s just…I should’ve asked you before I gave you the job.
MARZGURL
Maybe. Is there any reason who you think I’m going to need to take it?
LINKARA
Oh, no no no. It’s just…I just kind of assumed a leadership role without asking. I’m used to having my own entourage around with me and not you guys. I should’ve talked to you first.
MARZGURL
Well, as you said, it is your ship.
LINKARA
Right! Yeah. So…go and test out the intercom.
MARZGURL
Will do. Talk to you in a minute. Hopefully.
Marzgurl leaves.
Linkara’s hand starts shaking again; he holds it still with his other hand and sighs.
LINKARA
Get a hold of yourself, Linkara….
---
Lupa is looking on annoyed as 90’s Kid monopolizes the conversation.
90s KID
So anyway, that’s the annoying thing about BloodGunn #0. I mean, it still has some awesome stuff in it, like guns and bullets and stuff, but it totally contradicts what happened in BloodGunn Annual #1/2, where BloodGunn took the teeth of his enemies and turned them into…
LUPA
You have been talking about this comic book character for ten minutes! Can we talk about anything else?!
90s KID
I don’t understand why you would want to stop talking about him.
LUPA
There was more to the ‘90s than just really violent comic book characters! Talk about anything else!
90s KID
Sure! We can talk about, like, Saved by the Bell or Blossom or…
LUPA
Or how about not talking about the ‘90s at all?
90s KID
Cha right! Like anyone would not want to talk about Tequila and Bonetti!
Cinema Snob shows up out of nowhere.
SNOB
Whoa, hey! Did someone mention Tequila and Bonetti?
90s KID
Uh, yeah, but I actually didn’t wanna talk about it.
SNOB
(best Tequila impression) Man, B, that’s cold.
Snob disappears singing to himself.
90s KID
So anyway, in BloodGunn #3, which features a sweet trifold holofoil cover…
Lupa groans loudly.
LUPA
(whimpering) Why don’t I know any normal people?
---
The doorbell rings again.
LINKARA
Come in.
Allen enters.
ALLEN
Hey, birthday boy.
LINKARA
Hey.
ALLEN
Feeling any better than you were earlier?
LINKARA
I was. Then my friend asked me to go into space, and then it all came crashing down again, just how weird my life is.
ALLEN
Oh, well, please forgive me, Linkara. I am so sorry I am asking you to help out those in need.
Linkara closes his laptop.
LINKARA
No, no, no. That’s not what I meant, man. I’m happy to help, it’s just…when I’m being sent up into space to possibly rescue astronauts from God knows what, what the hell am I doing reviewing whatever editorially mandated garbage has been spewed out onto a comic book? Every week, I sit on a futon and review books that think that a G-string is appropriate attire for women’s battle armor…and then every other week, robots try to put their fists through my face! This is not normal.
ALLEN
A couple weeks ago, I had to keep lookout for the vice president while he took a piss in some bushes. Linkara, normal is relative.
Linkara sets his head in his hand.
ALLEN
Look, after we get back, just…take a couple weeks off, okay? Be a couch potato. Watch some television. I, personally, am a pretty big fan of Dragon Ball Z. I…
The intercom beeps.
LUPA
Hello? Is this thing on?
90s KID
Dude, you’ll never get his attention that way! You gotta do it more extreeeeme!
LUPA
I’ll newtstring your face if you don’t shut up!
90s KID
Newtstring my face? I-I don’t really know what that means.
LINKARA
Uh, c-can I help you two?
LUPA
Oh, good. I’ve got this thing working. Uh, we just got a call from Earth for Allen.
ALLEN
What was it?
90s KID
Yeah, dude. They’ve, like, totally lost all bioreadings from the astronauts. Oh! Maybe they became space cyborgs!
LUPA
I swear to God, those sunglasses are getting shoved down your esophagus to end the noise!
90s KID
See? Now you’re thinkin’ extreme!
LUPA
Ugh!
Intercom turns off.
ALLEN
If we lost bioreadings, then that means they either took off their equipment or…they’re dead.
Linkara turns on the intercom.
LINKARA
Bridge, this is Linkara. Increase speed to standard by ten.
MARZGURL
Will do.
Comicron-1 accelerates.
---
Harvey continues his tour of the ship with Joe and Nash.
HARVEY
So the main power lines are designed to be redundant. That way, if main power goes offline, auxiliary immediately kicks in. Mind you, we just finished a major refit of the ship and we haven’t had a chance to test it yet. As such, right now we’re only runnin’ on main power and partial auxiliary.
JOE
Yeah, but what if a badger gets into your main power lines and starts eatin’ away at ‘em?
HARVEY
You don’t see too many badgers in space.
JOE
Yeah, that’s what I said until I found one of those suckers eatin’ away at the power lines in the Angry Army Orbital Space Station.
NASH
Where do you get all these spaceships and shit?! Do they sell ‘em at Best Buy or something?
HARVEY
I wouldn’t feel too bad about it. The kid took this thing as the spoils of war from a jerk named Lord Vyce.
NASH
(to Joe) What about you?
JOE
Uh, I review games on YouTube. Duh. (laughs)
NASH
Got into the wrong line of work. All right, I think I understand the mechanics well enough.
HARVEY
Well, you should. This is the third time we’ve had to try to rebuild this thing from the ground up. Every time we do so, we try to make it easier to use. Oh, that reminds me…
Harvey opens a panel in the wall to reveal the inner wiring of the ship.
HARVEY
Ah, power’s out in this junction again. I need to put in a nine-volt or somethin’ in this thing.
JOE
Hang on, man. I got ya.
Joe shoots lightning into the battery; power comes back on. Nash’s jaw drops.
HARVEY
Nicely done, man.
NASH
You can shoot lightning out of your hands?!
JOE
Yeah. Can’t you?
NASH
No!
HARVEY
What, you can’t do that?
NASH
And you can?!
HARVEY
Of course I can. I’m Harvey Finevoice. Now swing, baby.
Harvey closes the panel and they continue down the hall.
JOE
Say, don’t you have a scientist guy or something that can work the engines instead of, uh…this guy?
HARVEY
Yeah, Dr. Linksano. He said he had to stay behind. Some personal project or something.
JOE
Oh.
---
Linkara’s apartment.
LINKSANO
(crazed laugh) So, they’re all impressed by Dr. Insano crossbreeding tarantulas and armadillos, are they? Well, let’s see how they like when I turn a clown into a jukebox! (crazed laugh)
Boffo the clown is chained up on the couch. He honks his horn.
LINKSANO
For the ninth time, I don’t speak clown!
---
Joe is driving the ship.
LINKARA
Report.
JOE
We’re coming up on the position that the Caelestis should be, but I am detecting a lot of debris in the area.
LINKARA
From the Caelestis?
LUPA
From the death bomb and the armada that had been protecting it.
MARZGURL
It’s still out there from when we attacked them.
LINKARA
Sorry, I was late to that party.
SNOB
(chuckles) That’s all right. I did enough cocaine for the both of us.
LINKARA
Really?
SNOB
No! I’m just fulfilling my obligation as the comic relief. (snorts)
LINKARA
Good work. Keep it up.
SNOB
That’s what she said!
JOE
But what were they doing next to the debris field? Their course shouldn’t have taken them anywhere near it.
LINKARA
Good question. Allen, care to enlighten us?
Allen is silent.
LINKARA
Allen?
ALLEN
I’m…I’m not at liberty to say.
MARZGURL
But we are at liberty to speculate. Weapons?
LINKARA
That would be my guess. Hoping to find a few intact guns in there?
ALLEN
Linkara, I hope you’re not naïve enough to believe that we wouldn’t want to get our hands on them.
LINKARA
No, but what irritates me is that you didn’t tell us.
ALLEN
And?
POLLO
And if you didn’t tell us that, it kinda makes us a teensy bit worried about what else you didn’t tell us.
ALLEN
There isn’t anything else to tell. The Caelestis’ mission was to go to Jupiter. And yes, it was possible that it would pass by the debris field, so we made it a parameter of said mission, that should not pose a threat to the ship or her crew, that it should pick up whatever it could and bring it back to Earth. That is all.
LINKARA
I certainly hope that was all, or else I won’t be able to trust you enough to…
NIMUE
Information: a vessel has been detected within the debris field.
NIMUE pinpoints an object on her camera.
LINKARA
Why didn’t we detect it sooner?
NIMUE
The metal in the debris field is made of an unknown material. It is making sensor scans difficult.
MARZGURL
Is it them?
NIMUE
General shape of the vessel approximately matches the silhouette of the Caelestis. However, its overall mass and appearance do not match the images provided.
LINKARA
Put it on screen.
NIMUE provides a close-up of the vessel.
SNOB
The hell?
JOE
Looks like someone took the debris and just glued it on the ship.
LINKARA
Well, Allen…looks like they did find something out there. Take us in closer. Full sensor sweep.
Comicron-1 approaches the Caelestis.
LINKARA
Anything?
ALLEN
No, the sensors can’t get a reading on the interior.
SNOB
What about the spiky bits? What are those supposed to do?
JOE
Weapons, maybe?
The intercom turns on.
90s KID
Dude, imagine how big the bullets would be on those guns! I would…
Lupa shuts off the intercom.
LINKARA
You do realize they’re still monitoring us from engineering, right?
LUPA
As long as I don’t hear him, then all is right with the world.
90s KID
Oh, sorry, dudes. Sounds like we got caught up with…
She shuts off the intercom again.
SNOB
If we can’t scan inside of it, how do we know who’s alive down there?
ALLEN
(sighs) We’ll have to go inside.
LINKARA
All right. NIMUE, prepare teleportation.
NIMUE
Information: the armor covering the vessel is blocking teleport signals.
LUPA
So what are we supposed to do, go out there and knock?
JOE
Couldn’t we just dock with it?
NIMUE
Sensors detect an exterior hatch that is not covered by armoring.
LINKARA
All right. Joe, maneuver us in closer.
JOE
God, I hate parallel parking…
Comicron-1 docks with the Caelestis.
MARZGURL
I just had a thought. Wouldn’t they have seen us coming?
LINKARA
What do you mean?
MARZGURL
Well, it’s pretty obvious from the looks of things that they’re trying to graft all this stuff onto their ship, trying to make it…well, improved. If they’re gathering all that technology and debris, they can see outside their ship. So wouldn’t they have seen us approaching?
LINKARA
But then why would they be sitting there dead in space?
MARZGURL
Well, if we were turned like this, the ship’s main weapons wouldn’t be aimed at them.
Linkara’s eyes widen.
LINKARA
Oh, no…
ALLEN
I’m detecting an energy spike!
LINKARA
Fire about! Raise the force wall!
The Caelestis begins shooting at Comicron-1, lighting up red. Alarms go off.
LINKARA
Joe, neutron blasters! Fire!
Comicron-1 returns fire; it has little effect. Caelestis continues shooting. The ship shakes, and controls short out, knocking Lupa to the ground.
SNOB
Lupa!
Snob runs to help her up.
LINKARA
There’s a med kit behind my chair to the left! NIMUE, raise the force wall, dammit!
NIMUE
Unable to comply. Insufficient power to raise force wall.
Linkara turns on the intercom.
LINKARA
Engineering, what the hell is going on down there?!
In engine controls, warning lights flash as everything is smoking. Nash waves the smoke out of his face.
NASH
(coughs) Ship’s goin’ down, that’s all.
Something explodes in a flurry of sparks. Nash picks up his mallet.
NASH
Oh, boot. I think we needed that. I’ll call you back!
He runs to fix whatever exploded.
LINKARA
Pollo, go down to engineering and give him a hand.
Snob tends to Lupa’s minor arm injury.
LINKARA
Joe, weapons status!
JOE
Their shields are too powerful! We can’t break them!
LINKARA
Turn us around and fire the forward lance!
NIMUE
Warning: power loss has affected weapon systems. Forward lance will not have sufficient power to pierce any vessel’s shield.
LINKARA
I don’t care! We have to hit them! We have to...
The camera shows that the Caelestis is approaching the Comicron-1 head-on.
LINKARA
Aw, hell! Evasive maneuvers!
Comicron-1 is shot several more times. Allen’s control panel shorts out, knocking him to the ground.
LINKARA
Allen!
MARZGURL
We gotta get out of here!
LINKARA
Divert all power to engines! Nash, floor it!
NASH
I-I’ll try, but some of the engines are down. We’re not moving too fast.
NIMUE
Information: we do not have sufficient power to outrun the enemy vessel.
MARZGURL
If we can’t outrun them, we’ve gotta stand and fight!
Linkara gets up and starts leaving.
LINKARA
I’ll take the scout ship out and try to distract them while you guys make an attack. MarzGurl, you’re in command.
NIMUE
The enemy vessel is transmitting a message.
LINKARA
Not in the mood to talk, NIMUE! Redirect power to weapons! MarzGurl, when you get a good distance away…
The transmission audio comes through. Linkara freezes in his tracks and turns around.
MECHAKARA
Is something wrong, Linkara? You have boasted before about your preparation, your anticipation of my presence. Yet when your enemy finally strikes, I find your defenses as weak and impotent as the skin and meat of your form.
Mechakara appears on screen. Shocked looks from the crew.
LINKARA
Mechakara…
MECHAKARA
That name that was never my name. You filthy organic mongrels spit that name at me, and it stuck!
LINKARA
You’re alive…
MECHAKARA
I always survive.
Flashback to To Boldly Flee, and activity within the Caelestis.
MECHAKARA
My body was vaporized, but I still had the artifact known as Malachite’s hand on my person. My consciousness was preserved inside of it. And when the crew of this vessel brought it aboard, the artifact absorbed enough energy from the craft to restore my form.
FLASHBACK!MECHAKARA
To be…
MECHAKARA
The power of the artifact and the ruined pieces of debris in this field have augmented this vessel into a superb weapon.
LINKARA
What about the astronauts?
Mechakara pulls Captain Romero into the camera’s view.
MECHAKARA
After they have been improved with the perfection of mechanical engineering…
Romero has a stitching on her cheek. The scar and her eyes flash red.
MECHAKARA
They make excellent drones.
LINKARA
You son of a…
Mechakara tosses Romero aside.
MECHAKARA
Do not presume that you still live for pointless conversation, meat sack! You exist now only because I want you to see that it was I who defeated you. The final victory of steel over skin!
LINKARA
Fine. Point made. What now?
MECHAKARA
What now? Now, I annihilate your vessel and use its flotsam to enhance mine!
LINKARA
Wait! Don’t you just wanna come over here and take it intact? You don’t have to destroy us.
MECHAKARA
What I want is to peel your flesh slowly. I want to hear you scream in agony, only to find that I’ve already cut your vocal chords! What I want… (stops his rant) I want many things. But I know what happens when I try to prolong your suffering. No. You will die now, Linkara! Take this knowledge with you to oblivion: as I floated through the vacuum of space in infinite tedium and boredom, the only thing that kept me from succumbing to madness was my hatred.
Linkara is speechless.
MECHAKARA
(to crew off-screen) Fire!
The Caelestis’ power fluctuates. Mechakara is startled. Linkara is frozen in shock.
MARZGURL
Linkara? Linkara!
No response.
MARZGURL
Joe, fire!
JOE
Right.
Comicron-1 fires at them.
MARZGURL
Again, Joe!
They fire again.
---
Inside the Caelestis. Mechakara sits between Romero and Anders.
MECHAKARA
Do we have enough power to escape?
ROMERO
Yes.
MECHAKARA
Do it!
She presses a button and the Caelestis speeds away.
---
Linkara finally snaps out of it.
LINKARA
W-We can’t let them escape! Joe, fire again! Finish them off!
Joe presses the button but nothing happens.
JOE
I can’t! We used up the last of our weapon power with those shots!
LINKARA
Damn it all! Allen, do a sensor sweep… Allen!
He realizes Allen is still on the ground, dying from his burns.
LINKARA
Med kit! Give me the med kit!
ALLEN
Linkara…
LINKARA
Don’t talk, don’t talk. Save your strength.
ALLEN
I’m…sorry…
LINKARA
Don’t apologize! Stop talking!
ALLEN
Couldn’t…get you the…chair…
Allen collapses, dead. Linkara is stunned.