Exclusive to the Suburban Knights DVD - Note: at times, the actor's name is listed here for when they are speaking out of character.
We begin with footage from the Suburban Knights trailer, at the point where we hear:
Nostalgia Critic [NC]: Stand, ...reviewers... of the Internet!
The trailer continues right up until we see the SK title screen. At this point, enter our narrator, as background music from the movie fades up underneath:
Doug Walker (voice-over): Hello, this is Doug Walker, [a pic of Doug dissolves in and slowly zooms in, too] a.k.a. That Guy with the Glasses. And I am, for lack of a better word, the director [cut to more trailer scenes] of the seven-part online movie Suburban Knights. This is the third-year anniversary of the comedy site, thatguywiththeglasses.com. [cut to the scenes from the Year One Brawl] The first year, we got several of our producers together for a brawl. Aaaaaand it was a big hit. [we see the scene where 8-Bit Mickey clotheslines Angry Joe; then we cut to bits from the Kickassia trailer] The second year, we got our producers together for the invasion of a micronation in Reno. Aaaaaand it was also a big hit. [cut back to the SK title screen, followed by behind-the-scenes (BTS) footage until noted] So the pressure was on to make the third-year anniversary even bigger than the other two. Both were shot with the producers in [cut to a graphic where we see the Year One title screen, next to "= Shot in 1 Day"; underneath, the Kickassia title graphic next to "= Shot in 4 Days". Underneath that is the SK logo, next to "= Shot in 4 Days". Each part comes in step-by-step] only four days as scheduling could allow, and this time would be no exception. [back to BTS footage] This would be tricky, seeing how the script, now written by both me and my brother Rob Walker, clocked in at [the screen darkens a bit so that the graphic "2 Hours and 8 Minutes" can dissolve in] just a little over two hours. [back to Kickassia trailer, which also darkens to show "1 Hour and 30 Minutes"] The longest Kickassia ever reached was an hour-and-a-half. [back to BTS footage] But, as always, we wanted to outdo ourselves. The plan was to prepare more, shoot a lot of my scenes later, and choose locations that would be more accomodating than the rocky grounds of Reno. This... did NOT go according to plan.
The BTS footage fades as the tail end of the Suburban Knights is brought up. Also dissolve in is the title, in old-style-English font and in two sections: "Apocalypse How? [in big tan letters] A Filmmaker's Fart of Darkness [in smaller white letters]" - these fade out, as does the music. After a few seconds, we fade in on a series of stills as follows: Todd [Nathanson] In The Shadows and Film Brain [Mathew Buck], from their reviews, and Lindsay Ellis and Lewis Luvhaug [Linkara] in candid photos.
Doug (v/o): Problems began with scheduling. There was a big debate about who could come, when they could come, and what week all of them would be available to shoot. Because of this, [at this point, we dissolve from Linkara to a zoom-out of the front page of the script: Dungeons and Critics (Working Title) By Doug and Rob Walker] the script was delayed and constantly changed. And let's be honest: it's kinda hard to write for people [dissolves to a table at a Denny's where Ed Glaser, [Angry] Joe Vargas, Justin Carmichal [JewWario], Lewis, and Brad Jones [Cinema Snob] are in conversation] you're not entirely sure are gonna be in your movie or not. This meant we didn't have a lot [dissolve to a wide shot of Doug filming Todd & Film Brain "fighting" each other] of time to check out our equipment, despite the fact that we were now using a new camera. [cut to more of the Kickassia trailer] And, again, we had to use the mic that we used from Kickassia to cut down on wind resistance. [cut to the Walker house with Bhargav Dromanraju shooting some of the equipment needed for filming] Bargo filmed the behind-the-scenes footage. [Bargo turns the camera on himself, in extreme close-up]
Bhargav [Bargo] Dronamraju: [in dramatic fashion, complete with drawn-out pauses] Day One. Pick-ups. And explaining the schedule. [fast pan-around to:] DOUG!
Doug: [in his computer chair. At first he looks surprised. He quickly starts "crying"] We're all gonna di-i-i-iie! [sobs for a bit, then says with a high-pitched whine:] We're all gonna die... [he trails off as Bargo pans back to himself]
Bargo: Yeah, so everything's going pretty well. [Cut to Bargo at the wheel of his van at the nearest Holiday Inn on transporation duty]
Doug (v/o): We had trouble again on the days of picking people up. Despite the fact that [dissolve to a stock photo of a partly sunny sky] two days ago called for sunny skies, [we fade to black] THIS is what we got: [cut to a shot of what may be downtown Chicago under a deluge of early-evening rain; sounds of rainfall for a few seconds] ...causing several flights to be delayed and even cancelled.
Cut to a nearby restaurant with some of the producers - including Noah Antwiler [Spoony], Phelan Porteous [Phelous], Allison Pregler [Obscurus Lupa], Luke Mochrie, Mathew, Rob, and Doug - and perhaps Lewis and Brad, too, but we don't see them here - hanging out. They look on as Lindsay and Joe are about to engage in a "friendly" competition. Not sure if Bargo filmed this, but he might've have.
Doug (v/o): But for the producers who did make it in, this didn't dampen their spirits... [with a puzzling tone] or their lust for arm-wrestling.
With everyone looking on, and Noah even waving around some money, we see that Joe easily defeats Lindsay in a right-handed match.
Joe Vargas: Wow! Been working out!
Cut to later, when it's "Take 2", as the on-screen graphic shows. This time, it's left-handed.
Joe: Wait a minute! [he starts laughing because he's having a harder time now. After a while, Rob's right hand comes in, while he's on the phone, to try and help Linsday win] Hey! [Eventually, Joe tries to grab Lindsay's left biceps to distract her. In turn, she quickly grabs Joe's left wrist with her right arm and quickly brings him down with a thud. Some people react with a few surprised laughs]
Lindsay Ellis: That's what you get!
Cut to "Take 3", so says the graphic. Now Lindsay is taking on Rob, left-handed. This one is pretty one-sided.
Lewis Luvhaug: (off-screen) Over The Top 2.
Rob Walker: [as he is about to win] The pain! [he eventually does win, as Lindsay drops her head in shame]
We cut to later where Lindsay and Allison are preparing to square off in a right-handed match.
Unknown: Oh, I expect to see fan-fic of this.
"Take 4" begins as some of the other producers cheer on the women, who are locked in battle. Doug, Rob, and Noah are each waving money in their hands. Dissolve to "Several Minutes Later..." as the guys are now cheering on Allison, who looks focused as opposed to Lindsay - she's straining. Dissolve to "Several More Minutes Later..." when it's still a stalemate as Lindsay screams out while someone else ululates.
Unknown: Come on, Lupa, go Over The Top! [Joe eventually "makes it rain" on the combatant's hands. We dissolve again to later in the match, and it doesn't seem like either one has made any progress:]
Unknown: Oh my God!
Unknown: Not since Stallone...
Joe: It's Lupa! Now it's Lindsay! [We dissolve again. And still, no change:]
Rob: You shouldn't be turning me on right now. [Some of the others laugh. We dissolve AGAIN, and the women are still pretty even] Would somebody please, dear God, do it? We're getting bored!
Bargo: Yeah. [We see Joe trying to tip the scales in favor of Lindsay. It doesn't work as we see YET ANOTHER dissolve]
Rob: If you lose, Lindsay, Dune is the better movie.
Lindsay: No! [This gets some action into the match, And after one FINAL dissolve... we see that Allison is finally gaining ground]
Bargo: Someone win! Someone... [in what seems like an eternity, Allison finally takes down Lindsay's hand] Oh!
Allison Pregler [Lupa]: [raising her hands in victory] WOOOOO!!!!
Unknown: Dune is the better movie! [said as Bargo laughs]
Lindsay: The pain! [as Joe tries to console her]
Doug: Lindsay's like, [imitating Rocky Balboa] "Cut me, Mick! Cut me, Mick!"
Allison: That was the most awkward arm-wrestling ever.
We cut to the Denny's where it's "Take 5!!!!!!" for Lindsay, as the caption says. Bargo is filming as she prepares to take on a familiar French foe left-handed.
Benjamin Daniel [Benzaie]: This is my weaker arm, and I'm really tired and...
Lindsay: My weaker arm, too.
Ben: I've been awake for the past twenty-four hours.
Lindsay: I'm a girl. [We cut to the match, and Ben quickly dispatches Lindsay in just a few seconds. Lindsay lets out a strained cry of disgust.]
Bargo: [sarcastically] Wow! That was really surprising.
Lindsay: He's a strong little Frenchman.
Ben: Dude, I can lift anybody on this table.
Lindsay: [taking him up on the offer] All right, let's do it. [We cut to a few seconds later as we see Ben lift up Lindsay over a foot up off the ground. She's almost crying out because she didn't expect him to be that strong - frankly, no one else did. As he sets her back down, she almost falls over backwards on her heeled boots, which gets the attention of some neighboring customers]
Ben: Land on your feet. Make sure you land on your feet.
Lindsay: I'm wearing heels!
As she collects herself, off-screen, we hear someone [possibly Ed Glaser] say, as the caption reads:
Unknown: "This is not the place to pick up chicks."
Ben and Lindsay laugh. Cut to later, and Ben's not done. We see Ben pick up Lewis at the same level he did Lindsay.
Lewis: Put me down now. [Ben does so] Oww.
Bargo: Benzaie's cut, man!
Lindsay: Benzaie is cut.
Bargo: Shit! Watch his back!
Ben: Linkara's pretty heavy, though. I couldn't keep...
Bargo: [camera pans back to him] Benzaie's my bodyguard, shit!
We cut to inside a hotel room inside the Holiday Inn, where the production meeting with the cast is underway. Doug and Rob are "Going Over the Shooting Schedule" (thank you, graphic) to everyone else.
Doug: All right, it's pretty much... In a way, it's gonna sorta be like Kickassia in that the four days we shoot, it's just gonna be...
Rob: Straight through.
Doug: All... yeah, it's just gonna be straight through. Uh, but the good news is- I'll tell ya as I get to the schedule here. Okay, Wednesday, that's tomorrow: uh, everybody's gonna be in the lobby waiting to leave at 7:00. Not... not 7:10, not seven- [blabbers a bit] 7:00. And we're gonna make it to, uh, my house. At my hou- we're gonna shoot all the indoor scenes, which is- you know, that's both Team One and Team Two. And, uh, we're gonna shoot all the indoor scenes where we all meet up, we get into costumes... / [jump cut] So bring your costume with you. You'll be able to change there.
Rob: We have rooms you can change in. All hidden cameras will be removed. [chuckles from some]
Doug: [holding his pinky finger to his mouth] Well, most of them.
Unknown: (off-screen) Ohh....
Doug: Thursday, the weather is supposed to be good. And that's gonna be Team One. We're gonna be in the lobby at 6 AM. This is something where we need as much daylight as possible 'cause we're shooting a lot. Now, the other thing with that is that anytime, whatever, I make a big speech, or we have somebody that's saying a lot of lines that lives here, we're just gonna shoot that stuff later so we can get our scenes done. / [we see some of the other producers watching the Walkers] Uh, Friday, uh, that's gonna be Team Two. So that means that, on Thursday, everybody in Team Two, you get that day off. You don't, you don't have to worry about it.
Unknown: (off-screen) Nice.
Doug: Saturday is the big climax. That's the- you know, that, that's all the scenes in the field. So that's us in the field, leaving, telling Ma-Ti to piss off. And then, uh, the big climax where Ma-Ti comes back and tells us to piss off. / [we see William Dufresne (Suede) and his wife looking on, then pan to Noah checking his phone] Possibly gonna be the most physical. Yes?
Unknown (off-screen): Why do you hate us? [we hear some laughter as the camera pans over to Phelan & Lewis smiling]
Rob: I, I will address this one. [we hear Brad laugh as we pan back over to the Walkers] For those who are upset they have to get up at 6, keep this in mind: I'm gonna be standing on my feel all day filming all this. And unlike some teams who get a break, I will be doing it two days in a row. So any complaints can be directed to my [does an air-punch] FIST!! [off-screen laughs]
Doug: Well, n-now here- now here's the good news. Not only does everybody get a break in-between filming - every team gets a break - but, after Saturday, [as he looks at the schedule he's holding] Sunday is totally free. Monday is totally free. Those are totally reserved for whatever-
Rob: [almost simultaneously] Comas.
Doug: Yeah, well, [off-screen laughter] comas, crossovers, all that stuff. And keep in mind: all of you get a day off in-between as well.
Cut to a different angle of the Walkers.
Rob: Feel free to bring your jackets along and cover up. Uh, if you feel like you're getting hypothermia or something, we've got a St. Bernard with, like, a cask- No. [possibly Lisa chuckles at that] We can put you in the car with the heater on. Uh, we can work something out.
Jump cut to a bit later as the camera pans over to Lewis, who has a question.
Lewis: Although the weather, you know, is supposed to be good, what is- what if, what happens if the worst happens and it just, like rains all the way through the entire time? [simultaneously, we hear:]
Doug: Uh... [more off-screen chuckling, then he stammers a bit] That's Plan One.
Rob: I'm not joking.
Doug: Plan Two, which it's, it's... it's very, very unlikely. Um... if that did happen, our back-up plan was to do an entirely improvised murder mystery [we hear some groaning and snickering] inside the house, which, you know, would probably...
Rob: Be a waste of film.
Doug: Yeah, which would probably be terrible; but, at least, it would be giving people something.
Noah Antwiler: Who Killed Doctor Insano?
Doug: Uh...it's... [more chuckles] it's, it's very, very unlikely because the weather really has been-
Rob: That is a Hail Mary pass. That's what-
Lewis: [off-screen] Give me two days and a lot of Mountain Dew, and I'll constantly hammer it out for you!
Doug: Yeah, I mean, it's, it's very, very unlikely. I said, the only day where there- they're saying there could possibly be rain pretty much is, uh, Friday. You know, so you know, that's a day we're just, like, "Well, just [through clenched teeth] pray. Get through it." You know. It should be okay. And even though, like I say, it's not thunderstorms. You know, they said today was gonna be thunderstorms; it's just rain.
Cut to black as we hear commotion. Graphic fades in: "Day 1" as we fade up on inside the Walkers' living room, getting ready to shoot for the first time. Bargo, filming, pans over to himself.
Bargo: Just now starting production: principal photography. [he pans back]
Noah: I'm not in this room yet, so I'll just kinda... [others chuckle as he leaves the area] I'll be in Lower Earth.
Cut to a wide shot of Doug holding a pencil for the cast to watch and try to nod in unison.
Doug: Ready, and go. [the cast follows the pencil as Doug moves it up and down for a few seconds] Good!
Rob: I wasn't feeling it from you, Brad. [the cast laughs, especially Brad]
Doug: I didn't believe that nod.
Cut to later as we see Doug in costume as Link. We just see his boots and pale legs as we hear off-screen talking, especially from Lindsay, who is close-by. We hear a lot of that in the next minute or so. Bargo pans over to himself.
Bargo: This is the first time I'm seeing this. [pans back to the legs as he tracks up to Doug's face; he doesn't look happy - obviously playing for the camera] This is...
Rob: It's disgusting. [Bargo pans over to Rob]
Bargo: Yeah. It really is.
Rob: It's just- [shaking his head as we pan back to Doug, who gives up a smooch and a head nod as if to say, "Feel sorry for me!"]
Bargo: That's always... [indecipherable. He pans over to Lindsay in her wedding dress for Arwen, with Elisa Hansen next to her. He pans down to show it off] Ooh! Wow, you're, like, going to a wedding. [Lindsay chuckles]
Doug: Yeah, everyone's been humming the, uh, "Wedding... Cathedral..." music or whatever. [Bargo moves on a bit and notices Lewis & Joe talking, Lewis in his knight costume and Joe in its Inigo Montoya outfit at the end of the stairwell.]
Bargo: Oh, damn!
Joe: [as Inigo] Hallo!
Bargo: You're the guy that... killed my- no, I killed your father. [Lewis turns around to give a manly pose.]
Joe: [as Inigo] You did. [draws his sword, pointing it at Bargo] Prepare to die.
Cut to a close-up of Bennett White [Sage] in his King Aslan costume.
Bennett: I look like I'm being pooped out of a moose!
Bargo: [panning to himself] Pedobear: The meme is alive. [pans back as Bennett imitates said bear's expression] Can you do the claw? [Sage does so] Yes!
Cut to Bargo panning in between Todd Nathanson and Justin Carmichal in their costumes. We also see Lindsay and Paul Schuler [Paw] in their outfits as well.
Bargo: Look at these sexy, sexy men.
Cut to a close-up of Justin in his Jareth garb.
Cut to Phelan in his Rockbiter outfit, who says something but I can't tell what. We also see Luke Mochrie in his Harry Potter get-up.
Bargo: [as he speaks and examines Phelan's wardrobe, I think he's not sure what to make of this] This... Interesting. ...I meant, uh.. alright.
Lindsay: [off-screen] Did you do your own make-up? It's very expertly applied!
Cut to Brad sitting in a chair in full Indiana Jones apparel.
Bargo: And Dr. Jones.
Brad Jones: I'm very tired right now, Shorty. [laughs]
Cut to a close-up of Bargo.
Bargo: [whispering] That's Holly [Christine Brown], the site administrator! / [we cut to Holly holding highlighters] Whataya got there?
Holly Christine Brown: [as we see the caption "Holly - Site Administrator/Line Producer appear below her, she whispers] I have highlighters! It's amazing! Four colors! [this is true] Yeeaahh! [we pan back to Bargo]
Bargo: Is it just me, or does it feel like we're pre-gaming for a Halloween party?
Holly: It kinda does. [Bargo snickers]
Cut to a close-up of Elisa applying make-up to Lindsay. We later see Ben adjusting his Conan costume - particulary, his fake chest. Doug continues the narration.
Doug (v/o): So the first day of shooting begun; and, for the most part, it went pretty well. It was longer than expected. But the scenes were shot, and people seemed to have fun...when they could.
We cut to some of the cast chilling out, waiting for their scenes. Some are sitting on the floor, like Phelan and Allison; Brad is in a computer chair; and Luke is lying on his back on the floor. We pan back to Bargo. As he speaks, he wear Doug in the background discussing the scene where he calls on the cast to come out and show themselves.
Bargo: [with "dramatic" pauses] People don't realize that being an actor... majority of it... is waiting. Waiting for... an absolution... that may never come.
Cut to the living room where Doug, Noah, Lewis, Joe, and Rob are discussing Linkara's entrance.
Rob: About the gayest musical I could think of.
Doug: Oh, no, there's- okay... musicals, there's gayer.
Rob: That annoys me as much.
Noah: Rent is my most hated musical.
Doug: [looking at the script] Uh, Annie? Mamma Mia?
Rob: Annie is pretty awful.
Noah: I hate... this is me alone, but I hate Spring Awakening.
Rob: I'm going pre-1980s.
Doug: [looks at Noah] Wait, what?
Noah: Spring Awakening.
Doug: Oh, yeah, another one.
Noah: Yeah, it's, like, the most generically titled musical ever.
Lewis: Well, excuse him for trying to introduce the idea that maybe knights shouldn't go around bashing each other in the head!
Doug: That's why they carry swords: [in a posh English accent, mimicing cutting flowers] to cut flowers!
Lewis: No! [as Joe chuckles]
Cut to near the end of the day. We're in a van looking out the back window as we see Noah in his Gandalf duds near the end of the driveway. He's trying to get a reaction from any car that drives by. We hear chuckling from inside the van. Cut to a few seconds later as Iron Liz walks in the background and "Gandalf" approaches the van.
Spoony: No, you shall not pass!
Bargo: Awesome. [cut to later on as the van takes off. We see Noah try to hit the van with his staff. He doesn't, but he does chase after the van for a bit.]
Bargo: All right. Good stuff.
Cut to black. The caption "Day 2" fades in and out.
Doug (v/o): And then, Day 2 happened. Day... Fucking... Two.
Cut to a close-up on William in his accoutrements as the cast is traveling to their destination.
William: Hi, I'm Suede. We're here in the bright, sunny, sun-drenched beaches of Chicago, and we're... [off-screen chuckles, especially from Lindsay in the front passenger seat of the van] We're here filming...
Lindsay: [off-screen] Please be careful.
William: We're here filming the great anniversary video. Um, apparently Bargo's doing this for his web-log; but, um, hopefully he's- I'm hoping he's not going to put it on until after the thing's actually been released because it's meant to be a huge surprise that I'm in it. So, surprise, everyone! Yay! [chuckles]
Cut to black as the following captions appear in steps: "Time - 6:50 AM / Location - Bemis Woods / CLOSED" Back to the van with Bargo behind the camera again, in the driver's seat.
Bargo: So, yeah, Bemis Woods is closed. And now, we're in a desperate situation.
Lindsay: Who's bitching?
William: [off-screen] Well, didn't they say that it might've been- might just be... not open yet?
Lindsay: [now holding the camera] They have these permit things; and I swear to God I was like: "Doug, you've gotta get a fucking permit for every single place you go. They might charge you, but you'll not regret it cuz at least it'll be open. [speaking rapidly] And if, if they charge you, it'll be, like, $30 at the outset. You know, come on. And we're in Chicago. They probably don't give a shit." [finally takes a breath] Why are we driving around? It's, like, 6 AM; I was, like, freaking out...
Bargo: I'm thinking the whole haunted-house/murder-mystery thing as a last-ditch effort would be the best thing to go.
Cut to later in Bemis Woods where we see Team One preparing to shoot.
Doug (v/o): It turns out we got there ten minutes early, so the place wasn't open yet. So we decided to get the team breakfast and headed out to our location. [we dissolve to a shot of a flooded area of forest - might be also from Bemis] The area we were originally supposed to film in got flooded, [dissolve back to BTS footage] so we had to keep principal photography to the narrow street.
Cut to inside the car. As dramatic, ominous movie music plays loudly on the van's stereo, we see Rob move slowly towards the van with an intense look.
Bargo: Ensign, what is that near us? I think it's a Rob. A Rob Walker.
Cut to back in the woods as we see [8-Bit] Mickey Paradis put on a hoodie over his Peter Pan costume, giving Bargo an awkward smile.
Bargo: Transitioning to warmth.
Doug (v/o): On top of that, despite it being unbelievably warm weather for several weeks, a sudden cold chill swept through the town. [cut to Ben hugging (Handsome) Thomas Hanley and Mickey for warmth. Allison later joins them] And guess who was right in the middle with little covering themselves?
Ben: Yeah. Now it's okay.
Bargo: This is,uh, Benzaie's,uh, warm-up routine when it's cold out here... [he pans over to Ben in Conan clothing. We see Ben take a series of small hops forward, twenty-six in all, to try and generate heat]
Ben: [as he finishes] Ahh! There!
Bargo: Look at that sexy motherfucker.
Doug (v/o): [scene of NC and Tom walking] People could see their breath; [more of the huddle from before] producers were huddling for warmth. [more BTS footage] And every time I thought it was safe to go to the car and get some pants, another scene came up where I had to show my bulbous, goosebumped legs. [scene where NC sits in the deck chair in the woods] God, this joke wasn't worth it. [back to Bargo]
Bargo: It is now hour Three-ish, and, uh- actually, no; about two-and-a-half. And, uh, we've gone from... [pans back to Doug filming at the start of the trail] there's the guys filming. And we've gone from, uh, standing all the time to just going into one [pans over to show Team One chilling in the middle of the trail] giant sit-pile, which is nice. Keeps us warm.
Cut to the scene where Lupa calls NC a "green fairy."
Doug (v/o): As the day went on, it seemed like the cold disappeared and that, perhaps, it was just a morning spell.
Back to Bargo filming, We see William getting help with his costume from his wife, Jessica. Bargo pans around to himself.
Bargo: It's finally time for Sage's scene. I mean, uh, Suede's scene. Ugh.
William: [through his mask] Did you call me Sage?
Bargo: [almost chuckling] I'm, like, the- the third person to do this. [back to more BTS footage]
Doug (v/o): But as the day grew longer, the cold came back... harsher than ever.
Doug: It's just beginning!
Unknown: Oh, yeah. [we hear some laughter]
Rob: Day Three: we come back!
Lewis: When it's warmer! [the camera pans pack to Bargo, who sighs through his teeth. Cut to a montage of SK scenes: Linkara talking to NC in the deck chair; NChick & Lupa addressing NC's clothing issues; and Lupa teaching NC to curtsy]
Doug (v/o): To make things worse, scenes were taking much longer than expected. At first, we thought we could come back and shoot it one of the extra days, like we did with Kickassia. But as we checked the weather reports, [cut to a slow zoom-out of a TV-type five-day weather forecast graphic, showing poor conditions ahead] not only were the next few days possibly calling for colder temperatures, but also [dissolve to a stock photo of a rainy downtown... somewhere] more rain, [dissolve to a lightning strike over a city skyline] more thunderstorms, [dissolve to a pic of some hail on the ground] and even hail. [cut back to BTS] Because of this, the shots had to be done that day. But we were losing light, losing time, and losing patience.
Doug: [on the phone] Like...
Lindsay: [off-screen, sounding very tired] I wanna die.
Doug: ...maybe another half-hour late, about a half-hour late. [this as we see Rob filming Suede's dramatic entrance in the woods. Cut to Bargo, summing up how everyone feels:]
Bargo: [deep breath, then he whipsers:] We're all miserable!
Doug (v/o): And getting colder [we see Elisa with a jacket around her trying to keep warm] and colder and colder. [cut to a montage of BTS footage] Our line producer, Holly, said that we need to wrap up soon, or people are going to freeze. I couldn't have agreed more. We white-knuckled everything else we had to do: one-shot takes, cutting several big scenes, [cut to the SK scene with Team One looking around as "The Watcher" speaks, followed by them running around avoiding The Good Witch's lightning strikes] scaling down lines to only the bare minimum, shooting only what we absolutely needed. [back to Bargo filming]
Bargo: So does that that mean that Bemis Woods is a wrap?
Rob: [off-screen] Yes.
Doug: For everyone else here, yes!
Rob: [off-screen, soundling like he wants to deperately leave] Yes! [cut to a shot of Team One walking in the forest]
Doug (v/o): But the day wasn't over. [dissolve to the exterior of the Jaffers house] We still had to shoot the Chuck Jaffers scene at a friend's house. [cut to another montage: Team One entering upstairs, Bargo in the stairwell reading that Dummies book, and Team One discovering the book of spells] Seeing how it was already getting dark, we had to shoot a lot of the outside scenes with Bargo inside, which, I think, was a relief to most people. [cut to BTS footage, where we see the cast and crew sitting very quietly. They look beat, especially Allison and WIlliam] The mood was quiet, very quiet. People were exhausted and possibly sick because I kept them out so long. [dissolve to Lewis, sleeping perhaps in a deck chair and almost passed out] Even Lewis, who practically breathes videomaking, was having a [cut to an unused scene from SK, with Team One in the Jaffers basement; the camera pans out from Phelous] hard time keeping a chipper attitude.
Phelous: Big.... strong hands!
Everyone else in Team One: SHUT UP!
Doug: [to the cameraman] Alright, now do one from, uh, just where you were.
Doug: And a little louder, Phelan.
Cut to a local bar, where the cast is hanging out.
Doug (v/o): As the day finally came to a close, we took the producers out for pizza. It was the least we could do after making them suffer so much. [as this point, we see Tom filming Ben, sitting at a table with Lindsay and Antonella Insarra (Nella) on either side. He's about to engage in a drinking contest.]
Ben: Apparently, I-I need to try, uh, what's called the Car Bomb, or whatever... [cut to Ben and Nella standing up in a race to see who can finish their Irish Car Bomb first]
Elisa: [off-screen] Go! [our combatants begin to drink as the others look on]
Lindsay: Now it's curdling! It's curdling!
Unknown: It's curdling.
At this point, it's over. Nella sets down her drink while Ben still has a ways to go.
Lindsay: Nella wins! [we fade to black as Ben continues to drink]
Doug (v/o): Then another ball dropped.
Cut to more rainy footage of what may be downtown Chicago.
Bargo: So, yeah, today is, uh, [we cut to Bargo seating behind the wheel of his van; it's wet outside] Friday: uh, 4:22. And, uh, [he looks around, feeling a bit unsettled about what's happening] basically, [pans the camera back and forth] as you can tell, it is, like, really stormy. So it's not really practical to do any of our outdoor stuff. / Luckily, we have two extra crossover days that we're going into. But the weather doesn't look good, um, which means we may just have one more sunny day. We have a whole lot of- we have a whole Team Two [holds up two fingers], um, stuff to do, as well as a whole climax scene. So that's a lot of work. We may have to do split teams. Uh, not sure yet what the, uh, Walkers have planned for it. But, uh, definitely everybody's getting nervous - uh, myself included. / Uh, w-with the weather the way it is, uh, we are gonna have to really break down our contingencies. So, hopefully, we can, uh, make this happen one way or the other.
Mike Michaud: [as the camera pans to him sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his phone] We're gonna have problems with the-the departures because we have massive storms coming in on Tuesday now.
Bargo: So it looks like there's gonna be some delays on that end. And, uh, this is, uh, Mike, our CEO. [camera pans back]
Mike: [raises his phone, not looking at us] Hey. [yeah, he's unhappy; Bargo chuckles as he pans back to himself]
Bargo: As you can see, he's not, um... in the best of spirits at the moment. Umm, basically, we have, uh, a lot of stuff that we need to... Uh, let's put it this way: we're in the process of possibly making THIS the feature. Hey!
Cut to more footage of the rain in downtown.
Doug (v/o): Day 3 had to be cancelled, which meant that the schedule had to be pushed back to include [dissolve to a zoom-out of a genetic Happy Easter graphic] Easter as one of the shooting days. Several extras that we asked to perform [dissolve to footage of the cast at the hotel (cameraman Ed Glaser, too), signing copies of the Year Three cast photo for some lucky fans] had to decline because they wanted to be with their families on the holiday. And to make things worse, [dissolve to a slow zoom-in of the weather graphic from before] it was said that the storm was going to last the whole week. [dissolve to a zoom-in of Doug's bed at his home; it looks like he's totally enveloped under the covers] I spent most of the days making calls in bed. I didn't shower; I didn't eat; I didn't even brush my teeth. I was pretty fucking gross. I was convinced I had totally doomed this production. [dissolve to the following montage: Team One walking in the woods just before NC's breakdown; the scene with the mother and her daughter asking to use the playground; Film Brain tripping Luke; NC, Benzaie, and Mickey in the Jaffers house; and BTS footage of Team One and crew in the cold weather] How can we explain the rain in this kind of story? Why would a girl want to go on a playground if it's raining? How could we fight or perform stunts on a muddy ground? How many more scenes will we have to cut because of slow shooting? And how could we risk the producers putting up with anymore than they already have?
Back to the hotel as the group continues signing photos.
Joe: [looking down to the end of the long line of tables, sarcastically saying:] Lupa, give me more room! God! [chuckles]
Doug (v/o): As many of the performers signed autographs for the group photo, [cut to inside Mike's house for an executive meeting. Mike and Doug are on a big couch; Rob is in the recliner next to them; and Bargo is filming from another recliner. All have their shoes off] Mike Michaud, Bargo, Rob, and myself all gathered at Mike's place to discuss the future of the production, which we all could see was undeniably shaky.
Rob: Everybody who's... [zoom in on Rob] on Team Two or whatever is gonna have to come back on Sunday. So, [clears his throat] if that happens, then that team will have been out two days in a row, particularly for the climax, which is gonna be entirely outside.
Doug: [close-up on him] The main reason I didn't do it today- I mean, of course, [motions to the living room window] the weather is really bad, but, uh... Um, the main reason that I didn't do it is that I realized- is that you can't have a scene where a girl wants to go on a playground, and it's raining. No girl would go on a playground while raining. Um... but the other thing is that I'm thinking of, honestly, is, uh.. you know, w-when I'm wearing that- whatever, that kilt, ...ah, the cold in the last third of that finally got to me. And I'm realizing-
Rob: Yeah, Doug literally was shivering.
Doug: Yeah. [stammering] It actually got me. I'm realizing with Benzaie, with, uh...
Rob: 8-Bit Mickey.
Doug: ...Mickey, with Kaylyn [Dicksion - MarzGurl], ah... and myself, I'm concerned people are gonna get sick. / [cut to a three-wide shot] But, on top of that, the... the amount of time that it's taking to film this is just... it is taking longer, and we're having to cut a lot of... a lot of scenes. N-Not only cut scenes, but it's a lot of scenes we're gonna have to film later. And, because of that, the production could- you know, instead of... like, I think, with Kickassia, it was, what, a month to edit? I mean, this could take anywhere from two to three months to edit. And, on to- on top of that, we probably have to just rely on the Nostalgia Critics cuz I- I don't think I'm gonna have time to do other videos. Um, but...
Rob: But that's what we're saying. What was a project that we wanted to get out right away would take three months. Doug would be only down to doing the NCs... [thinks for a few seconds]
Mike: Say... we can this- what, we scrap this project. How much do you have that's usable that we could put into something later on?
Doug: Well, the fight sc-
Mike: [interrupting with something indecipherable] It'd be more, "It was like, 'This is what happened. All these...'"
Rob: For a documentary or a mockumentary, it could be done.
Doug: I think the idea behind this was- I mean, every year we do this, we always try to do something bigger, you know. We try to top ourselves. And I think we may have finally got to a point where, with the time frame that we have, we may have bitten off more than we can chew.
Mike: Well, [indecipherable] with their times, and all of them are doing this whole time; so it's only gonna take them a week.
Doug: Yeah, well, see-
Mike: For-for-for a majority of the people.
Doug: I-I think when we did The Brawl, we had to shoot that in one day; and that seemed impossible. We did- with Kickassia, we had to do that in four days; that seemed impossible - we did it. I think, with this, I think we honestly thought we could do this; but the fact that we- you know, that it is the weather, it is the temperature, ah, that there is a shorter amount of time. We can't really move around days because of the weather.
Rob: This was more: once we got there, I mean... God, what did we do? It was like, what, 7 to 8?
Doug: It was, uh... the first day of shooting inside was twelve hours. The second day, it was...
Rob: About thirteen.
Doug: Oh, fourteen, actually, I had.
Doug: Uh... and that's- and again, even that wasn't enough time. Uh... [pauses] I-I really...
Rob: It may just have been overambition.
Mike: [we see subtitles of this sentence] I'd rather not have them work on Easter.
Mike: It's so wrong!
Doug: [subtitles] I don't want them to work on Easter either.
Rob: [stammers a bit] Well, then, we have to make a decision cuz either they're working on Easter or they just can't do it.
Doug: Well, obviously not.
Rob: That's saying, "We could go two routes: we could do a mockumentary, or we could make it a documentary." Um, basically, one would be jokey, kind of tongue-in-cheek, poking fun at the truths that did happen. The other would be straight up... probably not funny, except with a couple of really dry humor-
Mike: [interrupting] Well, I think- I think the mockumentary would be a feature, then.
Doug: I- I don't think that's what people want to see. I think they would actually want to see what we were going to do. You know, and the nice thing would be cuz we do have... a good chunk of footage shot. I mean, we could edit some of these scenes together.
Mike: Still, they're all together. They're all filming crossovers, which people like to see. And the fact that we're- we're showing what went wrong and telling them what went wrong and explaining-
Rob: Yeah. I'm not entirely against it. I'm just saying, "That's the concern."
Doug: Rob brings a very good point that, as a company, is that gonna make us look bad?
Mike: I don't think so. I think that it-it'd be commendable that we're willing to admit our mistakes. / Other than the fact that [indecipherable] is the food, the lodging and the airfare, I mean, still we haven't put really much money into the production. I mean-
Doug: Just those things. [Bargo laughs at this as the camera shakes]
Mike: [indecipherable] I mean, that's all our productions are. It's pretty much bringing them here and adding a few props where you don't... have the time or the ability to be able to put these big productions together right now. But, as we get bigger and we do get a location, and we start filming higher-quality stuff, we'll be able to show what we can do then. / [subtitled here:] I honestly just say we go the documentary approach. / I think we just go that approach; that'll be the thing we show... [off-screen clearing a throat] And then... [a really long pause; halfway through we slowly fade to black, just before he says:] I don't know, man; there's nothing we can do.
Doug (v/o): The only one missing from that meeting was Holly, [fade in on a slow zoom-out of Holly, pictured at a high-societal affair with Mike] who was also pretty busy herself. When she heard about the decision we were going to make, she called another emergency meeting just a few minutes after the last one ended. [dissolve to a zoom in of one of Holly's BTS stills of Doug giving directions in the forest] She told us that not only could the production be finished, but the crew actually wants to finish it. "True, it may not be as good as you [dissolve to a zoom-in of another of Holly's stills, this one of Lewis resting on the trail] intended," she said, "but leaving now would be a much bigger mistake than not trying to follow through." [dissolve to a zoom-in on the previous pic of Holly] After a good hour of trying to figure out what the right thing to do is, we finally came to a reasonable outcome: [the pic fades to black] we'd let the producers decide.
Cut to Bargo filming the Channel Awesome executives (Holly, Rob, Mike, and Doug) as they enter a room at the hotel to meet with the cast and crew.
Doug (v/o): We gathered everybody in a room to tell them the situation and began handing out sheets of paper for people to vote whether or not they wanted to finish the production or abandon it. [cut to a shot from inside the room with just about everyone in view; we'll say at this spot for the next few minutes] And then, this happened:
Doug: Okay, so, yeah, w-we've been talking it over, and... pretty much we want to be sure that we're all on the same page here. Uh, since production's begun, for some people, they say, "Oh, wow, this is a lot easier than Kickassia! This is so much more relaxed." For others, they're like, "Oh, man, this is... [annoyed sounds, like poeple are not happy with shooting]" / But I wanted to see with everyone here, I wanted to be sure that everyone is on board with it. If, because- yesterday, a lot of people- it got very cold. [motions to himself] A lot of us were not wearing much. And-
Unknown: A lot of us were cranky.
Doug: And a lot- [stammering] I could tell people were getting cranky. We were- we were running out of time and stuff like that.I just, I want to be sure that people can do this. And if you feel, like, "No, th-[stammers] this isn't good," uh, we're handing out sheets of paper right now. Just write down "No." If you feel, "No, I'm on board; I-I-I really wanna finish this. I want this to be-" [some commotion starts to happen]
Holly: [passing a stack of small papers off to Lewis] Take one, pass it around...
Justin: What if we crumple it up and throw it at you?
Doug: [laughing at that suggestion] I'll take it as a "no."
Joe: We already knew you were coming with... cuz we've already talked about it. All of us are on board. We all took an independent vote.
Ben: Yeah, the paper is a waste of time.
Ben: And, like, I was freezing my ass off...
Rob: Just to confirm-
Joe: Team B is...
Rob: You guys are aware that this... we could have rain, and...
Joe: Team B- [general commotion follows]
Lindsay: It's all rainy-
Bennett: Film in the rain!
Todd [In The Shadows] Nathanson: I, I can't promise we won't be cranky, but we will do it!
Joe: No, I can promise we won't be cranky. And also... [laughter]
Doug: J-Joe will make that promise.
Joe: Sunday and Monday, we don't care about. Like, Easter, [as commotion builds] we're here! / We are giving up everything in order to finish the production. And then what-what we'll do is we'll work all the way 'til it's completed. Yeah, it may not be the best; the lighting may be this and that, and... but that's all stuff that you can figure out in editing; and I know you know how to edit. And you can create things, create magic in editing and-and find different ways to make things work.
Joe: So if we just all work to get to a single goal: finishing it... you know...
Joe: W-we don't, we don't need any crossover days, Sunday, Monday, we'll work Easter, we'll work whatever, we- we talked about it already.
Ben: We can stay on Monday as well.
Lindsay: Doug, we want to help. Like, we really want to see the project to its completion; and we want you to use us to our- the best of our abilities.
Joe: I don't think-
Lewis: We are at your disposal.
Ben: I-if I'm complaining on the set, like, I'm, I'm definitely happy to be there. I hope, like, this doesn't... find a way-
Lewis: I apologize for yesterday when I- when I, like, said, "I'm hot and tired, and my feet hurt." I am very sorry about that.
Bennett: We might be miserable on the set; but the day after, we'll look back on it and say, "That was fucking awesome."
Elisa: Great speech!
Lewis: [waving everyone off] I'm doing my speech, I'm doing a speech. Doug... [at this point, some people in the room start to hum "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"] Doug...
Joe: Wait. [laughter as the music gets louder as others join in]
Lewis: Two years ago... two years ago, Bargo gathered us together in a room. [you'll hear some chuckling throughout this whole spiel] Those of us who were not here for that, let me repeat what he said: "We are the best of the best." [at this point, Doug has his hand over his heart] And WE...
Unknown: We are the movie Best of the Best.
Lewis: ...are the best of the best! YOU, sir, [pointing at Doug] are the best of the best!
Joe: You are the best!
Lewis: YOU are That Guy with the Glasses. It is your website that we are on. Without you, I would not be here. I would never have been inspired to make comic-book videos. [motions to Lindsay] There would be no Nostalgia Chick. There wouldn't have been a Nostalgia Chick contest to get attention on [turns around and acknowledges] Marzgurl. There would not have been... so many of us. YOU [indecipherable; afterwards, Doug salutes Lewis]
Unknown: You are my father.
Lewis: I am PROUD to work for you! [Doug finishes his salute as just about everyone in the room busts out laughing and applauds Lewis] And I know... and I know [the humming quickly resumes again] that you can do this.
Doug: Ev-everybody, everybody, I-I will say that... yea, I-I mean, I was concerned looking at people; ya know, I think it was because of the cold and stuff; I-I was concerned... Uh, hearing that gives me so much motivation. Guys... [folds his hands together in a prayer pose and bows to the group, looking very humbled; applause]
Bennett: Wa-wa-wait, guys, guys: [the applause subsides] Slow clap. Slow clap. [sure enough, just about everyone - except Mike - does a slow clap that builds in tempo, eventually ending in wild cheers from some]
Doug (v/o): In light of all this, I think Holly said it best when she said this:
Holly: I just want to take this opportunity to say, [points at Doug] "I fucking told you so."
Doug: You told me so. [laughter from the crew]
Cut to the hallway outside the hotel room. Despite hearing Elisa close-by, Bargo films Doug & Mike.
Bargo: Now you got a lot more people ready to work. How are you gonna utilize them more?
Doug: With me, to be honest, um... I'm, I'm very much a hands-on person, so I don't... for me more, it's, it's more people can stay out of the way; I'm very odd that way. Um, but-but maybe that's, like, a weird condition I have; maybe I should utilize people more, uh, I guess cuz I'm so used to working by myself. But, uh... I-I'm sure there's ways. [we fade to black]
Doug (v/o): Everybody started chipping in. [fade up on a photo of Lindsay and Ed. Note that this will be a dissolving montage of photos, stills, etc. of all the people mentioned in the next segment] Lindsay and Ed strongly uggested that I use two cameras to make filming go faster. Todd handed over his camera, which happened to be identical to ours; and Noah handed over his memory card for additional space. Even Allison handed over one of her camera batteries. This would mean, however, that Ed would have to give up his role as Cloak #3 and instead be cameraman; so that part was now being handed over to Iron Liz. The other actor, Jim Troken, who couldn't make it to play Cloak #2, was now being handed over to Jim Jarosz, who's done a lot of camera and Photoshop work for us in the past. The role of the houseowner was now going to be played by Lindsay's friend, Elisa, who was replacing Victoria [Turner] from The Bjork Show, who sadly couldn't be there on that day as well. [cut back to the hotel hallway, where he see Doug talking with Ben] But even with all that said, how the hell were we going to explain the weather? How the hell could we film this entire story in the rain? Well, as luck would have it, [dissolve to a stock phot of the sun shining through some clouds] the sun started to shine again. [the light classical guitar music from the end of SK Part 5 plays as we cut to behind-the-scenes footage of Day 3, where the crew is in the big grass field and the cast all in costume] In keeping with most Chicagoans' interpretation of the weather report, which is: "Never listen to the weather report," the skies suddenly did a 180. And though it was cold and still pretty windy, we had more time to get creative with our shots so that we wouldn't show the fact that we're all clearly wearing warm pants.
Noah: I honestly don't th- I think, if you ever see him with the pants, it's only for, like, a half-second. And...
Rob: Well, the scene where he walks up to Ma-Ti and puts his hand on his [we cut to that scene in Part 1. However, we notice that Doug is wearing jeans and just the top portion of his costume; that bit was obviously edited] shoulder, Doug walks down the whole row.
Noah: Well, you're not gonna have that whole shot.
Ed: An-and I-
Rob: Yeah, if he just doesn't decide to use that [cut back to the guys talking] shot, then no.
Noah: No, he's just gonna go, [puts his hand on Rob's shoulder] "Ma-Ti...", and it's gonna be, like, a half-second of him walking.
Rob: Well, I think his original plan was to use the whole shot. But I think it's-
Noah: Oh, really?
Ed: I've also- I've also got the shots of him just walking by the camera, which you don't see there, so that he's always in motion.
Rob: Maybe Doug should, you know, take his pants off more often.
Bargo: [pans to himself] If only. [back to Rob]
Rob: Most people, they should put their pants back on. Doug should take them off. [the camera spins back around to Bargo, but then Noah says:]
Noah: I have my pants off. I'm completely naked under this. [everyone chuckles]
Bargo: [as Lewis comes up to him] We're talking about pants going on and off. Do you have anything to add to this, Lewis?
Lewis: Only this. [mimics taking off his pants; quickly, Bargo pans back to him]
Bargo: All right, and that's a wrap!
Doug (v/o): Though several scenes still had to be cut, shooting did go a lot faster. And, for the most part, everything went relatively well. [cut to Sage confronting Malachite] Mostly. [off-screen] Ready, and go! [the two perform their action stunt. However, Malachite is unable to filp all the way and instead lands on his neck. This scene is from the blooper reel. When the fall happens, everyone looking on reacts in shock]
Orlando Belisle Jr. [Malachite]: [quickly getting up off the ground and jogging] I'm okay! I'm okay! I'm okay!
Doug: [off-screen] You sure?
Orlando: Wow, that hurt!
Lewis: Well, it was- it is an impressive fall. I'm glad he's okay! [Bargo plans back to Orlando and some of the cast to ensure he is really okay - Bennett, Doug, Noah, and Rob specifically]
Doug (v/o): Despite Orlando having a black belt in karate and the fact that we practiced the flip a few times before, we couldn't help but feel a little concerned that he shouldn't do this.
Doug: I just realized, why don't we just use that take, the more I think about it? Just- [blabbers] but then, you just get back up. Can you- can you do the upper flip, where you do that cool thing?
Orlando: I can do that. That...
Bennett: So-so we just don't show him falling on his ass; we-
Doug: No, we DO show him falling on his ass! And then, ...you go, "Hah-HAH!" Then he gets back up: "Ho!" [he then sticks his hand out in front of him] And whatever he does- [as Bennett growls and does "the claw"] the energy thing.
Bennett: Actually, that- I don't wanna-
Orlando: Can we still do the backflip? I'll still do the backflip.
Rob: You wanna do it, that's on you, dude.
Doug (v/o): We emphasized to him that we didn't need him to do this, but he said that he was gonna do it whether the cameras were rolling or not.
Doug: Stop, and you do a count. One, two, three... [as he does this, Bargo is filming Rob doing that Catholic prayer thing, hoping for a good outcome]
Bargo: It's been a pleasure working with you, Rob. [shakes hands with Rob]
Rob: See you on the other side!
Doug: Quiet-quiet, Orlando wants to do this!
Rob: Back up! [motions everyone to get behind him so that he can film]
Orlando: [practicing when Bennett is supposed to flip him] One, two, three! ...Okay.
Doug: Everyone quiet! And go! [the scene begins as we get to the pivotal moment]
Orlando and Bennett: One, two, three! [Orlando flips, which sends Bennett onto the muddy ground. This time, Orlando lands it and strikes an attack pose afterwards. Everyone around them cheers and applauds]
Unknown: We're not doing another-
Unknown 2: -put his hat back on. [Joe comes up to congratulate Orlando, and they both hug]
Ben: High five! [Holly comes up to Orlando, and they high-five each other]
Cut to Elisa, off-screen, talking to Orlando. Brian Heinz [The Last Angry Geek] is pacing around.
Elisa: Where did you get this hair?
Orlando: Umm, my dad is from Belize, which is, um, in Central America-
Orlando: -next to... Most people don't know it.
Elisa: It's, like, tropical hair.
Orlando: Yeah, but he's got the straight hair. And there's my mom, who's black; she's- she got that nappy hair.
Orlando: She got that nappy-headed hair. [pointing to his mane] That's how I got this. And to prove that's correct, my niece is part Belizian, part Black as well; cuz her father is my half-brother.
Bargo: I'm-I'm sorry. What is Belizian?
Orlando: Um, Belize?
Bargo: Belize- Oh!
Orlando: Near Guatemala, Honduras, and Mexico?
Bargo: Gotcha, gotcha.
Elisa: My mom-
Orlando: It's the smallest country.
Brian: Bargo, you cracker.
Cut to the cast in the field ready to film Ma-Ti's funeral.
Unknown: [in a weird voice] Hey, guys, is this a funeral going on? Can we join you?
Cut to near the end of the day. The sun is setting as Rob is about to film Spoony's short prayer.
Bargo: Doug, is this the, uh, last of the principal for group?
Doug: Well, for Team One, yeah. Team Two, we're gonna shoot tomorrow.
Bargo: OK, that's when it's, ah...
Doug: Yeah. [looks at Rob, ready to film the scene]
Bargo: ...gonna be muddy... [Doug shushes him up]
Spoony: ...for not all tears are an evil.
General commotion after the scenes end, with Noah giving an angel-like "Ahhh!"
Noah: That's what he says.
Bargo: So that's done for today?
Rob: That's-that's a wrap for Saturday. Bargo's... Ma-Ti's funeral.
Bargo: [camera spins back to him] I'm dead now.
Rob: You're very [indecipherable], Bargo, thankfully.
Bargo: Yes. [cut to black]
Doug (v/o): ["Day 4" caption fades in] As Day 4 came, things went a LOT smoother. [dissolve to Team Two in a van on the way to shooting] I was behind camera the whole time, [cut to Doug filming the Snob's Temple of Doom tribute] and both Rob and Ed served as second cameramen. [cut to later as Cloak 1 chases Luke on the playground]
Cloak 1: Ha-ha! [then later, we see Doug filming Cloak 1 getting stuck in the slide-chute] Ahh! This slide was not made for the husky gentleman. [off-screen chuckles as Luke runs away; cut to Bargo filming himself on a swing set]
Doug (v/o): The weather was more accommodating; and, for the most part, [close-in on Marzgurl as they end the scene where Team 2 learns that Spoony lost the map] the group was pretty covered up.
Kaylyn: You fucker. [laughter]
Cut to a wide shot of Doug filming Todd and Film Brain's "fight".
Todd: Ha-ha! Take that, you villianous cloak!
Film Brain: It's not a cloak! IT'S FILM BRAIN!!
Todd: I don't care! I can't see a thing! [after a few seconds, Todd tries to do an MC Hammer-style dance move] Hammer time! [laughter as Mathew awkwardly dances; we cut to Bargo filming Rob]
Bargo: So we have Rob having another injury. [he zooms in on Rob's forehead, where he has a small gash]
Rob: This was the result of Suede. [cut to a slow-motion playback of the scene from the big fight where Suede is fighting Chuck Jaffers. Sure enough, we see Suede push back Jaffers' sword as he's holding it, which hits him on the forehead]
Rob: Nice, nice little bump here. [back to BTS]
Bargo: Was that with a sword, or was th-?
Rob: That was with your scabbard that he was using; and he just, at some point, [demonstrates what happened] just went tttthunk! / New Zealanders are deadly. I-I-I think, I think Mormons are, like, all about the violence or something. It's like, who knew?
Brian: [walks into shot] Not a proper anniversary unless Rob gets badly hurt. [he leaves]
Rob: Yes, it's-it's, uh, it's the curse. It's the curse. [we see Joe running behind him off-screen]
Noah: That's the commitment it takes to be a cameraman around here. You have to get right into the action. And I have to thank Rob for that because he's willing to put himself at risk. [looks at Rob, back at us, then back at Rob to get a reaction]
Rob: Next year, you're a cameraman.
Noah: Okay. [Rob then laughs]
We cut to on the playground, where Kaylyn, Ed, and Luke are on the swing set. But Luke is getting major air. Note that we hear a lot of squeaking from the set. Bargo films Luke jumping out of his seat in the air and running onto the ground. Cut to later where Rob is filming a scene that was edited out of the final cut. Snob and Joe are riding two stationary spring "horses: and hitting them, Snob with his "whip", urging them to move faster. Cloaks 1 and 3 run up towards them. They slow down, however, when they realize that Snob and Joe aren't really moving anywhere. Snob and Joe still act, though, as if they're mobile.
Snob: They're catching up!
Cut to a shot of Team 2 taking a break in the forest as our camera crew prepare to film the Cloaks deflecting Joe's gunfire.
Doug: Ready, and go! [cut to a wide shot of the Cloaks retreating]
Cloak 1: Cloak 2, don't be a hero! [the Cloaks head back; after a few seconds, Doug laughs]
Rob: Did you get that?
Doug: Yeah, I did.
Rob: Okay. That's a good line.
Bargo: [as he walks up to Brian in costume] Is this the first time you're using two swords?
Brian: Well, professionally.
Cut to Bargo filming Doug, who's filming the team on the trail. There's a plane over them all, which we can hear; a few team members look up to see.
Doug: [looks back at Bargo] Thank you.
Bargo: So I wanted to let everybody know that there's a plane.
Doug: [sarcastically] What?! I couldn't hear over the plane!
Cut to Doug, Brian, and Mathew prepping the scene where Cloak 1 is about to capture Film Brain. They rehearse Brain getting his face slapped.
Doug: Try it now, the other way- [does an air backhand-then-forehand slap] boom, boom!
Unknown: That's the other slap. [Brian does so, but Mathew flinches his head back.]
Brian: No-no, don't turn your head! Don't turn your head.
Doug: [stammers] Actually, yeah, except the wand would actually fly out. Okay, I like that.
Cloak 1: Look into them! [Film Brain shrieks very loudly] You are now one of us. [we see Doug and Rob smiling, trying hard not to laugh. After a few seconds, Doug does; then Brian and Mathew laugh as well]
Rob: That scream! We're gonna have the cops called: "There's some little girl under attack!" [Mathew laughs loudly]
Cut to Bargo and Joe in front of the crew on the trail, both looking off-screen.
Bargo: You hear that sound? [dramatic pause] That's the sounds of birds fucking. [after a few seconds, Joe breaks out a chuckles and looks like he's saying, "Really, Bargo? Really?" They both snicker for a while]
Joe: I thought there was more, but no, that was it. It was just simply birds fucking.
Cut to inside Doug's friends' house, right at the front door. Our camera is at a high angle as we see Doug filming Team 2 getting the door slammed in their face.
Doug (v/o): We hit a snag at the last location. Lisa was originally supposed to be duct-taped to the wall for one scene; but she started getting light-headed, and we had to take her down.
Cut to a different room where Elisa is sitting cross-legged in front of the wall where she was taped up - we can see the paint peeled off the wall - and she has that tape blanket in her lap. Joe helps her try to stretch the tape out again.
Elisa: Okay, well, we can still use most of this just to, like, get that black effect and then, you know, redo it more loosely.
Cut to a wide shot of Doug filming an alternate take of Team 2 ready to strike into the floor of the house with Lisa now sitting on the couch. We know this take wasn't used because, when Lisa motions that she has a basement, she smirks a little; in the finished product, she didn't smirk.
Doug (v/o): Despite her saying, and I'm quoting here, "I want to do it AGAIN!!", we found it much more safe to wrap a taped-up blanket around her and keep her on the nice, comfy couch.
Doug: Since they are so nice to let us use, um... uh, use the place here, we're gonna sign the blanket of, uh, tape. [chuckles; Bargo pans down to the tape on the floor.]
Doug: And all of us are gonna sign it.
Cut to just outside the lobby of the Holiday Inn. It's the night of Day 4. We hear a lot of commotion nearby.
Bargo: We're about to get... Team 2's finished and about to get pizza. And it's like- we only have two pick-ups tomorrow; green screen for Lindsay and Noah. So it looks like production's pretty much wrapped up - at least, principal photography, so... [clicks his tongue] Yay!
Justin: So excited! [Bargo pans the camera around to Justin, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall; he gives us a "thumbs up"] SO excited. The shoot went really well. And, uh, yeah, it was a... great time.
Doug (v/o): [cut to NC and Linkara in the bedroom scene where Linkara sings] Lewis, Lindsay and I filmed the ending, [cut to Lindsay in costume in front of a green screen] as well as additional green screen footage; [we cut to black as a "Day 5" caption fades in] and we finally called it a wrap.
Dissolve to inside a hotel room. Bargo looks at some easter candy on the bed. Allison is sitting on the bed and eating.
Bargo: So what do we have here, Lupa?
Allison: [with her mouth full] It's a white chocolate bunny... and some other candy
Bargo: Oh, is this, uh, stuff that you picked up for, uh...?
Allison: We got it from Target. It was on sale.
Bargo: Oh, nice.
Allison: After Easter.
Cut to some behind-the-scenes of Spoony [wearing the Insano glasses] and others filming the final Ultimate Warrior comic book review. I forget who's in the Green Power Ranger outfit, but that's who we see in costume. We then cut to inside another hotel room as we see "People say good-bye to Mathew" [thank you, caption]. Ben gives Mathew a hug as he sits on the bed.
Elisa: Mathew did not do an impression of you.
Ben: He did- he hasn't done a French impression yet?
Elisa: No, so if you want to... find someone who's not willing to degrade you, this is the one.
Ben: But he's British. He has to make fun of me!
Paul: I know! He's the closest-
Bargo: But he won't because that's the kind of man he is!
Joe: Stop fighting! [Joe grabs Mathew's right hand and uses it to "punch" Ben in his right arm] Stop fighting each other!
Elisa: Stop fighting in the house!
Cut to inside the hotel lobby, where he see Lindsay getting her hair undone, perhaps, from being in costume. Elisa is working on her hair, while Iron Liz massages her scalp.
Joe: Channel Awesome Day Spa. [we pan to Joe, who is watching while holding his camera and tripod]
Lindsay: I had a coupon!
Joe: I'm rubbing her feet over here.
Lindsay: Yeah, right.
Joe: You just don't see it on-screen. [Lindsay chuckles]
We cut to outside the front of the Holiday Inn. Heeeere's Bargo:
Bargo: Day's coming to an end. Almost. And, uh, yeah, we're loading everybody up to hang out at the Walkers' house - as pretty much their last night here before we all send them off, uh, to the airports and trains tomorrow. So... Yeah, it's nice. Film Brain just left. And, uh, now we're just down to... to hang out, some finishing up crossovers, so... overall, pretty good day.
Cut to the Walkers' kitchen as Rob prepares the food for the Wrap Party.
Doug (v/o): We had the Wrap Party at my place.
Rob: No more dropping beer! That's alcohol abuse! [we cut to a close-up of a tray of... cocktail wieners wrapped in cooked bacon, perhaps?]
Bargo: Ooh! [Bargo sounds pretty hungry; cut to later as Lewis enters, still in his costume] A man dressed up here? Inside the Walker's house?!
Lewis: That's just incredible!
Cut to Rob on his computer, "singing" along to Rebecca Black's "Friday" as part of The Game Heroes' video where most of Channel Awesome sings.
Rob: ["singing"] ...aaaay, that day was Thursddddaay-day, Today iiiiiiis Fridaaaaaay... [I'm sorry, no transcript could ever do this justice]
Cut to inside the Walkers' basement, where we see Kaylyn, Noah, Lewis, and Doug playing The Michael Jackson Experience - more specifically, "Beat It" on Xbox 360 with Kinect...I assume. We hear Bennett and Lindsay talk about something from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.
Bargo: This is a... pretty interesting night.
Cut to later, as Doug stands in front of the big screen with the MJ game on pause while he addresses everyone in attendance. Some others in the group are filming the speech.
Doug: ...very, very hard, uh, uh, shoot... and, as a lot of you heard before, I mean, I was even... thinking of a point where I was like, you know, "Do I even wanna continue this?" Cuz I feel like I was really putting you guys through a lot. And I was saying, "They-they deserve better than this. I don't wanna go through this." [cut to some of the group looking on at Doug, we even see his father, Barney Walker, is at the party] Two things really, really pulled me through. The first one, number one, is you guys. And I mean, and you guys, I mean, when I came in [stammers] and we were gonna do that-that vote and everything and you guys were just like, [at this point. we're back on Doug] "No, don't even waste your time. Just... you know, w-we don't need to talk about this. We know, and we would just never, ever... you know, abandon ship like that. I mean, "We're totally with you." That, I mean, for me, that's, like... [holds up his open right hand] top five best moments on earth. [chuckles from the gallery] I mean, that, that really meant a lot, you guys. I mean, I really, really meant that. Give yourself a round of applause. [everyone does] / And the other things, uh, that really pulled me through was [stammers]... when I was thinking, you know, maybe to drop the production was somebody who worked her ass off, [Bargo turns the camera on himself - you're not a girl, Bargo - at least we've been led to believe] and that is Holly! [hoots, hollers, and applause as Bargo finds her sitting behind the bar] Because she came in and literally said... / "Not only do I think you can do this, but everyone else thinks you can do this. This is- what you're thinking right now is totally wrong. Get in there and... you know, find out." And she was 100% right. And, on top of that, she had been practically our mother throughout this whole shoot, getting us food, being very, very determined. [pointing back at her] If you look under the bar. Holly, there's actually a little something for you. [cut to Holly looking under the bar, where there is a bouquet of roses for her; everyone else applauds as some "awww"; cut to later with a close-up of Ed sitting down in the gallery] Ed coming forward as second cameraman, I mean, giving up what I'm sure would've been an Oscar-worthy role as Cloak 2... [laughter as we pan back to Doug] I mean, that really made things move a lot faster. And, uh, and all of you... I mean, uh, Lindsay and- everybody, just all great- ev-everything that you can... and, uh, you know, the advice about using two cameras, both of ya, that was a great idea. Um, and just everybody who had a good idea and was just totally on-board and really determined. Uh, you guys just really, really made this possible. And I really mean, like I said, [holds up his hand again] top five best moments. So again, everybody, I can't thank you more... I can't thank you enough. Give yourselves one more round of applause. [he leads everyone in applause and some cheers]
We dissolve to a slow zoom-in of the Year Three cast photo as the medieval flute music featured at the start of Part 2 plays. As the zoom continues, we see the following captions fade in and out:
"Suburban Knights took two months to edit with only Nostalgia Critic episodes being filmed."
"This film is dedicated to the wonderful and determined cast and crew, both in front and behind the camera, who made this all possible."
After the second caption, the photo fades to black; and the final caption appears and fades as the music ends:
"Edited by Doug Walker"