Another Son of Sam

Another Son of Sam
Release Date	April 26, 2017
Running Time	24:55
Previous Review	God's Not Dead 2
Next Review	Gnardians of the Galaxy
Tagline	The Cinema Snob reviews this entry into the hall of fame of Holy Shit!
Link	http://www.thecinemasnob.com/the-cinema-snob/another-son-of-sam/

A short preview for Jesus, Bro! starts things off

The Cinema Snob: Holy SHIT! And you thought God's Not Dead 2 was an unnecessary sequel? Who on Earth thought it would be a good idea (Daily News headline: "KILLER TO COPS: 'I'LL DO IT AGAIN'") to make a sequel to the Son of Sam?! (Back to the Snob) That's not a good idea at all! I wanna watch a movie, not get shot with a .44-calibre pistol! This is the most unnecessary sequel I've seen (VHS cover for...) since Holocaust 2!

Film clips follow

Snob (VO): But don't worry, folks. The movie wasn't really filmed under the title of Another Son of Sam. The movie was filmed in 1975 under the title Hostages, but not released until 1977, (New York Post headline: "CAUGHT!") the same year that the Son of Sam killing spree ended, (Back to the movie) so why not change the title of your low-budget exploitation film, to capitalize on a real-life serial killer? Even though the movie itself has absolutely nothing to do with, nor was it even intended to be connected in any way to the story of the Son of Sam killings!

Snob: (With his arms crossed) Capitalizing on a real-life murder case only to put out a cheap bit of exploitation? What kind of monster would do that? (Coughs, as we see a poster for Brad Jones' own Freak Out)

Snob (VO): But I'm not gonna lie to you, folks. This was a rough one to sit through, and I mean rough! Holy shit! This movie is "fuck off" bad!

Snob: This movie is so bad I don't even know how to tease the thing! Yeah, it's about an escaped killer and the cops trying to find him, kinda. Sorta. You just have to see the thing! IT'S THAT BAD!

A red disclaimer fades in

Snob (VO): It begins with text on screen telling us that the movie was not meant to duplicate the actions of others. Then why the hell did you rename it Another Son of Sam?! (Another bit of text fades in) The movie then tells us all of its filming locations, (Cut to even more, including the Treehouse Lodge - likely not the one in Falmouth, MA) and I guess it was so low-budget that they had to film in someone's TREEHOUSE! And the opening text doesn't even end there! (To the sound of a gunshot, we see "1888 - 'JACK THE RIPPER' -- LONDON Stabbed to death fourteen prostitutes. Never captured...")

Snob: Mmmm, yes, a gun. The trademark weapon of Jack the Ripper!

Another gunshot, this time leading to "George Metesky -- 1940 - 1950's New York's 'The Mad Bomber'"

Snob: (Flinches, then pokes inside his jacket to reveal a bullet wound, and re-emerges with blood on his right hand) Well, so much for not getting SHOT during this review!

More text is shown

Snob (VO): It goes on, and on, and on, telling us about other serial killers and mass murderers. Even when it does get to the Son of Sam, it still keeps going! I guess calling the movie Another Richard Speck doesn't have the same ring to it! (A yellow title is shown: "SON OF SAM") The title is also shown to us in glorious alternate-title font, in which it just calls the movie Son of Sam!

Snob: Oh no, I'm not gonna review David Berkowitz! (Raises a finger) And if I did, ZERO STARS!

A shot of a lake, shown from a speedboat's point of view

Snob (VO): The movie finally begins, three minutes in! (The shot goes on and on, complete with a synthesized score)

Snob: Ah, good, that crossover of Miami Vice and Sleepaway Camp!

Snob (VO): Did I say the movie begins three minutes in? I lied, (Cut to...) just like the damn box cover! (Close-up shots) Sure, it may look like it promises action and suspense, with Bluto going crazy after one too many fights with Popeye, and a guy rock climbing on his elbow. Luckily, you can see what the movie's about. (Circle around the name "Harvey") It's about a guy named Harvey, "dumb like a fox and crazier than Norman Bates!"

Snob: No need to get judgy, box cover!

Snob (VO): The hell? (Circle around...) "Rated PG?"

Snob: Bullshit. The original Son of Sam was definitely an R!

Snob (VO): And 90 minutes? Lies! This movie clocks in at a whopping 67 minutes, and even THAT's too fucking long! (Back to the film) Anyway, back to amazing man-on-boat action! (Cut to him parking the Hydrodine) Yeah, you penetrate that dock! (He continues to dock the boat)

Snob: (While scratching his head) Uh, why does everything look like a porn to me nowadays?

Snob (VO): Now let's go in some water where there aren't dead bodies with their feet in cement!

The couple continues walking

Woman: How do you like your new boat?

Man: I don't know. I've been so busy, this is the first day I've had a chance to try it out.

Snob (VO): "I need to drive the boat at least a dozen times before I know if I like it."

To be continued