Another 15 Screw-Ups of AT4W
December 26, 2016
Perhaps 2016 was the biggest mistake of all.
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Twenty-sixteen is drawing to a close. (looks up in thought) Hmm. How would one describe this year?
(Cut to a clip of the Penguin in Batman Returns)
Penguin: I believe the word you're looking for is "AAAHH!!"
Linkara: But before we talk about what a cluster-crap this entire year has been, I think it's only fair to talk about some really good stuff that happened.
(Cut to a shot of the Chicago Cubs, who had won the World Series)
Linkara (v/o): I don't follow sports, but congrats to the Chicago Cubs. Good on them.
(Cut to a shot of two kids wearing dark glasses, from EnChroma)
Linkara (v/o): Sunglasses that help colorblind people are a thing now. Maybe they were a thing before this year, but I only really heard about it this year.
(Cut to a promo shot for...)
Linkara (v/o): Captain America: Civil War was fantastic!
(Cut to a poster for...)
Linkara (v/o): Star Trek: Beyond was friggin' great!
(Cut to a poster for Deadpool)
Linkara (v/o): There was a Deadpool movie, and it was really damn good!
(Cut to a panel for the final issue of "The New 52")
Linkara (v/o): "The New 52" had officially ended, and "DC Rebirth" has been phenomenal! Superman books, Titans, detective comics, Wonder Woman, Blue Beetle – just pick something up people!
(Cut to a shot of Pokemon in celebration of their 20th anniversary)
Linkara (v/o): We had anniversaries for franchises like Star Trek, Pokemon, and, well, like, too many to mention. Every time I list them off, people keep adding more to it.
(Cut to a shot of the title for Star Trek: Discovery)
Linkara (v/o): Speaking of Star Trek, they announced a new Star Trek TV series. Hell, when it comes to revivals of shows, we got...
(Cut to the title for Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Linkara (v/o): ...frickin' Mystery Science Theater 3000 coming back!
(Cut to a clip of the old MST3K, where Joel and the Bots all have a SUPER FREAK OUT!! Then cut to a shot of Fuller House, the revival of Full House)
Linkara (v/o): And that's just with nerd-related franchises. There were revivals of other shows that I don't care about, but other people probably did.
(Cut to a shot of a Batman comic)
Linkara (v/o): You look back at just things that happened in relation to tech, news, advancements for people's rights around the world, and this year is just overloaded with things that were great!
Linkara: But apparently, 2016 decided to be the party pooper, because for everything to celebrate this year, there were just as many things to be unhappy about! What the hell happened here?!
(A montage of covers of comics that Linkara looked at over the past year is shown)
Linkara (v/o): While I focus a lot on just pop culture ephemera – and there's plenty there to be unhappy about, if only in terms of deaths – there's so much that's happened this year in realms I tend to avoid on this show. It makes it seem as though the world has gone mad, or those old 2012 doomsday predictions were just off by four years. I don't even have to list anything specific; all of you are already thinking of them!
Linkara: And considering how terrible 2014 was for me, I just have to ask: is this going to be a thing a now? (looks to his left) Odd-numbered Star Trek movies suck; (looks to his right) even-numbered years suck?
(The montage of covers of comics Linkara reviewed in 2016 continues)
Linkara (v/o): But, let's bring ourselves back down to the most important thing in all of your lives: this show about a dumbass who reviews comic books on the Internet. Atop the Fourth Wall was not immune to the eventfulness of MMXVI. We continued looking at some series that will no doubt be around for many episodes in future years, like "Trouble", "The Star Wars", and "Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters". Hell, the very first episode of the year brought back one from my starting days: "NFL SuperPro". And speaking of bringing stuff back, there's always a review I did of the event comic "Blackest Night". Franchises never before covered like "Yu-Gi-Oh!" and "Ghostbusters" got representation, while we continued looking at stuff I expound upon at length, like "Star Trek" and "A Nightmare on Elm Street". However, we also brought some long-standing stuff to an end, like the final edition of "All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder", or getting to reviews I promised years ago, like "Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day". I did a comprehensive retrospective on the Blue Beetle, the equivalent of eight episodes' worth of material in a single month, and I still feel exhausted from that.
Linkara: Anyone who has ever claimed that doing Internet videos is easy and lazy have never tried to read hundreds of stories just to try to figure out what the hell Dan Garrett's superpowers were.
Linkara (v/o): Oh, well, at least those comics informed us of the infamous crime lord Big Dix. Patreon-sponsored videos ran the gamut of material. Depending on what side of the Atlantic you're on, stuff that was obscure may have been commonplace. One man's "Popeye: Borned to the Sea" is another man's "Biggles and the Menace from Space". There was stuff I had no business reviewing, like "The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky" or an audio drama spin-off of a Doctor Who non-canon audio play that doesn't acknowledge that it's a spin-off, AKA "The Minister of Chance". I mentioned those anniversaries earlier, wherein I looked at comics from "Pokemon", "Beast Wars", "Yu-Gi-Oh!", and biggest of all, "Star Trek". Hell, on the anniversary front, we got to celebrate the 400th episode of this show...
Linkara: ...the first part of which I am unable to monetize on YouTube, due to it having a parody of an existing song. Just something else we can thank this year for!
Linkara (v/o): And yet, somehow, a review of Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger, episodes 1-5, the first five episodes of Gokaiger, is still up. Figure that one out.
(Cut to footage of Linkara's various storyline segments interspersed with the comic reviews)
Linkara (v/o): Let's not forget that the show is more than just me ranting and raving about comic books, because a lot of other stuff kinda happened this year, like my spaceship crashing on the moon, being forced to move out of my apartment from the last several years, and gaining a roommate who throws My Little Pony plushies at me, then joins me in dealing with some ghosts. I released the DVD...
(Cut to a shot of said DVD, for Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie)
Linkara (v/o): ...for a movie that I may or may not have participated in...
(Cut to Linkara holding up the DVD)
Linkara (v/o): ...and is available on Amazon.com – hint, hint, wink, wink.
(Cut to a shot of one more comic Linkara reviewed, for "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine 1")
Linkara (v/o): In other words, it's been kind of been a very eventful year for me, comic wise and personal life wise.
Linkara: But of course, there was the most important thing I did this year: (grins) I KILLED THE BAT CREDIT CARD JOKE!
(Cut through static to the Nostalgia Critic's seat, which is empty)
Linkara: Wait, where's the Critic?
(NC is seen standing in the corner with his face turn in and his head hanging down)
NC: (depressed) Can I move now? I'm getting really hungry.
Linkara: Have you been standing in the corner since August??
Linkara: How have you been reviewing things?
NC: I filmed a lot in advance.
Linkara: Huh. (looks confused) Well, keep at it. (holds up a remote control and pushes a button; cut through static to... Linkara again, who chuckles evilly) If he dies, the site will be mine again.
Linkara (v/o): But yes, we have now come to the end of 2016, and thank whatever you do or do not believe in that it's almost over. The end-of-the-year videos exist to sweep away everything that happened everything before, mistakes in particular, and I have made a bunch over the years. And you guys love to tell me about 'em!
Linkara: So let's dig into another fifteen mistakes I made and finally wash our hands of this year.
(Intro to episode begins with "Everything You Know Is Wrong" by Weird Al Yankovic, while showing footage from Ren and Stimpy (this will be the interlude footage through), followed by the AT4W title sequence and title card, also set to "Everything You Know Is Wrong". All of the countdown images are of shots of the title cards of the past reviews)
Linkara (v/o): Number 15: Last year's end-of-the-year list.
(Footage of Linkara's end-of-year videos are shown)
Linkara (v/o): Here's the thing I've learned while doing this show: people like patterns. While varying from the norm is a good thing on occasion to exercise creativity, having a norm is important, especially something that's repeated over and over. It's why I try my damnedest to release this show every week on Monday at 10AM...
Linkara: ...with varying success this year.
Linkara (v/o): Something that my viewers are not really aware of is that these end-of-the-year lists, they actually do follow a pattern. Much like my Marvel-indie-DC-indie-Marvel-indie-etc. pattern, the end-of-the-year lists are supposed to go fifteen mistakes, fifteen missed opportunities, and finally, fifteen whatever I feel like self-aggrandizing thing about the show that seems like fun to list.
Linkara: And yet, somehow, despite the fact that I know my own show's continuity and whatnot better than anybody else, I completely failed to realize that I made a missed opportunities list only two years prior.
Linkara (v/o): And that may not seem like that big a deal, but the thing is that three years apart is about 150 episodes' worth of material, so there's a lot I can miss. I keep track of my mistakes and missed opportunities that I feel are worth mentioning later, and two years is not enough to build up a sizable amount of zingers. And I feel like last year, this was... kind of meh as a result. If you liked the episode, great, but I feel like I could've done a lot better. I try to put out a quality product for you guys every week, and I don't like it when the product I put out itself is weak.
Linkara (v/o): Number 14: From the Bloodrayne crossover.
(Cut to footage of the Nostalgia Critic's review of Bloodrayne, which features Linkara and Spoony)
Linkara (v/o): As always, mistakes or missed opportunities from crossovers go to the back of the list, simply because it's not really part of the show. Buuut since it's me involved in it, yeah, I require part of the blame.
(Footage of the movie itself is shown)
Linkara (v/o): In the review of the Uwe Boll "masterpiece" Bloodrayne, we had a bit of a criticism for the film's title character.
(The clip of the barker putting Rayne's hand in water, burning it like acid, is shown as part of a sideshow attraction)
Barker: The very touch of it... burns her skin!
Linkara: (audio from review) Wait a minute, was that holy water?
NC: (audio from review) Nope.
Linkara: (audio from review) Then how the hell did it burn her?
NC (v/o): (audio from review) You can make up anything! If you want to say water hurts them, even though it's not blessed, it's okay now!
Linkara (v/o): So... uh, you know how Uwe Boll's movies are criticized because they don't follow the games they're based on? Yeah, turns out this is one of the rare times he got something right. Rain and indeed vampires in the game are vulnerable to non-holy water. In fact, some vampire folklore actually refers to this in particular. I mean, I always knew about running water being something they couldn't cross, since it was supposed to symbolize purity and stuff, but this is the first I've heard of water directly harming a vampire if they touch it.
Linkara: I think my irritation and disbelief is simply that it's just such a terrible weakness. Some might at least mean they're creatures of the night, something terrifying, limited to only half a day to do their evil... but apparently, your best defense against a vampire is a Super Soaker!
Linkara (v/o): How does that even work when 92% of blood plasma is water? Wouldn't biting someone just kill them? But in any event, dumb as it is, it's not something made up for the movie.
Linkara: I'd get the Nostalgia Critic to apologize for this, too, but I want to keep him in the corner. Nobody's seen Spoony since he started that expedition to find more Reb Brown movies. So, yeah, here's me admitting we were wrong...
(Cut to the Bloodrayne review, a zoomed-in closeup of Linkara's face)
Linkara: (audio from review) And knowing makes it even more confusing.
Linkara (v/o): Number 13: From "Youngblood #6".
Linkara: I take for granted as an American that my international audience will get the occasional slang term used. Hell, just last week, the title card gag with the two owls on Elvira's arm confused at least one viewer. Buuut that also means that I sometimes forgot that other countries have their own slang as well.
(Cut to a shot of a panel from "Youngblood #6", showing slang spoken)
Linkara (v/o): So in this case, you can imagine my surprise when, while I was mocking some of the language used in "Youngblood #6" by Shaft's... I think, father? ...my British viewers were slapping their heads and proclaiming what an idiot I am.
Shaft: (audio from review; narrating) 'Course these nits were on my tail by 2:01, but what the hey?
Linkara (v/o): (audio from review) Nits? Was that like "nitwits" or something? Did we need slang for a word that was probably already conceived as slang?
Shaft: (narrating) Probably explains the royal treatment these yobs are giving me.
Linkara: (audio from review; makes "air quotes") "Yobs"? Okay, now you're just making up random words to insult people. Is that a thing now? Can I just make up nonsense words and use them as insults? Because in that case, Lieutenant, you're a flibbityfloo!
Linkara (v/o): Of note are the words "yob" and "nit". Yeah, turns out those are British slang words, not ones entirely made up by Eric Stevenson, the writer. "Yob" means "a loutish, uncultured, ruffian type", while "nits" refers to head lice, so he's comparing them to parasites and jackasses.
Linkara: Kudos for some attempts at authenticity there, and clearly I'm the flibbityfloo here. Buuut just to defend myself a little...
Linkara (v/o): "Youngblood" was made by Americans for an American audience who are probably not as familiar with British slang, beyond "bloody", "git", and "tea time, guv'nor". It's not like there's an establishing caption that says they're in England. The best we get is that he was leaving Honduras. So, yeah, I screwed up here, but so did the comic.
Linkara (v/o): Number 12: From "Trouble #1".
(Shots of the "Trouble" comic are shown)
Linkara (v/o): A minor point, but since the introductions of any given episodes are usually meant to be more informative, when I give inaccurate information, I need to correct myself. During the introduction, when I was talking about Mark Miller and how terrible a choice he would be to bring back romance comics, I stated that the promotional material for "Trouble" pointed out how he was the writer of "Kick-Ass".
Linkara: And it seems that basic fact-checking is beyond my puny little brain, since all I would have to do to realize that wasn't the case was to look up the fact that "Kick-Ass" came out four years after "Trouble".
(Cut to a shot of a promotional ad for "Trouble", which clearly states, "From the writer of Kick-Ass")
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, I was basing it off of this ad, which I presume was actually for the trade collection of "Trouble" that (sounds confused) I think came out in 2011...? I say "I think" because that's when it's listed on Amazon.com, and it makes more sense to promote "Kick-Ass" at that point.
Linkara: Which really goes to show how desperate they were for something positive to promote about "Trouble". Hey! Like this violent superhero story? Well, then, you'll love the story about how May Parker wanted to bang a guy in a Mickey Mouse suit!
Linkara (v/o): Number 11: From "Tales of Suspense #52".
Linkara: So, it turns out James Bond identifying himself as James Bond to his enemies, despite being a spy... is a perfectly logical thing.
(Cut to a panel of a Black Widow comic)
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, in my review for the origin of the Black Widow, I criticized the part where Natasha Romanov... or possibly Romanova; apparently, last names are gender-dependent... used her real name when approaching Tony Stark. But yeah, it turns out spies do regularly use their real name, or at the very least their first name, when doing spy work for a variety of reasons. Primarily, it keeps them from forgetting their aliases, and in some cases, names are common enough that it doesn't really matter if they use their real name.
Linkara: Although, considering, in that book, it was Boris and Natasha going in to meet him, perhaps that should've raised some red flags for Tony. Really should've taken that meeting with the James and Jessie rocket scientific group. Those two looked legit.
Linkara (v/o): Number 10: From "Sonic Super Special #7".
Linkara: Today on Linkara vs. Geography...
(Footage of Linkara's review of "Sonic Super Special #7" is shown)
Linkara (v/o): Sonic and his cohorts traveled on the "Cosmic Interstate" that allows him to travel between different dimensions or planets or whatever...
Linkara: Because, you know, what else would Sonic the Hedgehog be doing?
Linkara (v/o): ...wherein they traveled to the Image Comics Earth in pursuit of a character named Particle. None of that is really relevant to my mistake, except wherein I saw this image (the panel shows Princess Sally looking towards what looks like Earth) and thought that this was North America, even though it is clearly Africa.
(Cut to a similar panel from the follow-up comic, on "Star Trek: First Contact")
Linkara (v/o): I don't know what happened. I even technically apologized for this in the following episode, when the "Star Trek: First Contact" comic used the same image of Earth, but it's really such a phenomenal mistake that I have to properly say I'm sorry for it.
(Cut back to the Sonic comic, showing the panel of Earth)
Linkara (v/o): The cloud cover over the middle of it confused me. It made me think it was just a slightly squished America with an oversize Canada. But I should've spotted that screw-up from the lack of South America altogether. I am a dumbass about many things, and now my greatest enemy is a friggin' world map. That being said, what the hell is up with Africa in this image? Was God eating Cheetos and let all the dust fall onto it? Why is it so orange? Erm, but yeah, that's me; I can't tell one continent from another.
Linkara (v/o): Number 9: From "Star Wars 3-D #1".
(Shots of the "Star Wars 3-D" comic are shown)
Linkara (v/o): So, at the beginning of this episode, since I hadn't really reviewed any Star Wars material before, I gave my thoughts on the franchise of the time: namely, that I liked it, but that I was firmly in the Star Trek camp of the nerd star conflict, pointing out several silly elements of the Star Wars universe...
Linkara: ...which many people took umbrage with, despite me going on to say that my very same method of deconstruction could be applied to Star Trek or superhero stories, so not to take me that seriously about it.
Linkara (v/o): However, there was one thing in particular that made people roll their eyes at and pointed out how wrong I was.
(Footage of Jabba the Hutt from the review is shown)
Linkara (v/o): (audio from review) ...and a giant slug is somehow a gangster commanding lots of loyalty, despite the fact that he could easily be assassinated by just shooting him in his drooling face a few times from thirty feet away.
Linkara (v/o): Turns out this is one of those cases where expanded universe material explains away stuff like this, and this case being that Hutts are actually immune to blaster fire, their biology having evolved in a way that makes their hides pretty resistant to a lot of harsh environments. Admittedly, I feel I shouldn't have to read into supplementary material to get an answer to that kind of thing, but I pull that crap all the time for other fandoms I like, so I think we can call it even. So, yeah, Hutts are immune to blaster fire, and I was wrong.
Linkara (v/o): Number 8: From "Mightily Murdered Power Ringers #1".
(Footage of Linkara's review of the comic is shown)
Linkara (v/o): So, waaaaay back in my 150th episode, I reviewed the terrible parody comic "Mightily Murdered Power Ringers". Many people thought I was a little too harsh on it, especially in regards to jokes that many found funny. Fair enough; humor is subjective. However, one thing in particular that was a problem was that there was the occasional joke making reference to something I wasn't aware of.
(A shot of the panel of the Berzerkly giant wearing a shirt reading "Not a Role Model" is shown)
Linkara (v/o): For example, this shirt worn by the giant Charles Barkley, which was in itself a reference to the "Godzilla vs. Barkley" commercials.
Linkara: (audio from review) "Not a role model". Wow, what a compelling message about Charles Barkley and his status as a role model to the youth of America. Thank you, Mightily Murdered Power Ringers! You have opened my eyes! May I please shut them again so I don't have to keep reading?
Linkara: However, referencing one commercial was not enough, for it turns out that the (makes "air quotes") "Not a role model" shirt is actually referring to a 1993 Nike commercial starring Earth's greatest warrior and detective.
(A clip of the commercial in question is shown, in which Barkley is seen dribbling on the court)
Barkley: I am not a role model. I'm not paid to be a role model.
(Cut back to the Power Ringers comic panel)
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, forgot about this until it was pointed out. My critiques in the book still stand, however. What the hell does Charles Barkley have to do with a Power Rangers parody? And what point is made by referencing two completely unrelated commercials with the guy at all? But yeah, I made the mistake, and truly it is I who am not a role model.
(Cut to a clip of Charles Barkley giving the news)
Barkley: I'm a dumbass.
Linkara (v/o): From "NFL SuperPro Special Edition #1".
(Footage of Linkara's review of the comic is shown)
Linkara (v/o): At the beginning of this terrible year, I reviewed the first appearance of NFL SuperPro, detailing the story of how he got his incredible suit. I was also a bit critical of the materials used in its construction.
Rudy: (audio from review) I invented it in the Seventies. Made out of fiberglass and plastic alloys. Would've been the best, safest and most durable uniform ever made. Bullets bounce off the sucker, fer cryin' out loud!
Linkara: (audio from review) Yes, fiberglass and plastic. (holds up fist) More powerful than steel!
Linkara (v/o): So, according to my commenters – and I have to take their word for it, 'cause I sure as hell have no idea – Kevlars, SpectraShields and similar bulletproof materials are made out of synthetic plastic fibers and are much stronger than steel. So it's kinda hard for me to mock it like that when it's something completely accurate.
Linkara: What I can mock it for is why this guy felt that a football player needed armor good enough to stop a bullet! Are we sure this isn't some vague attempt at creating a football-themed supervillain?
Linkara (v/o): But yeah, while my statement was accurate, it was made in mockery, so that's my error.
Linkara (v/o): Number 6: From "Trouble #2".
(Footage of Linkara's review of "Trouble #2" is shown)
Linkara (v/o): Wow, another one from "Trouble", but one lots of people pointed out to me. After May is insulted by a jackass at the resort, she cries and talks to Richie about the whole thing.
Richie: (audio from review) You okay, honey?
May: (audio from review) You mean besides looking like a Panda Bear?
Linkara: (audio from review) Okay, I'm sure that's just a reference to some obscure old phrase, but... was that actually a reference to a sad panda? (a shot of a sad man appears in the corner) Not him.
Linkara (v/o): No, it was a reference to her mascara running, creating dark circles around her eyes and kinda looking like a panda. Yeah, seems like a really obvious thing. I probably should've known that's what she was talking about. I mean, you see it all the time in movies and TV, where makeup runs and whatnot. However, there is a bit of a problem with this that probably justifies my confusion a bit.
Linkara: Namely that her makeup is PERFECTLY FINE IN THE COMIC! (a shot of May appears in the corner, with no running mascara at all) Look at that! I've seen freshly-painted artwork with more water damage than her face!
Linkara (v/o): Kind of defeats the purpose of the line if the artist can't bother to match it with what the characters are saying. However, I still didn't get what they were referring to, so, once again, it's my mistake.
Linkara (v/o): Number 5: From "Youngblood #8".
(Cut to footage of Linkara's review of this comic)
Linkara (v/o): The artistic ability of Rob Liefeld cannot be undersold. There are few people so incapable of drawing things like he can't, especially since he created such a massive problem with understanding what it is I'm actually looking at. "Youngblood #8" featured a guest appearance by Spawn, since Youngblood member Chapel is apparently the guy who killed them before he became, well, Spawn. In this appearance, Spawn is sporting a few weird things on his face that I identified as bandages, or at the very least, Scotch tape, since that's what it looks like, a few hastily slapped-on triangular and rectangular tapes that were clearly supposed to indicate some recent damage to it. However, my fans were quick to point out that I was incorrect in this assessment. You see, those are not bandages or even tape, but shoelaces. Yes, because this had been done in some back alley, and it was not stitching thread used to sew his face back up, but friggin' shoelaces.
Linkara: So, apparently, Rob has never seen anything related to feet before! One of these days, he's gonna accidentally (looks down) look down and say, (becomes shocked) "Holy crap, that's what they look like!"
Linkara (v/o): Just to tie in this mistake a bit more into my show and indicate how I could've made a bigger deal out of this, I was also told by my fans that the damage to Spawn's face was actually a result of the Batman/Spawn crossover I reviewed several years ago, which is in continuity for Spawn, and a chance to reference two of the worst comic creators in the same episode, Frank Miller and Rob Liefeld, in an unholy union, is just inexcusable.
Linkara (v/o): Number 4: From "Zolastraya and the Bard #1".
Linkara: It's one thing to be ignorant of an aspect of the real world I'm not familiar with, or an artistic failing that didn't make me realize what was going on... but it's something else when I can't even remember my own damn show.
(Cut to shots of Linkara's review of "Zolastraya and the Bard #1")
Linkara (v/o): In my review of "Zolastraya and the Bard #1", I claimed that I had not reviewed a fantasy comic on my show before, even after 290+ episodes at that point. Except, of course, I had!
(Cut to a montage of shots of various fantasy-based comics that Linkara had reviewed in the past, which Linkara mentions)
Linkara (v/o): Not only did I review "The Marriage of Xena and Hercules", my shortest episode ever, but I had done a review of two "World of Warcraft" comics, and they're both kinda heavy in the fantasy department. I can't even try to say, "Well, it's just got fantasy elements, like 'Bimbos in Time' or 'Athena' did." No, no, these are straight-up fantasy settings and fantasy situations and tropes! And yeah, I forget on occasion a joke or something that I've already made; it's gonna happen after this many years and this many episodes, but I'm usually better at remembering content that I've already produced overall. I can look at a comic and say, "Oh, yeah, I've reviewed that already," but apparently, I'm too stupid to remember some of my earliest work, wherein half of my running gags originally came from!
Linkara: Give it ten years and I'll forget why I yell "I AM A MAN!" and punch things.
(As he says this, an image of a shirt with a fist on it reading "I AM A MAN!" appears in the corner)
Linkara: That t-shirt will be meaningless.
Linkara (v/o): Number 3: From "Teen Titans Annual #1".
(Cut to footage of Linkara's review of this comic)
Linkara (v/o): In the first part of "The Culling", we were introduced to the "New 52" version of the character Artemis, a fan-beloved character from the cartoon Young Justice.
Linkara: I still haven't watched it. I have the DVDs. Congrats to fans on another season coming out.
Linkara (v/o): However, I erroneously assumed that Artemis was an original character created for that show. No, no, she's actually a modification of a pre-New 52 character...
(Cut to shots of Artemis' earlier life in comics as this character...)
Linkara (v/o): ...a supervillain, no less, by the name of Tigress. Yeah, this is especially embarrassing for me, because Tigress was actually a recurring villain of the Justice Society during my favorite run of their book, so I really should've done my research on this one, especially because the cartoon version of her is so beloved.
(Cut back to Artemis in "The Culling")
Linkara (v/o): That being said, this is another one of those cases where I really feel like my critique of the comic was still justified, since they're clearly banking on the readers being Young Justice fans to recognize the character? How do I know that? Well, mainly because before "The New 52", Tigress was never a hero and was not a teenager. Her appearance in "The Culling" has her as a teen hero, and not role as a legacy character for a Golden Age supervillain. But yeah, I still made the mistake of saying she was a new character. And then DC made the mistake of killing her, a mistake so bad they retconned it in the conclusion to Scott Lobdell's "Teen Titans" book, although that storyline is a tale for another day.
Linkara (v/o): Number 2: From "All-Star Batman and Robin #9".
(Cut to a closeup of the cover of the comic)
Linkara (v/o): I was very critical of the cover of this book.
Linkara: (feigned surprise) Me, being critical of All-Star Crazy Steve and Dick Grayson, aged 12? (laughs derisively) I never heard of such a thing.
Linkara (v/o): I called it lazy and a continued sign that modern comic covers just have stopped giving a damn about presenting compelling, interesting images, like old comic covers used to do.
Linkara: (laughs, then breathes) Yeah, this comic is an homage to a Golden Age one.
(Cut to a shot of said Golden Age comic)
Linkara (v/o): Specifically, it's an homage to "Batman #9", where the two have a spotlight shining on them, much like how it is in "ASSBAR #9". It's actually a really cute and clever connection, and I screwed the pooch on recognizing that. However, the commenter who I first saw putting them side by side had a reply to them that broke down just how crappy an homage it is.
(Cut back to the "All-Star Batman and Robin" comic)
Linkara (v/o): Aside from the two of them being in the spotlight, their body positions are all wrong, their facial expressions convey completely different attitudes than the original, and instead of looking like they had been surprised by the spotlight, our heroes are just both signalling a left turn. I didn't see the homage to a better version to the same idea, so I should've found something new to critique about this craptacular book.
Linkara: (grinning eagerly) Speaking of Frank Miller and things that I could keep critiquing...
Linkara (v/o): And another number-one screw-up of Atop the Fourth Wall is from... "Holy Terror".
Linkara: This one gets the slot because it combines a lot of things we've already discussed on this list: my own ignorance, incompetent artwork, a terrible cover, Frank Miller, and something that I should've critiqued more in-depth, if not for my own stupidity.
(Cut to a shot of the cover of the comic)
Linkara (v/o): In my epic 300th episode, I reviewed the bigoted book of Frank Miller, "Holy Terror". I spent a lot of time talking about how crap-tastic its cover was, with one particular critique being about the knife wielded by this... terrorist... mummy... person?
Linkara (v/o): (audio from review) Crocodile Dundee is looking at that knife and putting away his own in shame. It's about as big as The Fixer's head with two different serrated edges on the back and two spikes on the hilt. Who makes a knife like that except a ten-year-old who doesn't know any better?
Linkara: Yyyyeah, that's a real knife. Well, sort of; it's based on a real knife: the Buck 184 Buckmaster Survival Knife. And with a name like that, we can definitively say that "Holy Terror" can go buck itself.
Linkara (v/o): The one on the cover is a bit inaccurate, because the blade is supposed to be straight and not wide and then curved back in like a scimitar, as it's drawn here, but the overall idea is the same, especially with the spikes on the handle. Those are actually grappling spikes for when you use the knife to tether stuff.
Linkara: But of course, Frank Miller couldn't leave well enough alone with drawing the knife inaccurately. Even the big identifying markers, the grappling spikes, are used wrong.
Linkara (v/o): If the knife is being used for combat, you're supposed to take the spikes out. You run the risk of stabbing your own hand when they're left in. It's certainly possible that this terrorist on the cover is just being kind of stupid, but since we know nothing about them, other than their teeth can defy gravity, I'm inclined to feel it's the artist who was incompetent here.
Linkara: And that's it for the screw-ups. I'm sure that there were many more out there that people will be happy to remind me of for many years to come... and I'll probably address them when the time is right. But for now, we bid farewell to 2016, for good or for bad. Mostly bad.
(A montage of comics that Linkara has reviewed the past year is shown)
Linkara (v/o): It's been hard for a lot of us. It's probably still gonna be hard in 2017, but that's why we need each other now more than ever. We need to be good to one another, oppose the evils of the world, and most especially important, learn from our mistakes. We'll make whole new ones, but with each one, let's try not to make the same mistakes; strive to make the new year one we'll be proud of.
Linkara: And one way I'll be doing that is through the comics I'll be reviewing. In 2017, expect a new big retrospective, event comics month, some Patreon-sponsored reviews of superhero cartoons, some old favorites, Babylon 5, and, starting things off, "Digimon: Digital Monsters". See you next year, my friends.
(Cut to black to "A Long December" by Counting Crows)
No points for mistakes when I wrote the wrong word or something in my script that wasn't the exact same as the one in the comic... unless that word radically alters the meaning of what they're saying.
Don't let the door hit your ass on your way out, 2016! You'll probably break it.
(Stinger: Linkara is seen again)
Linkara: Oh, yeah, I should probably check on the Critic.
(He takes out a remote control and pushes a button. Cut through static to the Nostalgia Critic still standing in the corner, only now he's been there for so long he is reduced to a skeleton)
Linkara: Yes! Channel Awesome is now mine! I possess the nostalgia monopoly! ALL WILL BOW TO ME–
(Suddenly, however, it is revealed that the skeleton was a fake, as the actual Critic walks in, sighing with relief. His coat and hat are missing, as they were on the skeleton)
NC: Finally went to the bathroom after waiting four months. (crosses arms and looks at skeleton) Well, at least I have this skeleton-shaped hat rack to keep track of all my stuff. (beat) I'm very bizarre.