Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip
September 4, 2019
(The Channel Awesome logo is displayed, followed by the opening title sequence. Fade to NC, who is looking a little more nervous than usual)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (sighs) Wrapping up these movies is like...that scene of the Green Goblin terrorizing Aunt May.
(Cut to a clip of Spider-Man (2002), showing the Green Goblin bursting into the Parkers' house through the roof and scaring Aunt May)
Green Goblin: Finish it! (Aunt May cowers, whimpering) FINISH IT!!
Aunt May: (crying out) FROM EVIL!
(Green Goblin laughs evilly)
NC: Road Chip.
(The movie's title is shown, followed by clips)
NC (vo): The last, final, and end of the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies...
NC: I know those mean the same thing, just, God, it's so calming to say...
NC (vo): ...these movies have become such a cheap movie night for people wanting to unload their kids somewhere, that it was actually released the same weekend as (poster of...) Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Yep. This was the pity movie you took your children to if the actual movie they wanted to see was sold out. Not promising, but not surprising either. In this fourth installment of the Chipmunks saga, they went from a forest to a concert hall to stranded on an island to a car.
NC: I don't know. This was the only pun they could think up in the 20 seconds it took them to write the script!
NC (vo): Seeing how this one went out with such a whimper against Star Wars' opening weekend, I figured this one deserves the same underwhelming bow-out.
NC: Ring-ring-ring. (quickly takes the phone and puts it to his hear) Was that a Nostalgia Critic cast? Yes, I'm not even using you because I want to give this movie so little attention. Click. (puts it down)
(Cut to Tamara sitting on a couch in the main room and hanging up)
Tamara: (shrugs) Guess I'll get drunk.
NC (vo): So let's finish this out not with a bang, but with a "bleugh", which is more than this movie deserves.
NC: Let's take a look for the final time at an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie... (whispers) Road Chip.
(The movie starts with the Chipmunks preparing to record the farewell message for the Chippetes, who are leaving to be judges on American Idol, on a video phone)
Alvin: Are we rolling?
Theodore: (turning on the camera and standing really close to it) Okay, we're rolling.
NC: Theodore's livestreaming is snuff films now.
(The short demonic sounds are put over Alvin and Simon. The Chipmunks then continue with the celebration, adding Dave Seville's birthday into the mix, so they throw a big party with celebrities Alvin has invited)
NC (vo): This is actually a birthday message for Dave / going-away party for the Chipettes / excuse for Alvin to throw a big party / lamest reason yet to open a film with a song number, slash, slash, slash, (A stock image of Little Red Riding Hood armed with a kitchen knife is shown) slash them all!!
(LMFAO's lead singer, Redfoo, appears on camera)
Redfoo: Happy birthday, Dave! Whoo-hoo!
Simon: (to Alvin) Redfoo is here?
NC: (as Redfoo) Mm-hmm. This cameo is putting my kid through college. All it cost me was survival therapy with David Cross. (NC gets nervous as Ian Hawke's image appears)
Retta: (walks next to Redfoo) Happy birthday, Dwayne! (leaves)
Redfoo: It's Dave!
NC: That appearance was so awkward, why don't you just have Shaggy and Scooby shine a spotlight on it?
(The generic title card for The New Scooby-Doo Movies is shown, with Redfoo in the spotlight and "This Loss" under "Guest Starring". Back to the film, Dave returns home, looking dissatisfied, and leads the guests out before speaking with the Chipmunks)
NC (vo): Dave, played again by Jason Lee, returns home, angry as hell, and kicks everybody out.
Alvin: Were you surprised?
Dave: No, I wasn't surprised. Because #DavesParty was trending on Twitter.
NC: Well, Mr. Coulier is quite the party animal. (The photo of Dave Coulier kissing his colleague, John Stamos, is shown)
Dave: But I thought you guys were old enough to take care of yourselves.
Alvin: We are very mature.
(The fart is heard, and it comes from Theodore)
Theodore: (giggles) Sorry. Pizza toots.
NC: (hand on cheek) What would the early Chipmunks be like if they just embraced the fart joke?
(The clip from the 1983 Alvin and the Chipmunks cartoon is shown, but with the farting sound muting Alvin and Simon's dialogue.)
Simon: Alvin, you're supposed to be studying math.
Alvin: I knew you were gonna say that!
(Cut back to the movie)
Dave: I want to spend as much time with you guys as I can before I have to go to Ashley's album release in Miami.
(The Chipmunks, happy with this, dance to Gloria Estefan's "Conga")
Chipmunks: (singing) Come on, shake your body, baby, do this conga...
NC: You got another on the soundtrack. (leans forward angrily) IMPACT SOMETHING!
(The next day, Dave takes the Chipmunks to mini-golf)
NC (vo): The next day, Dave takes them mini-golfing...
NC: That...showed 'em.
(A teenage boy Miles shows up and puts his foot to stop the golf ball from rolling in the hole)
NC (vo): ...as a bully named Miles, played by Josh Green, ruins their fun.
(Miles takes Theodore by the scruff of his neck and hangs him on the small windmill)
Theodore: What, what? Ouch!
Miles: What are you gonna do?
Theodore: (leaving the frame while the mill is rolling) We will continue this conversation when I'm back.
NC: (snickers, then realizes what he's done) DAMMIT! It actually got a laugh out of me! I better put in a photo album of moments that are actually funny from these films. (Album pages are shown, with a shot of "this scene" in the first one and a shot of Ian, labeled as "Any David Cross stuff", in the second)
(Dave introduces his new girlfriend, Samantha, played by Kimberly Williams-Paisley, to the Chipmunks)
Dave: This is Samantha. Sam, these are my boys.
Alvin: Enchanté. (kisses Samantha's hand)
NC: (as Dave) She's not Anna Faris, but I think she's Anna Faris.
Simon: You're a doctor?
Samantha: I am. Did Dave mention that?
Simon: You're wearing a stethoscope.
Samantha: (notices a stethoscope on her neck and takes it off, chuckling) Yes, I am.
NC (vo): She has a look like, "Yeah. They wrote that in. I also have a nurse who always leaves her big Red Cross hat on. She's dating a plumber who always takes his plunger everywhere."
NC: "My job's more than my occupation. It's my entire character."
Samantha: (as Miles walks in) Oh, and this is my son, Miles.
Alvin: (shocked) Son?!
NC: (in mock surprise) Wah-waaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH--
Dave: (sees Miles, Alvin and Theodore next to the cotton candy stand) Hey, you guys having fun?
Miles: Yeah, just getting some cotton candy.
(Miles takes Simon out of the stand and eats some cotton candy from his head)
Simon: This is not my idea of fun.
NC: (waves off) Oh, boys. Always picking on kids smaller than them. (Beat) And by "boys", I mean...
(Shot of Josh Green's IMDb page is shown, revealing he was born in 1992)
NC (vo): ...23 years old! What's this guy doing? Mocking children half his age! Animal children! Celebrity animal children-- Everything about this is weird!
(Alvin and Simon see Theodore in the hand of a little kid)
Alvin: Give us back our brother!
Kid: I just paid 20 bucks for him.
Theodore: I also sing. (sings while shaking his rear) I like big butts and I cannot lie...
NC: (grumpily) Theodore's butt preferences concerns me not.
(After this, Dave drives the Chipmunks and Miles to his recording studio. Miles becomes smitten with a rising pop singer Ashley Grey (Bella Thorne), who is from Miami)
NC (vo): Dave decides to look after Miles...you know, both of them being legal adults...as they drop by the recording studio, where he gets the hots for a singer named Ashley.
Miles: (to Alvin, in the studio's waiting room) I thought you were, like, super-famous or something.
Simon: (sighs and lies on the couch) One day, you're throwing back pink lemonades on Diddy's yacht in Saint-Tropez...
NC: (as Simon) The next year, being confused for one of (shot of...) Chewbacca's toes. It's a tough life.
(In the evening, Dave goes back home with a grocery bag to greet the Chipmunks)
NC (vo): Dave returns home, asking the boys what they thought of Samantha.
Dave: So, what'd you guys think of Samantha?
Alvin: Oh, she's awesome.
Simon: We loved her.
(Dave thumbs up)
Theodore: (heading towards the bag) Ooh, leftovers!
NC: (frowns) You're still talking about Samantha?
(The Chipmunks find a ring in a bag, which Dave puts in a safe for the night. Assuming this ring is meant for Dave's proposal to Samantha, they are horrified to think what Miles will do to them as their stepbrother. The next morning, Dave says goodbye to the Chipmunks, also leaving Miles as their sitter)
NC (vo): The boys find an engagement ring, suspecting that Dave is gonna ask her to marry him, which means Miles will be their brother. So they get rid of the ring to stop the wedding, because that's how it works, but Dave is heading out of town with her, and it looks like Miles is gonna be the babysitter.
Dave: Have a great weekend, guys. And, boys...try to show me you can handle some independence, okay?
NC: (as Dave) Show me you can do a full movie without a fart joke-- (A loud fart is heard) I am too high.
(The Chipmunks explain the situation to Miles, so they decide to temporarily finish with their differences)
(At the door is Dave's neighbor Ms. Price, played by Jennifer Coolidge)
Ms. Price: Hello, boys.
NC (vo): But someone remembered Jennifer Coolidge was a thing, so she suddenly enters the picture.
Ms. Price: I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on you, (points at her right eye) so I think I'll use this one.
NC (vo): They called someone to babysit a babysitter?
NC: If these genders were reversed, this would be a horror film!
(The Chipmunks drug three squirrels (they are shown snoring and moving their paws while sleeping) and dress them up in their clothes to fool Ms. Price)
NC (vo): They switch themselves out with squirrels to fool her...which, I'm not gonna lie, I want this animation as my desktop...as the boys get a ticket to Miami to stop Dave from proposing.
(At the airport, the TSA officer, played by Uzo Aduba, stops Miles' backpack after seeing a small skeleton via X-ray scanner)
TSA officer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's that?
Miles: Stuffed Alvin doll.
TSA officer: I'm gonna need to see what's in that backpack, please.
Simon: (inside a backpack, scared) Oh, no!
NC: (as Simon) Crazy Eyes! Don't ask her about toilet privileges!
Miles: (takes out Alvin, who freezes in place as a toy) This is Alvin. He can twist. Like Linda Blair, almost.
(He chuckles and turns Alvin's head to the TSA officer. The sound effect of a neck cracking is put over Alvin whimpering)
NC: (smiles) Dead. Now we know why this is the last one.
(The officer then takes out a body scanner. Simon, who's hiding in Miles' trouser leg, gets so nervous...that an urine comes out from the trouser leg)
NC (vo): She does a body search, though, with Simon hiding in his pants wetting himself... (in an idiot voice) ...because pee-pee is funny!
Miles: (whispers bashfully) That's not mine.
TSA officer: You're just holding it for a friend?
NC: (looking surprised) I'll be damned. They made pee-pee funny. (raises voice) Stop convincing me effort went into this!
(A small, brown excrement falls out from Miles' trouser leg)
TSA officer: (rolls eyes, walking away) I don't get paid enough.
NC: The fact that you're in this film is proof of that.
(On the plane, Alvin meets with John Waters as the first-class passenger, eating meal with him)
NC (vo): They get on the plane, where Alvin sits next to John Waters. (Beat) Kids love a good John Waters joke!
John Waters: I recently flew next to the Chipettes, and they were ladies.
Alvin: Don't judge me. I saw Pink Flamingos.
NC: (as the clip of Alvin eating Theodore's poop from the first film is shown) I do judge you. You did the same thing from Pink Flamingos. (Pause) I'm mentioning Pink Flamingos in an Alvin and the Chipmunk movie!!
(Theodore lets out a monkey in an animal aisle, which then lets out several animals, including a goat, which cause an emergency landing. The group is brought to Air Marshal James Suggs, played by Tony Hale)
NC (vo): But Theodore accidentally releases all the animals down below...who the shit brings a goat on a flight?!...and an air marshal arrests them.
Simon: What could we possibly have done to make you hate us so much?
Suggs: (slowly and menacingly stands up from the table) I'll tell you what you did.
(After a white flash, we're shown Suggs' memory of him celebrating Christmas with his girlfriend Anna)
NC (vo; fake wonder): Whoa. Did I just die, and this is the movie they show in Hell? (normal) Where the hell did this come from? This guy had a minute of screen time, and now he has a flashback? And on top of that, he suddenly becomes one of the main characters! All of this comes right the hell out of nowhere!
Suggs: (as he and Anna look happily in his phone) Merry Christmas!
Anna: (speaking at the same time) I'm breaking up with you!
Suggs: (turns to Anna) What?
Anna: And the Chipmunks? Grow up, James.
(As James looks around his collection of the Chipmunks' stuffed toys and merchandise, he screams in agony and despair. The flashback ends on that)
NC: Well, nice to know John Waters and David Lynch finally did a crossover.
Suggs: You provided the soundtrack to my heartbreak! But now, it's payback time.
NC: Yeah, and John Williams scored (cover of the soundtrack for...) The Phantom Menace. I don't blame him for that. (thinks for a bit, but shakes it off) No, I don't.
(The group takes a cab to drive into a nearby bar to rest there. Suggs takes notice and spies on them)
NC (vo): They're put on the No Fly List, as they escape into a cab, with the air marshal following.
Bar owner: I wish I could help you out, but I got a bar packed with people waiting to hear a band whose singer is stuck 50 miles from here with a flat tire.
NC: (as a bar owner) And to make things worse, they were chipmunks. That's very important to point out.
NC (vo): So you can guess where this is going.
(The Photoshopped image of the Chipmunks as the stuffing in the burritos is shown next to NC)
NC: Love to live in that parallel dimension.
(The Chipmunks perform the song "South Side", which attracts Suggs, and he starts searching around the bar, bumping into a giant bearded patron)
NC (vo): No, we're given another song number, but the air marshal locates them in the middle of it.
Suggs: I have a reason to believe there's a fugitive chipmunk in your beard.
NC: Wasn't that the last line in Titanic?
(The giant patron headbutts Suggs, causing a brawl that allows the Chipmunks and Miles to escape. They rest under a tree at night)
NC (vo): A barroom brawl starts, as the Chipmunks escape, but have nowhere to go.
Miles: People look out for themselves. What, do you think my dad was thinking about anyone other than himself when he left me and my mom?
NC: You're The Road Chip! Nobody gives a shit!
Miles: He left when I was only five.
Alvin: If Dave and your mom end up together...he's a good person.
NC: You came out during Star Wars!
Miles: (scoffs) Look, dads are overrated. Eventually, you will get over him leaving.
(A clip from the Saturday Night Live 1978 sketch that features Bill Murray as Nick Winters, the lounge singer, is shown)
Nick Winters: (singing) Star Wars, / Nothing but Star Wars...
NC (vo): The next morning, they continue their journey.
(Miles walks on the bridge across the river with the Chipmunks (who are singing "Iko Iko") on his backpack)
Chipmunks: (singing) Talking 'bout hey, now! / Hey, now!
NC (vo): That's right. Just keep walking like you don't want to kill yourself. I saw you eye that river; it's not deep enough to finish you off.
(Suggs locates the group next to the Mardi Gras parade)
NC (vo): The air marshal finds them again...
NC: How many planes is he missing tracking these pests down?
(The Chipmunks escape into the middle of the parade and begin singing "Uptown Funk")
NC (vo): ...as they run into...let me guess, another song sequence?
Chipmunks: (singing) This hit, that ice cold, / Michelle Pfeiffer...
NC: (baffled) Let's just call this "soundtrack with a movie if you're lucky"! (The soundtrack for the film is shown, but with the sentence NC said replacing the title) And without a movie if you're REALLY lucky! (The fake OST cover with this exact sentence and without anything on it is shown next)
(We go to a commercial. After returning, we're shown Miles and the Chipmunks, who are wearing beads, walking on the sidewalk the next day, and Suggs slowly waking up in a trashed hotel room after drinking too much moonshine upon seeing the Chipmunks on TV)
NC (vo): So the next morning, the boys continue walking, carrying several beads...so they're shown their tits...as the air marshal wakes up in a hotel room.
(A man wakes up next to Suggs)
Suggs: Who are you?
Man: It's Vitto, the band's manager.
NC: (as Suggs) Oh, no, not another New Orleans band I banged!
(Dave and Samantha meet Miles and the Chipmunks at Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport (they have seen them on TV that was showing Mardi Gras), become annoyed by them following, and proceed to take them to Miami via convertible because they are on the No Fly List)
NC (vo): They finally meet up with Dave and Samantha at the airport, who are so unhappy with them, that they take them on their trip to Miami-- Do they have any idea how to punish their kids?
Dave: Because of you three, I might not even get to the record release.
NC: What's next, taking them into Chuck E. Cheese's?
(Dave stops to take the Chipmunks for a snack at Chuck E. Cheese's)
NC (vo): IT'S ERODED WITH GAMES! That is the only two things they know!
Theodore: (satisfied after eating his meal) I just needed a little snack to get me from lunch to dinner.
Alvin: (with a stuffed toy of himself) Look what I won! Isn't he cute?
NC: (as Dave) Well, this is more surprising than a time I took them to Disneyland to find a toothpick. (The edited screenshot of the Chipmunks next to the Disneyland castle is shown) How do these things happen?
(Dave leaves Miles and the Chipmunks alone in a hotel room in Miami)
NC (vo): They make it to Miami, where they abandon them again while they go out to dinner. The Manson Family was more of a unit than you!
Alvin: Good luck proposing without this! (takes out Dave's ring from under a tray)
NC (vo): But Alvin steals the engagement ring, which calls for celebrating with...oh, Christ...another song?!
(The Chipmunks open the champagne as the song "Turn Down for What" is heard)
NC: (facepalming) I never thought I'd say this, but (shot of...) a rapping dog on the Titanic is making more sense for a musical number!
(Miles, feeling sad because the Chipmunks would ruin his chance to be in a full family again, leaves them with his headphones on. As he crosses the street, Theodore sees that he's about to get hit by a car)
NC (vo): But Miles feels bummed out because (in a whiny voice) he thought he would actually have a daddy. Oh, how emotional...YOU'RE ROAD CHIP!!
Theodore: Miles! Watch out!
(He pushes Miles from the way, and the car hits Theodore instead)
NC (vo): Theodore saves him from a car, though, and it looks like it did quite a bit of damage.
(Alvin and Simon rush to the unconscious Theodore)
Alvin: Theodore! Get up, please!
(Theodore lets out a breath...and stops. Alvin gasps)
NC: Yeah. I remember all the reviews I've read that said this movie sucks, but they had the balls to kill Theodore.
NC (vo): It's like when Fred Flintstone insisted he bury Barney. Everyone remembers where they were.
(Suddenly, as the camera shows Theodore's face, he instantly breathes out)
NC: (scared, stuttering) JESUS!
NC (vo): How do these movies turn cute to ugly so easily? It looks like an image from a Slayer album! (A parody of Slayer's cover for the album "Repentless" is shown, with the awakened Theodore's face and the title "Chipmunkless") Does anyone sleep after seeing these films?!
Alvin: Miles, we are so sorry. We haven't been fair to you from day one.
(The quick montage of Miles tormenting the Chipmunks at the movie's beginning is shown)
NC (vo): The way you guys started picking on him by--
NC: (grinning) This makes no sense.
(The Chipmunks return to their hotel room for the ring, but discover a babysitter, played by Laura Marano [you may know her from the Disney Channel sitcom: “Austin & Ally”], chatting via her Skype, so they decide to retreat)
NC (vo): So they decide to chase after Dave to get him his ring back, but they, yet again, have a babysitter for the babysitter. 'Cause it worked awesome the first time.
Sitter: I like that he's hairy.
Simon: (stops with his brothers) Oh?
Sitter: Scruffy's, like, cute. It's like, "Hi, l am adorable, but I'm also an animal." (The Chipmunks tilt their heads, looking happy and interested by this line)
NC: (as a sitter, holding phone) The fact that he is a chipmunk just cements my bestiality.
(Suggs notices the group after they have gotten the ring from the hotel room, and they run away in different directions)
NC (vo): They get the ring, but the air marshal finds them again, and they disguise themselves as hood ornaments.
(Outside, Suggs glances at three cars (green, blue and red) that have Theodore, Simon and Alvin respectively frozen in place as hood ornaments. Suggs stops for a bit, confused, but resumes walking. NC twitches his eye, apparently trying to hold something from saying, accompanied by the captions "Chuckle?" and "CHUCKLE?". Finally, NC breaks out snickering, and the caption changes "WE HAVE CHUCKLE!!!!")
NC: (angrily) Okay, it was kinda clever!
(The Chipmunks run into an elevator, but Suggs keeps the door from closing with his hand. He peeks in, grinning evilly)
Suggs: Here's Suggsy!
Simon: He's like the Terminator!
NC: (puzzled) ...Yeah, that's the movie I would reference there.
(The Chipmunks trap Suggs in an elevator and, along with Miles, go to the restaurant to find Dave and Samantha)
NC (vo): They escape yet again, though, and make it to the restaurant Dave and Samantha are at.
Alvin: Evasive maneuvers! Nutmeg! (The Chipmunks run between the guard's legs, and the restaurant's security start chasing them)
Simon: He shoots, he scores!
Miles: Go, Alvin, go!
(Cut to Dave and Samantha's table)
Dave: Did you hear that? It sounded like somebody yelled "Alvin."
NC: (as Dave) Because I get a residual check every time somebody does that.
(Alvin holds onto a champagne cork as it's shot right into Dave and Samantha's table. He presents the ring to them)
NC (vo): They get the ring to Dave, but it turns out it wasn't his and he had no intention of proposing.
Samantha: You're not proposing?
Dave: I'm sorry, Samantha. I'm...I'm not.
Samantha: (relieved, under her breath) Oh, thank God.
NC: (as Samantha) No offense; I just saw Heartbreakers, and you were weird in it.
Dave: I was holding it for my sound engineer.
(Cut to Dave's sound engineer Barry, played by Eddie Steeples, proposing to his girlfriend Alice)
Barry: Will you marry me?
Alice: (looking displeased) A breath mint? (throws it in Barry's face and leaves)
NC: Well, we just killed a man's dreams! (A gunshot is heard, and NC looks worried) A-and the man.
(The group goes back to Dave's room)
Dave: The only reason we're not headed back to LA right now is because I have to be here.
NC (vo; sighs): Just say it. The only reason you're not doing anything is because you're lazy. You're so lazy, there's somehow 20 minutes left, even though the movie should obviously be over! What the hell is there even left to fill it with?!
(Cut to the Chippetes as the judges for the American Idol audition)
Contestant: (singing off-key) A total eclipse of the heaaaaaart...
NC: (throws hands in annoyance) Yes, God knows, there's not enough singing in this!
NC (vo): They remember there's Chipettes in this movie, but they're off hosting American Idol. And admit it, it's been so long since you've seen it, you had to remind yourself if chipmunks actually hosted it at some point.
NC: They did. (A photo of Ellen DeGeneres is shown)
(Alvin tells the Chipettes that Dave needs their help, so they agree. Later, at the show, Ashley Grey announces the Chipmunks as the special guests, confusing Dave and Samantha in the audience*)
NC (vo): Alvin gets their help, as they arrive to the show and hijack whoever the hell was going to perform before they arrived. They sabotage a lot in this movie, don't they?
- Fun fact: the person standing behind Dave and Samantha in the background is actually Leo Thompson, aka That SciFi Guy, the Channel Awesome contributor from 2011 to 2014. He is barely seen in the clips shown in the review, though, for the well-known reasons.
Alvin: Alice? Barry has something he'd like to ask you. Again.
(Barry discovers the ring in the box and presents it to Alice. She says yes to his proposition, and everybody applauds)
NC (vo): They set up the proper engagement this time, leading to the words every proposal should include...
Barry: Thanks, Chipmunks.
NC: No marriage starting with those words is gonna be alright.
NC (vo): ...as they sing one last song for Dave.
Alvin: (singing) Even in your mistakes... (Cut to Ashley clapping rhythmically with an almost deadpan expression) And you're perfection...
NC (vo; chuckles): Look at that Ashley girl. She's like, "Yeah. I can pretend I'm into this."
(The audience cheers for the Chipmunks)
Ashley: Welcome the Chipettes!
(Brittany, Eleanor and Jeanette walk on stage, continuing the musical number)
Brittany: (singing) You're a diamond...
NC: (as Alvin) Who I'm...just realizing they're pointless...
NC (vo; as Alvin): ...because we already won Dave over. We gotta for the trailer, though; we can sucker more kids in with that.
(The Chipmunks walk over to Dave)
Alvin: We're so sorry we came to Miami without telling you.
Theodore: We just didn't want to lose you.
Dave: Is...is that what you guys think?
NC: (flabbergasted) We already did this, didn't we?!
NC (vo): Wasn't the whole movie about them learning that? (Leonard Shelby from Memento is shown) Guy Pierce from Memento has a better memory than you guys!
Dave: I mean, I...I know I haven't been around much lately, and...things are changing for us.
NC: (as Dave) But what can I say? We Bare Bears is just more fun than you. (The poster for this show appears with the three titular characters as cubs)
Dave: And I promise to be a better dad from here on out.
Alvin: What are you talking about, Dave? You're the best dad we could ever have.
NC: (as Alvin) Nobody abandons us and gets less and less screen time with every passing film like you.
(The Chipmunks say goodbye to Samantha and Miles. The latter arranges a date with Ashley. We then cut to Dave and the Chipmunks in a courthouse)
NC (vo): The Chipmunks and Miles get along, he even goes to a party with Ashley. There's only one last thing to wrap up.
Judge: Alvin, Simon and Theodore, do you agree to this adoption?
Alvin: (while Dave sighs the papers) Adoption? (Simon gasps, overjoyed)
NC: (as Dave) Yeah, this has technically been a kidnapping for several years. I figured at least I should be legally ignoring you.
Dave: (shakes the judge's hand) Thank you.
(The Chipmunks cheer, rolling on the table. Cut to all of them returning back home, which is completely trashed because of the squirrels the Chipmunks left behind)
NC (vo; as Dave): Eh, what am I supposed to be looking? Ah, whatever. When do I say the thing to wrap up this nightmare?
(The movie ends)
NC: (as Dave, laughing and waving off, with the smile quickly fading) I want a separation.
(The film's clips are shown again as NC goes to the closing thoughts)
NC (vo): So there it is, the final Chipmunk movie. And full disclosure...it is technically the best one, but that's kind of like squirrel shit being better than dog shit. It's still shit. The writing actually has a few good lines, there's better pacing than the other movies, and even with the absence of David Cross, the only funny part of the other films, it still did manage to get a few laughs. But that's the key word: "few". It's still mostly unfunny, unfocused, gimmicky, and all-around pointless. If you got little kids, I guess it's fine to put on as a harmless distraction, but for the rest of us, this is a bit of chipmunk feces we won't be missing anytime soon.
NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and this was the final Chipmunk movie!
(Cut to a clip from Dark City, showing Mr. Book at the final tuning)
Mr. Book: Shut it down! Shut it down forever!
NC: I remember it...and now I'm gonna try to forget it. (He gets up and leaves to his right) IT'S NOT WORKING!
Channel Awesome tagline - Suggs: I have a reason to believe there's a fugitive chipmunk in your beard.
(The credits roll)